Smarthinking Tutor Response Form Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing! Hello, Nelson! My name is Christina S., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Reviewto improve your writing today. Let's get started! *Writing Strength: You have separate body paragraphs for each discussion point/each ethical issue (privacy, safety, and noise)! This will help keep your ideas focused. Well done! :) Now, let’s work on improving your essay. Main Idea/Thesis: First off, the thesis statement states your paper’s main idea/claim, but it does not outline the key points of your paper. You write, Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges. ( MAIN IDEA) The reader then won’t know what those ethical challenges are until he finishes reading the paper. To prepare the reader for the discussion, outline those key points/ethical challenges in your thesis statement. For your key points, based on your body paragraphs, what are the main ethical challenges arising from drones?Writing the key points in your thesis statement will give the reader a roadmap of the discussion which will help the reader follow the discussion better. Your revised thesis statement might look something like this: Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges, ( MAIN IDEA) namely _______________, _______________, and _______________. ( ethical challenges/key points 1, 2, & 3) Using this guide, what should your new thesis statement be? To learn more about this topic, you may visit this link: . Content Development: Moving on, you identify 2 ethical theories, but you do not apply them to the ethical challenges that you have identified. It is then unclear how these theories support the discussion. For example, in the 3rd paragraph under the section “Ethical theories,” you write, Last, utilitarianism ethical theories are based on individual ability to predict the consequences of an action. In this case, a person makes choices based on their benefit to the society. The decisions which are more beneficial to the society are considered to be ethical. (description of utilitarianism) This theory can benefit policy makers and lawmakers. They can make decisions and laws that are considerate to the members of public, (Custers, 2016). Above, you just describe what Utilitarianism is, but you do not apply this theory to the ethical issues at hand. To fix this, apply the ethical theories to the ethical challenges that you have identified. For example, let’s apply Utilitarianism to the ethical challenge related to safety. What are the benefits of using drones? Do these benefits outweigh the safety concerns related to drones or not? Based on this, what is the ethical thing to do? For example, should people be allowed to operate drones or not? To learn more abou.

1. Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in
the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in
bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Nelson! My name is Christina S., and I look forward to
working with you on this Essay Center Reviewto improve your
writing today. Let's get started!
*Writing Strength: You have separate body paragraphs for each
discussion point/each ethical issue (privacy, safety, and noise)!
This will help keep your ideas focused. Well done! :) Now, let’s
work on improving your essay.
Main Idea/Thesis: First off, the thesis statement states your
paper’s main idea/claim, but it does not outline the key points
of your paper. You write,
Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges.
( MAIN IDEA)
The reader then won’t know what those ethical challenges are
until he finishes reading the paper. To prepare the reader for the
discussion, outline those key points/ethical challenges in your
thesis statement. For your key points, based on your body
paragraphs, what are the main ethical challenges arising from
drones?Writing the key points in your thesis statement will give
the reader a roadmap of the discussion which will help the
reader follow the discussion better. Your revised thesis
statement might look something like this:
Drone technology has been characterized by ethical challenges,

2. ( MAIN IDEA) namely _______________, _______________,
and _______________. ( ethical challenges/key points 1, 2, &
3)
Using this guide, what should your new thesis statement be? To
learn more about this topic, you may visit this link: .
Content Development: Moving on, you identify 2 ethical
theories, but you do not apply them to the ethical challenges
that you have identified. It is then unclear how these theories
support the discussion. For example, in the 3rd paragraph under
the section “Ethical theories,” you write,
Last, utilitarianism ethical theories are based on individual
ability to predict the consequences of an action. In this case, a
person makes choices based on their benefit to the society. The
decisions which are more beneficial to the society are
considered to be ethical. (description of utilitarianism) This
theory can benefit policy makers and lawmakers. They can make
decisions and laws that are considerate to the members of
public, (Custers, 2016).
Above, you just describe what Utilitarianism is, but you do not
apply this theory to the ethical issues at hand. To fix this, apply
the ethical theories to the ethical challenges that you have
identified. For example, let’s apply Utilitarianism to the ethical
challenge related to safety. What are the benefits of using
drones? Do these benefits outweigh the safety concerns related
to drones or not? Based on this, what is the ethical thing to do?
For example, should people be allowed to operate drones or
not? To learn more about this topic, you may visit this link: .
*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the
Transitions: Finally, some of your ideas lack transitions.
Moving from one idea to another without using transitions hurts
the flow of your ideas. For example, in the conclusion, you

3. write,
Drone technology industry players will need to be more
accountable and transparent so that they can with the trust of
civilians on drone programs. [missing transition] Government
and lawmakers will need to make more and better regulations to
safeguard the ethical standards of drone technology.
Above, you go from one idea (the role of drone industry
players) to another (the role of the government/lawmakers)
without using transitional words. Transitional words are words
that are used to connect sentences within a paragraph, or ideas
between paragraphs. They show how a sentence is related to the
sentence or paragraph before it. Some commonly used
transitional words are: consequently,moreover, however, in fact,
therefore, with this in mind, on the other hand, as a result, in
addition, meanwhile, on the contrary, and finally. Here's an
example:
Smoking in public pollutes the environment. In addition,
smoking in public should be prohibited because it harms non-
smokers.
Above, the transitional words “in addition” show that the
second sentence gives additional information to the sentence
before it. Using this guide, how is your second sentence related
to the previous sentence? What transitional word(s) can you use
to show this relationship? This will give your ideas a smoother
flow. For more information on this topic, you may visit this
link: Smooth Transitions.
*Nelson 9370378 has requested that you respond to the
Sentence Structure: Nelson, I understand that you asked for
help on Sentence Structure, but I had to focus on more pressing

4. issues, which cover Main Thesis and Content Development. For
more information on Sentence Structure, you may visit this link:
Sentence Variety.
Summary of Next Steps:
· Outline your key points in the thesis statement.
· Apply the ethical theories to the ethical challenges that you
have identified.
· Use transitional words to connect ideas.
Thank you, Nelson, for submitting your paper “Ethical
Considerations” for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this
step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Christina S.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and
usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.
_____________________________________________________
____________________________
Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your
essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope
to see you again soon.
Ethical considerations draft
Name: Nelson Ramos
Institutional affiliation: DeVry
Instructor: LAS 342
Date: 1/24/17

5. Introduction
Drones are increasingly influencing humanity. Drone
technology has affected numerous sectors such as security, real
estate, tourism, education, entertainment, oil, and gas
industries, (Ford, 2015). Drone technology has been
characterized by ethical challenges.
Evaluation of ethical considerations
According to a detailed study done by Fakhry (2000), the main
ethical issue surrounding the use of drones is privacy.
[Borrowed pieces of information should not stand as main ideas
in your paper and, therefore, should not begin body paragraphs.
To fix this and let your voice dominate, write your topic
sentences in your own words. In your own words, what is one
ethical issue arising from the use of drones? (You may then
follow the topic sentence with the borrowed piece of
information for support.)] Drones are widely used for
surveillance. They gather information on civilians and
compromise individual privacy rights.
Second, the safety of civilians is compromised. Drones fly at a
low altitude posing an immediate danger to civilians. In
congested areas, drone accidents can lead to deaths and injuries.
Although Federal Aviation Authority prohibits the use of drones
for operations far from the operator, there are very limited
follow-ups. In some cases, drone owners float these guidelines
Third, UAVs produce noise. Drones flying at low altitudes
produce a lot of noise. This noise is an intrusion upon
populations and even wildlife. Drones have proved to be noisy
especially in highly populated areas, (Thompson, (2014).
Ethical theories
Ethical theories provide the guiding principles for making
ethical decisions. They provide various decision-making styles.
They enable people to make the same ethically correct decision

6. using different methodologies. Quality ethical decisions lead to
good human actions.
First, the deontological class of ethical theories is beneficial to
the development of drone technology. It requires people to
adhere to their obligations and duties when making ethical
decisions. This theory is essential to drone manufacturers. They
can use this theory to determine the architectural designs of
drones and their impacts on the society.
Last, utilitarianism ethical theories are based on individual
ability to predict the consequences of an action. In this case, a
person makes choices based on their benefit to the society. The
decisions which are more beneficial to the society are
considered to be ethical. This theory can benefit policy makers
and lawmakers. They can make decisions and laws that are
considerate to the members of public, (Custers, 2016). [Why is
there a comma between the word “public” & your parenthetical
citation? A period is used to end a declarative sentence, and
when a citation comes at the end of the sentence, this end
punctuation mark comes after the citation since citations are
part of the sentence. Here’s an example: It is claimed that
vaccines are safe (Smith, 2015). Correct punctuation will add
credibility to your paper. Check the rest of your paper for
similar errors in punctuation.]
Visual Aids
The amazon quadcopters have been manufactured with ethical
considerations as shown below: [Instead of having a separate
section just for the visual aid, incorporate this visual aid in your
discussion above about the ethical issues arising from drones;
this will help your reader understand how this visual supports
the discussion. For example, does this flying drone illustrate the
ethical issue about privacy, safety, or noise? Place this visual
nearest the idea that it supports/illustrates in the discussion
above.]
Conclusion
Drone technology industry players will need to be more

7. accountable and transparent so that they can with the trust of
civilians on drone programs. [What is a summary of your
main/important points? Based on what you have discussed, what
are the main ethical issues that arise from the use of drones?
Giving a summary will reinforce your ideas to the reader.
(Another way to do this is to take the revised thesis statement
from the introduction and paraphrase it in the conclusion.)]
Government and lawmakers will need to make more and better
regulations to safeguard the ethical standards of drone
technology. The success of advanced drone technology will be
based on deeper ethical consideration in the manufacturing and
use of drones.
References
Fakhry, M. (1991). Ethical theories in Islam. Leiden: E.J. Brill.
Geirsson, H., & Holmgren, M. R. (2000). Ethical theory: A
concise anthology. Peterborough, Ont: Broadview Press.
In Custers, B. (2016). The future of drone use: Opportunities
and threats from ethical and legal perspectives. The Hague:
T.M.C. Asser.
In Thompson, S. J. (2014). Global issues and ethical
considerations in human enhancement technologies.