1) The document discusses solution-focused approaches to working with bereaved children and young people who may be experiencing distress or engaging in risky behaviors like self-harm following the death of a loved one. 2) It provides statistics on child bereavement and outlines some key considerations for taking a solution-focused approach, such as validating the child's experience of grief, focusing on possibilities and exceptions, and empowering children by giving them choice and control. 3) Solution-focused approaches aim to help children find ways to accommodate grief into their lives while making space for new experiences and possibilities for the future, rather than focusing only on diminishing grief over time.

1. WELCOME Danny Nugus, Service Development & Training Manager, Winston’s Wish UKASFP 2009 National Conference Keele University 12 th June 2009 Solution focused practice with young people, bereavement and self-harm

2. Comfort zones Comfort zone Stretch zone Panic zone

3. Michael Rosen’s Sad Book Michael Rosen Illustrated by Quentin Blake Walker Books Ltd, 2004 ISBN 978-0744598988

4. 55 children a day are bereaved of a parent Every 22 minutes a parent dies – approx 24,000 newly bereaved each year, not counting other family members and friends 480,000 (4% of) children in the UK <18 y.o. have experienced the death of a parent or sibling A child is bereaved through murder or manslaughter every day – 800 such deaths in England and Wales each year Every 6 hours a child is bereaved of a close family member through suicide – 4 a day (1400/ year) Child Bereavement Statistics

5. 41% of all young offenders have experienced bereavement Looked After Children are more likely to have experienced the death of someone close to them 47% of bereaved 18-year-old girls try drugs, compared to 20% of those living with both parents and 37% of those whose parents were separated Over 50% of children and young people bereaved of a parent show distress and depressive symptoms, and these may persist over time. Child Bereavement Statistics

6. If a bereaved child receives timely and appropriate support, all of the aforementioned risk factors are minimised. In fact, with the right support, they are more likely to develop into resilient adults because of that life experience, not in spite of it! Research on resilience

7. NEMI, by Lise (Metro, 31.05.06)

8. Winston's Wish helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives after a family death. We offer practical support and guidance to families, professionals and to anyone concerned about a grieving child. We want children to avoid the problems that can occur in later life if they are unable to express their grief, and to develop their resilience and achieve their full potential. Bringing families together www.winstonswish.org.uk

9. ‘ Gone’: Newsround DVD Case Studies – Learning from the real experts What SF principles/ assumptions are evident? What things applicable to grief (esp how children grieve &) fit best with a SF approach? What SF skills/ tools/ questions/ approaches could be used in supporting bereaved children? What else? Listening to children’s voices

10. Child bereavement theories & solution focused potential 1. What are the challenges/ opportunities to SF ways of working? 2. What has worked for you/ your clients that you could apply to work with bereaved children/ yp, including those who self harm?

11. The Dual Process Model Stroebe & Schut, 1999 Group 1 Oscillation Loss Oriented Intrusion of grief Relinquishing- continuing- relocating bonds / ties Denial/avoidance of restoration changes Everyday life experience Restoration- oriented Attending to life changes Distraction from grief New roles/identities /relationships Grief work Doing new things Denial/avoidance of grief

12. ‘ Growing around grief’ Tonkin, 1996 Grief can feel all consuming It used to be thought that: Grief should diminish over time & Eventually become encapsulated in a small manageable way However... D . Life experience can expand to accommodate the bereavement while making space for new things “ In some ways the pain of grief itself stayed much the same… But as time went on my world expanded so it felt less suffocating.” Group 2

13. Continuing Bonds Healthy grief does not require the grieving person to sever their bond with the person who had died in order to accommodate the loss in their life Relationships continue Bereaved remain psychologically and emotionally connected to the deceased Connection develops and changes over time These ‘connections’ provide solace, comfort, support and ease the transition from the past to the future This process is crucial in terms of self-identity Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996 Group 3

14. Is this solution focused?

15. Is this solution focused?

16. Butler, W & Powers, K (1996) Solution-focused grief therapy. In Miller, Hubble & Duncan, Handbook of SFBT (Ch10) It is not techniques that do the therapy – collaboration is crucial in addressing bereavement To be with the client is the most important principle in SFBT Validate the client’s experience (Durrant, 1989) while pursuing possibilities (“both/ and” perspective -Lipchik, 1993) Remember that the answer lies within – even in difficult and challenging issues like grief There is no real difference between SFBT with grief and SFBT with other problems Future-Oriented Questions, Exceptions and Coping, Scaling Qs, Process and Pacing, and Goals

17. Some other useful reads Joel Simon – Solution-Focused Bereavement, 2007 SFBTA Conference Toronto, Canada http://www.sfbta.org/sfbta/handouts/Solution-Focused%20Bereavement.pdf Allan Wade (2007) Despair, resistance, hope: Response-based therapy with victims of violence ; and ‘Small acts of living: everyday resistance to violence and other forms of oppression (1997). Matthew Selekman (1993) Pathways to Change: Brief Therapy Solutions with Difficult Adolescents. NY: Guilford. John Henden (2008) Preventing Suicide: The Solution Focused Approach. Chichester: Wiley. Yvonne Dolan (2000) One Small Step: Moving Beyond Therapy to a Life of Joy. NY: Haworth. Insoo Kim Berg & Therese Steiner (2003) Children’s Solution Work. NY: Norton. Who/ what else? …

18. Considerations There is no right or wrong way to grieve It is an individual journey – experts in their own grief Grief is not a pathology – not a ‘problem’ to sort out Grief is a normal response to an abnormal set of circumstances – requires a normalising, non-prescriptive approach Children are more than their grief/ problems (ordinary children; extraordinary circumstances) Grief is a dynamic process – not a static state of being – always movement, coping, exceptions, potential for moving forward and considering possibilities Can learn from what helped/ helps to manage future difficulties (e.g. anniversaries, other losses, etc) – increase confidence; decrease dependency

19. Considerations One doesn’t ‘get over’ grief – learn to live with, manage it, be in control of it and draw strength from it No-one wants to be stuck in grief – always goals/ hopes/ a preferred future that fit with above Talking about it does not make it worse – the worse thing has already happened Child needs reassurance that you can bear to listen (non-shocked, non-judgemental) and permission to share experiences openly if they choose Acknowledging pain and complexities of grief responses creates space and safety for exploration of future possibilities

20. Considerations Need to give back choice and control – especially at a time when it can feel like everything is out of their control. Children are empowered through information and involvement, not ‘protection’/ exclusion Acknowledging self-harm as a coping response can enable exploration of other possibilities/ safer coping mechanisms and create space for future-focus Choice re how they continue/ define/ utilise relationship with deceased in a way that’s helpful for them (e.g. If ‘miracle’ is dead person being alive; or suicide-bereaved fearful they’ll inevitably follow a similar path) Meeting others similarly bereaved can help to decrease isolation and promote understanding and opportunities for young people to learn from/ support each other

21. One thing that I will take away with me today (and one thing I will leave behind)… Evaluation forms please

22. Thank You and Goodnight!