Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement

Toews 1
Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement
Submission for presentation at the International Association for the Study of Forced Migration
Conference, 2014
June 2014
Nathan Toews
Patient-focused trauma treatment presented by Judith Herman in her book, Trauma and Recovery: the
aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror (1992) combined with a reconciliation-
focused trauma healing model provides a more integrated understand of healing opportunities for
people in situations of forced displacement. Through a deductive qualitative analysis of nine semi-
structured interviews this paper examines the positive experiences of healing in the lives of those living
in forced displacement. Participants were chosen using a criterion sampling strategy based on their
situation of continuous forced displacement and for their current participation in a Mennonite church.
While the Mennonite church programs do not focus specifically on trauma healing or provide clinical
services for trauma treatment, the research participants´ experience suggests that their active
participation in the church community provide opportunities for healing to happen in the midst of
potential continuous trauma. The analysis of the interviews is based on Judith Herman´s framework of
healing involving three stages of recovery: safety, recognition and reconnection. This framework is also
the basis for two practitioner oriented guides in the field of peacebuilding: The Little Book of Trauma
Healing by Carolyn Yoder (2005) and Psychosocial Healing: A Guide for Practitioners by Paula Gutlove
and Gordon Thompson (2003). The juncture between psychology and peacebuilding represented in
these works provides a framework for healing in the context of societal trauma, such as with forced
displacement in Colombia.
Introduction
For the past several decades, Colombia has been in a state of armed conflict. As a
consequence, many individuals, families and entire communities have abandoned their homes and
live in conditions of ongoing forced displacement. The continuous trauma that accompanies such
displacement is seldom conducive to a healing process. Displacement is not only a consequence
of the armed conflict but also a stimulant for the continued conflict as this ongoing trauma feeds
the cycle of violence. Some who have suffered forced displacement in Colombia have been in such
a state for up to 10 - 15 years, not yet feeling safe in their daily lives or able to return to their
homes. Many living in such a sustained, uncertain situation do not know when or how the next
threat will come. Will it be a call telling them they have been located, resulting in fearing for their
lives? Will it be suspicious men taking pictures of their home? Will it be a motorcycle with two
armed men appearing to follow the bus they just got on?
The armed conflict in Colombia, which has resulted in the internal displacement of more
than six million people, began with the rise of various armed guerrilla movements in the 60s.
These movements along with the formation of government sponsored paramilitary groups and the
government armed forces have created a culture of violence. While paramilitary groups are no
longer legally endorsed, government corruption and the lucrative drug industry have made
continued paramilitary and guerrilla activity very viable and profitable. In the struggle to control
land for the use of industrial agriculture (including coca production), mining of natural resources,
oil extraction and trade routes, the various armed groups continue to engage in human rights
abuses that force people and their communities to either cooperate with the armed group or

Toews 2
leave their homes for fear of death. The majority of the victims did not choose to be a part of this
conflict but have been forced into it because they were living in what became a conflict zone.
Victims of forced displacement have been through a traumatic experience and often continue
to live in situations of potential continuous trauma. In addition to the trauma of the death or
disappearance of family members, many families have to flee their homes on a moment’s notice,
taking only what they can carry on their backs. They then arrive in an unwelcoming city where re-
victimization and continuous trauma come in the form of ongoing threats from the same armed
group that caused the original displacement, suspicion and discrimination by members of the host
community, and rampant urban poverty and violence that characterize the marginalized sectors of
the cities. Forced displacement is not just a single event but rather a life experience that can last
for several years causing deterioration of dignity and self-respect. Many cases include multiple
displacements in which a person or a family continues to receive death threats and must move
repeatedly for safety. This ongoing movement and fear becomes a new normal. Therefore,
addressing issues of healing while in the midst of ongoing trauma is a necessary challenge as
Colombia attempts to engage processes of reconciliation and peacebuilding.
In The Little Book of Trauma Healing, trauma therapist Carolyn Yoder presents a
conceptual dilemma between healing and peace. While some might argue that healing can only
happen when there is peace, Yoder asserts that unhealed trauma contributes to a cycle of violence
and that healing is required to achieve peace (2005). For those living in protracted forced
displacement healing cannot wait to happen after life has returned to “normal”. But how can
healing happen in the midst of violence or the threat of violence? How can healing happen when
safety is not guaranteed and with little likelihood of access to mental health services?
The experience of members of the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church community in Bogota,
Colombia presents the opportunity to examine the possibility of healing while in the midst of the
continuous trauma of forced displacement. Using a framework of healing developed by
psychiatrist and researcher, Judith Herman (1992) and adopted by Carolyn Yoder (2005), an
analysis of interviews with nine people living in forced displacement show that aspects of a healing
process do happen despite the challenges of potential continuous trauma. In a context of societal
trauma, the work of peacebuilding cannot ignore the complexities of both healing for personal
growth and recovery, and healing for the purpose of social reconstruction and reconciliation.
As an Anabaptist and Mennonite church, the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church belongs to a
denomination of believers that put nonviolence, community work and reconciliation at the center
of their faith practice (Becker, 2010). In the context of a country in the midst of an ongoing armed
conflict, these values become particularly salient as people and communities are victimized and
marginalized due to the violence. While the church does not have programs that focus specifically
on trauma healing or provide clinical services for trauma treatment, the research participants´
experiences demonstrate that their involvement in church programs and services as well as in the
church community in general have a positive impact on healing for those living in forced
displacement. The purpose of this project is two-fold: to better understand what healing can look
like in the context of continuous trauma of forced displacement using the model of healing
presented by Judith Herman and Carolyn Yoder (1992; 2005); and to understand how the
participants’ involvement in the church community at the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church in
Bogota, Colombia contributes to healing.
Trauma Healing and Peacebuilding
The juncture of trauma healing and peacebuilding requires a deep and complex
understanding that links the mysteries of human emotion with formal processes of a sustainable

Toews 3
peace. Olga Botcharova, in her exploration of developing a model of forgiveness, recognizes that
the weakness of official peace initiatives and signed peace accords is that they often are, “rational
responses to irrational phenomenon (2002, p. 280)” While victims of violent conflict might have a
rational understanding of the need to work together with former enemies they may not be able to
disconnect from their emotions and betray a sense of identity and values that have been
fundamental in their lives (2002). In Peacebuilding in Traumatized Societies, Barry Hart identifies
the need to recognize the “intangible” issues such as the impact of stress and trauma that must be
a part of any peacebuilding process. Addressing issues of employment, education and the
rebuilding of infrastructure will be much less effective in post-war reconstruction if the hurt and
distress that lie below the surface of a traumatized society are not addressed and healed in a
manner that returns dignity to the people and reconciles damaged relationships (2008).
Martha Cabrera, working in Nicaragua after Hurricane Mitch, was frustrated by the poor
results of all the workshop initiatives that so many communities had received. While nearly every
community had received training on some topic geared toward empowering and inspiring the
people to rebuild their communities and mobilize their efforts there was a passivity that seemed
to keep people from moving forward. Upon further investigation, Cabrera found Nicaragua to be a
“multiply wounded country” with people and communities still traumatized by past experiences,
from intra-family violence to the impact of political violence of Nicaragua’s recent history. People
wanted to process these wounds, recognize the hurt and mourn their losses before they thought
about rebuilding after hurricane Mitch (2002). The experience of these practitioners in
peacebuilding show that while reconstruction efforts and peace accords can be rational steps
designed by well-trained professionals, they will not be as effective or even possible if conflicting
parties and victims are not able to address the pain and loss they have experienced through their
traumas. If there is not a process of healing that accompanies reconstruction and other
peacebuilding efforts, unresolved pain will continue to lie just below the surface with the risk of
exploding again into another violent conflict. Trauma healing processes offer a way for the
“intangible” issues such as emotional pain, identity threat and shame to be dealt with so that
individuals, communities and societies can do the hard work of conflict transformation and
peacebuilding for a lasting and meaningful peace.
Trauma Healing Frameworks
Healing from trauma is a process that must accommodate the emotional realities of the
victims. At the core of violence are feelings of shame, loss of dignity and threats to identity that
when not addressed drive a cycle of aggression. Victims of violence can display “acting-in”
behaviors which can result in harm towards self and ultimately suicide, or “acting-out” behaviors
that result in aggression towards others. Healing processes allow for these emotions to be
recognized and addressed in a healthy manner to restore dignity and affirm positive identities of
those victimized (Yoder, 2005). Healing is a process that must attend to both the personal and
inner healing of the victim and if possible the conflicting relationships that caused the original
trauma. While these dynamics of healing have an impact on each other they are different
processes that require their own time and space for healing.
In her book, Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to
political terror (1992), psychiatrist Judith Herman provides an in-depth explanation of three stages
of a healing process: safety, remembrance and mourning, and reconnection. Herman explains that
disempowerment and disconnection from others are at the core of psychological trauma. In a
recovery process, the goal is for the survivor to restore control in his/her own life through self-
empowerment and reconnection with the world. Through empowerment and reconnection the

Toews 4
survivor can feel supported by his/her relationships and community while feeling autonomous to
freely make decisions regarding the healing process. Herman recognizes that recovery cannot
happen in isolation. Just as psychological faculties such as trust, autonomy, initiative,
competence, identity and intimacy were originally created in relationships; they must be recreated
again in relationships. While the necessity of relationship is a part of any healing process and can
be an entry point for discussing processes of forgiveness and reconciliation, Herman’s work
focuses on the inner and personal healing process (1992).
Carolyn Yoder’s book, The Little Book of Trauma Healing (2005), affirms the importance of
inner healing of the victim. She presents a model, Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and
Security, that addresses the healing of conflicting relationships that have perpetuated a cycle of
violence. Healing those relationships through alternative forms of justice, forgiveness and
reconciliation allow for the prevention of future violence and the enhancement of non-violent
opportunities for conflict transformation. Yoder challenges conflicting parties to take the risks
needed to understand and open up to each other through mutual recognition of harms done and
the mutual responsibilities in addressing their conflict. Security is not about protecting Self from
the Other but rather about building relationships with the Other that guarantee the safety of all
parties involved. Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and Security, adapts the categories
of healing: safety, remembrance and mourning (renamed as acknowledgment), and reconnection,
developed by Judith Herman and integrates them with Olga Botcharova's model, originally called
the Seven Steps Toward Reconciliation (2002; 1992; 2005). By combining these two frameworks of
healing, Yoder brings together the complexity of psychological healing of an individual with the
healing of hurt relationships through forgiveness and reconciliation that enable the peacebuilding
process to be more effective.
Herman discusses the inner healing found in a victim's renewed love of life and love for
self in the idea of restorative love (1992). Yoder reflects about individuals who have found a sense
of inner freedom in the midst of a context of continued violence. People who are grounded
psychologically and spiritually, and have a clear understanding of their values can find a sense of
inner safety even though their physical safety might not be guaranteed (2005). As Botcharova and
Yoder explore the psychological mechanisms that can lead a victim to become a perpetrator and
continue a cycle of aggression, they discuss the importance of an inner voice that leave doubts in a
victim’s mind as to whether they want to go through with completing a cycle of aggression
through a “justified” act of violence. To ignore the inner voice, would be to ignore the soul and to
betray the soul would be the worst evil (2002; 2005). These reflections demonstrate the
importance of inner healing as a necessity for the wellbeing of the victim and victim’s ability to
build relationships with a former enemy and engage in processes of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Psychosocial Healing: A Guide for Practitioners published by the Institute for Resource and
Security Studies – IRSS, edited by Paula Gutlove and Gordon Thompson (2003) also bridges the gap
between trauma healing and peacebuilding. This guide, too, uses the healing categories
developed by Judith Herman: safety, remembrance and mourning (renamed as acknowledgment)
and reconnection. While Gutlove and Thompson emphasize the importance of psychological
healing, they place Herman’s understanding of healing within a larger peacebuilding framework of
social reconstruction and human security. Trauma healing is a process that both individuals and
communities go through with the purpose of rebuilding the fabric of social networks and
institutions that allow a society to function. The guide emphasizes an integrated approach that
incorporates conflict management practices into the functioning of other sectors of society such as
health care and educational institutions. The impact of societal trauma on groups, communities
and societies requires that the response must also involve all sectors of society while placing the
welfare of the people at the center. The guide is written for the use of practitioners working in

Toews 5
settings of violent conflict with suggestions for methods of implementing psychosocial healing
such as community integration, volunteer action, training the trainers and helping the helpers.
Additionally, tools and activities are described that correspond to Herman’s healing categories
(2003).
Together Judith Herman, Carolyn Yoder and the psychosocial healing guide provide a
comprehensive look at trauma healing from the psychological aspects of healing to the social and
relationship dynamics necessary in the healing of divided and traumatized communities.
Processes of trauma healing must address the “intangible” factors such as shame and loss that
often get overlooked or ignored but that lie at the heart of conflicting relationships. As Martha
Cabrera found, people will not be motivated to work on development projects as long as they
continue to hold the pain of multiple traumas (2002). Olga Botcharova’s experience showed that
victims of violent conflict will not simply disconnect from their deep seeded emotional responses
in order to follow through with a signed peace accord or professionally designed peacebuilding
strategies (2002). Processes of peacebuilding and conflict transformation must integrate trauma
healing at both the personal, relational and community levels to address the issues at the heart of
a conflict: to heal those that have been harmed and return dignity to people who have been
shamed. Only with such a comprehensive healing will people be able to look at their former
enemies and at their shattered communities with hope and desire to move forward together.
This paper will use the categories developed by Judith Herman (safety, remembrance and
mourning, and reconnection) to examine the healing experiences of people living in forced
displacement and how the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has impacted that process. The analysis
will consider how people have experienced personal and inner healing and the potential for
healing in hurt relationships with a conflicting party.
Design of Study
The research design is a qualitative study of nine cases of people living in forced
displacement who were involved in the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church at the time of the
interview. The interviewees were chosen using a criterion sampling strategy based on their
situation of continuous forced displacement and for their current participation in the Teusaquillo
Mennonite Church. Interviewees were identified by the author’s contacts at the church and
include two men and seven women. All interviewees had been originally forcibly displaced from a
region of Colombia outside of Bogota and after multiple forced displacements had eventually
arrived in Bogota and became involved in the church. All participants had also suffered multiple
forced displacements within Bogota. For more information about general characteristics of the
interviewees please refer to appendix 1: General profile of the interviewees’ experiences of forced
displacement.
All nine interviews, conducted between February 2012 and June 2013, followed a semi-
structured interview process. Six of the nine interviews were structured using Yoder’s model,
Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and Security, which incorporates the three categories
of healing developed by Judith Herman: safety, remembrance and mourning, and reconnection
(2005; 1992). Three interviews used another guide of questions that focused more broadly on the
experience of displacement and how involvement in the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church had an
impact on the interviewee's experience. All nine interviews were information rich in addressing
what healing can look like and what role the church played in that process. While parts of the
interview involved the interviewee telling his or her story without much guidance, in other parts
the interviewees were asked to reflect on their experiences from different aspects of the healing

Toews 6
process models, requiring the interviewee to reflect on the same experiences but from a new
angle and/or in more depth regarding a particular theme.
All interviews were analyzed using a deductive qualitative method with a cross case study
analysis to identify patterns of how the interviewees experienced healing according to the healing
categories developed by Judith Herman: safety, remembrance and mourning (acknowledgement),
and reconnection (1992). These three categories are also the basis for recognizing different
healing components of the model, Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and Security (Yoder,
2005). Within the three categories of healing, patterns and outlier experiences are identified to
contribute to the qualitative understanding of what healing has been like from the perspective of
the interviewees. In this paper the real names of the interviewees are not used for reasons of
confidentiality.
Trauma and the Experience of Forced Displacement in Colombia
At the core experience of trauma is the loss of control, connection and meaning as
perceived by the victim. These three elements are highly interrelated in that the loss of one often
implies the loss of the other two in some form or another. A loss of control, whether physical,
emotional or psychological, often implies that the victim as well has lost connection with some
aspect of his or her social world. A person’s sense of meaning, e.g. about social order or how the
world works, helps define how one should and can connect in a world that is both safe and
empowers a person to be who they want to be. Trauma destroys or seriously questions the
assumptions a person had about how they could operate in a world that was meaningful to them
(Herman, 1992; Hobfoll, 2007; Neufeld Redekop, 2008; Eagle & Kaminer, 2013).
The loss of these three elements is well exemplified in the experience of forced
displacement in Colombia. The interviewees’ experiences of trauma include the disappearance
and killing of family members, being forced from one’s land and home, and losing all known
opportunities of livelihood, including all possessions and community support systems. Any
assumptions the victims might have held about the world being benign or the existence of a social
order, are questioned after these experiences. The excerpts below demonstrate a variety of ways
in which the interviewees experienced loss. Mikaela expressed poignantly the loss of connection
with her children as they grew into adults. To protect her children from danger she left them
when they were young and was not able to consistently be with them for several years.
…in my displacement… I lost everything. All my work and my life… the farm, the animals, the house,
everything. But in reality on begins to see that these are material things, that these things can be
obtained again more easily. But the time lost in which your kids were not by your side, (soft crying) to
see that they have grown… (pause) but not having been there, this was the most difficult for me…
because they grew and I was not there to see it happen. I didn´t see them (soft crying). And now… when
my son’s voice changed I had to listen to him over the telephone. I was not there in those moments to
see how they were changing, from children to adolescents, from adolescents to adults. This was the
most difficult… the breaking up of the family. This was the most difficult. But now this is something we
have overcome and I understand that this is time I can´t recover. - Mikaela
In addition to the initial loss, Mikaela´s description also indicates the long-term impact of
her forced displacement: missing out on a large portion of her children´s growing years impacted
the relationships within the family and created a sense of isolation and the loss of the emotional
connection between mother and children.
Pamela’s experience also demonstrates a tremendous amount of loss, including the death
of family members and the loss of the family farm and livelihood. Pamela comes from a family of
farmers and grew up in a rural community. She reports her mother had been part of a community

Toews 7
action board (Junta Acción Comunal) through which she led an effort to discourage members of
the community from supporting any armed group in the region. It was common for armed groups
to demand that people provide them with food and shelter while occupying the region. As we see
in the experience shared below, there was no good option for the Pamela´s family.
We grew up with my father on the farm. My whole life has been on the farm, and since I was a girl we
had to work hard with my father because he always has lived in poverty. We began to have problems
because the armed groups began to arrive: the guerrilla, the military and the paramilitary. They all
came to our house. My mom always told them to leave. They began to threaten us…
Time passed with the presence of the armed groups… until one day they entered my uncle´s house that
was near my father´s farm… they took away four men. Among them were [two of] my cousins. The
paramilitary group took them around one in the morning. So the entire community got together to look
for where they had taken my cousins and the two other men, and they looked and they looked and after
four days they found the bodies chopped up (picadito) in a water pipe. They did not recognize the
pieces of the bodies. This filled us with fear and horror. - Pamela
Pamela continues regarding the disappearance of her brother soon after the death of her two
cousins.
My brother went to a nearby town… to look for work. That day they [a paramilitary squadron] were
stopping cars on the road between the towns. About half way between the town and our farm the
squadron stopped my brother’s car and had him get out. They took him and never more… My brother…
they took my brother and seven others. We were always hoping that my brother would appear again
but, nothing. After having killed two cousins… four other men… we had to leave… the whole family…
and fifteen other families. We were all displaced. This was the first displacement with my parents. -
Pamela
Not being able to find the body of a loved one makes it difficult for family members to
have closure from such a horrific time. There is a striking suddenness to the horrors of this
experience. In addition to the shock of the disappearance and/or death of family members (loss of
connection), the sudden disruption of the new normal adds to the suffering (loss of control). While
the presence of armed groups in the region brings about a sense of stress and trauma and the
expectation something bad might happen, one never knows when it will happen. When Pamela
mentions that, “time passed with the presence of the armed groups,” she describes a sense of life
continuing on, a sense of normalcy. The violent death or disappearance of a loved one is
therefore exacerbated by the loss of control over the situation as a violation of expectations.
Another dynamic of loss expressed in the interviews is the questioning of basic
assumptions held about the world, or the loss of meaning. In the context of Colombia´s armed
conflict, many of the victims are innocent inhabitants of a region caught in the middle of violent
battles between armed groups. When the violence hits them personally, there is an obvious
feeling of injustice and anger because they did not choose to be part of the armed conflict. An
obvious question for victims is “why me?” This question can accompany anger and demonstrates
a loss of meaning in being able to understand what happened (Yoder, 2005). Below Pamela
expresses her frustration and anger as to why this had to happen to her family.
I will tell you the truth. Before I came to the church, I was filled with rage and a lot of hate because I
said to myself, “my father [was] in poverty his whole life, working to have a farm to live on, and these
people arrive and take it away. They come and kill my brother without him owing anything to anybody…
the only thing he had was being a campesino and a hard worker…” – Pamela

Toews 8
For all of the interviewees, spirituality provides the basis for understanding their world. In the loss
of meaning caused by the trauma, Andres struggles with spirituality in his very direct questions to
God.
“Well!” I declared, “If God… if You exist… would all this happen? Would I have lost… my father, my
brother… the house… everything?” – Andres
Traumatic experiences have ongoing repercussions as victims try to reconstruct their
lives. For many interviewees who came from rural, agricultural communities, their arrival to the
city without any support is a prominent example of continued repercussions following forced
displacement. Discrimination and urban poverty characterize the marginalized neighborhoods in
which many families settle upon arriving in the city. For those coming from a rural community,
their education and agricultural skills are neither appreciated nor applicable for the employment
opportunities in the city. Pamela expresses the challenges of being in a new environment that is
very foreign to her.
Everything has been very difficult because my father and everyone [in the family] was accustomed to
the farm. We were displaced and arrived in [city name] without knowing how to do anything in the city.
My father was accustomed to growing crops on the farm and for us it was very difficult because we
were accustomed to another life. – Pamela.
She goes on to talk about trying to get a job herself.
They didn’t accept me because they said I had to know how to use a computer and I didn’t know even
how to turn it on, and they told me I could not work there anymore… they told me that they need a
younger lady that is an expert, “not like you who doesn’t know anything.” – Pamela.
These types of challenges create a great amount of stress in addition to the traumas that
the family has experienced. Not only are these families struggling to survive but all of these
events of loss and rejection communicate a sense of worthlessness and helplessness. Pamela’s
experience of not being able to find a job only reinforces these feelings. Andres as well expresses
these emotions.
I said to myself, “well, I am displaced, I have nothing”.
My thoughts were, “I am a problem for society; I am another burden for people”. – Andres
Victims of forced displacement must deal with the original trauma of the displacement, the
continued trauma of being threatened, and the ongoing stress of being in a new and unwelcoming
place without the means for survival, all of which make it challenging to reconstruct a life and find
healing.
Cycle of violence
Another vulnerability for victims of trauma is the likelihood of getting caught in what
Carolyn Yoder calls the Survivor/Victim Cycle. Adapted from Olga Botcharova, Yoder's concept
outlines the psychological journey of a victim and possible pitfalls that lead to a continued cycle of
violence. The Survivor/Victim Cycle expects the natural, human responses demonstrated by people
who have lost family members to the armed conflict in Colombia and have been living in forced
displacement. Due to tremendous losses and disconnection, trauma victims may experience anger,
rage and question the fundamental understanding of the world, including spirituality. At some

Toews 9
point, most victims will have negative thoughts about the person or group of people that were
responsible for the act of aggression against them, commonly including fantasies of revenge or a
strong desire for justice. When these feelings are unaddressed, the cycle of violence continues.
(Botcharova, 2002; Yoder, 2005).
Pamela expresses her feelings towards those that had killed her brother.
They come and kill my brother without him owing anything to anybody… the only thing he had was
being a campesino and a hard worker, and I was very angry, and I said to myself, “these people are going
to pay some day for what they have done to my brother.” I was very angry. - Pamela
Andres talks about those that killed his father and brother.
At one time I had a lot of rage. The moment when it happened I had a lot of rage. And I said, “I want
the opportunity to come that the same thing would happen to them that happened to my family.” –
Andres
Teresa talks about her feelings of revenge.
I wished for the death of those people… for the pain. I felt so much hate for all they had done. – Teresa
When these feelings of anger are not addressed through a healthy process of grieving and
mourning, they can become heightened to the point that the victim begins to feel that the only
way to heal is if their source of pain is destroyed, and begin to justify revengeful violence towards
the aggressor. The act of violence towards the aggressor completes the Survivor/Aggressor Cycle
and the victim and aggressor switch roles (Botcharova, 2002; Yoder, 2005).
In peacebuilding, the risk is trying to move forward with peace and development projects
in a context of conflict or post-conflict when the victims have not had the opportunity to properly
recognize and process their trauma. It is important to allow victims to recognize the loss and pain.
To ignore such pain and suppress grief is to guarantee a longer period of hurt and the possibility of
lashing out violently. This transition from acknowledging and experiencing the pain to being able
to let it go indicates a healthy process of healing that will allow the victim to also leave their sense
of victimization and move into a process of recovery, thus breaking the cycle of violence. Without
the engagement of a healthy process of recovery victims are less likely to be able to work with
their aggressors towards a lasting peace.
Trauma Healing in the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church
The following deductive qualitative analysis identifies how the interviewees experienced
the different categories of healing developed by Judith Herman: safety, remembrance and
mourning (also known as acknowledgement), and reconnection. These three categories are also
used by Carolyn Yoder in Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and Security. Both Herman
and Yoder emphasize that survivors do not experience these healing categories in a linear
trajectory nor do experiences of healing fit exclusively in one category or another. Nonetheless,
the order of the categories suggests that certain conditions of healing enable other aspects of
healing to occur. For example, finding safety in some form enables a survivor to mourn their
losses in a way that feeling unsafe does not. The experience of healing is dynamic and can last a
lifetime. Survivors that have accomplished some progression in a healing process can still fall back
into patterns or behaviors that pull them back into a cycle of aggression or inhibit them from
moving forward in the healing (Herman, 1992; Yoder, 2005). While experiences do not fall

Toews 10
exclusively into one category or another, the categories can be used to highlight particular
qualities of an experience that demonstrate the dynamics of healing. Just as Herman and Yoder
have presented these categories in a model, the analysis of the interviews will also identify
experiences and expressions by the interviewees that demonstrate a particular healing category.
The order in which these categories are discussed does not imply that healing is a linear process or
that experiences are exclusive to one category or another.
The interviews demonstrate that healing does not only contribute to personal wellbeing,
but also to the potential healing of conflicting relationships and to the interviewees’ ability to
positively contribute to the social dynamics of their current communities. While Judith Herman
focuses on the personal healing of the victim, Carolyn Yoder focuses on the conflicting
relationships that could have been contributors to the trauma with the hope of addressing current
conflict and preventing the cycle of aggression as a response to conflict in the future. Within a
framework of peacebuilding, the hope is that conflicting parties will be able to reconcile their
differences and work together to find solutions to their conflicts. Those that work in both trauma
healing and peacebuilding argue that this is only possible when conflicting parties are able to go
through processes of healing that allows for both personal and internal healing as well as healing
of conflicting relationships (Botcharova, 2002; Cabrera, 2002; Gutlove & Thomspon, 2003; Hart,
2008; Yoder, 2005). The interviewees’ experiences of forced displacement and involvement in the
Teusaquillo Mennonite Church demonstrate these processes of healing in a variety of ways.
When discussing the healing of conflicting relationships such as through processes of
forgiveness and reconciliation there is often an assumption that the conflicting parties have met
each other and there is the potential for face-to-face interactions. Seven of the nine interviewees
have not personally met their aggressors or even know specifically who they are. Most of the
interviewees talk about their aggressors as being an armed group such as the guerrilla, the
national armed forces or the paramilitary. At the time of the interviews there was no known
prospect that the interviewees would ever have the chance to meet their aggressors face-to-face.
Nonetheless, many of the interviewees express perspectives that are conducive to healing
conflicting relationships that suggest they have been through a healthy process of personal healing
as well. While these victims might not have the chance to participate in a reconciliation process
directly with their aggressor, a healthy healing process is likely to have a positive impact on their
attitude and actions in their personal life as well as in their public life as citizens of Colombia.
As the psychosocial healing guide by the Institute for Resource and Security Studies
suggests, psychosocial healing from trauma contributes to social reconstruction of a traumatized
society (Gutlove & Thomspon, 2003). While not all victims will be able to have a reconciliation
process directly with their victimizers, they can be a part of rebuilding the basic social fabric of
society. Martha Cabrera’s experience in Nicaragua is an example of how victims who have not
been able to experience healing do not always have the motivation and energy to dedicate to their
own community development even if there is a high need (2002). The interviewees in this
research project represent a small group of millions of Colombians who have been victimized and
who are part of the current and future realities of Colombia. The healing of all Colombians is
significant to the future of Colombia as the country engages in reconciliation and peacebuilding
projects.
The Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has played a key role in providing spaces that
encourage the healing process of the interviewees. The interviews demonstrate the importance
of the church to those living in forced displacement in Bogota. In the three categories of safety,
remembrance and mourning, and reconnection the interviewees attribute much of their healing
experiences to the positive attention they have received at the church and their ability to process
their trauma as well as rebuild relationships in a community that can assist them in reintegrating

Toews 11
back into society. Some of the healing experiences don’t happen within the church community or
church environment itself. In these instances the interviewees refer to faith perspectives they
have learned at the church as being important or in some cases they refer to how the church has
supported them in their faith perspectives. The following discussion will focus on both how the
church has been supportive in the healing process of the interviewees and the particular dynamics
of their healing process as they pertain to the different categories of Herman’s model. The
experiences of these interviewees demonstrate that people living in forced displacement can have
positive healing experiences and that the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has provided the spaces
and relationships that enable these healing experiences to happen.
Safety
One of the goals of establishing safety is for the survivor to have the opportunity to
restore control in his/her own life. Safety in itself, however, does not mean a survivor has control.
Many victims of forced displacement feel very unsafe in most places because they do not have
control over their environment and are vulnerable to being harmed again. When victims come
into a safe place, it does not mean they personally have control but that they trust that the
environment will not take advantage of their vulnerability. Herman discusses the dynamics of
power in a patient/therapist relationship. The patient, being emotionally vulnerable, trusts the
therapist, who has control, to act professionally and not take advantage of the patient’s
vulnerability. When someone who has been living in forced displacement comes into the church
they can feel safe in a variety of ways because they trust the church community to not hurt them
or take advantage of them. Once safety has been established the survivor can begin to take
initiatives that give them a sense of restoring control in their lives (Herman, 1992).
In the model Breaking the Cycles, safety presents an opportunity for the victim to break
free from falling into a cycle of aggression where the victim might act aggressively towards self
and/or towards others. Within safety the victim does not feel threatened and so there isn’t the
immediate need to act in aggression or try to protect one’s self. Yoder acknowledges that in many
contexts where there is societal trauma, physical safety can be difficult to find. In such cases
Yoder and Botcharova give a variety of examples of people and communities that find an inner-
safety in their ability to stay grounded spiritually and/or emotionally. In such cases the victims
find safety in their ability to resist falling into a cycle of aggression and follow their own sense of
what is “right”. In many violent contexts vengeful violence is often justified in the dominant
narrative of the conflicting parties, but victims themselves might internally feel that responding
violently towards their aggressors is not in line with their personal values. Being able to resist the
“justified” violence and follow personal convictions gives a victim a sense of control and safety in
their own being. These types of responses can lead to creative and exciting non-violent initiatives
and responses to a violent context (Botcharova, 2002; Yoder, 2005).
The experiences of the interviewees show that the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has
played a dynamic role in attending to safety in its many dimensions and in a context of ongoing
violence. Physical safety found at the church is particularly valuable for those who feel there is
potential danger in most other spaces they occupy in the city. Andres and Maia specifically
identify the “bus” and the “streets” as being dangerous places. This is particularly concerning
given that in order to go anywhere in the city these are two of the most common spaces that one
would occupy. At the time of the interviews, all interviewees were living in some degree of
continued danger in which their physical safety was threatened. While some were in relatively
safe conditions given the fact that they had not received a death threat for several months or even
a year the possibility of receiving another threat and having to move once again remained. In the

Toews 12
following examples Pamela and Maia clearly indicate the church as a place of safety in relation to
the city around them that is not safe.
Here in the church I feel good, I feel calm… I always want to have bus money to come to the church and
bring my daughters on Sundays because one feels love, one feels like they have a family here. – Pamela
In reality I feel safe when I am here [at the church]. But I am not always safe in the streets… I look in all
directions before I go out… [My daughters] say to me, “Hey mom, you are always looking in all
directions. Why are you looking all around when we go out? Who are you expecting?” I tell them, “you
must look in all directions before you go out. One doesn’t know who’s going to be around.” – Maia
In both cases the mothers mention their daughters in their efforts of finding safety. Having
a family with young children elevates the sense of danger and the desire to find safety because of
the need to protect more than just ones’ self.
Lydia’s keen observation of her husband’s behavior describes an exciting moment when she
realized her husband feels safe in the church.
The first time my [husband] could turn his back towards someone was here in the church. This is
incredible because his parents were killed… He always sat with his back against the wall, never towards
a window, and never with his back towards other people… never. As soon as he arrived anywhere he
would place himself against the wall so that, God willing, he would have a panoramic view and be able
to see everyone. Here [at the church] was the first time I saw him sitting towards the front [in the
congregation]. And he is much taller than most people and I thought other people might be bothered
because they wouldn’t be able to see around him but no one understands what it means for us that he
can sit in the front. This had never happened. He had never sat with his back towards anyone. This was
incredible. It was like saying, “Here I am safe. Here I am calm.” - Lydia
The ability for Lydia's husband to let down his guard indicates safety and the possibility of
openness to the vulnerable process of healing. A church service on Sunday mornings is also a very
public and crowded place where someone who feels in danger might want to stay vigilant. Lydia’s
recounting of this moment demonstrated her excitement in being able to see evidence of her
husband feeling safe enough to enjoy a church service.
The following excerpts demonstrate a strong feeling of being accepted at the church, of not
being rejected for who one is, and of feeling cared for. Some of the interviewees are very attentive
to how those in the church treat other, as the observance of welcoming and trust in the church
provides a sense of safety for those living in forced displacement.
The first church service I came to at the Mennonite church I was given a very warm welcome. Already in
the first service they came and hugged me… It’s difficult when one arrives to a new place and one says,
“What do I do? Do I stay quiet?” But, no. At the end of the service many people… came to hug me. And
they told me, “we are happy to have you here. For us it is a blessing to have a pair like you here.” They
were the only people that didn’t reject us… because here [in Colombia] a displaced person is rejected…
it is seen… as a danger to have [a displaced person] here like us. – Andres
…here [at the church] people are very humble and sincere with others… one of the things I learned here
was sincerity. If you say something to the pastor, he will say “yes” or “no”, but with sincerity. He isn’t
going to go in circles with, “maybe yes,” or “maybe no,”…and therefore I also have been sincere. I don’t
like coming here with one face and another in the street… always transparent. – Juan Pablo
The pastors here are very down-to-earth. The simplicity they have in treating others… it doesn’t matter
if they come dirty or clean, [or] if they come with patched up clothes. They treat everyone the same.
This is what I notice about the church. – Mikaela

Toews 13
The pastor… is always aware of someone’s needs and asks, “[Maia] how are you?” One rarely sees this,
when he asks if there is rent money, if we can pay, are the children studying, do they have enough to
eat? One rarely asks this... not even the family thinks of this… they are always aware and ask, and they
are aware of everyone, not just one person. - Maia
Andres’ description of his first time to the church indicates a very positive reception in that
he not only felt accepted and welcomed but that the congregation communicated that it was a
“blessing” to have him there. Both Mikaela and Andres refer to a sense of not being rejected or
discriminated against, implying that they had this fear and/or had experienced this in other places.
Andres also recognizes the danger in associating with people in situations of displacement yet he
is confident that the church won’t betray his safety. Relating to emotional and relational safety
some of the interviewees refer to values of “sincerity” and “simplicity” as something they
appreciate in the pastor and others at the church. Juan Pablo appreciates that the pastor is direct
which encourages him to also be transparent in his interactions at the church. Mikaela attributes
“simplicity” in the pastors’ ability to accept all people into their church and not judge them based
on their appearances.
Finding safety in spirituality demonstrates an inner peace that victims can find even when
their life situations continue to be difficult. In most cases the interviewees make a strong
correlation between God and their experience at the church, which for many of them provided
significant spiritual formation. Both Mikaela and Maia recognize finding safety in God through
prayer, the affirming presence of God and being thankful that God has provided them with the
church.
The one thing I did was to pray to God for my children, for my family, that nothing would happen. –
Mikaela
First, God; second, God; third, God. We have always had Him. He is always here. But the church… one
is thankful to God because we have always had those at the church here as if they were family. – Maia
Thanks to God first above all. Thanks to God for the pastor and the church. – Maia
In the next quote, Magali mentions the importance of finding safety in God and in
community. There is an interesting dynamic in recognizing safety in both an inner, spiritual
dimension and in a more public space such as the community. This perspective is congruent with
the church’s perspective of the importance of building community that can serve to enhance safety.
My sense of security is in God and in the community. Because they [the community] know you. The
people themselves know if someone is suspicious, if someone is asking about someone else, they will
tell you about it. So I believe first in God, and second in the community. – Magali
Magali’s words also point to the role of spirituality in establishing a sense of safety and a
belief in God as security.
As Carolyn Yoder and Olga Botcharova discuss, safety can also be found in being able to
resist the temptation to compromise one’s values. In a context of societal violence, one woman
talks about her family holding on to their values of non-violence.
In my house a grand miracle we have is the option of forgiveness and knowing that no man in our house
agrees to pick up a weapon. No one, no one… We do not agree with the army and we advise our boys
to not join the army that they shouldn’t pick up a weapon. – Lydia
Considering the suffering this family went through, this is a powerful testimony to non-violence,
grounding the family in their own convictions and opening them up to more creative responses to

Toews 14
violence. As an Anabaptist church, the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church promotes a faith perspective
that supports non-violence and is openly supportive of Lydia's position on this issue.
While finding safety through inner peace or spirituality has a powerful impact on people in
victimizing situations there is also a very practical need for people to think cognitively about their
situation and make wise decisions about their safety. The condition of continuous traumatic stress
(CTS) has recently received more attention and attempts to address the fact that many people are
in situations in which their trauma is current and/or realistically anticipated in the near future. One
of the more salient discussions in regards to CTS is that people in situations of continuous trauma
might exhibit similar symptoms to a patient with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but for
different reasons. For example someone with PTSD might experience hyper-arousal or paranoia in
their preoccupation with staying safe when they clearly are safe from anything that could harm
them. Someone experiencing CTS might have similar extreme reactions but their worries are based
on real evidence that their safety might be compromised at any moment. While these behaviors in
post-trauma life might prove to be harmful to one’s self and others over time, these same
behaviors can act as protective factors that can save someone’s life (Eagle & Kaminer, 2013).
In the context of forced displacement in Bogota there are countless examples of how
people think and behave to help guarantee their safety and that of their family. While in normal
life circumstances these reactions might seem extreme, for these people there is an obvious danger
that they are trying to avoid. Many of the interviewees talk about not feeling safe in most public
places such as in their neighborhood, in the streets or on a bus. Whenever they go out, they are
very vigilant to see who might be following them or might look suspicious. For all the interviewees,
multiple displacements are a result of taking measures to find safety. Some of the interviewees
had decided that making official reports to the government jeopardized their safety. Juan Pablo,
Maia and Pamela all asserted that after they had reported their displacement to the government,
they started receiving death threats which caused further displacements. While they might have
good reasons to believe that the government agencies are infiltrated with those working for armed
groups, they are also taking the risk of not being eligible for receiving assistance from either
government agencies or NGOs that often require official documentation (Sanchez Medina, 2010).
Another common practice is not giving out an official address to close family members who might
also receive threats by armed groups asking for the whereabouts of their targeted relative. Juan
Pablo discusses how he maintains his safety while trying to continue making a living selling
avocados as a street vendor, an occupation that requires him to be in public spaces.
I have a limit to my security that is ugly but as the saying goes, “amongst hurt and pain one finds a way
to live with the two.” I am never in just one neighborhood. I can tell you I am in Ciudad Bolivar but if
you come to Ciudad Bolivar you will never find me and nobody will tell where I am. Among a group of
street vendors we maintain a sense of prudence. No one knows anybody and nobody will tell anybody…
I work in at least four different neighborhoods. – Juan Pablo
Juan Pablo’s attitude and practice towards staying safe is both sad and necessary, but also
demonstrates an impressive and creative nature in his ability to network with street vendors that
he trusts to be able to continue working and find some normalcy in life.
Andres provides a description of his sense of safety for himself and his wife in the context
of continuous trauma.
…since we have arrived in Bogota there have been five attempts on my life. The last one was
particularly difficult because I was close to death. Since then I made the decision to leave for [another
town] and I very rarely go out. It is difficult because, at least here nothing bad has happened… but

Toews 15
because I don’t go out. I take care of myself. Every time I do go out it is difficult because they could kill
me on a bus… It’s difficult because during our displacement one year passed without any attempt on my
life. We began to build a house when they tried to take my life and we had to move and leave
everything. So this leaves us with less confidence… When things are calm we are always a little worried.
– Andres
Andres’ situation shows the interplay between a false sense of security and the stress of not
knowing when safety is real due to the prolonged nature of displacement. This dynamic becomes
more complicated because the heightened preoccupation with safety becomes both a life saving
quality and at the same time inhibits any steps towards healing that a survivor might hope to take.
The Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has played a very important role in helping individuals
and families find practical ways to live in safety despite the dangers they may face. In the case of
Andres and his wife the church gave them the opportunity to live and work at a church outreach
project in a neighboring city where they could live and work in the same building and therefore did
not need to be in public spaces very often. This proved to be very helpful for their safety as they
did not receive any threats during their time there. Additionally, they were able to connect with a
community and take on specific roles at the outreach project creating a sense of living life and not
just hiding. While this experience served its purpose well, Andres and his wife began to feel
claustrophobic and they did not feel that the situation was sustainable. Despite the positive impact
of the new community they were a part of, they could not leave the neighborhood and did not feel
like the life they were living was one of their choosing.
One of the responsibilities of the Justice and Peace Committee at the church is to be
attentive to the security situation of different people in the church. In the case of an emergency,
the committee is called on to provide assistance with some type of protection measure. The most
common measure of protection is providing a family with funds to move to another apartment
when necessary. Committee members are also available to talk with anyone who is not sure what
to do or uncertain about his or her situation. Simply the opportunity to discuss one's worries often
leads to the ability to think more strategically about a difficult situation.
By providing safety for people in situations of forced displacement, the church has played
an important part in helping people take a step towards healing. In addition to a sense of physical
safety at the church, feeling accepted into the church community allowed the interviewees to
develop a sense of emotional, spiritual and relational safety. While the situations of those in forced
displacement continue to be precarious and their safety is not necessarily stable, these
opportunities to find and experience safety increase the possibility of healing. Finding safety is the
first step away from a cycle of aggression and towards forgiveness and reconciliation. Healing also
presents the opportunity to contribute to the rebuilding of the social fabric of society. Those who
break free from the cycle of aggression and are motivated to work in their communities will be
contributors to a peacebuilding process.
Remembrance and Mourning/Acknowledgement
In healing, the category of remembrance and mourning, or acknowledgement, is an
opportunity for victims to recognize for themselves and be recognized by others what has
happened to them, and what it means to move forward in life. Judith Herman discusses the
importance of the victim’s ability to reconstruct the story while identifying both facts and emotions.
This reconstruction is a process of understanding physical and relational losses and how the events
changed the victim’s perspective of the world. Once held assumptions about the world are
replaced with a new understanding that incorporates the traumatic events. Mourning is a
significant aspect of this stage in healing but often also the most dreaded. Herman notes that

Toews 16
victims often fear grieving because they worry that the pain will be too great and they will not be
able to let go. Pride may inhibit a willingness to mourn and grieve losses, a process that the victim
might see as giving in to the aggressor. Herman challenges the victim to reframe the mourning
process as an act of courage, not humiliation, and an act of resistance, not submission to the
perpetrator’s will. Through mourning the victim can find inner strength and reclaim control over
his or her emotions and healing process (1992). Olga Botcharova also discusses the necessity of
feeling the pain in order to leave it behind. The act of crying and mourning losses is a way of saying
goodbye to the past and of beginning to separate from the pain (2002).
Carolyn Yoder and Olga Botcharova contend that the personal healing that happens in this
stage allow for the transformation of conflicting relationships. Once victims have had the
opportunity to be recognized and have regained a sense of dignity for their own experience, they
can begin to understand their enemies’ perspective. Why did they do what they did? Gaining an
understanding of these perspectives does not mean that the victim is justifying or agreeing with
what was done. Understanding the roots of a conflict can help re-humanize an enemy and open up
the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation (Yoder, 2005). In a process of building a sustainable
peace in Colombia, Bonnie Klassen identifies the need for social spaces where victims can tell their
stories. In a context where members of armed groups have often been victims themselves,
unhealed traumas permit victims to justify retribution that has fueled a cycle of violence for over
five decades. Through processes of mourning and truth-telling Colombia can as well enter into a
process of healing that allows for transformative relationships through forgiveness and
reconciliation (2008).
The experiences of the interviewees demonstrate that at the Teusaquillo Mennonite
Church they were able to tell their story and feel listened to. In the context of forced displacement,
some of the interviewees express their appreciation to be able to talk freely about their story.
Mikaela, for example identifies the importance of being listened to.
…it was wonderful the day I arrived here [at the church]… I could talk with liberty. This is what one
wants… the people want to be listened to. What everyone looks for is someone to listen to them
because they want to get out all that has oppressed them in their mind, in their body, in everything. –
Mikaela
Magali mentions the combination of God and being heard by a church member as being helpful.
First, God… I began to heal. It wasn’t (claps her hands) anything magical, but more like a process.
Second, the Mennonite church through [names a church member] on Wednesdays at two in the
afternoon… a space to vent (desahogar). …each person arrived, told their story, their pain, their
burdens... [name of church member] listened, analyzed… I believe this also served me well. - Magali
Pamela as well identifies the importance of being able to talk about her story and express her
emotions.
I have been able to express… my emotions that I have had, for example the loss of my brother.
…here [at the church] I have had the opportunity to [talk]… when I talked with [the pastor]… to express
myself, to explain everything because… never… before I hadn’t done this.
…it was nostalgic to remember my displacement, they killed my brother… and to remember this. But at
the same time I felt good because it was the first time I could talk about this with another person, and
talk about everything without being afraid… – Pamela.
The Teusaquillo Mennonite Church offers many diverse opportunities for people to tell
their story. Some choose to tell their story during a church service in front of the entire

Toews 17
congregation, some during an open discussion at Moment for Peace, a weekly gathering for Biblical
reflection and discussion around issues related to Colombia. In these cases victims might sense a
need to declare their story in public to break the silence that they have kept for so long. Others
choose more intimate spaces with one other person who is ready to intentionally listen and pray
with the victim. Often the interviewees mentioned specific people at the church who listened to
them. Sharing one’s story of trauma and victimization is often an emotional experience and can be
part of a mourning process. When asked about mourning their losses the interviewees had a
variety of answers that suggest an ongoing process. While all interviewees had been able to tell
their stories and share their emotions at the time of the interviews, some still struggled with the
pain and memories of those they lost. While at least one interviewee was able to have a funeral,
officially recognizing the loss of her four daughters most had not had this opportunity and did not
talk about the possibility of doing so. Below, a few interviewees share their thoughts when asked
what mourning means for them or if they had had the opportunity to mourn their losses.
For me to mourn is to accept what one has lost… to allow that the feelings of pain… get out. And this
happened, but it begins again… it is necessary to keep going, keep going, keep going. And take care in at
all times. – Teresa
I remember the first day I arrived at the church and I cried so much… I cried so much that day, because I
could talk with confidence [trust]. I could speak about all that I carried inside. And they listened to me.
– Mikaela
Before we couldn’t… and now, in this moment still, I remember my brother, my father, my house and
still it hurts. – Andres
Juan Pablo explains his experience with mourning.
Have you had the opportunity to mourn your losses?
Yes, to keep silent. …to hold on to the pain.
Can you explain?
When someone is in mourning for the person they lost one lives with the memory. There is always and
constantly in the mind a memory. Those that died in my family were older than me, my grandparents,
my uncles, my cousins. They see how one grows and one sees how they grew in their jobs, working.
One worked in agriculture and the other in carpentry. [Now] when one sees someone working, for
example in carpentry, it fills me with bitterness and pain… it hurts. Even if they aren’t in my blood
family but they are from my same region. And one manages for a long time… every weekend on
Sundays I always think of my family… because on the Caribbean coast on Sundays the entire family gets
together along with good friends. And [today] one looks around and doesn’t see anybody, there is a
pain that is always with you. – Juan Pablo
Pamela expresses the challenge of not being able to go through an official mourning process and
that the pain stays with her.
Well, for us, mourning, we haven’t been able to because my brother, not ever again, not the body or
anything was seen ever again… disappeared and everything. But in one’s thoughts, sometimes… the
first memories of my brother, and he was younger than I, one remembers, and one has a lot of nostalgia
and sadness. – Pamela

Toews 18
Others express the challenges they face in a process of mourning. In contrast to the fear of the
mourning process as described by Herman, in this instance the challenge to mourning is due to the
external context of ongoing threats and a generally untrustworthy environment.
One can’t do it [mourn]. Because… here one has to watch what one does, one can’t stop or be still. –
Teresa
…it isn’t easy to tell everything… because we are living in the same country and I wouldn’t tell this to you
because it could be that you are bad… - Lydia
These fears demonstrate a feeling of vulnerability and the importance of being safe during
a time of mourning, as trusting the wrong person could create new trauma. Andres’ reaction is
particularly interesting as he alludes to the idea of having to be in motion in order to stay safe but
the need to “be still” while in mourning. His type of safety does not permit him the vulnerability
needed during a time of mourning. Mikaela’s reference to “living in the same country” illuminates
her fear of simply being in Colombia as a liability in itself. Living in continuous danger presents a
challenge for the church in assisting people in mourning their losses, but it is important for the
church to continue to work towards safe opportunities to mourn as part of healing, for example, by
offering formal rituals of mourning. Many victims have lost loved ones and yet never held a funeral
because the body was never found or because they could not return to their home community.
Participation in a planned ritual or service could serve as a healing experience.
These story-telling opportunities have also been important for the interviewees in the
process of making sense of their lives in light of the trauma they have experienced. Judith Herman
asserts that it is therapeutic to reconstruct meaning and beliefs that incorporate the traumatic
event (1992). In the context of the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church, and as evidenced by the
interviews, meaning making revolves heavily around the Christian faith. A few interviewees came
to the Mennonite church already as practicing Christians with a strong sense of God being at the
center of their lives. Most of the interviewees were not religious or active church members before
coming to the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church. Their understanding of Christianity developed while
at the Mennonite church and their interviews indicate a strong belief in the Christian faith. The
process of reconstructing meaning in their lives after their trauma comes alongside and as a part of
their process of becoming practicing Christians.
Within a framework of Christianity and the dynamics of healing, the interviewees
demonstrate positive changes such as acceptance of the tragedies that have happened, increased
self-love, personal transformation and a strong desire to extend forgiveness to their aggressors.
The prevalence of God in many of the responses by the interviewees provokes additional questions
regarding how they approach the reconstruction of meaning and understanding in their lives. The
following three quotes demonstrate the strong presence of God.
…in this moment I give thanks to God. For me this is a big strength… to know God. And as well knowing
the church [Teusaquillo] gives me strength. And in the most difficult times… the love of life, the love of
knowing that we must construct our own lives. – Andres
God exists and He is the only one that knows what I have… I know that God will not let me die because
He knows my thoughts, and He knows where I walk. – Paula Andrea
Without God there is no program that is worthwhile. There isn’t any discussion that is worthwhile,
there isn’t anything. I believe the foundation is God because God transforms the life of each one of us. –
Magali

Toews 19
In the context of healing these excerpts show that God gives strength, safety and is the means for
personal transformation. Mikaela demonstrates a strong faith in God as she attempts to make
sense of her death of her two brothers.
It hit me hard when they killed my two brothers… Time passed and I cried a lot over their deaths. But
then one day several years later I said to myself, “But God, why am I crying so much? Why do I cry for
them? Perhaps they suffered their deaths because you… you wanted them at your side? Perhaps you
said you… needed them for a purpose.” So I understood and since then I began to say, no. I must thank
God because God wants them at His side. – Mikaela
When talking about understanding the trauma they had been through and their personal
journeys of healing and spirituality, many of the interviewees mentioned forgiveness of their
aggressors as a part of that journey. In the model Breaking the Cycles: The Journey to Healing and
Security, Carolyn Yoder puts forgiveness in the healing category of reconnection because
forgiveness is a dynamic in which the victim decides how they would like to relate to their
aggressor. At the same time, forgiveness involves intense introspection that can be both an
outcome of inner healing and can allow for continued inner healing. Olga Botcharova points out
that forgiveness relieves a victim of the desire to change the past and offers freedom from
victimhood. Forgiveness is a culmination of healing and is motivated by the victim’s personal need
to heal. Botcharova also articulates that true forgiveness is unconditional. Forgiveness does not
depend on the attitude or response of the aggressor but is a conviction that the victim has come to
through his or her own process of inner healing (Botcharova, 2002; Yoder, 2005). According to the
interviews, forgiveness for the interviewees is part of the process of inner-healing and of gaining a
new understanding and new meaning of their lives in light of the trauma and continued trauma
they experience. Most of the interviewees have not met their aggressors and do not know them as
particular people but rather as an armed group. Forgiveness at this point has not been a
mechanism for transforming conflicting relationships. It has the potential to lead to that but since
that type of victim/aggressor interaction has not occurred, forgiveness remains within the realm of
personal healing.
Another aspect of forgiveness the interviewees discussed is the role of God and the
Christian framework within which they decide to extend their forgiveness. As inner spirituality is a
valuable tool in the healing process, God plays a powerful part for some of the interviewees. Johan
Galtung explains how the concept of God can impact conflicting human relationships. While a
conflict between two people could be viewed as a situation between Self and Other, this
theological approach presents the idea of the conflict existing between Self and God, making the
perpetrator guilty before God, not just another person (2001). Extending this reasoning makes
forgiveness part of maintaining a loving relationship with God, not necessarily to transform a
relationship with the Other. This places forgiveness even closer to a process that is about personal
healing and not necessarily dependent on transforming relationships. Forgiveness can have a
powerful impact on the transformation of relationships but at its core, there is a strong emphasis
on its importance in the personal healing journey.
Many of the interviewees developed their understanding of faith at the Teusaquillo
Mennonite Church. While the interviews did not focus on personal faith journeys, many of the
interviewees indicated that forgiveness is an important part of their faith and for some a necessary
aspect of being a Christian. The church reflects a variety of personal interpretations of faith and
forgiveness, encouraging people in their own personal faith perspectives. Interviewees reported
feeling supported at the church in their own spiritual development that in turn has had an impact
on their healing process.

Toews 20
Andres reveals that his journey from wanting revenge to offering forgiveness centers
around God.
At one time I had a lot of rage. The moment when it happened I had a lot of rage. And I said, “I want
the opportunity to come that the same thing would happen to them that happened to my family.” But
when I came to know God I saw that He teaches us to love our enemies. I said, “Lord, help me learn to
forgive my enemies.” To have felt this hate that I had before, [now] I don’t feel it because it wasn’t
offering me anything. And little by little God began to change my thoughts and He showed me in my
mind that they are victims as well. So now I pray for them. – Andres
Through a transformation that did not involve personally getting to know those that killed
his brother and father, Andres came to see the perpetrators as victims themselves, and asked God
to help him to learn to forgive. Andres attributes his change in heart to God’s teachings of “loving
the enemy”. There is a clear acknowledgement that the hate he had before, “wasn’t offering [him]
anything,” as if Andres was looking for the chance to let the hate go and God offered him that
opportunity. As Botcharova points out, people are motivated to forgive by a personal need for
healing. Without forgiveness the weight of hate continues to burden the person and keep them
tied to a sense of victimhood. When a meaning system provides an outlet for that hate, the person
is drawn to that way of thinking so as to let that hate go.
Pamela offers another story of transformation from rage.
I will tell you the truth. Before I came to the church, I was filled with rage and a lot of hate because I
said to myself, “my father [was] in poverty his whole life, working to have a farm to live on, and these
people arrive and take it away. They come and kill my brother without him owing anything to anybody…
the only thing he had was being a campesino and a hard worker…” and so I felt a lot of rage and I said to
myself, “these people are going to have to pay some day for what they have done to my brother.” I felt
a lot of rage. But now, in this moment, knowing the church I tell you my thoughts have changed. I tell
you that I don’t feel rage towards them, nor anybody. God is great and powerful and He knows
everything that has happened to me and I say, “let God decide,” but I don’t feel rage or anything against
them. – Pamela
Pamela’s transformation does not mention forgiveness or having love for her enemies. At
most, she says she no longer has rage or any feelings against those that killed her brother. Rather
than telling us what she does feel, she puts the responsibility on God. By identifying the greatness
and powerfulness of God, Pamela does not have to worry about how to feel. While she does not
reach the point of being able to forgive the aggressors she is relieved of her hate which can provide
a sense of freedom and being able to move on with her life. Does her response contribute to a
process of healing or does it allow her to avoid facing her true feelings and thus inhibit a deeper
healing process?
Magali’s response is another example of someone finding a way to escape the pain of
bitterness.
We have learned through the Word that if someone doesn’t forgive, they will be the one that suffers.
Because the person that hurts another doesn’t even remember who was hurt, of so many [he/she] has
hurt. But one [the victim] is always bitter. They carry the burden for not forgiving… Because this person
[aggressor] for the many that he/she has hurt doesn’t even remember. In exchange [the victim] carries
twice the pain, twice the hurt, twice the sadness, twice of everything. And God says leave the burdens
for Him and He will take the revenge. When one learns to trust in God in this way… God… takes control
of everything. – Magali
Magali’s motivation to forgive and hand over her burdens to God is to no longer suffer the
bitterness. Trusting in God takes away the responsibility of having to deal with the pain. Magali

Toews 21
recognizes that her aggressors wouldn’t even know who she is. She is one of so many victims that
the aggressors wouldn’t even be able to identify her. The very people that had such a profound
and invasive impact on her life don’t even register her existence. For someone who is trying to heal
this can be particularly difficult because not even the aggressors can acknowledge what they have
done. Magali finds solace in the presence of God who can take away her bitter and vengeful
feelings. While this provides psychological relief the question again remains whether her response
contributes to a process of healing or if it allows her to avoid facing her true feelings and thus
inhibits a deeper healing process.
In these last three examples God plays a profound role in relieving the victims of their
pain of hate and bitterness. This also frees victims from needing to worry about what the aggressor
thinks of them. Victims can focus on their own lives without concern for their aggressors. Judith
Herman discusses a point in the healing process when victims can learn to focus on themselves,
reaching a place where they aren’t worried about what their aggressor thinks. Botcharova also
discusses the unconditional quality of forgiveness, that one gives forgiveness because one wants to
and regardless of whether the aggressor is asking for it or not. Botcharova describes a process of
being able to feel one’s pain in order to let it go and Herman discusses an aspect of finding dignity
in one’s story and courage to mourn the losses. There is a delicate dynamic between finding relief
from pain in order to move on in life and embracing the pain in order to fully mourn losses. Just as
victims might find a way to relieve themselves from the pain, they might also ask themselves if they
have fully mourned their losses and are truly ready to extend forgiveness to an aggressor that
might or might not be asking for it or even want it. The experiences of Andres, Pamela and Magali
demonstrate a variety of ways in which people navigate their feelings and reactions in a world
where they must continue to survive and in a context where ongoing violence might victimize them
once again.
The same stage called remembrance and mourning by Judith Herman is referred to as
Acknowledgment by Carolyn Yoder. Yoder emphasizes steps of acknowledgment that promote a
transformation of conflicting relationships. One of the steps is to understand the roots of the
conflict and why the aggressor acted so violently (2005). While all interviewees had their own
version as to why they had become direct victims of the armed conflict they all identified the
violence between armed groups, such as the guerrilla and the paramilitary, as factors. Some people
also identified the Colombian military as actors in the violence. In all cases they identified
themselves as innocent victims who have been caught in the middle.
…at one time the government… formed these paramilitary groups to combat the guerrilla. But they lost
control, because they began to kill innocent people. The paramilitary arrive… trample the civilians…
those that have land and farms. They kick them off, displaced, and they [the paramilitary] keep the
farm. Those that have repair shops, such as my dad, they began to ask for fees. So, they began to
humiliate the people. – Andres
…here in Colombia the conflict is divided between two [groups]: those on the right and the left. So, if in
this house a person arrives from a group on the right, tomorrow someone will arrive from the left, and
they will kill us just because they came by. They make us prepare food and some other favor, but they
do it flagrantly. They don’t do it for any personal interest, but just to cause more division… If you don’t
do it, they kill you. So you do this favor for the group and then come those from another group, and you
have problems with them as well. For this reason there is displacement, for the conflict between the
groups. So those that get caught in the middle are the campesinos and the civilians… those that run are
those that don’t have weapons and for this reason there is violence in Colombia from my point of view.
– Juan Pablo
They kick us off [our land] for oil, for gold, for copper [and] for water. The kick us off our land. So they
[the paramilitary] lie, saying that we are bad people so that they [can] kick us off. And so they killed

Toews 22
2000 people. They killed us, they killed them, and innocent people. People that didn’t have anything to
do with any of this. – Paula Andrea
These descriptions follow a similar narrative of armed groups in the country fighting with
each other making innocent farmers and civilians the victims who suffer forced displacement as
well as other persecutions. In all but two cases the interviewees had not met a particular person as
their aggressor but rather identified their aggressor as an armed group. In a process of
transforming relationships this can pose a challenge because unless there is a rigorous process of
finding the perpetrators to specific crimes, the victims will never know exactly who killed their
family members and who kicked them off their land and took their property. Analyses such as the
ones above recognize that those committing the crimes are not acting on their own but because of
the larger context of the armed conflict. Should these interviewees meet their perpetrator in
person, would they understand that the actions of that perpetrator were influenced by the larger
context and thus understand why he or she committed the act of violence? Andres admitted that
he came to an understanding that those that killed his brother and father were also victims of the
armed conflict. This demonstrates willingness on his part to see the larger context within which he
became a victim and attribute the actions of the perpetrator to that context. In a process of
reconciliation understanding the roots of a conflict can be a powerful tool to help transform
conflicting relationships. Rather than placing blame and anger on one person or a group of people,
there can be an understanding of how the conflicting parties involved have been a part of a cycle of
violence. For an innocent victim to arrive at such a conclusion is particularly powerful given the fact
that he does not hold any responsibility in a cycle of violence within which they were victimized.
As an Anabaptist church that promotes non-violent conflict transformation, the
Teusaquillo Mennonite Church is a place that supports critical thinking about the roots of conflict
and understanding the generalized victimization of a cycle of violence. Moment for Peace is a
weekly activity that combines both a biblical reflection and contextual themes related to the armed
conflict. While most interviewees mention this space as an important place to tell their own story
and connect with others, another purpose of the space is to raise awareness and promote
discussion and critical thinking about issues surrounding the armed conflict in Colombia. The ability
to view personal victimization in the larger context of the Colombian armed conflict is also
supported by the church community. Such an environment encourages recognition of the roots of
conflict and how the survivors’ victimization has been a part of a larger cycle of violence, which
plays a key role in the process of healing conflicting relationships and leading to potential
reconciliation.
The Teusaquillo Mennonite Church has been supportive in many aspects of the
remembrance and mourning process, including providing the opportunity and safety for displaced
victims to share their stories, encouraging mourning, and nurturing and developing faith
perspectives that promote forgiveness, all of which contribute to healing despite living in continued
danger.
Reconnection
Reconnection is a stage of healing in which the survivor re-establishes the relationships in
his or her life that affirm the existing identity while also creating a new identity that reflects the
survivor’s beliefs and understanding of the world following trauma. In this stage, the survivor
emerges from isolation and a sense of helplessness into a new connectedness and empowerment.
The survivor leaves victimhood behind by engaging with his or her fears with a new energy.
Reconnecting with others is a process of being able to identify situations that can be trusted and
feeling both autonomous and connected in the new relationships. Judith Herman states that within

Toews 23
this stage there can be a sense of resolution in the healing process while acknowledging that
recovery from trauma is never complete and that the impact of trauma can reappear at various
times throughout one’s life. Signs of resolution include the survivor’s ability to enjoy life and fully
engage in relationships, the survivor’s interest in the present and future rather than overwhelming
thoughts of the past, and a general approach to the world through praise and awe rather than fear
(Herman, 1992).
Carolyn Yoder’s approach to this stage of healing focuses on the conflicting relationships
that might have caused the original trauma. If these relationships are not dealt with there is the
strong possibility of continued violence and aggression between the victims and aggressors. In this
stage Yoder discusses the dynamic of the survivor recognizing his or her connection with the
aggressor through a shared history that brought them together and a shared future that will
continue to tie them together. Just as Yoder challenges the survivor to understand the conflict
from the aggressor’s point of view and understand the roots of the conflict in the previous stage of
acknowledgment, Yoder now challenges the survivor to take a risk in connecting with the aggressor
in hopes of forming a new relationship that can lead to forgiveness and reconciliation. While
forgiveness was discussed in the previous section as an element of inner healing for the victim,
Yoder places forgiveness as a process of reconnection emphasizing the potential that forgiveness
has in healing the conflicting relationships. Yoder is quick to acknowledge that forgiveness does not
mean forgetting the trauma or avoiding justice. Rather, forgiveness opens up the opportunity to
recognize the past while in search for alternative forms of justice that promote renewed
relationships of mutual interest. Reconciliation is not an event but a process that involves engaging
creative solutions to issues of restitution, truth-telling, justice and forgiveness (2005). These
processes of forgiveness and reconciliation allow peacebuilding activities such as peace
negotiations and social reconstruction to be more successful because of the collaborative efforts
that go into designing and executing such activities. These collaborative efforts are made possible
by the healing processes that bring conflicting parties together to work through, what Barry Hart
identifies as the “intangible” factors of conflict (2008).
For those in forced displacement at the Teusaquillo Mennonite Church, reconnection is
characterized by connecting with a new community at the church and in Bogota. Many of those
displaced have not been able to return to their original communities either because of the violence
that continues in the region or because those communities have changed. While some of the
interviewees have been able to reconnect with family, they have had to find new communities in
Bogota with whom they can create a supportive social network. All interviewees report the church
has served this purpose to some degree. Within the church context many of the interviewees
describe a very exciting movement from isolation to connectedness.
…when I arrived here [Moment for Peace] …one feels as if one isn’t alone, as if you and your situation
matter to other people. – Teresa
Teresa also had this to say about a number of individuals who had provided support at the church:
…one feels that they are sharing with someone close, that they also are worried about one’s situation.
…this is something very comforting… very comforting. …one doesn’t feel alone. – Teresa
Mikaela and Pamela express the impact in their lives of being able to connect with the church
community.
I arrived at the church and I began to heal my heart first. Then I began to heal my mind. I began to
come, changing my mind and I said, “Not all is bad because I am alive, because I am telling my story to
other people. Other people are getting to know me.” – Mikaela

Toews 24
We arrived [at the church] and everyone was so kind as if they already knew us. One could see this
love… and care… they took care of us very well… - Pamela
I spoke with the pastor. I asked him who I could speak to and he told me I could speak with him. And he
told me I should continue coming to the church and that here is a faith community… and we came alone
without anything, and there was support… as if it was my family. Since then I always came. – Pamela
Juan Pablo also has a descriptive explanation that demonstrates the importance the church
community for him in “orienting” himself after the tragedy of displacement.
…when one comes displaced one comes with the thought… you don’t know where north is from south.
…more than anything… the orientation (ubicación). Here in the church I learned to orient myself as a
person… to know that we are children of God, that we must work, we must live with dignity… -Juan
Pablo
Later in the interview Juan Pablo again uses the metaphor of directions.
The support from the others… helps you assemble a puzzle… because a person from a small town comes
to the city and he doesn’t know which is north or south… but someone comes here [the church] and
people tell you… this and this… and this pushes one to keep going forward. – Juan Pablo
Andres’ experience also demonstrates the importance of the church in connecting with a
community and finding a new identity through his increased involvement in the church. Herman
discusses the importance of people feeling empowered to be the person they want to be in a
process of reconciling how their life has been with how it can become (1992). Here are a few
excerpts from Andres’ interview:
When I arrived at the church I didn’t know anything about God, nor the Bible. I began… with a thirst. So
they began to offer spaces of learning, such as discipleship class. They taught me to open the Bible.
They taught me to know what the Bible is saying. They taught me how to know God. But in a very
practical way with the people. And they began to send me to seminary classes. It was a very beautiful
process. …I felt… like I could begin to assemble the puzzle in our life.
My thoughts were, “I am a problem for society; I am another burden for people”. But no, the church…
began to rebuild me. They would say, “You are important. For our church, you are important.” With a
phrase and with a hug they said, “In this moment you have a dream.” Before we attended a church I had
two suicide attempts. So it was like… to lose the will to live. And so they [the church] began to show me
another way to live. With enthusiasm they would say, “You can do these things. Look, you are
intelligent. You have a lot of talents.” But this was step by step, little by little. It required a lot of
patience on our part.
At this time there were a group of people that cooked. So… my wife motivated me. I heard there were
volunteers for the kitchen. I said, “Well, I don’t know how to cook but I want to be… I want to feel… that
my hands and the hands of my wife can help to serve others. So we got involved for awhile on
Wednesdays helping to cook soup and other food.
Andres shows a clear progression of connecting with the church community. After having
lost his brother and his father at the hands of an armed group he came to the church bitter and sad.
As soon as he felt welcomed into the church he began to take any opportunity to get involved.
Andres found a way to grow personally in the church through discipleship and seminary classes. He
formed an identity with the church through his own training and volunteer work at the church. In
the process of healing, this type of identity formation and connection with a welcoming community
has a powerful impact in allowing the person to reengage in life after a time of sorrow.

Toews 25
Mikaela also shows intensity in affirming her own identity as a woman and a mother,
empowered through her calling to guarantee a better life for her children. Just as Andres found an
identity within the church that empowered him to engage life, Mikaela also rediscovers identities
that she can be proud of to move her forward in life.
Displacement does not mean that you must abandon yourself… or feel less for being a woman. On the
contrary. As women we must be more valiant… to take our children forward. Be it with a man at our
side or alone but one can. One must heal their heart and must heal their spirit. - Mikaela
We must think that if we have children… we are not alone. We have children to take forward. So we
must think always about moving forward, not backwards. That is, we can’t return to time that has past,
the time we suffered, the time that, no… life will embitter us. No. On the contrary. - Mikaela
In addition to being a mother, Mikaela also finds a sense of mission in being able to show the world
the horrors of forced displacement and work with others who have been forcibly displaced. The
very identity that has disenfranchised her is now something that can empower her to reconnect
with and reengage the world.
I started each day, moving forward, moving forward, and I said, “I want to do something that shows… to
the world that displacement is bad…”
…but if God gave me life, that they didn’t kill me on the farm, it was for this. That I would come and
help now here in my community, my displaced people, so that I could help them.
…I said to the Lord, “Show me so that I will not be mistaken about the themes that I must talk about,
that I must… protect my people.”
For some survivors Herman identifies the importance of a “survivor mission”, for example getting
involved in a political or social movement to work to change the system that permitted the
survivor’s victimization (1992). For Mikaela, a sense of “mission” was found in being a strong
mother for her children and working with others in situations of forced displacement.
While recovery from trauma is never fully complete, Herman discusses the possibility of
survivors reaching a point of resolution when they can enjoy life without the trauma feeling
overwhelming. Survivors are excited about present life and future possibilities and in general do
not allow their fears to keep them from engaging the world (1992). Both Andres and Mikaela
exhibit this type of energy that allows them to move forward. Other interviewees reached a similar
point of resolution in their healing processes. Magali and Lydia talk about how her involvement
with the church has allowed for such a resolution.
…[church involvement] has allowed me to grow spiritually. It has given me the opportunity to grow
personally. Now my problems don’t bury me. Now I don’t see them as so gigantic… I begin to see them
through the eyes of others and I am thankful to God for what I have. So, I am growing. – Magali
Days pass and I don’t think of anything bad, nor do I remember the things that hurt or if I do remember
it doesn’t hurt as much in my heart. So this seems to me very important, very good. …it has been
healing to have the accompaniment of this [church] community. – Lydia
Mikaela and Lydia express a conviction for moving forward. For Mikaela, her faith in God is a
central force. She feels grateful for being alive and must take advantage of the opportunities she
now has.
I say now, every time I get up out of bed I give thanks to God because He is giving me another
opportunity to see the wonders that God created. …[God] is giving me a new life, a new beginning. For

Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement

Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (18)

Viewers also liked

Viewers also liked (20)

Similar to Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement

Similar to Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement (20)

Trauma healing and the Mennonite church in the midst of forced displacement