Every Relationship, Every Connection with others has its ups and downs

1. Jean Noel Macaque

2. Every Relationship
Every Connection with others has its ups
and downs

4. Changes in our relationship will
impact what we want and need from
the relationship
Change is inevitable in life

5. Disagreements in a relationship are not
only normal
It brings fear, anxiety, sadness, tension,
anger , irritation, fight, violence
Emotional Impact brings Depression
and Trauma

7. Relationship trauma is
the kind of emotional
and psychological
trauma that occurs
within the context of
relationships

8. Relationships tend also to be where the effects of
relationship trauma reemerge
Ways in which they reemerge are in being easily
triggered, bringing old patterns into new
relationships (reenactment patterns)
Transferences in the family onto partners and
children
Transferences onto friends

9. We have many difficulties in our relationship to
regulate strong feelings such as fear, hostility,
anger, rage, anxiety, sadness

10. When we feel we can’t do nothing to change the
situation we’re in
We form a pattern of helplessness, weakness,
defenselessness
We give up

11. When our relationships became unreliable
We experience a loss of trust and faith in
relationships and in life’s ability to repair and
renew itself

12. When we are hyper vigilant we carry a level of
Anxiety
We scan our environment and relationships for
signs of potential danger
We became easily triggered and hyper-reactive
with others

13. The limbic system regulates mood
When we are deregulated in our emotional
system we may have trouble regulating feelings
such as anger, sadness and fear, all of which may
contribute to depression

14. When our family unit is spinning out of control,
we will tell ourselves whatever is necessary to
allow ourselves to stay connected
This kind of reasoning can be immature and
distorted
It also produces core beliefs about life and
relationships upon which we build more
distorted reasoning and that we live out
throughout our lives

15. The freezing response of our emotional
restriction leads us to a loss of ability to take in
caring and support from others
Additionally, as mistrust grows, so does our
willingness to accept love and support

16. We engaged in chronic high risk behaviors by
trying to do a couple of things, to stimulating a
rush of feel good and to alter the mood
Some examples of high risk behaviors Speeding,
sexual acting out, spending, fighting,
drugging…..

17. When we have an unhealthy family system
We can experience a survivor’s guilt

18. When we are consistently being wounded
emotionally and are not able to address it openly
and honestly, we develop mechanical defenses to
manage our fear and pain
Dissociation, denial, splitting,
repression, minimization,
intellectualization, projection are
some examples

19. Traumatic bonds in relationship between parent
and child, couples, friends may be left to care for
each other
To love each other

20. Addictions
A sort of self-administered medication
Drugs and alcohol, for the trauma survivor, can
provide a way to quiet the mind and the body, to
control a turbulent, troubled inner world

21. The reenactment dynamic is one of the core
features of how trauma from one generation gets
passed down through subsequent generations
We tend to recreate those
circumstances in our lives that feel
unresolved and unconscious

22. Relationship involve
ongoing effort
and compromise