Dr. Silverman outlines 8 points on the impact of divorce on children, including that open hostility between parents is disturbing for children, custody arrangements must consider the child's age and development, and introducing step-parents can cause loyalty conflicts. Living in two homes can interfere with friendships and organization, while the absence of a parent may cause a sense of loss similar to bereavement. The greatest risk factors are paternal absence and poverty, though divorce may improve father-child relationships if the father was absent beforehand. Ultimately, the greatest risk is parental discord and hostility, whether divorce occurs or not, as this can disrupt children's development through anger, loss of self-esteem, and difficulty managing emotions.

1. Discussion
CORINNE MASUR, PSY.D.
PSYCHOANALYTIC CENTER OF PHILADELPHIA, PHILADELPHIA, PA
FACULTY MEMBER

2. “One Big Happy Family”

3. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
1. Open hostility between divorcing and divorced parents is disturbing to
children- both young and adult- whether they are conscious of it or not.
2. Children may blame themselves for the hostility between their parents
and the eventual separation and divorce, including the departure of the
parent who leaves the home.
3. If a parent leaves and does not maintain contact with the child, the child's
response may be akin to that of a child whose parent has died.

4. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
4. Custody arrangements are important and must be made according to the
age and stage of development of the child. Young children may be
especially adversely affected by multiple changes in location each week.
5. Children may blame the custodial parent for everything and take out the
anger he or she has on that parent, even though it belongs to the parent
who has left.
6. Living in two houses may interfere with children’s friendships, their
ability to stay organized, and their feeling of having a true home.

5. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
7. Children living with the opposite sex parent may feel themselves to be the
oedipal victor, and may suffer the consequences of their own guilt
regarding this victory.
8. The introduction of step-parents may cause temporary or insoluble loyalty
conflicts within the child.

6. A Change in Title
“Divorce is not good
for children and
other living things”
“Hostility between
parents is not good for
children and other living
things”

7. Children from Divorced vs. Non-
Divorced Families
Two years post-divorce, 75% of children look
identical to their peers from non-divorced
families
(Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)

8. Greatest Risk Factors for Children
Experiencing Divorce
Father’s absence
Poverty
(Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)

9. Exceptions to the Rule
If the father was psychologically absent prior to the divorce,
his absence has little effect (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
Separation/divorce will sometimes result in an
improvement in the relationship between father and child,
as the father takes more responsibility for his relationship
with the child than he previously did

10. My Thesis
The greatest risk factor—whether divorce
occurs or not—is parental discord and hostility

11. Marriage is a Dynamic Container
The container may be more or less containing depending on
The personality make-up of each partner
The compatibility of the partners
Psychopathology within one or both partners
The willingness of each partner to contain hostile/aggressive
feelings
Internal/external stressors
(Piemont, 2009)

12. To Manage and Absorb…Or Not
Healthy development in children depends on parental
ability to manage their own hostile aggression
(Winnicott/Piemont, 2009)
Failure of the marital relationship to absorb libidinal
energies of each parent leaves the child vulnerable to
parental projection onto the child

13. Hostility Between Parents: The
Multifarious Effects on Children
Disruption in identificatory processes
Fear/pain
Difficulty containing hostility/aggression
Constriction/passivity

14. Hostility Between Parents: The
Multifarious Effects on Children
Anger
Toward
The
parents
The parent
who has
left the
home
The
custodial
parent
The new
partner(s)
The self
 Loyalty conflicts
 Loss of self-esteem
 Perception of self as
damaged, worthless, or
unlovable

15. A Look at Iceland

16. A Look at Iceland

17. A Look at Iceland

18. A Look at Iceland

19. A Look at Iceland

20. A Look at Iceland

21. A Look at Iceland

22. A Look at Iceland

23. A Look at Iceland

24. A Look at Iceland

25. A Take-Away Message
Cooperative co-parenting in
both divorced and non-
divorced families is a major
protective factor for
developing children