3. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
1. Open hostility between divorcing and divorced parents is disturbing to
children- both young and adult- whether they are conscious of it or not.
2. Children may blame themselves for the hostility between their parents
and the eventual separation and divorce, including the departure of the
parent who leaves the home.
3. If a parent leaves and does not maintain contact with the child, the child's
response may be akin to that of a child whose parent has died.
4. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
4. Custody arrangements are important and must be made according to the
age and stage of development of the child. Young children may be
especially adversely affected by multiple changes in location each week.
5. Children may blame the custodial parent for everything and take out the
anger he or she has on that parent, even though it belongs to the parent
who has left.
6. Living in two houses may interfere with children’s friendships, their
ability to stay organized, and their feeling of having a true home.
5. Dr. Silverman's 8 Points: Impact On
Children of Loss Through Divorce
7. Children living with the opposite sex parent may feel themselves to be the
oedipal victor, and may suffer the consequences of their own guilt
regarding this victory.
8. The introduction of step-parents may cause temporary or insoluble loyalty
conflicts within the child.
6. A Change in Title
“Divorce is not good
for children and
other living things”
“Hostility between
parents is not good for
children and other living
things”
7. Children from Divorced vs. Non-
Divorced Families
Two years post-divorce, 75% of children look
identical to their peers from non-divorced
families
(Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
8. Greatest Risk Factors for Children
Experiencing Divorce
Father’s absence
Poverty
(Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
9. Exceptions to the Rule
If the father was psychologically absent prior to the divorce,
his absence has little effect (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
Separation/divorce will sometimes result in an
improvement in the relationship between father and child,
as the father takes more responsibility for his relationship
with the child than he previously did
10. My Thesis
The greatest risk factor—whether divorce
occurs or not—is parental discord and hostility
11. Marriage is a Dynamic Container
The container may be more or less containing depending on
The personality make-up of each partner
The compatibility of the partners
Psychopathology within one or both partners
The willingness of each partner to contain hostile/aggressive
feelings
Internal/external stressors
(Piemont, 2009)
12. To Manage and Absorb…Or Not
Healthy development in children depends on parental
ability to manage their own hostile aggression
(Winnicott/Piemont, 2009)
Failure of the marital relationship to absorb libidinal
energies of each parent leaves the child vulnerable to
parental projection onto the child
13. Hostility Between Parents: The
Multifarious Effects on Children
Disruption in identificatory processes
Fear/pain
Difficulty containing hostility/aggression
Constriction/passivity
14. Hostility Between Parents: The
Multifarious Effects on Children
Anger
Toward
The
parents
The parent
who has
left the
home
The
custodial
parent
The new
partner(s)
The self
Loyalty conflicts
Loss of self-esteem
Perception of self as
damaged, worthless, or
unlovable
