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Our Biblical Text 1 Corinthians 7:3 (KJV) 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  1 Corinthians 7:3 (NLT) 3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
Our Biblical Text: I Corinthians 7:4 (KJV) 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  (HCSB) 4 A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does.  (NLT) 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Proverbs 5 (NLV) 15Drink from your own well, my son—be faithful and true to your wife. 16Why should you beget children with women of the street? 17Why share your children with those outside your home? 18Be happy, yes, rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19Let her breasts and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight. 20Why delight yourself with prostitutes, embracing what isn’t yours? 21For God is closely watching you, and he weighs carefully everything you do.
Why Talk About Sex In Church Francis A. Schaeffer said in 1970, “The church today should be getting ready and talking about issues of tomorrow and not about issues of 20 and 30 years ago, because the church is going to be squeezed in a wringer. If we found it tough in these last few years, what are we going to do when we are faced with the real changes that are ahead?” ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
What Modernism has Produced Modernism has produced major changes in the way most Americans think about sexual morality, and these include the following: There has been a shift from thinking sex should fit moral standards, to thinking moral standards should fit sex. There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality depends on something greater than sex, to thinking sexual morality depends on nothing but sex.
What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality is beyond individual choice, to thinking sexual morality all depends on individual choice. There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality is the same for all regardless of how anyone feels, to thinking sexual morality is dif­ferent for each person depending on how each person feels.
What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual standards never change, to thinking sexual standards change all the time. There has been a shift from thinking sexual standards are public and sexual behavior ought to be private, to thinking sexual standards are private and sexual behavior is public.
What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual discipline is a moral solution, to thinking sexual discipline is a moral problem. There has been a shift from thinking desires for sex should never be trusted, to thinking desires for sex should never be questioned.
What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sex involves interconnecting dimensions (emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual) that cannot be separated, to thinking sex can be limited to one dimen­sion without affecting other dimensions. There has been a shift from thinking sex is something personal that necessarily creates a relationship, to thinking sex is nothing personal and therefore has nothing necessarily to do with relationships.
What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking marriage is necessary for sex, to thinking sex is necessary for marriage. There has been a shift from thinking sex is a privilege reserved for people committed to certain goals, to thinking everyone is entitled to sex unrelated to commitment or goals.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  Dr. Daniel R. Heimbach, writes 	“Since the 1990’s sexual attitudes in the culture has been moving past the modernism into a new, postmodern direction. The main difference is that, while modernism denied spiritual life, postmodernism affirms it. And nowhere more strongly that in relation to sex. But the sort of spirituality affirmed is pagan not Christian.”
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from theologies of sex, to sexual theologies. In other words, there is a shift from addressing sex in terms of Christian Faith and Doctrine, to addressing Christian faith and doctrine in terms of sex. There is a shift from thinking sexual passion is best experienced by satisfying God, to thinking God is best experienced by satisfying Sexual passion. In other words, there is shift from thinking a relationship with God affects sex, to thinking a relationship with God is experienced through Sex
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from making sure that sexual experience is consistent with the character of God, to making sure that the character of God is consistent with sexual experience. In other words, there is a shift from measuring sex by God, to measuring God by sex. There is a shift from restricting sexual behavior to keep sex holy, to releasing sexual experience because nothing ever makes sex unholy. In other words there is a shift from thinking that sex is easily corrupted, to thinking sex is impossible to corrupt.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from thinking salvation frees sinners from what the bible calls sexual sin, to thinking salvation frees men and women to indulge in what the Bible calls sexual sin. In other words, there is a shift from thinking salvation overcomes bondage to sexual immorality, to thinking salvation overcomes the fear that sex is ever immoral.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from interpreting sex according to the Bible, to interpreting the Bible according to sex. In other words, there is a shift from applying scripture to interpreting sex and toward applying sex to interpreting scripture. There is a shift from viewing sexual sin as indulging of desires that alienates a person from God, to viewing sexual sin as denying of desires that alienates a person from self. In other words, there is a shift from fear of opposing God, to fear of opposing self.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from thinking sexual desires need to be disciplined because human nature is fallen, to thinking sexual desires should be unrestrained because there is nothing wrong with human nature. In other words, there is a shift from perfecting human nature by denying the flesh, to perfecting human nature by indulging the flesh.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from viewing the church as a community of people who submit to God and give up trying to justify themselves, to viewing the church as community  of people who submit to no one and justify themselves by affirming sexual desires. In other words, there is a shift from thinking the church consists of repentant sinners, to thinking the church consists of people who deny have any sin for which they must repent.
What Post-Modernism has Produced  There is a shift from sex being part of living life for God, to God being part of living life for sex.  In other words, there is a shift from sexual life being spiritual, to spiritual life being sexual. There is a shift from the rule of God, to God being part of living life for sex. In other words, there is a shift from sexual life being spiritual, to spiritual life being sexual. There is a shift form worshipping a God who became flesh, to worshiping flesh that becomes God. In other words, there is a shift from worshiping God out of gratitude for sex, to worshiping God as sex.
The Two Paradigms in Summary VH1 Video Special Report  U-tube Video
Dr. Daniel R. Heimbach “Sexual morality is the most important moral-spiritual issue of our time because it is the pivot on which the foundations of American culture as a whole are being turned from genuine moral-spiritual truth to the complete reverse. And because the future of social and religious life in America, and perhaps even the survival of America herself, is at stake, powerful forces are battling in opposite directions—one using sexual revolution to shift American cultural foundations in a pagan direction, and one resisting sexual revolution to keep the order we have from crumbling.”
Unpacking The five sex needs of men and women
Men and Women: Different Studies show that men think about sex 7 times an hour or 60 times a day Women thoughts about sex is far less per day. Men are quickly aroused Women may take up to 30 min.
Top Five Sexual Needs Top Five Sexual Need: Women Affirmation 65% Connection Non-Sexual Touch Spiritual Intimacy Romance Top Five Sexual Need: Men Mutual Satisfaction 67% & 90% of self image Connection Responsiveness Initiation Affirmation The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women , Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg
Connection: Men
Responsiveness When you openly tell your husband what you desire and what feels good, you instantly put yourself into an active role as opposed to a responsive one. Verbal feedback is crucial to your pleasure. It helps to develop your own sexual language. You should try to find a new way to let your husband know what feels great in a way that's comfortable for you. It might be words, it might be moans, but figure out how to let him know you're loving every minute of it or at least which minutes you're loving.
Initiation: Men If your husband is always the one to start things up, eventually he'll wonder, 'Why doesn't she ever initiate lovemaking? Doesn't she want me anymore? A man wants nothing more than to know he's sexually desirable to you that you want him like crazy. Guys chronically complain that they always have to initiate sex. When you take the lead, you're explicitly telling him that you love to spend time with him - it immediately eliminates the guesswork for your guy. What's more, when you approach him, you're in the driver's seat. Too many women let men call the sexual shots between the sheets. Being the initiator gives you an opportunity to set the tone and the pace.
Leviticus 18: 1-5 (HCSB) 1 The Lord spoke to Moses: 2 “Speak to the Israelites and tell them: I am the Lord your God. 3 Do not follow the practices of the land of Egypt, where you used to live, or follow the practices of the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. You must not follow their customs. 4 You are to practice My ordinances and you are to keep My statutes by following them; I am the Lord your God. 5 Keep My statutes and ordinances; a person will live if he does them. I am the Lord.
Biblical Sexual No’s 6 "never have sexual intercourse with anyone related to you by blood. I am the LORD. 7 "Never have sexual intercourse with your mother. She is your own mother. Never have sexual intercourse with her. 8 "Never have sexual intercourse with your stepmother. She is related to you through your father. 9 "Never have sexual intercourse with your stepsister, whether she is your father's daughter or your mother's daughter. It makes no difference whether or not she was born in your house.
Biblical Sexual No’s 10 "Never have sexual intercourse with your granddaughter, whether she is your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter, because she is related to you. 11 "Never have sexual intercourse with a daughter of your father and his wife. She is your own sister.  12 "Never have sexual intercourse with your father's sister. She is your paternal aunt. 13 "Never have sexual intercourse with your mother's sister. She is your maternal aunt.  14 "Never have sexual intercourse with the wife of your father's brother. She, too, is your aunt.
Biblical Sexual No’s 14 "Never have sexual intercourse with the wife of your father's brother. She, too, is your aunt.  15 "Never have sexual intercourse with your daughter-in-law. She is your son's wife. Never have sexual intercourse with her. 16 "Never have sexual intercourse with your sister-in-law. She is your brother's wife.  17 "Never have sexual intercourse with a woman and her daughter or a woman and her granddaughter. They are related. Doing this is perverted.  18 "While your wife is living, never marry her sister as a rival wife and have sexual intercourse with her.
Biblical Sexual No’s 20 "Never have sexual intercourse with your neighbor's wife and become unclean with her. 22 "Never have sexual intercourse with a man as with a woman. It is disgusting.  23 "Never have sexual intercourse with any animal and become unclean with it. A woman must never offer herself to an animal for sexual intercourse. It is unnatural. "
Sexual Affirmation: Men Men have insecurities too. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives means everything! So, be explicit in letting your husband know what you enjoy. Men, love those kind of directions. It's affirming for a man to know that you think he's a great lover. When men receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
Session Three Great Sex
Session Three Great Sex

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Session Three Great Sex

  • 1.
  • 2. Our Biblical Text 1 Corinthians 7:3 (KJV) 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3 (NLT) 3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
  • 3. Our Biblical Text: I Corinthians 7:4 (KJV) 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (HCSB) 4 A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. (NLT) 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
  • 4. Proverbs 5 (NLV) 15Drink from your own well, my son—be faithful and true to your wife. 16Why should you beget children with women of the street? 17Why share your children with those outside your home? 18Be happy, yes, rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19Let her breasts and tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight. 20Why delight yourself with prostitutes, embracing what isn’t yours? 21For God is closely watching you, and he weighs carefully everything you do.
  • 5.
  • 6. What Modernism has Produced Modernism has produced major changes in the way most Americans think about sexual morality, and these include the following: There has been a shift from thinking sex should fit moral standards, to thinking moral standards should fit sex. There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality depends on something greater than sex, to thinking sexual morality depends on nothing but sex.
  • 7. What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality is beyond individual choice, to thinking sexual morality all depends on individual choice. There has been a shift from thinking sexual morality is the same for all regardless of how anyone feels, to thinking sexual morality is dif­ferent for each person depending on how each person feels.
  • 8. What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual standards never change, to thinking sexual standards change all the time. There has been a shift from thinking sexual standards are public and sexual behavior ought to be private, to thinking sexual standards are private and sexual behavior is public.
  • 9. What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sexual discipline is a moral solution, to thinking sexual discipline is a moral problem. There has been a shift from thinking desires for sex should never be trusted, to thinking desires for sex should never be questioned.
  • 10. What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking sex involves interconnecting dimensions (emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual) that cannot be separated, to thinking sex can be limited to one dimen­sion without affecting other dimensions. There has been a shift from thinking sex is something personal that necessarily creates a relationship, to thinking sex is nothing personal and therefore has nothing necessarily to do with relationships.
  • 11. What Modernism has Produced There has been a shift from thinking marriage is necessary for sex, to thinking sex is necessary for marriage. There has been a shift from thinking sex is a privilege reserved for people committed to certain goals, to thinking everyone is entitled to sex unrelated to commitment or goals.
  • 12. What Post-Modernism has Produced Dr. Daniel R. Heimbach, writes “Since the 1990’s sexual attitudes in the culture has been moving past the modernism into a new, postmodern direction. The main difference is that, while modernism denied spiritual life, postmodernism affirms it. And nowhere more strongly that in relation to sex. But the sort of spirituality affirmed is pagan not Christian.”
  • 13. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from theologies of sex, to sexual theologies. In other words, there is a shift from addressing sex in terms of Christian Faith and Doctrine, to addressing Christian faith and doctrine in terms of sex. There is a shift from thinking sexual passion is best experienced by satisfying God, to thinking God is best experienced by satisfying Sexual passion. In other words, there is shift from thinking a relationship with God affects sex, to thinking a relationship with God is experienced through Sex
  • 14. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from making sure that sexual experience is consistent with the character of God, to making sure that the character of God is consistent with sexual experience. In other words, there is a shift from measuring sex by God, to measuring God by sex. There is a shift from restricting sexual behavior to keep sex holy, to releasing sexual experience because nothing ever makes sex unholy. In other words there is a shift from thinking that sex is easily corrupted, to thinking sex is impossible to corrupt.
  • 15. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from thinking salvation frees sinners from what the bible calls sexual sin, to thinking salvation frees men and women to indulge in what the Bible calls sexual sin. In other words, there is a shift from thinking salvation overcomes bondage to sexual immorality, to thinking salvation overcomes the fear that sex is ever immoral.
  • 16. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from interpreting sex according to the Bible, to interpreting the Bible according to sex. In other words, there is a shift from applying scripture to interpreting sex and toward applying sex to interpreting scripture. There is a shift from viewing sexual sin as indulging of desires that alienates a person from God, to viewing sexual sin as denying of desires that alienates a person from self. In other words, there is a shift from fear of opposing God, to fear of opposing self.
  • 17. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from thinking sexual desires need to be disciplined because human nature is fallen, to thinking sexual desires should be unrestrained because there is nothing wrong with human nature. In other words, there is a shift from perfecting human nature by denying the flesh, to perfecting human nature by indulging the flesh.
  • 18. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from viewing the church as a community of people who submit to God and give up trying to justify themselves, to viewing the church as community of people who submit to no one and justify themselves by affirming sexual desires. In other words, there is a shift from thinking the church consists of repentant sinners, to thinking the church consists of people who deny have any sin for which they must repent.
  • 19. What Post-Modernism has Produced There is a shift from sex being part of living life for God, to God being part of living life for sex. In other words, there is a shift from sexual life being spiritual, to spiritual life being sexual. There is a shift from the rule of God, to God being part of living life for sex. In other words, there is a shift from sexual life being spiritual, to spiritual life being sexual. There is a shift form worshipping a God who became flesh, to worshiping flesh that becomes God. In other words, there is a shift from worshiping God out of gratitude for sex, to worshiping God as sex.
  • 20. The Two Paradigms in Summary VH1 Video Special Report U-tube Video
  • 21. Dr. Daniel R. Heimbach “Sexual morality is the most important moral-spiritual issue of our time because it is the pivot on which the foundations of American culture as a whole are being turned from genuine moral-spiritual truth to the complete reverse. And because the future of social and religious life in America, and perhaps even the survival of America herself, is at stake, powerful forces are battling in opposite directions—one using sexual revolution to shift American cultural foundations in a pagan direction, and one resisting sexual revolution to keep the order we have from crumbling.”
  • 22. Unpacking The five sex needs of men and women
  • 23. Men and Women: Different Studies show that men think about sex 7 times an hour or 60 times a day Women thoughts about sex is far less per day. Men are quickly aroused Women may take up to 30 min.
  • 24. Top Five Sexual Needs Top Five Sexual Need: Women Affirmation 65% Connection Non-Sexual Touch Spiritual Intimacy Romance Top Five Sexual Need: Men Mutual Satisfaction 67% & 90% of self image Connection Responsiveness Initiation Affirmation The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women , Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg
  • 26. Responsiveness When you openly tell your husband what you desire and what feels good, you instantly put yourself into an active role as opposed to a responsive one. Verbal feedback is crucial to your pleasure. It helps to develop your own sexual language. You should try to find a new way to let your husband know what feels great in a way that's comfortable for you. It might be words, it might be moans, but figure out how to let him know you're loving every minute of it or at least which minutes you're loving.
  • 27. Initiation: Men If your husband is always the one to start things up, eventually he'll wonder, 'Why doesn't she ever initiate lovemaking? Doesn't she want me anymore? A man wants nothing more than to know he's sexually desirable to you that you want him like crazy. Guys chronically complain that they always have to initiate sex. When you take the lead, you're explicitly telling him that you love to spend time with him - it immediately eliminates the guesswork for your guy. What's more, when you approach him, you're in the driver's seat. Too many women let men call the sexual shots between the sheets. Being the initiator gives you an opportunity to set the tone and the pace.
  • 28. Leviticus 18: 1-5 (HCSB) 1 The Lord spoke to Moses: 2 “Speak to the Israelites and tell them: I am the Lord your God. 3 Do not follow the practices of the land of Egypt, where you used to live, or follow the practices of the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. You must not follow their customs. 4 You are to practice My ordinances and you are to keep My statutes by following them; I am the Lord your God. 5 Keep My statutes and ordinances; a person will live if he does them. I am the Lord.
  • 29. Biblical Sexual No’s 6 "never have sexual intercourse with anyone related to you by blood. I am the LORD. 7 "Never have sexual intercourse with your mother. She is your own mother. Never have sexual intercourse with her. 8 "Never have sexual intercourse with your stepmother. She is related to you through your father. 9 "Never have sexual intercourse with your stepsister, whether she is your father's daughter or your mother's daughter. It makes no difference whether or not she was born in your house.
  • 30. Biblical Sexual No’s 10 "Never have sexual intercourse with your granddaughter, whether she is your son's daughter or your daughter's daughter, because she is related to you. 11 "Never have sexual intercourse with a daughter of your father and his wife. She is your own sister. 12 "Never have sexual intercourse with your father's sister. She is your paternal aunt. 13 "Never have sexual intercourse with your mother's sister. She is your maternal aunt. 14 "Never have sexual intercourse with the wife of your father's brother. She, too, is your aunt.
  • 31. Biblical Sexual No’s 14 "Never have sexual intercourse with the wife of your father's brother. She, too, is your aunt. 15 "Never have sexual intercourse with your daughter-in-law. She is your son's wife. Never have sexual intercourse with her. 16 "Never have sexual intercourse with your sister-in-law. She is your brother's wife. 17 "Never have sexual intercourse with a woman and her daughter or a woman and her granddaughter. They are related. Doing this is perverted. 18 "While your wife is living, never marry her sister as a rival wife and have sexual intercourse with her.
  • 32. Biblical Sexual No’s 20 "Never have sexual intercourse with your neighbor's wife and become unclean with her. 22 "Never have sexual intercourse with a man as with a woman. It is disgusting. 23 "Never have sexual intercourse with any animal and become unclean with it. A woman must never offer herself to an animal for sexual intercourse. It is unnatural. "
  • 33. Sexual Affirmation: Men Men have insecurities too. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives means everything! So, be explicit in letting your husband know what you enjoy. Men, love those kind of directions. It's affirming for a man to know that you think he's a great lover. When men receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.

Editor's Notes

  1. Francis A. Schaeffer, The Church at the End of the Twentieth Century (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1970), 81.
  2. Brochure for a conference on “The Family and Human Sexuality” (Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, 1998).