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AboutSelf-Esteem
What it is
How itdevelops
Therapists&LSE
Can one recover?
Do I have it?
Who has it?
Symptoms& Consequences
AboutDr. Sorensen
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How To Get Help!
BreakingThe Chainof Low Self-Esteem
Dr. Sorensenhasa program forrecoveryfromlow self-esteem.
•Read mybooks.
•Enter intotherapy.
•Ask me a question.
SymptomsandConsequencesof
Low Self-Esteem
Cognitive
•FaultySelf Image (The inaccurate viewof oneself asinadequate,unlovable,unworthy,and/or
incompetent)
•InabilitytoDiscernWhoand Whento Trust
•Irrational andDistortedSelf-Statements(Carriesonaninnerdialoginwhichhe makes
untrue/unprovennegative statementstohimself)
•Lacking Self Confidence
Mind ReadingandProjection(Thinksand believesthatothersview herinthe same negative waysthat
she viewsherself)
•Obsessive CompulsiveandAddictive Behaviors
•OverlyCritical of Self andOthers
Reactionary(Overreactstosituations)
•Rigidity
•Self-Focused
•Storytelling
•Unreasonable Expectations
Emotional
•Depression
•Discouragement
•Fear and Anxiety(of makingamistake,beingrejected,lookingfoolishorinadequate)
•Hypersensitivity
•MixedEmotions
•ShutdownEmotionally
•Self-EsteemAttacks(Similarbutdifferentfrompanicattacks)
(Appearance of) Shyness
phone therapy
Behavioral
•BeingNeedy
•ChaoticRelationships
•Defensiveness
•Eating Disorders
•Hypervigilance
•Lack of Assertiveness,Passive,Aggressive,orPassive-Aggressive
•Perfectionism
•Poor Boundaries
•Poor Communication
•Poor Relationship&Social Skills
•Promiscuous
•Self-Sabotaging
•Sexual Dysfunction
•Wearinga Mask
Signsof Confidence &HealthySelf-Esteem:
•Looks ahead,settingbothlongrange andshort range goals
•Establishesgoalsthatare reasonable andlikelyattainable
•Doesn'tprocrastinate/isnotaperfectionist/isaself-starter
•Acceptshis/herownweaknessesandlackof skills
•Is highlymotivatedanddeterminedtosucceed
•Bouncesback aftera setback,movingforwardagain
•Trusts ownideas,perceptions,andopinions
•Has the courage to say whathe/she trulyfeelsandbelieves
•Is able to hearand benefitfromconstructivecriticism
•Can make timelydecisionsafterconsideringthe options
•Displaysgoodsocial skills
•Has a historyof far more successesthanfailuresinmeetinggoals
•Keepsmovingtoachieve goalsindifficulttimes.
•Is opento bothpositive andnegative feedback
•Learns frompast mistakesratherthanrepeatingthem.
•Is willingandable totakesrisks
•Is willingtocuthis/herlosseswhenaprojectseemsdoomedtofail
•Can change course whenit isnecessarytodo so
•Is generallypositive,energetic,andassertive
•Takes people attheirwordunlessoruntil there is reasontodo otherwise
Are you sufferingfromlowself esteem?
self-esteemquestionnaire
Take the SorensenSelf EsteemTestandfindyourscore!
Adobe AcrobatReaderisneededtoview thisPDF.
Behavioral Symptoms&Consequences
BeingNeedy
A basicneedof all people isthatof believingthattheyare lovable andknowingthattheyare loved.
Whenpeople have lowself-esteem,however,theyare anxiouslyunsure of themselvesandlikelyeven
questionif theyare lovable.One of the mainwayspeople trytofindan answertothisquestionisto
lookto others,hypervigilantlywatchingthe others’behaviors,listeningtotheirwordsandtone of voice,
mentallyrecordingthe waysthatpersonactstowardthem, evenkeepingscore of whattheythinkworks
and doesn’twork.Of course,all toooftenwhattheyconclude isnotaccurate.
Desperatelyseekingreassurancethattheyare lovable,those withlowself-esteemlookoutside
themselvesandatthe behaviorof those closesttothem, tofindanswerstothe questionof being
lovable.Then,if the personwhoprofessestolove them, doesnotactin waysthat theythinkwould
indicate thislove,LSEsuffererseither:1) try harderto please inorderto winthe love andattentionof
the significantother2) become angrywhentheyfeel the significantotheriswithholdinggivingthem
whattheyneed,or 3) feel theymustbe deservingof thistreatmentandconclude thattheyare indeed,
unlovable.Findingthisexplanationunbearabletofullyconclude,however,theycontinuetovacillate
betweendepressionandangertowardthe personfromwhomtheywantaffirmation.
Unfortunately,muchof the disappointmentLSEsufferershave towardthe significantotheristhe result
of theirowninsecurity,theirneedinessthatdemandsconstantreinforcement,theirunreasonable
expectations,theirirrational storytelling,andaninabilitytolookattheirownissues.Onthe otherhand,
all too oftenthose withLSEchoose partnerswhoare similartothe people whocreatedtheirlow self-
esteem—theirparents—whomaybe withheldloveandaffection,hadlow self-esteemthemselves,orin
otherwaysdidnot meettheirneedsaschildren.Suchpartnersare unable togive of themselvesinways
that are warm,nurturing,andlovingastheyalsofeel depletedorfeel suchnurturingisunnecessary.
Overtime aspeople gothroughthe recoveryprocess,theycome tobelieve intheirownassessmentof
themselvesratherthan“needing”toseekthe appraisal of others.

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Self esteem 3

  • 1. Español Home AboutSelf-Esteem What it is How itdevelops Therapists&LSE Can one recover? Do I have it? Who has it? Symptoms& Consequences
  • 4. BreakingThe Chainof Low Self-Esteem Dr. Sorensenhasa program forrecoveryfromlow self-esteem. •Read mybooks. •Enter intotherapy. •Ask me a question. SymptomsandConsequencesof Low Self-Esteem Cognitive •FaultySelf Image (The inaccurate viewof oneself asinadequate,unlovable,unworthy,and/or incompetent) •InabilitytoDiscernWhoand Whento Trust •Irrational andDistortedSelf-Statements(Carriesonaninnerdialoginwhichhe makes untrue/unprovennegative statementstohimself) •Lacking Self Confidence Mind ReadingandProjection(Thinksand believesthatothersview herinthe same negative waysthat she viewsherself) •Obsessive CompulsiveandAddictive Behaviors •OverlyCritical of Self andOthers
  • 5. Reactionary(Overreactstosituations) •Rigidity •Self-Focused •Storytelling •Unreasonable Expectations Emotional •Depression •Discouragement •Fear and Anxiety(of makingamistake,beingrejected,lookingfoolishorinadequate) •Hypersensitivity •MixedEmotions •ShutdownEmotionally •Self-EsteemAttacks(Similarbutdifferentfrompanicattacks) (Appearance of) Shyness phone therapy
  • 6. Behavioral •BeingNeedy •ChaoticRelationships •Defensiveness •Eating Disorders •Hypervigilance •Lack of Assertiveness,Passive,Aggressive,orPassive-Aggressive •Perfectionism •Poor Boundaries •Poor Communication •Poor Relationship&Social Skills •Promiscuous •Self-Sabotaging •Sexual Dysfunction •Wearinga Mask
  • 7. Signsof Confidence &HealthySelf-Esteem: •Looks ahead,settingbothlongrange andshort range goals •Establishesgoalsthatare reasonable andlikelyattainable •Doesn'tprocrastinate/isnotaperfectionist/isaself-starter •Acceptshis/herownweaknessesandlackof skills •Is highlymotivatedanddeterminedtosucceed •Bouncesback aftera setback,movingforwardagain •Trusts ownideas,perceptions,andopinions •Has the courage to say whathe/she trulyfeelsandbelieves •Is able to hearand benefitfromconstructivecriticism •Can make timelydecisionsafterconsideringthe options •Displaysgoodsocial skills •Has a historyof far more successesthanfailuresinmeetinggoals •Keepsmovingtoachieve goalsindifficulttimes.
  • 8. •Is opento bothpositive andnegative feedback •Learns frompast mistakesratherthanrepeatingthem. •Is willingandable totakesrisks •Is willingtocuthis/herlosseswhenaprojectseemsdoomedtofail •Can change course whenit isnecessarytodo so •Is generallypositive,energetic,andassertive •Takes people attheirwordunlessoruntil there is reasontodo otherwise Are you sufferingfromlowself esteem? self-esteemquestionnaire Take the SorensenSelf EsteemTestandfindyourscore! Adobe AcrobatReaderisneededtoview thisPDF. Behavioral Symptoms&Consequences BeingNeedy
  • 9. A basicneedof all people isthatof believingthattheyare lovable andknowingthattheyare loved. Whenpeople have lowself-esteem,however,theyare anxiouslyunsure of themselvesandlikelyeven questionif theyare lovable.One of the mainwayspeople trytofindan answertothisquestionisto lookto others,hypervigilantlywatchingthe others’behaviors,listeningtotheirwordsandtone of voice, mentallyrecordingthe waysthatpersonactstowardthem, evenkeepingscore of whattheythinkworks and doesn’twork.Of course,all toooftenwhattheyconclude isnotaccurate. Desperatelyseekingreassurancethattheyare lovable,those withlowself-esteemlookoutside themselvesandatthe behaviorof those closesttothem, tofindanswerstothe questionof being lovable.Then,if the personwhoprofessestolove them, doesnotactin waysthat theythinkwould indicate thislove,LSEsuffererseither:1) try harderto please inorderto winthe love andattentionof the significantother2) become angrywhentheyfeel the significantotheriswithholdinggivingthem whattheyneed,or 3) feel theymustbe deservingof thistreatmentandconclude thattheyare indeed, unlovable.Findingthisexplanationunbearabletofullyconclude,however,theycontinuetovacillate betweendepressionandangertowardthe personfromwhomtheywantaffirmation. Unfortunately,muchof the disappointmentLSEsufferershave towardthe significantotheristhe result of theirowninsecurity,theirneedinessthatdemandsconstantreinforcement,theirunreasonable expectations,theirirrational storytelling,andaninabilitytolookattheirownissues.Onthe otherhand, all too oftenthose withLSEchoose partnerswhoare similartothe people whocreatedtheirlow self- esteem—theirparents—whomaybe withheldloveandaffection,hadlow self-esteemthemselves,orin otherwaysdidnot meettheirneedsaschildren.Suchpartnersare unable togive of themselvesinways that are warm,nurturing,andlovingastheyalsofeel depletedorfeel suchnurturingisunnecessary. Overtime aspeople gothroughthe recoveryprocess,theycome tobelieve intheirownassessmentof themselvesratherthan“needing”toseekthe appraisal of others.