This document summarizes an online discussion chapter featuring stories from 37 women of various backgrounds discussing relationships, sexuality, and intimacy. It provides bios of some of the participants, such as a 25-year-old transsexual lesbian and a 33-year-old single African American mother. Statistics are presented on topics like marriage rates over time, interracial and same-sex marriages. Questions from the discussion address the role of love, defining intimacy, and body issues in relationships. Responses from some of the women on these topics are also summarized.

1. Relationships
Chapter 5
Leasha Smith

2. Sexuality and Relationships
Chapter five features an open discussion with
women of all sexual orientations and
backgrounds. In 2010 an online conversation
was held calling for women to step forward and
discuss personal aspects of their lives. Thirty
seven women ranging from ages eighteen to
sixty-three were selected to participate. They
were asked a series of questions. And the results
were published at
http://ourbodiesourselves.org/relationships

3. Participant Bios
Begin the chapter getting to know the backgrounds of
the women involved. Mothers, daughters, lesbians,
transgender step out to share their ideas on love and
intimacy.
I’m a twenty-five-year-old preoperative transsexual
lesbian. I’m currently coming out of a long-term
relationship that stretched over most of my transition. I’m
really interested in nontraditional relationships, how
body issues can impact relationships, and how to look
toward the future while still focusing on the present in a
relationship.
p.102

4. Discussion
Questions presented reflect today’s popular
culture of women, how they live and love inside
their bodies.
what role has love played in your
relationship?p.112
How do you define-and express- intimacy? p.109
Do you feel affected by relationship timelines?
p.138

5. Danielle
To truly laugh with someone—not at them or
near them, but with them—requires a certain
amount of intimacy. Because laughter, like any
emotional expression, requires the safety to express
that joy. The trust that your expression won’t be
dismissed. The openness and sharing of the
moment. It requires an understanding of why the
moment is funny, and why the shared experience is
important.
p.109

6. Tough talk
Not all the questions were so easy to
approach.
What is it like to be in a relationship when you
don’t like all or some of your own body?
p.114

7. Heidi
My ex-husband was not happy with my body because
I have a very small chest. He used to encourage me to get
breast implants, which we could not afford. He would
watch porn that depicted women with large breasts and
make occasional comments that really made me feel self-
conscious. I spent a lot of money on specially made push-
up bras in an attempt to look as close to his standard as I
could. Whenever I was naked around him, I was always
very aware of my chest and never entirely comfortable.
p.116

8. Match.com
The largest and most comprehensive survey of men and
women done in 2011 asked the question what do (single)
women want? Three points summed up the key findings.
Marriage, maybe 72% of singles would live with some
in the future without marrying.
Independence, defiantly across the board women
want a committed relationship a personal bank account
and a vacation alone.
Older and happier, singles over sixty-five report the
greatest level of of happiness over the past twelve
months.
p. 105

9. Statistics on Marriage
1960, 68% of all twenty-somethings were married.
2007, 12 million unmarried partners reported living
together.
2008, 26% of all twenty-somethings were married.
The majority of all U.S. households are unmarried.
P.113

10. Alexa
I’m a twenty-two-year-old heterosexual woman,
though I’ve had a few intimate relationships with
women in my college years. I’m from a working-
class family and both of my parents were/are
struggling with multiple addictions. I am living a
securely middle-class/ intellectual/progressive
lifestyle. I’m currently living with my monogamous
boyfriend of two years.
p.100

11. Same-Sex Marriage
Increased acceptance of same-sex marriages
marks a large generation gap. In the early 1900’s
less than a quarter of the population would
accepted the ideas of a homosexual union. Today
states such a Massachusetts, Vermont and New
York permit same-sex marriages while other states
are permitting civil union and others are offering
the title domestic partnership.
p.118

12. Amanda
I am sixty-three years old. My relationship with my life
partner (married for twelve years) has been
nonmonogamous for all of our thirty-two years together.
We each have long-term very satisfying other
relationships. My main “other” has been part of my life
for thirty years; my partner has been in a relationship
with a woman who is now also my good friend for fifteen
years. Everyone knows about everyone else; there are no
secrets. This is a very complex lifestyle and not for
everyone; it has been a great challenge and brought
much richness to my life.
p.101

13. Singlism
The assumption that people should be coupled
is so strong according to social scientist Bella
DePaulo, that singles are often stereotyped,
excluded and discriminated against. Depaulo
believes these discriminations are unfair and
that singles deserve the “cornucopia of perks”
available for couples.
P.123

14. Cheryl
I am thirty-three years old, African American,
heterosexual, a single mother of two sons. I am a
trainer of educators in teen pregnancy prevention
approaches and programs, which is great work that
I feel passionately about and also is reflective of my
personal journey as a young mom. My son’s father
and I ended our relationship when I was in my
midtwenties, and I have been on this crazy journey
of dating and being in relationships as a single
mom.
p.102

15. Interracial Marriage
2008, Statistics:
14.6 of all new U.S. marriages were between spouses
of different races and ethnicity.
9% of white adults
16 % of black couples
26 % Hispanics
31% Asians
2010, 8% of America’s married couples were
interracial
p.125

16. Sophia
I am an Asian/Hispanic woman in my mid-forties,
married to a man of Caucasian descent for twenty years.
We have two children. My siblings and I were raised in a
very religious household and were heavily indoctrinated
in the philosophy that sex before marriage was a sin. I
was twenty-two before I had my first sexual experience,
with a man who eventually became my husband. I’ve
never told my parents that I had premarital sex. Even
now, I can’t talk to my mother about anything having to
do with sex.
p.105

17. Teen Dating Violence
Facts:
Teenage girls are at high risk for physical and
emotional abuse.
One in three teens know a friend or peer that
has been abused physically by a partner.
One in four teenage girls reports having been
forced to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse.
73% say they would turn to a friend for help.
p. 133

18. Nina
I am a twenty-five-year-old New Bohemian,
which is a fancy way of saying I am unemployed. I
am single and I don’t bother with labels. As for my
relationships, I have allowed myself to be
surrounded by some pretty awful people, but each
experience has prepared me to make “The List” of
attributes I will and will not accept in another
person. I stepped up because I was tired of stepping
down. I am still waiting for the right person to rise
to my level.
p.104

19. The ideas and perspectives represented in
this chapter are striking and bold. Feelings and
expressions that women have been quiet about
for generations are finally out for discussion.
New generations are more open to pleasure and
experience and the main point is to enjoy being
comfortable in yourself and to understand that
self discovery is a journey.

20. Great Quote
Captain and Tennille
and
Sophia said it best
“What-ever love is, it’s what has kept us together”
p.114

21. Facebook
Discuss your views on one of questions from
chapter five.
Do you identify with any of the women
interview?