The document outlines the principles and effectiveness of Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T) developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon, emphasizing key concepts like active listening, acceptance, and positive language in parent-child communication. It identifies inconsistencies between course material and the P.E.T manual, particularly around problem ownership and the use of language conveying acceptance. The program aims to enhance mutual love and respect in relationships, equipping parents with skills to foster independence and problem-solving abilities in their children.

1. HDFS 4860 Final Group Project: P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon
Cassidy Starzec, Isabella Jordan, Megan Gosney, Kayla Vickery, & Parissa Shedd
There are many ways that the text and the course
material overlap and agree with one another. We have
discussed in class the importance of active listening to the
individual child. This is one of the most important aspects
of the P.E.T Program. Both in course material and the
program guide, it discusses how by using active listening
with a child, they will feel more empowered and ultimately
bring more independence and peace to the relationships.
Active listening can be very useful when children are going
through intense stages of development.
In class, we discussed at length about the importance
of validating a child’s feelings. Letting the child feel what
they are feeling is a huge part of this program. This concept
can be found in the sections of this program such as, the “I
messages” and the “own the problem” concept. The “I
messages” concept can help both the parent and child
recognize their own feelings about an issue. It does not
project the frustrations on to the other. The “own the
problem connect” practice allows the parent to take a step
back and allow the child to take ownership. It allows the
parent to recognize the child’s feelings about a situation but
it does not force the parent to always solve the problem, but
instead be a guide and a support.
In regards to positive language, this program
encourages careful word choice and tone when speaking to
a child. I see consistencies with this when we discussed
how to properly praise a child in class. We discussed the
importance of using present and “effort or work” focused
praise and not on how smart or biologically advanced the
child is.
Consistencies with Course Material
Why the need for P.E.T. skills?
• Parents are blamed for their child’s behavior when they were never
taught how to effectively communicate with their child
• This training method teaches parents skills used by professional
counselors in order to create a parent-child relationship where the
emphasis is mutual love and respect.
Acceptance
• Parents must recognize their own faults that come with their humanity in
order to understand their children’s feelings
• Behavior Window
• Acceptable behaviors at the top
• Unacceptable behaviors at the bottom
• The more parents are accepting of their child, the more accepting the
child is of the parent
• Setting limits on behavior results in rebellion
• The idea that you can accept the child and not their behavior is false
• This misconception keeps parents from being genuine
• Children are able to sense parent’s true feelings towards a situation
• Parents should NOT have to always show unconditional acceptance
• Identify if the parent or the child owns the problem
How to Practice Acceptance
• Can be communicated verbally or nonverbally
• Nonintervention: allows child to make mistakes
• Passive Listening
• Door Openers: simple phrases that invite further conversation
• Active Listening
Active Listening
•Parent verbally decodes child’s feelings and asks if they are understanding
correctly
•Allows parents to empathize
•Improves relationships because child feels understood
I-messages
•Helps parents to take responsibility for how they are feeling without making
any accusatory statements
•Allows child to empathize with parents to understand their needs
•Allows lack of judgement from both sides
No-Lose Method
•Using power with rewards and punishments will not solve complex
behavior problems
• Parents will eventually run out of power
• Power threatens children’s freedom which almost always leads to
rebellion
•Uses equal power in order to make a mutual agreement that benefits all
parties
• Active listening
• I-messages
Modeling
• Parents cannot expect their children to behave a certain way if they do
not model that behavior themselves
• Modeling can teach parental values to children successfully WITHOUT
the use of power
• Power controls actions not beliefs
• Parents may need to adjust their attitudes and refrain from being
possessive over their child
Summary of Book
We identified a few inconsistencies with the course
material in Dr. Gordon’s manual. First, the manual discusses
the principle of problem ownership, whereas our course
material does not explicit state this principle as necessary
when discusses forms of parenting. Teaching parents to stop
assuming responsibility for solving problems their children
own and encouraging them to solve their own problems,
allows their children to find their own solutions. A key
aspects needed for adulthood.
Parent Effectiveness Training also suggests that parents
rely heavily on the language of unacceptance when raising
children. Our course material does state that we need to use
positive language and to sway from “don’t” language,
however, the concept of the language of acceptance is not
explicitly taught to parents. Parents do not realize that their
language is conveying messages with judgment, criticism,
admonishing, and commanding, which lead to unacceptance
of the child. The language of acceptance opens kids up; it can
help the child learn to solve problems by themselves.
The concepts of this manual lean towards more positive
attitudes, acceptance, active listening, and less parental
power when it comes to raising a child. Many of these
aspects are difficult for parents to accept because there are
not the normalized ideas of parenting, however, all of these
aspects lead to more positive outcomes for the child and their
identity.
Recommendation
Inconsistencies with Course Material
P.E.T is a well-researched program with vast amounts
of proven results to back its effectiveness. This
program is suitable and relevant to parents and
children of all ages and cultures. This program is for
parents on either end of the spectrum concerning the
parent-child relationship. This program may be utilized
to improve communication between parents and
children. It facilitates a mindset around the “no-lose”
method which allows for the parent and the child to
work together to generate and implement conflict
solutions. P.E.T gives parents an avenue to learn how
to promote acceptance and adopt skills to actively
listen, while cultivating a space for the child to develop
problem solving skills and self-worth. This program
has proven to help kids feel more loved, respected, and
understood by their parents. If a parent is looking to
heal broken relationships with their child or just
strengthen the overall well-being of your parent-child
relationship, the Parent Effective Training program is
for them.