Part 4

50 Tips on Excellent
Communication for Life
PART 4.
Presented By:
Tim Ervin
Counseling for Solutions, LLC
150 Tips on Excellent Communication for Life

9. Forget Your Position and Status
People don’t open their hearts to those who look
down on them.
Avoid using power, status and authority to get
what you want.
Using power hurts the communication model by
blocking good feedback.

10. Quit Reacting Based on Your
Assumptions about Others
Mind reading and reading between the lines are a
bad anchor for good reactions. To be an effective
communicator always clearly restate the message
you think the sender is trying to imply, by telling
him e.g. “So are you trying to say….” or “So you
mean I should.. (so and so)”

11. Don’t Accept lack of
Responsive Feedback
This is when the receiver person sends an incomplete
message. Pin it down by asking questions like: “how,
when, who, why, where, etc..” , or simply ask him to
repeat the message again because you don’t
understand. Never allow an incomplete feedback to
pass, nor confirm understanding it.

12. Avoid Mixed Messages
This is a situation where a person receiving
verbal or nonverbal cues seem to contradict
each other. Typical reactions to this behavior
are confusion, anger, lack of trust and a
willingness to cease communication with the
other person.

Avoid Mixed Messages
• For example, thanking someone while you look
angry. Or asking someone for a favor with a
warning tone in your voice. Or sticking your hand to
salute someone and looking in a different direction.
• Also words with double meanings could carry
mixed messages.

Examples of Funny
Mixed
Messages on the
Road/ Media

13. Don’t Accept Stereotyping
• Stereotyping is when you judge a group of
people who are different from you based on
your own and/or others’ opinions and
experiences.
• It blocks good relations from initiating and is a
barrier to trust.

14. Beware of Selective Perception
Selective perception happens when you
become biased to your own preconception and
intentionally disregard or dismiss the other
person's views.

15. Dwell on Eye Contact
In human beings, eye contact is a form of nonverbal
communication and is known to have a large influence
on social behavior. For example, when two or more
individuals talk, the person that talks is used to being
looked at. Therefore, making eye contact is making
other people expect conversation.

Dwell on Eye Contact
Eye contact and facial expressions provide
important social and emotional information.
People, perhaps without consciously doing so,
probe each other's eyes and faces for positive or
negative mood signs. In some contexts, the
meeting of eyes trigger strong emotions and
reactions.

Dwell on Eye Contact
A person's direction and gaze may indicate to
others where his/her attention lies.
Studies suggest that eye contact has a positive
impact on the retention and recall of information
and promotes better understanding.

When is it OK not to have eye contact?
While humans obtain useful information from looking at the face of the
person they are listening to; it may be unhelpful to look at faces when trying
to concentrate and process something else that's mentally demanding. Also
strangers in close proximity, such as a crowd, avoid eye contact in order to
help maintain their privacy.

16. Be in Control of Your Facial
Expressions
We 'say' things through our facial expressions
revealing its underlying feelings and attitudes.
Facial expressions are critical while giving and
getting feedback.

Be in Control of Your Facial
Expressions
Micro Expressions: These are the very quick
subconscious expressions on your face which reveal
some real impressions you have; these are very
difficult to control and could easily pass by the
receiver without noticing.

Be in Control of Your Facial
Expressions
Macro- Expression: these are longer lasting on
the face than the micro expressions and are
voluntarily controlled by the brain.

Can You Tell
which are the
fake smiles? 1750 Tips on Excellent Communication for Life

“Sincerity is impossible unless it pervades the
whole being, and the pretense of it saps the
very foundation of character.”
James Russell Lowell
American Romantic poet

17. Follow Your Hand Gestures
The quicker and more emphatic the gesture of a
hand is the more likely it is to be perceived as
aggressive. How a signal is used is often as important
as the signal itself.
It is very easy for hand signals to be misinterpreted
even amongst close friends, so follow the feedback
you get to make sure you are sending the right signals.

Wishing Good
Luck
Stop- That’s
Enough
All’s Cool/ Safe
Stay AwayA OK - PerfectI am
Confident/Sure
That’s Great
V for Victory
Come Here
(Summoning)
That’s Bad
Do you
Understand?
Bring it on-
Let’s Fight
Curse/ Ward
off Evil
Stop- Calm
Down
Hurry Up

18. Watch Your Body Posture
The way you stand, walk or sit gives a non-verbal
message of what you are feeling or thinking, for
example:
Gesture: Brisk, erect walk
Meaning: Confidence
Gesture: Standing with hands on hips
Meaning: Readiness, aggression

Watch Your Body Posture
Gesture: Sitting, legs apart
Meaning: Open, relaxed
Gesture: Arms crossed on chest
Meaning: Defensiveness
Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched
Meaning: Dejection

Watch Your Body Posture
Gesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking
slightly
Meaning: Boredom
Gesture: Hands clasped behind back
Meaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension

Implications of
Seated Postures

Examples of Standing Postures

19. Learn the Right Proxemics
The amount of space that people find comfortable
between themselves and others. You must be aware
of the kind of relationship someone is trying to
initiate with you by the space s/he is trying to
maintain. Also you can send messages to others in
the same way.

Learn the Right Proxemics
There are five distinct space zones, which were
originally identified by Edward T. Hall, and
which remain the basis of personal space
analysis today as we shall learn in the following
slides.

1. Close intimate: 0-15cm or 0-6in; this kind of space is suitable for lovers,
physical touching relationships such as child-parent relationship.
Sometimes included with the 2nd zone, although this is a markedly different
zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact with close
friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches.

2. Intimate: 15-45cm or 6-18in; suitable for physical touching relationships.
Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships, but also
applies during close activities such as contact sports, in crowded places such
as parties, queues and entertainment events. Non-consenting intrusion into
this space is normally felt to be uncomfortable at best, or very threatening
and upsetting at worst.

3. Personal: 45-120cm or 18in-4ft; suitable for family and close friends
Touching is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence touching
other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.

4. Social- consultative: 1.2-3.6m or 4-12ft; suitable for non-touch
interaction, social, business occasions.
Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both
people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people wish
to do so.

5. Public 3.6m+ or 12ft+; suitable when you don’t wish to interact, or incase
someone wants to ignore another person.
People establish this zone space when they seek to avoid interaction with
others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person it could
create discomfort for someone who wishes to stay away or an expectation
of interaction for others.

20. Play with Color Psychology
Scientific research has proven the various
impacts of colors to the brain: here’s a quick
view of how you can receive and transmit
messages through using color-impacts (as in
event themes, clothes, etc..)

Play with Color Psychology
Blue indicates confidence, reliability and responsibility.
It relates to one-to-one communication rather than
mass communication.
Green is associated with nature, health and healing,
creating a sense of compassion and nurturing.
Purple conveys integrity, deep sincerity and stimulates
creativity and intuition.

Red conveys a sensation of energy, passion, action,
strength and excitement.
Orange is an informal, vibrant and extrovert- type
color. It gives a sense of sociability.
Yellow stimulates the mind and mental activity, It
increases the analytical processes and our logical
reasoning.

Pink relates to compassion, warmth, hope and understanding, so many
charities choose to use it as a major component of their marketing program.
White is calming as it creates simplicity, independency, organization and
efficiency. It clears the way forward.
Black is intimidating and controlling, although it’s power can instill
confidence in some as being seen as sophisticated, dignified and serious…

Gray suggests security, reliability, modesty and
maturity. It can imply that you are not ready to
make decisions.
Brown suggests endurance, duty and stability. It
relates to the outdoors, the practical and being
down-to-earth.

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