Observation - A Secret Superpower
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We are told that it is more effective to coach people rather than direct them. A lot of us are unclear what that means and we often confuse it with mentoring, or let’s face it, sharing our opinion about what people need to do in a really nice way! A big part of what makes coaching useful is the gift of objectivity – seeing that which is invisible to others. And a big part of what makes objectivity so powerful is observation. Here is the problem – we are so used to jumping from observing immediately to interpreting that what we share as observations are seldom “clean”. And when it is not clean, it causes reaction and defensiveness in others. In this session we will explore::- * what true observation is and what it is not, * why it is so vital, * how to develop it, * how to share it in a useful way, * tips about what to observe in groups. Talk delivered at:- * DC Meetup - 10 Nov 2020 * Business Agility Meetup - 23 October 2020 * Agile 100 - 25 September 2020 * Cherie Coaching Community - 22 August 2020
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Observation - A Secret Superpower
- 1. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Observation Your secret superpower Antoinette Coetzee 10th November 2020
- 2. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower
- 3. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Reasons for Impaired Observation 1. Confirmation Bias
- 4. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Reasons for Impaired Observation 2. Conflating Observation with Interpretation / Evaluation
- 5. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Observe Interpret Evaluate Act
- 6. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Observe Interpret Evaluate Act
- 7. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Warning! 1. We assume universality in expression 2. We are mostly blind to our own filters, preferences, triggers, biases, moods 3. Even our developmental level influences what we think we are observing!
- 8. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Fear ?
- 9. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Or Surprise?
- 10. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower 1. There are no universal expressions of emotions Who knows?
- 11. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower 2. We MAKE our emotions! “You are not a passive receiver of sensory input but an active constructor of your emotions. From sensory input and past experience, your brain constructs meaning and prescribes action.” Barrett, Lisa Feldman. How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain (p. 31). Pan Macmillan. Kindle Edition.
- 12. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower 3. How we make sense or meaning Source: Michael Hamman SENSING MAKING SENSE RESPONDING ACTION LOGIC
- 13. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Reasons for Impaired Observation 3. We go too fast
- 14. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower So shall we try our hand at it?
- 15. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower
- 16. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What did you observe?
- 17. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Don’t believe yourself!
- 18. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower So what do we do?
- 19. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower We slow down. Way down… We concentrate on our 5 senses – what did we hear, see, feel physically, taste, smell We do it like a movie camera We state what we sensed, confirm its validity then ask the team or person to interpret it We self-manage like crazy, putting our own interpretations aside We stay authentically curious We hold our certainty verrrrryyyyyyy lightly and make it clear that we do How do we do it?
- 20. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 21. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 22. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 23. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 24. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 25. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 26. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower What can we focus on?
- 27. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower SummaryWhat to observe
- 28. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Observation, properly done, is one of the biggest gifts you can give the people you work with. And observing what stands in the way of your own observing is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself.
- 29. @AntoinetteCoet – Observation. Your secret superpower Thank you! antoinette@agilecoaching.co.za
Editor's Notes
- When I grew up I believed that first we see, then we believe. But our brains play tricks on us. I now know that first we believe and then we see. And it is most clear to me when we look at what happens when we are together with our families. At Christmas, you know! I KNOW that my brother is a miserable naysayer. So when he opens his mouth its just negativity streaming out. In fact, I don’t even have to listen to know that is the truth. Does that sound familiar? So I have come to realise that in families we really have to listen quite carefully, with new ears, if we really want to HEAR what our family members are saying. Otherwise we will be able to frame every single thing they are saying simply as a confirmation of what they have said before. And no, I don’t actually have a brother!
- The fascinating work I want to share with you is that of Lisa Feldmann Barrett, who amongst others wrote the book How emotions are made – the secret life of the brain. She rexamined the work of earlier social anthropologists, which was focussed on the so called five big emotions: anger, fear, disgust, surprise, sadness, and happiness. After visiting all parts of the world, they determined there was only one emotion that everyone expressed the same way – happiness. Only a smile was understood by every single human on the planet. Lovely, yes? Welllll… Turns out that was not quite true… Apparently at some point people who did not express happiness through a smile in the same way a large part of the world population does, realised that what was expected of them was to pull their faces in this particular way, so they did! Probably mostly to get rid of these annoying people! But fact is, there are expressions that absolutely can only be interpreted as THIS emotion or THAT emotion. Ever heard of Resting Bitch Face Syndrome? Sure, it can become easier when we get to know someone – I remember a team leader at an engagement that had an absolutely inscrutable face that I eventually learnt meant she was listening and considering. She was in fact great practice for my observation-interpretation-evaluation-action compulsion, especially in group situations. You see, when we facilitate we are so used to managing the energy of the room that we do it automatically, without noticing. And sometimes that is a kind of rescuing of the group in front of us. Very often it is in service of sidestepping conflict, or lifting the energy. And who knows, there might be wisdom, options, possibilities locked up in that conflict, or the lost energy. There is always more information, which will in most cases be useful information for the group.
- Story of her tummy ache It is also why we can be in the middle of a riproaring argument with someone close, and when the phone rings we can pick it up and respond perfect normal to the person on the other end. Just to resume the argument when we put the phone down. For that brief time we choose to not experience the emotion.
- So say I am looking at a conversation where two people are disagreeing about a way to move forward, agree on a solution. If I look through an Expert lens I will make up that they are disagreeing because the one does not understand the solution. Looking at it through the lens of an Achiever Action Logic I might make up that they are disagreeing because they are not in agreement about how long the solution will take to implement, or that there are too many outside dependencies to get the job done. If I look through my Individualist lens I might make up that both of them are correct, but that they are not even trying to solve the same problem! Or simply not listening to one another.
- So let’s look at the last reason, for now, potentially the easiest one we can do something about: wanting to get into a solution as fast as possible… Decided to speak about this because in the agile world we are trying to make a subtle but profound change – moving power into the hands of those that do the work. And it is a big adjustment for both those that are sharing power, as well as those that have to start using their power. Most people in organisations do not use the autonomy they have. The biggest struggle I see leaders having when they authentically attempt to stop centralized decision making and people at the grassroots level don’t step forward fast enough. Now we know that we cannot go from making centralized decisions today, to decentralized decision making tomorrow, but if I have been asked ONCE but what do I do if they take too long, I have been asked a 1,000 times. Because we tend to favour speed over most anything, we tend to gloss over important details, we jump to conclusions and close options down prematurely. Einstein once said that if he had an hour to solve a problem he would spend 55 minutes to come up with the right question, since then he would only need 5 minutes to come up with the answer. We are so used to action, action, action that it is no wonder we fall into patterns and go with the same answers. The problem space remains woefully underexplored, which limits the solution space. I was watching a conversation with Richard Boyatzis where he explains the neuroscience of staying in our somatic experience – how much more becomes available to us if we stay in the problem, stay in the vision of what we want to create and access our somatics. We have the same amount of brain power in our nervous system than we have in our brains – and the only way we can access it is to become acquainted with the wisdom of our bodies, Something we miss completely when we go fast. In ourselves as well as in others.
- So we need to start with our intent – what it is that we are trying to achieve in the situation: Are we teaching people skills? Are we trying to help them grow their thinking? Are we trying to develop them in general? Are we supporting them in solving their own problems? The deeper the change required, the lighter the feedback.
- The deeper the kinds of observations, the less needs to be said.
- OF course if we are trying to observe how people are adopting the agile practices we would focus on whether they are writing good stories, use the backlog, do task breakdowns properly, the gazillion other little things that we write How To articles and blog posts for. But we all know that that is not what makes an agile team or agility inside organisations great. So here are some other things to focus on if you want the people that you work with become great….
- A lot of what we observe come through in the conversations people have. So start observing the styles people use when they dialogue I statements ★ You statements ★ It statements ★ We statements ★ Questions
- Do topics change without warning? Do people respond to the prior speaker? Are questions answered? How frequently? Are some people treated differently from others? What is the pattern of silences? How does the group respond to them?
- Who initiates new topics? Who “facilitates” (keeps things moving, gets the sense of the group)? Who “mediates” when there’s disagreement or conflict? Who interrupts whom, when, and how often? Who controls the pace? The schedule?
- How are people sitting? Do they change position? What is their relationship to furniture and tools? What is the shape of group (horizontal/vertical, symmetrical)? What is the relative proximity of participants? Does it change? How many are talking at once?
- Where do people look when they talk? When they listen? What do they do with their hands? Their posture? What happens to expressions on their faces? What about tone of voice? Volume? Laughter? Are there gender differences? Cultural differences? Individual differences?
- Ever felt that feeling like the air has left the room? Don’t fix it, just name it. Wow! Is it me or did all the air suddenly leave the room?