The document provides advice and guidelines for writing effective fundraising communications using impactful language. It recommends using clear, concise language and active voice to establish rapport with recipients. Specific examples and stories are emphasized over general statistics to increase reader involvement. Power words like "relief" and "reward" can increase response rates when used appropriately. Overall, the document stresses optimizing information for the recipient to change perceptions without altering facts.

1. “Fundraising?
Use these words,
not those”
October 8, 2014
Host: NonProfit Times
Conducted by: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Interlocutor: Paul Clolery

3. Fund raising folklore:
Ours is a dignified world,
existing peacefully outside
the roiling seas of
commerce.
Fund raising reality:
Ours is a business whose
very nature makes it at
least as competitive as
commerce … and very
probably more so.

4. If you’re a professional
writer who wants to
increase effectiveness
and impact, don’t look
for big differences. Look
for hidden sources of
power drainage or
apparently minor touches
such as…

5. The professional
copywriter knows how
3
differs from
three
(Little touches such as this
separate the professional
from the dilettante)

6. One element should drive
every professional
communication you create,
from this moment forward:
THE
CLARITY
COMMANDMENT

7. The Clarity
Commandment:
When you choose words and
phrases for
force-communication,
clarity is paramount.
Don’t let any other component
of the communications mix
interfere with it.

8. Sorry, you won’t hear them
during this diatribe:
• Paradigm
• Proactive
• Win-win
• Game plan
• 24/7
• Fast track
• Customer-centric
• At the end of the
day
• Core competency
• Think outside the
box
• Knowledge-based
• On the same page

9. Avoid these words in
force-communication
messages:
• quality
• service
• value
• needs (as
noun)
• “Remember,”
• What’s more
• Your partner
in…
•When it
comes to…

10. What is a more emotional
word or phrase than:
• commence
• purchase
• utilize
• fortunate
• omit
• requested
• receive
• I write
• we would like to
concerning
• large
• we shall
• you incur no
• error
risk
• perhaps
• circular
• however
• donate
• humorous

11. What is the difference
between:
• autumn and fall
• at last and
finally
• sexy and sensual
• nude and naked
• made and
manufactured
• manufactured by
and built by
• right now and at
once
• reply and respond
• insincere and not
sincere
• eager and anxious
• audience and
viewers
• died and passed
away

12. Word use:
Replace… with…
must have to
among one of
utilize use
perhaps maybe
buy acquire
purchase own
spend allocate
receive get

13. Most impact-improving
rules are as simple as
this one:
Replace passive
voice with active
voice

14. Are you establishing a
relationship as you ask for
funds? Passive voice adds
distance for no beneficial
reason:
“A reply from you would
be appreciated.”
“We really do want your
reaction.”

15. What is
right…
and what is
wrong…
with this
approach to
envelope
treatment?

16. Right:
Provocative
copy and
colors match
the season.
Wrong:
When a
prospect
doesn’t
respond, a
different
approach is in
order.

17. If you’re a professional
writer who wants to
increase effectiveness
and impact, you know
that synonyms aren’t
identical. For example,
you know the difference
between “Can you…” and
“Will you…”:

18. Which has the most impact?
► Can you help us?
► Will you help us?
► Will you help these kids?
► Help me.
► Help me, PLEASE.
Or is it none of the above?
The answer will make sense
to you in about 30 minutes.

19. Would you ask people to…
•give
•donate
•contribute
•bestow
•bequeath

20. YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
“Attention, seniors: We
are conducting a clinical
trial for…”
“Attention, seniors: A
research organization is
conducting a clinical trial
for…”

21. YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
“In the event of your
death...”
“If you should die....”

22. YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
“You’re headed for trouble.”
“Are you headed for
trouble?”
(Some rules for use of
questions coming up.)

23. YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
Undocumented immigrant
Illegal alien

24. Which of these should
produce better results?
• Every 60 seconds, 23
children die from
malnutrition and
preventable diseases.
•This is Eric. His sister
starved to death two days
ago. Eric is next.

25. Would you use the word
Eschew
?
When you could write
Turn your back on
?

26. WARNING:
The typical recipient of your
message, whether mail or
online or print or broadcast,
doesn’t share your knowledge
of the “in-talk” that may be
common inside your office.
Write within the recipient’s
experiential background, not
yours.

27. A quick look at
some of the
weapons in our
arsenal:

28. The carrier envelope has
just one purpose
(other than preventing
the contents from falling
out into the street):
to get itself opened.

29. Two questions:
1. Which of these is more likely to be opened?
2. What would the comparative attitude be at
the moment of opening?

30. Two questions:
1. Will the typical recipient look at this
envelope copy with suspicion?
2. Does the “Multiply” line help or hurt?

31. Saying too much
on the envelope
can damage response.

32. A quick look at
the key selling
element of direct
mail – the letter:

33. Some logical
and ridiculously
simple rules
for
effective letter-writing
(and much email):

34. Keep your
first sentence
short.

35. No paragraphs
longer than
seven lines.

36. Single space
the letter.
Double space
between paragraphs.

37. In a letter longer than
one page,
don’t
end a paragraph at the
bottom of any page
except the last.
(Why?)

38. Don’t
sneak up
on the reader.
Fire
your biggest gun
first.
(Imperative for e-mail.)

39. Tired of “Dear Friend”?
Try one of these:
• Good morning!
• Hi.
• Dear Colleague,
• Dear Tennis Nut,
• Dear Fellow Tennis Nut,
• This will be a good day, [NAME]!
• If you’re like I am, [NAME]…
(When should you use
only the first name?)

40. How does
Hi.
Differ from
Hi!
?

41. The p.s. should reinforce
one of the key selling
motivators
or mention an extra
benefit ---
one which doesn't require
explanation.

42. A quick look at
online
fundraising:

43. An absolute rule of
online fundraising:
Make response
no-brainer
easy.

44. In general,
local
not-for-profit organizations
do considerably better with
e-mail solicitations than
national
not-for-profit organizations.
Why?

45. Two reasons:
1. The message can be “from” a
known individual.
2. You have far less guesswork
in predetermining the best
demographic, both proved and
unproved.

46. Did you know…
•Adding the recipient’s name to
the “Subject” line usually
increases response.
•Whether a produced message or
straight text pulls best depends
on individual and specific
circumstances.
•There is no point in sending
“teaser” e-mail.

47. Astute fund raisers report
success when e-mailing
existing donors with
“Emergency!” messages.
E-mailing cold lists with
the wrong words can be
frustrating, unprofitable,
and the cause of hate-mail.

48. Can (and should) you use e-mail
either to tell a potential donor
a direct mail appeal is coming…
and/or…
to remind a potential donor
after sending a direct mail
appeal?

49. Can (and should) you use e-mail
either to tell a potential donor
a direct mail appeal is coming…
and/or…
to remind a potential donor
after sending a direct mail
appeal?
YES to both.

50. This online
message
grabs
attention
by putting
emphasis
on a non-donation
factor

51. A quick look at
print as possible
fundraising
media:

52. In print media,
you have
one to three seconds
to grab and hold
the reader’s
attention.
Don’t waste that time.

53. What is the difference in impact
between “While you read this” and
“Even as you read this”? “providing
relief” and “giving relief”?
Every word either contributes to
impact or marches in place.

54. Awareness
is a major
key to
initiating
the
response
factor.
BUT…

55. Would you regard this as
the optimum way to
generate response?

56. You have time today to
analyze fundraising
messages you’re working
on now and waiting for
your fingertips to
produce improvement…
and a lifetime for your
fingertips to use what
you’re picking up today.

57. Pick up and use this --
Information optimizing:
Directing or changing the
reader’s or viewer’s or
listener’s perception
without changing the
facts.

58. Information optimizing…
When should you use
asterisks
(*)
in fund raising copy?

59. Information optimizing…
When should you use
asterisks
(*)
in fund raising copy?
Never.

60. Information optimizing:
Questions are
automatically
reader-involving.

61. Note the difference:
You won’t stand by and
let it happen.
Will you stand by and
let it happen?
(Note, too: The choice is
NOT automatic.)

62. A fund raising example:
— Why I am sending you
this message:
— Why am I sending you
this message?
The psychological impact
of the headings is in no way
parallel, even though the
words are identical.

63. Information optimizing:
Transforming a command
into a question not only
dissipates latent
antagonism but promotes
rapport.

64. Requests for donations
should be described in
terms of the potential
donor’s capability…
NOT
the organization’s
financial goals.

65. An absolute truism of
force-communication:
Specifics
outpull
generalizations.

66. Please do agree:
21st century fund raising
demands more than the
classic true but worn
“We need help”
approach.
And examples are more
involving than statistics.

67. The superiority of
examples over statistics:
Statistics = cold-blooded,
no involvement.
Examples = warm-blooded,
involvement.

68. First pass:
If treated early, 75% of those
children who have this deadly
disease can be saved.
Second pass:
Innocent children die from this
disease. With early treatment, three
out of four will live.
Third pass:
This deadly disease is killing
innocent children. With early
treatment we can save three precious
lives, of four we're now losing.

69. Fourth pass:
We lost Jimmy today. His
parents knew his precious days
were numbered. But Mary,
Karen, and Billy all will live. We
were able to start their
treatment early enough to save
them.
Which text is most likely to
generate response? Why?

70. And as
we end,
some more
words…

71. Quick list of “no-no” words:
• unfortunately
• many of you
• enroll
• annual
• hopefully
• survey
• needy
• giver
• support
• expense
• budget
• serve

72. Power words (depending on
circumstances):
• outrageous
• hope
• opinion
• advisor
• free
• dare
• win
• demand
• forget
• unwanted
• never
• dead

73. A few words that can bring
serendipitous response:
• relief
• reward
• support
• culture
• benefit/
• pain
beneficial
• pleasure
• celebrate
• expand/
• hero
expansion

74. Let’s use two of those
serendipitous words for
this get-together:
•It’s a pleasure
to wrap this up.
•It’s a relief
to wrap this up.

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Questions
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