This document provides guidance on negotiation skills. It discusses key aspects of negotiation like defining goals, understanding the other perspective, asking questions to reveal interests, and identifying other valuable items. The document recommends preparing for negotiations by considering best and worst case scenarios, summarizing known facts, anticipating the other side's concerns, crafting open-ended questions, and making a list of non-monetary values. The overall message is that demonstrating empathy, gathering information, and focusing on mutual understanding and agreement can make negotiations more productive.

1. Negotiate for Your Life
How to Master Critical Leadership Conversations
with Portia Tung

2. The Ultimatum Game

4. Negotiation 101
“We’re all irrational, all emotional.”
Chris Voss

5. F A I R
The most powerful word in negotiation

6. You had me at fair.

7. “Play once a day to keep the doctor and priest away!”
www.theschoolofplay.org
Portia Tung
Founder of The School of Play
Promoting happier adulthood through lifelong play

8. Master Critical Conversations
As a rookiee negotiator
I need to master critical conversations
So that I can get more of what I want from life.
Success Criteria
[ ] I am aware of 9 key aspects of negotiation
[ ] I have practical experience in applying a handful of techniques
[ ] I have a negotiation strategy for something I really want
[ ] I have had fun!

9. Negotiation is…
Demonstrating empathy
A sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing
Information gathering
Influencing behaviour
Communication with results

10. “Negotiation is the heart of collaboration.
It is what makes conflict potentially
meaningful and productive for all parties.”
Chris Voss

11. “I want…”
… you to free the hostages
… you to accept that £1 million contract
… to pay £20k for that car
… you to give me a 10% payrise
… you to go to bed by 8 pm

12. “You get what you ask for;
you just have to ask correctly…
ask for what you think is right.”
Chris Voss

13. Negotiation Prep
1. Define your goal
2. Provide a summary
3. Anticipate how your counterpart feels
4. Come up with questions to reveal sources of
value and show stoppers
5. Identify other items of value

14. 1/5 Define Your Goal
1. Think through best case and worse case
scenarios
2. Only write down a specific best-case-scenario
goal.

15. 1/5 Sample Answer
“I want to buy a 20,000 mile 1-year old
chevy at $30k.”

16. Beware of BATNA
Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement
“Getting to Yes” - Fisher and Wry, 1981

17. 1/5 Define Your Goal
1. Think through best case and worse case
scenarios
2. Only write down a specific best-case-scenario
goal.

18. 1/5 Sample Answer
“I want to buy a 20,000 mile 1-year old
chevy at $25k.”

19. Your Negotiator Voice
1. Late-night FM DJ voice (calm and reason)
2. Positive / playful voice
3. Directive / assertive voice
www.popculture.comcscottrollins.blogspot.com

20. 1/5 Define Your Goal
1. Think through best case and worse case
scenarios
2. Only write down a specific best-case-scenario
goal
3. Share your goal using your Late-Night FM DJ
voice.

21. 2/5 Provide a Summary
1. Summarise in a couple of sentences the
known facts that have led up to the
negotiation
2. Write these down.

22. Gut Level Change
FBI’s Behavioural Change Stairway Model:
1. Active Listening
2. Empathy
3.Rapport (aka Trust)
4. Influence
5. Behavioural Change

23. “That’s right!”
The two sweetest words in any negotiation

24. 2/5 Provide a Summary
1. Summarise in a couple of sentences the
known facts that have led up to the
negotiation
2. Write these down
3. Share your summary using your Late-Night
FM DJ voice.

25. 2/5 Sample Answer
Summary:
• My current pickup is 10 years old.
• The newer chevy has features my old one
does not have.
• It’s rare to find a 1-year old chevy with only
20,000 miles in my favourite colour!

26. Self-Control &
Emotional Regulation
Thinking Fast and Slow
System 1 vs System 2
Emotional Intelligence

27. “Emotion is a necessary element
in decision making
we ignore at our own peril.”
Chris Voss

28. First “No” then “Yes”
Get to “No” early
Marks the start of the negotiation
Addresses #1 basic need to feel safe and secure
Fulfils #2 basic need to feel in control

29. Not all “Yes” are the same
1. Counterfeit – “No” in disguise
2. Confirmation – Affirmation without promise for action
3. Commitment – True agreement that leads to action

30. 3/5 Anticipate How Your Counterpart Feels
1. Anticipate how your counterpart feels about
the facts you have summarised
2. Make a list of 3 – 5 terrible things they might
say (no matter how unfair or ridiculous)

31. 3/5 Sample Accusations
3-5 terrible things the car saleperson might say:
• My offer of $25k is highway robbery.
• There is no chevy with that spec available for
less than $35k in the county.
• I am an idiot.

32. Labelling
Anticipate / detect a person’s emotional state
Surfaces underlying emotions
Validates someone’s emotion by acknowledging it
Going after negativity brings us to safe zone of empathy

33. Label Structure
• It seems like you value ______
• It seems like you don’t like ______
• It seems like ______ makes it easier
• It seems like you’re reluctant to ______
It seems / sounds / looks like…

34. 3/5 Aka Accusation Audit & Labels
1. Anticipate how your counterpart feels about the facts
you have summarised
2. Make a list of 3 – 5 terrible things they might say (no
matter how unfair or ridiculous)
3. On a separate sheet, rephrase each accusation as a
label
4. Give the list of terrible things to your counterpart.
Role play to practice your accusation audit.

35. 3/5 Sample Labels
Your 3-5 responses to the car saleperson:
• It seems that you are unwilling to part with
the chevy for $25k or less.
• It sounds like you know a lot about the
availability of chevies in the county.
• It seems like you don’t value my custom.

36. 4/5 Questions on Sources of Value and
Show Stoppers
1. Prepare 3-5 open questions that will:
– Reveal value to you and your counterpart
– Reveal show stoppers to you and your counterpart

37. 4/5 Aka Calibrated Questions
WHAT... ?
… are we trying to accomplish?
… about this is important to you?
… is the biggest challenge you face?
… is would you need to make it work?
HOW…?
… can I help to make this better for us?
… does this effect the rest of the team?
… would you like me to proceed?
… am I supposed to do that?

38. Calibrated Questions
Calibrate to target a specific problem
Look past what counterpart demands (stated position)
Figure out what is making them want what they want
(motivations eg hopes and fears)

39. 4/5 Aka Calibrated Questions
WHAT... ?
… are we trying to accomplish?
… about this is important to you?
… is the biggest challenge you face?
… is would you need to make it work?
HOW…?
… can I help to make this better for us?
… does this effect the rest of the team?
… would you like me to proceed?
… am I supposed to do that?

40. 4/5 Questions on Sources of Value and
Show Stoppers
1. Prepare 3-5 open questions that will:
– Reveal value to you and your counterpart
– Reveal show stoppers to you and your counterpart
2. Note down your questions
3. Role-play to practice your questions.

41. 4/5 Sample Questions
Your questions to the car salesperson:
• What is the biggest challenge for you about my
offer?
• What would you need to make it work?
• How can I help to make this work?
• Salesperson asks for $30k, you answer: “How I
supposed to do that?”

42. 5/5 Other Items of Value
1. Prepare a list of noncash items your
counterpart possesses that are of value to
you
– eg “What could a client give that would almost get
us to do the piece of work for free?”
2. Share your list.

43. Negotiation Prep
1. Define your goal
2. Provide a summary
3. Accusation Audit and labels
4. Calibrated questions
5. Identify other items of value

44. “He who has learned to disagree
without being disagreeable has discovered
the most valuable secret of negotiation.”
Robert Estabrook
Former Washington Post Editor

45. Negotiation is…
Demonstrating empathy
A sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing
Information gathering
Influencing behaviour
Communication with results

46. Negotiation 101
“We’re all irrational, all emotional.”
Chris Voss

47. You had me at fair.

48. Treasure Trove

49. Master Critical Conversations
As a rookiee negotiator
I need to master critical conversations
So that I can get more of what I want from life.
Success Criteria
[ ] I am aware of 9 key aspects of negotiation
[ ] I have practical experience in applying a handful of techniques
[ ] I have a negotiation strategy for something I really want
[ ] I have had fun!

50. “Negotiation is the heart of collaboration.
It is what makes conflict potentially
meaningful and productive for all parties.”
Chris Voss

51. Thank You for Playing!
Portia Tung
Executive & Personal Coach – Agile Coach – Play Coach - Writer
Blog: www.selfishprogramming.org | Twitter: portiatung
Founder of www.theschoolofplay.org @tsoplay
Email: portia@portiatung.org