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Murky
- 2. WIN I move efficiently Itmoves erratically We don't stand a chance Any more I see the neon lights He drinks so he can see no more And we all fall down Again This was hell And you were proud of your creation Because nobody Told you what to do This was hell So glad you could make it Because nobody Even knew that it was you I'm happy for the fun of it They're happy, too happy to go on We don't need to listen now This was mine And you stood on it Because nobody Gave you one of your own This was mine As many would tell me Because nobody Thought I deserved it.
- 3. THE EERIE MIST Istare at you and can't help but notice A strange blue colour enveloping your form It seems to me that it seems to be Like a misty snake slithering along. It begins round your skull Down, down to your toes Where the snake just grows and grows And the mist becomes thicker You're in its strangle hold Binding your ankles Pinning them tight So you and the sofa become one. Now your eyes close Or are they lost in the mist? My vision is failing And my heart rate increasing All I have to concentrate upon Is your vaguely twitching fingers Which emerge from inside the snake. Are you signalling? Is this a distress call? Am I to leap from my chair? Hesitation, for a second The decision - rescue, rescue But now it's too late As my own private snake Takes a hold of my head And it squeezes and it crushes I have no might to fend it off So I relax and let it continue Allowing it some freedom On its journey to my feet Where it will tie me too Chaining me to this room.
- 4. PARACETAMOL I've let myselfgo This is my sty Where the blood pounds Through my ears Drips through my nose. Never felt so unhealthy Wasting days Nothing being done Just crap TV and hunger My stomach has shrunk. I'm not depressed Only becoming unsound Early hours of the morning Spent cursing the noises And I feel the threat Of the panic Attacks I attempt an old trick Of blocking it out Pushing random thoughts To the side of my brain But again and again My head Caves With the pressure And I reach For the paracetamol.
- 5. MINOGUE MORNING Sat inbed Woken by Kylie They make their presence felt And boy, do I feel it Graze on the head The curse of the Hobbit? It's no surprising really Don't worry too much Fucking lazy Fucking lazy So don't worry too much 'Cos you're running out of time Sometimes I wish I didn't like you at all The stranger things get The exhaustion increases Wearied bones and blank faces The curse of the house? It's not difficult really I'm not just blaming myself For the sake of it Trying hard to be objective I'm not willing to take it all You're not putting a curse on me.
- 6. THE DARKER DAY Sothat's it So that's what happens when The flood gates open It seems fresh Even when the salt crystalizes And I almost enjoy it Staring at the red, sore and Shimmering And I've no idea why So it should be funny That the more I cut Myself Off The more they can't be bothered So reach Out To Me I've spent all day in isolation I'm aching and shivering And keeping things plain So I know It's Sunday Because it always is Desperately alone Very poor company Watching the sun shine Even at this time It looks beautiful Out there But where would I go? Best stay in Deja-vu Where are you? And where did I go So wrong? As the dark creeps Like a black silk scarf That threatened to strangle And squeeze the life Out Of me Out of the depths Of salty suffering Out of the path Of the oncoming panic And acidic taste Burning me But forcing out A chuckle Rather reluctantly. I've spent all day in isolation I'm aching and shivering You're waiting You're not here and I am Waiting So when relief comes All we can do is stare.
- 7. POWER You have No comprehension Youdrive Me insane I'm amazed At my self control Not a gift I was born with Even though You plague my mind I have to acknowledge Your power.
- 8. VODKA EYES Oh thosevodka eyes Those self pitying sighs Go on and close Those vodka eyes Kiss me goodnight With that mouthful of lies I'll dream my vodka dreams I'll scheme my vodka schemes.
- 9. CLOSE If we're gettingtoo close You only have to get a gun And we'll say no more about it So we'll never say a word Because these four walls Bear a burden Trying to absorb the untruths They'd like it as much as I would To have me put in my place Told what to do Why won't you tell me what to do? To save me from thinking Eating myself up From one day to the next With a rest on a Friday When we raise a glass With hearty cheap laughs Exchange points of view Repetitive, uninventive Maybe we'll change Well maybe we won't But we can't smile any more 'cos our mouths have been stitched By that evil witch Who knows my every move Every gasp I take Every seed that’s sewn Watched over and over Until I begin to get too close.
- 10. LARGER THAN LIFE Thebanister cracked Nothing to break my fall Carpet burned face Dust covered, bruised Head spinning Head spinning I see you grinning At me from above And today you seem Larger than life. I would do anything To have you surrender And feed my power trip As the tension short circuits. You woke me up today A day like any other day Except I couldn't breathe Because you won't stop laughing Laughing at me Laughing at me And what I'll always be Which is useless to you As like everyday, you seem Larger than life.
- 11. LEAVE ME ALONE Whatcan I be today? Who can I try and hate? What is there left to say? You don't give a shit, just say you do to feel good. You don't push me to talk Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk You know you'd get bored You don't have a fucking clue As we move further apart I create complications Hating other people’s fun Twisted, bitter and sicker Your presence dehydrates me So I wallow with you in mind That can't be right EXORCISE You from within The sub of the subculture The pathetic The hopeful Un-energetic dreamer Quiet? Boring? Unoriginal and alone.
- 12. PERSON Misery doesn't consumeme Like perhaps it ought Doesn't she know how to smile? Can't she ever be happy? Frustrated and powerless A million feelings trapped in here for you There's no possible reason Why you should appear When I close my eyes And wish you through that door In cloud cuckoo land The beer is pretty cheap But I'm scared of heights So I won't be coming down Reality and I are not the best of friends I prefer a decent riddle Simple avoidance of the truth Withdrawing to the shell I appreciate everything But am not at all grateful For the fact that People know my name at least There she goes And there she goes again It's her remember? Nah! Well, she's the one that- Oh I dunno But it's her anyway Oh yeah There she goes And I do Eyes firmly shut.
- 13. MOVE Manipulation Penetration Make myself unpopular You've scared me half to death Dirty days spent In dusty rooms Mites in the carpet Out of my tree Raining and raining Need to go out No visitors for me In this smoky cave Can't motivate myself To move from this Foetal position Puts a chink in my spine Wait for the phone With its silent ring Don't ever wake me Don't come here again.
- 14. EMPTY HEAD A smallperson stands alone In blue fields Which way to go? Waiting, waiting, endless waiting Where will you take me to next? The world is a very big place Someone once told me- It's a mess, that's all there is to it I've nothing to say, nowhere to go When the words run out In the empty space. I'll follow you up the stairs And back down. Happy green, it's dew glistened sheen Throw me away in to the useless air Floating away on a paper plane Make me happy again with your poisonous pen. I saw a speck of dust Magnified a thousand times This is you A piece of that blue In the maze of crap and words. Crush me, so I can't breathe Can't sleep Broken, I want to hear your voice To remind myself That I'm alive. Recycle the paper We can live again When the ink runs dry, refill the pen When the words stop flowing I'm the empty head.
- 15. EARLY Sleeping pills Make melaugh Take me for what I am Line up in line Show me your hands Indigestion Remedy Smile at what I cannot be Wheel keeps turning Day and night Could you be quiet? Empty the bin Leave the room, come back in Chicken and rice Said I wasn't nice Carpet burns Dripping wet Snow on TV I'd eat your words If you told me to Smoke patterns Eat an apple
- 16. SECONDS BEFORE THEBLACK HOLE My only fear is missing things My only crime is wanting My only love is myself My only hate is panting. Why did you tell So many lies? Well who were you then? What did you try to disguise? I don't even miss her I was scared I would ache Can hardly remember How she looked How she'd taste. I'm not ready But impatient Rooted to the spot You're more than determined I'm as lazy as I ever was.
- 17. AVERAGE Hands are shakingnow Dry martini got me weird What are you doing on your own? Falling asleep sipping water. Need to see myself in the mirror Remind myself why I'm here Scared of recognition How did I get to be so average? My blood is running clear Like I'm crying from head to toe Shall we call up a stranger? Can I make you miss me? My friend was on the telephone And I wanted to speak My voice ran out on me today Left me for another mouth. One lump or two? Another day will go pretty soon I'm not clever or stupid But I can walk to the shops and back. I think you could break my heart If you put your mind to it Mid winter, mid summer, happy glimmer At the bus stop in my room.