A mother attends a conference where Mark Hamby speaks. His lecture breaks her heart as she realizes she is emotionally abusing her children just like her mother abused her. She prays to God for the first time in years. This prayer sparks a change in her - she remains calm with her children and stops yelling. Her children start to warm up to her again and trust her more. She knows real change will take time but is committed to rebuilding her relationships through prayer.

1. Fund Development Counsel
Lord Help Me!
By Mark Hamby
www.lamplighter.net
Visit us at the
Lamplighter Booth

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Recommended Readings:
Inspired to adopt a similar moral code by emulating the characters
that have now been etched into their awakened conscience.
Values realigned with Worth
(strength, beauty, excellence, purity)
Rare Collector Series:
Little Threads
Teddy’s Button
The Missing Prince
Little Lamb
The Basket of Flowers
Resolute
Helen’s Temper
Trust y: Tried and True
Other Resources:
The Education of a Child (book/audio)
Duties of Parents
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide
Families Where Grace is in Place
The Mansion

3. Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had
to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real
connection with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her
piercings', and the fact that she is much older than I am.
She really is perfect for me and she told me that she would
like to start a family right away.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I ready to take on this
responsibility. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit
so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son,
John

4. PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over
at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than the report
card, that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
Perspective

5. “Those who desire to
be perfect parents
really desire
perfect children
so that
their own image
is exalted.”

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Set boundaries for yourself first and then your
children will be more willing to live within the
ones set for them. Make yourself beloved by
them, and they will be open with you; and they
will not fear to let you see their faults.

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Be not too severe with the behavior that is not
disguised from you. Do not appear astonished
or irritated at their bad dispositions; on the
contrary, be compassionate to their
weaknesses;
Sarah Edwards

8. Sarah Edwards knew how to make her children regard and obey her cheerfully,
without loud angry words, much less heavy blows. She seldom punished them,
and in speaking to them, used gentle and pleasant words. If any correction was
necessary, she did not administer it in passion; when she had occasion to reprove
and rebuke she would do it in few words, without noise; she had need to speak but
once; she was cheerfully obeyed because she convinced her children of the
reasonableness of her request; murmuring and answer again were not
known among them. The kind and gentle treatment they received from their
mother, while she strictly and punctiliously maintained her parental authority,
seemed naturally to…promote a filial respect and affection, and to lead them to a
mild, tender treatment of each other. Quarrelling and contention, which too
frequently take place among children, were in her family unknown.
She carefully observed the first appearance of resentment and ill will
in her young children…showed her displeasure and suppressed it to
the uttermost; yet not by angry, wrathful words, which often provoke children to
wrath…Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age and it was her rule
to resist the first, as well as every subsequent exhibition of temper or disobedience
in the child…wisely reflecting that until a child will obey his parents he can never
be brought to obey God.
Samuel Hopkins, in Marriage to a Difficult Man, the Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards.

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Show him always that you have command over
yourself, always calm and considerate; nothing
will make him see it better than your patience
and humility. Watch for a fit moment for several
successive days, if necessary, that you may
properly time a correction. Do not tell the child
his fault, without adding some means by which
he may get the better of it, which will encourage
him to do so; for we should avoid the
discouragement which arises from dry
correction; and we should never tell him many at
a time.

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It is frequently necessary to tolerate things which
ought to be corrected, until the moment shall have
arrived when the mind of a child will be in a state to
profit by the correction. Never find fault with him in
his first emotion, or in yours; if you do it in yours, he
will perceive that you are governed by mood and
impatience, and not by reason and friendship: you
will lose, without resources, your authority. If you
reprimand him in his first emotion, his mind will not
be sufficiently free to acknowledge his fault, to
subdue his passion, and to weigh the importance of
your advice. It is even exposing the child to lose the
respect he owes you.

11. But above all things, do not let
it appear to the child that
you demand from him
unnecessary submissions;

12. “Your right hand supported me, and your gentleness
made me great.” Psalm 18:35
Deaf, Blind, and Dirty

14. Dear Mark,
I returned last night from the FPEA Conference in Orlando and I feel compelled to write
to you and let you know how much your lectures have affected my life. I doubt that you
remember me, but you signed a copy of Sir Knight of the Splendid Way for my husband
as an anniversary present. Our eyes met for a moment, and my heart wanted to spill out
so many things to you, but my pride and fear of falling apart in front of so many people
kept me from speaking. After a moment of silence I smiled at you, nodded, and
whispered "Thank you."
I am a mother of 3 children, a 10 year old son, a 4 year old daughter, and an almost 3
year old son. They are wonderful children, around everyone else. They are respectful
and obedient, for everyone else. They are loving and kind, to everyone else. I'm not
saying that they are horrible towards me, but the loving moments are few and far
between when compared to the times we are frequently at odds and I am yelling and
screaming and "molding" them. I am a screamer, and in my 10 years of parenting my
temper has gotten hotter and my patience shorter. My mother was a screamer and I
believe I was verbally and emotionally abused as a child and swore that I would never do
that to my children. But here I am as an adult doing to my children what my mother did
to me, jokingly talking to my friends about the therapy they'll need as adults while my
heart was breaking inside for the way I treated them. Until now I haven't been able to
break this cycle. I hadn't tried the one thing I should have tried from the beginning -
prayer.

15. I had grown very distant from God and my relationship with Him had become very
strained. I have felt Him tugging at my heart, but I have been rebelling against Him,
like my children have rebelled against me. I haven't had devotional time, prayer time,
or gone to church regularly for years. My husband takes our three children to church
by himself every Sunday. I have used the excuse that I needed to sleep (I work
nights every weekend as a nurse and get off at 7:30 am Sunday and have to be back
Sunday night at 7:00 pm), but I have been able to stay up and attend church once
every 3 or 4 months if there was a special function. I was so far from God that I didn't
know where to even begin to draw near to Him again.
I believe that God placed me in that auditorium Friday to reach me. God used this
night to finally get though to me and break my heart. I cried throughout the hour,
wiping tear after tear from my face, first hoping that no one noticed me (after all, it's
ALL about what other people think...that's what Mom always said), then later not
caring. My relationship with God was broken and my relationship with my children
was being destroyed by my hands and words. All of the letters that you shared
sounded like I could have written them. The detailed examples you gave sounded
like me, always scolding, yelling, demanding more.
At the end of the lecture I walked across the hall to the bathroom to compose myself.
Usually when something affects me to tears I can wipe them away and go on. I
ended up in a stall in the bathroom, sobbing and crying out to God. I don't know how
long I was in there, I just know that things are different now. The Holy Spirit worked a
change in me that day. That was the first time I've prayed to God in years, really
prayed. I've sent up little prayers when I needed or wanted something, but I haven't
REALLY prayed.

16. When I went back to the hotel later that day, my husband noticed the change. He kept
asking me if I was ok. I told him about your lecture and how great the conference was,
but I haven't explained the whole experience to him. I was calm with my children the rest
of the day. I didn't lose my patience even once. I asked less of them and did more for
them. I got up from the floor or bed to get something for myself instead of asking my 10
year old to retrieve it. I didn't yell and scream when my daughter was having a stubborn,
demanding moment that before would have sent me off the deep end in 3 seconds. I
didn't scream or yell, not that I could have if I had wanted to. (Oh, I neglected to tell you
that God had taken my voice from me on this particular day. I had been sick during the
week and my voice was getting hoarse on Thursday, but on Friday it was GONE. This
was either a sick joke on God's part or His divine intervention. I believe the latter, that
He was giving me that little extra bit of help that I needed to get started.) My husband
told me later that night "It got through." I asked "What got through?" He replied,
"Whatever you heard today. It got through."
It is now Monday morning and I haven't raised my voice (which came back on
Saturday) in almost 3 full days. My son (who is not an openly affectionate child in public)
came up beside me several times at Universal Studios yesterday and held my hand as
we walked through the park. He is talking to me again. My 2 year old picked me a
flower and then, as he was walking away, he turned around and told me " You need to
put it in water, Mommy." They are beginning to warm up to me again. I can see their
fear melting, but there is still an air of caution there. My daughter isn't quite as forgiving
and I'm searching for subtle changes. I know that they will come, but she will be my
biggest test.

17. At my parents' home last night my oldest was playing with my brother-in-law's air rocket
in the front yard. When my brother-in-law went outside to put the rocket away, there was
one missing. My son swore that they were there when he came inside. Normally, he
would go to his grave swearing that he had or hadn't done something, even when all of
the evidence pointed to the contrary. We were all wandering around aimlessly with
flashlights looking for the missing rocket. I took my son aside and told him that I needed
him to tell me the truth. I told him I wouldn't be mad (not a promise I had kept in the
past) but that we needed to know what happened to it. He took his flashlight and shined
it high into a tree where the light reflected off the white tip off the rocket. He had known
exactly where the rocket had landed, and he FINALLY trusted me with the truth. My
heart was so full in that moment. My son wasn't afraid of me.
I know that this change won't happen overnight. It's going to take a lot of prayer, but I'm
talking to God again and rebuilding that relationship while I rebuild my relationships with
my children. I have sent small prayers to God continuously since that day. I pray for
strength to get through a single moment. I praise Him for small accomplishments. I pray
for wisdom. And I pray prayers of thanks that He put me in Orlando on Friday, in this
lecture, where He worked a change in my life.
This letter ended up being much longer that I originally anticipated. Thank you for your
time. I needed to share my experience and I thought that you would like to hear how
your words and the Holy Spirit's work changed my life.
Thank you,