The document discusses Fenelon's approach to educating a difficult child who was entrusted to him. It summarizes that Fenelon: 1) Succeeded in influencing the child through making himself loved by the child first, rather than using a strict authoritative approach. 2) Advocated being compassionate toward a child's weaknesses rather than displaying shock or irritation. 3) Recommended an approachable and genuine demeanor to build a child's confidence, rather than exercising rigid authority.

1. Fund Development Counsel
Education of a Child
The Wisdom of Fenelon
Recommended books: Duties of Parents; The Education of a
Child by Fenelon; Disappearance of Childhood; War of
Words; Teddy’s Button; Helen’s Temper; Little Threads;
Courage at Runaway Brook; Basil: Honesty and Industry
www.lamplighterpublishing.com

2. With Character Comprehension Quizzes!
LAMPLIGHTER PUBLISHING

3. The Education
of a Child
from the
Wisdom of Fenelon

11. “I was profoundly touched by the book True to the Last. I
COULD NOT put it down. When I finished, I was sobbing.
My prayer after reading this was, “Lord, make me more like
you...”
“Dear Lamplighter: I just listened to A Peep Behind the
Scenes audio drama and at my desk at work and I am in
tears. It’s more than I could describe.
Lamplighter, Every teenager in the world needs to read
Hand on the Bridle…if I had read that when I was a young
teen it would have changed the direction of my life!
The book White Knights is the best book for boys we have
ever found. In fact, we are writing parts of the story on my
boys bedroom walls! Thank you for supplying us with godly
role models!

12. “Dear Mark, I wanted you to know that my 7-year-old
daughter prayed that the Good Shepherd would find her
after she listened to A Peep Behind the Scenes. Two weeks
later she came to us and said the Good Shepherd had found
her. So I can say first hand that the Lord is using the stories
to draw people to himself.”
“Lamplighter’s ministry of building character one story at a
time has been greatly used by God. The Lamplighter books
and dramas have had a huge effect on our family.”
“Mark, we’re listening to Lamplighter Theatre and we’re
hanging on every word as well as moved to tears. We hope
and pray that God provides the resources necessary to keep
this part of your ministry going - it’s a great blessing!”

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23.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had
to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real
connection with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her
piercings', and the fact that she is much older than I am.
She really is perfect for me and she told me that she would
like to start a family right away.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I ready to take on this
responsibility. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit
so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son,
John

24. PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over
at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than the report
card, that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
Perspective

25. Fund Development Counsel
The destiny of this child, confided to Fenelon, was the future fate of a nation.
The disposition of this child, however, inspired more fear than hope. “He
was terrible from birth,” said one Simon. “In his earliest years he caused
those about him to tremble; unfeeling, displaying the most violent passion,
which extended towards inanimate objects, incapable of bearing the slightest
contradiction, even from the hours or the elements, without giving way to a
whirlwind of rage sufficient to break all the blood-vessels in his body—I
speak of what I have often witnessed: opinionated to excess; absorbed in the
pursuits of pleasure, fond of good living, following the chase with furious
impetuosity, enjoying music with a sort of delirium, madly attached to play,
but unable to bear loss, and when defeated, becoming positively dangerous;
in fact, abandoned to all the evil passions, and transported by every
corrupting pleasure; often savage, naturally cruel; bitter in raillery, ridiculing
with a remorseless power, regarding all men (irrespective of merit), from his
high position, but as atoms with whom he could have no affinity. The extent
and vivacity of his powers were so varied that they prevented his fixing upon
any distinct branch of knowledge, and almost rendered him incapable of
study. From this abyss came forth a prince.” This prince was the child
confided to Fenelon to remodel.

26. Fund Development Counsel
The road I present, though it may appear
long, is the shortest, since it leads directly
to where we want to go; the other road,
which is that of fear, and of a superficial
cultivation of the mind, however short it
appears, is too long; for by it we never
arrive at the true end of education, which
is to persuade the mind, and to inspire it
with a sincere love of virtue, and a passion
for learning.
Kinder Garden Flowers, fill their lives with smiles and kindness…
San Diego Airport
Fear leads to frustration, which leads to shame, which leads to hiding or aggression

27. Fund Development Counsel
“Perfect Love casts out fear. For fear has
torment/punishment. He who fears is
not made perfect in love.”
2 Timothy 1:7
We use fear to compensate for our own insecurities and
selfishness
Fear is evidence that we are unable to trust God…and allow
our children to make mistakes.

28. Fund Development Counsel
The first process adopted by Fenelon toward
his young pupil was the influence of his own
character.
He succeeded in persuading because he had
succeeded in making himself loved.
*When your life lives louder than….Do you want to control your
children or influence them? Mercy to 1000, Responsibility above

29. Fund Development Counsel
An authoritative parent whose eye is ever
upon their child, who is constantly scolding,
thinking they are fulfilling their educative role
in pardoning nothing, will oppress their child,
especially parents who place the weight of the
family concerns upon them; all of this only
torments and discourages.
Fenelon
Fully loved
6 yr old dishes
Put bike away
Clean room

30. “Those who desire to
be perfect parents
really desire
perfect children
so that
their own image
is exalted.”

31. Fund Development Counsel
Never assume, without the greatest necessity, an
austere posture, which always frightens children, and
often arises from affectation and pedantry
(dominating nitpicky legalism) in those who govern;
for children are generally too timid and bashful. You
close their hearts from you by it, and make them
withdraw their confidence, without which no good fruit
can spring forth, which is necessary to the success of
their education. Make yourself beloved by them, and
they will be open with you; and they will not fear to let
you see their faults.
Otherwise they will mask and burrow deeper for self
preservation and protection from shame.
Hope makes…Speeding Ticket

32. Fund Development Counsel
Be not too severe with the behavior that is not
disguised from you. Do not appear astonished
or irritated at their bad dispositions; on the
contrary, be compassionate to their
weaknesses; generally, approachable
confidence and genuineness are more useful
to them, than to exercise a rigorous authority
over them.
Let them see we are on their side—Teddy
Adversarial relationships fill reservoirs—focus on heart issues not words
Psalm 103, Elijah
Enjoy – don’t project your perfectionism on to your children
. Eph 6:4 – provoke not
- proximity, alongside, lit. from side of.
Colossians –Provoke not - to be passionate, enrage, to anger (from root word orgy - violent
passions and perverted sexual relationships) Never good enough, lest they be discouraged!; Athumos—without spirit.

33. Sarah Edwards knew how to make her children regard and obey her cheerfully,
without loud angry words, much less heavy blows. She seldom punished them,
and in speaking to them, used gentle and pleasant words. If any correction was
necessary, she did not administer it in passion; when she had occasion to reprove
and rebuke she would do it in few words, without noise; she had need to speak but
once; she was cheerfully obeyed because she convinced her children of the
reasonableness of her request; murmuring and answer again were not
known among them. The kind and gentle treatment they received from their
mother, while she strictly and punctiliously maintained her parental authority,
seemed naturally to…promote a filial respect and affection, and to lead them to a
mild, tender treatment of each other. Quarrelling and contention, which too
frequently take place among children, were in her family unknown.
She carefully observed the first appearance of resentment and ill will
in her young children…showed her displeasure and suppressed it to
the uttermost; yet not by angry, wrathful words, which often provoke children to
wrath…Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age and it was her rule
to resist the first, as well as every subsequent exhibition of temper or disobedience
in the child…wisely reflecting that until a child will obey his parents he can never
be brought to obey God.
Samuel Hopkins, in Marriage to a Difficult Man, the Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards.

34. Fund Development Counsel
Show him always that you have command over
yourself, always calm and considerate; nothing
will make him see it better than your patience
and humility. Watch for a fit moment for several
successive days, if necessary, that you may
properly time a correction. Do not tell the child
his fault, without adding some means by which
he may get the better of it, which will encourage
him to do so; for we should avoid the
discouragement which arises from dry
correction; and we should never tell him many at
a time.
Shoes, home late past curfew

35. Fund Development Counsel
It is frequently necessary to tolerate things which
ought to be corrected, until the moment shall have
arrived when the mind of a child will be in a state to
profit by the correction. Never find fault with him in
his first emotion, or in yours; if you do it in yours, he
will perceive that you are governed by mood and
impatience, and not by reason and friendship: you
will lose, without resources, your authority. If you
reprimand him in his first emotion, his mind will not
be sufficiently free to acknowledge his fault, to
subdue his passion, and to weigh the importance of
your advice. It is even exposing the child to lose the
respect he owes you.
Razor mach 3 – stoning or sp?

36. On the other hand, authority will not fail to find its
place, if confidence and persuasion are not sufficiently
effectual; but you should be open, joyful, and familiar
in conduct, free from meanness; which gives you the
opportunity of seeing children act in their natural
state, and of knowing their characters thoroughly. But
let not too great familiarity breed contempt. On the
other hand, if you should have reduced them by
authority to observe all your rules, you would not have
gained your end; every thing would become restrained
formality, and perhaps hypocrisy. Instead of instilling
a love for virtue and knowledge, you will on the
contrary give them a general distaste and disgust for
both and lose the love of which you should alone seek
to inspire them. God keeps no record of evil…love never

37. Suffer then a child to play, mixing
instruction with amusement: let wisdom
appear to him at intervals, and always
with a smiling face. Be careful not to
fatigue him by an indiscreet exactness.
Never good enough, lest they be discouraged!; Athumos—without
spirit.

38. Health and innocence are the true
sources of enjoyment; but those who
have had the misfortune to accustom
themselves to violent pleasures, lose all
taste for those of a more moderate
nature, and fatigue themselves in a
restless pursuit, seeking after excessive
gratifications.

39. In this state of frivolity, if a child gives themselves
up to idleness, which is the vacancy of the soul,
exhausts himself into a state of weariness. These
children often accustom themselves to sleep one-
third more than is necessary for the preservation of
health. This indulgence serves only weaken, to
undermine their constitution, and expose them to
bodily infirmities, whereas a moderate degree of
sleep, accompanied with regular exercise,
exhilarates and renders the human frame vigorous
and robust; which makes the true perfection of the
body, without mentioning the vast advantage which
the mind draws from it.

40. … it is necessary to find out every means
of making those things pleasing to the
child which are expected of him; and
should you have any thing distressing or
difficult to propose, forget not to comfort
him with the assurance that a little
trouble will be followed by unspeakable
satisfaction.
Fenelon

41. If a child take up a dark and sullen view
of virtue; if independence and vice
assume an attractive aspect, all is lost;
your work is vain.

42. But above all things, do not let it
appear to the child that you
demand from him unnecessary
submissions;
Asprin/Cell Phone!/$20 bill
The End…The Beginning…

43. $20 Bill
Recently, the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to
demonstrate the power of His awesome grace to one of my
sons.
This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, "Guess
what, mom... I found a $20 bill in the pocket of one of my pairs
of shorts."
Immediately I discerned that what he was telling me probably
wasn't the truth. But I congratulated him on finding the lost
money and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten
birthday money. End of phone call.
When I hung up the phone with him I tried to remind myself
to check in a drawer at home to see if a $20 bill was still there.
It is a drawer that the older boys know about... where my
husband and I stash extra cash for emergencies.

44. That night I forgot to check, but a few days later I
remembered and saw that it was missing. My husband
hadn't taken any money from it... and money had never
been missing before. I knew I had to talk to my son.
What a flashback to my childhood!!
My son was from my blood, for sure. But he didn't have
the desperate, driving need for money that I thought I
had as a child... or did he? I remembered the guilt and
shame... and the loss of trust with my parents as I stole
time and again and was caught and disciplined for it. I
remembered how it felt... how I knew I lost their trust so I
didn't care after awhile... Oh, no. I don't want my dear
son feeling that way or taking that path!

45. I brought him into a quiet room away from his brothers and we sat
down together. I told him I wanted to tell him a story... and I
proceeded to tell him about when I was a little girl and I had taken a
$10 bill from my mother's wallet. My mother found the money
missing very shortly afterward and was distraught. It was the only
money we had for groceries that week! I felt so terrible... and I
really wanted to return the money. But how? I decided to make up
a story to cover my sin. I went outside to where the sprinkler was
watering the lawn and I pretended to find the money under the
sprinkler. I went in the house, triumphant that I had "found" the
(now wet) missing money, eager to hand it over to my distraught
mother and make things right again.
Much to my dismay, I was met with an angry parent who vowed
that I was lying... that I had stolen the money... and that I could
never be trusted. I sank deeper into my sin, believing that I might
as well be what she claimed I was. It didn't matter anymore.

46. I knew that I wanted this encounter with my son to be
very, very different. So I told him the story while holding
him in my arms and rubbing his back. Then I let him
know that I was missing $20 and I asked if it was
possibly the $20 that he had found in his pocket. He
immediately said, "No, mom... I did find that in my
pocket."
I was so pleased that God was in control!!! It was at this
point that I got the awesome opportunity to heal a great
wrong in my life... simply by treating my son (in his sin)
the way that I had only dreamed of being treated.
I said to him, "I BELIEVE you."

47. I hugged him and sent him on his way.
Later that night I mentioned to him that we needed to put the $20
up on his "chart." We keep a running account of the younger
children's money on a chart on the refrigerator. Then we keep
the cash for them so they don't lose it. They do this by choice,
and he had already given me the $20 bill the day he had called me
to say he had found it in his pocket. They usually keep smaller
amounts in their wallets, but the bigger amounts they give back
to us and write up on their "account."
I had joyfully written the $20 entry on his account. I felt such
peace... such joy. Conviction of sin was up to the Holy Spirit
alone!! I had done the only job required of me... I had lavished
"prodigal" grace on my son.

48. I call it prodigal grace because prodigal means "reckless, lavish,
wasteful." The father in the parable of the "prodigal son" was
actually the one who was reckless, lavish, and wasteful!! He
"wasted" the fatted calf on his wayward son; he "lavished" an
undeserved gift of a robe and a ring. He recklessly ran down the
road to meet him. He poured out unconditional love. Yes -- that is
what I lacked as a child. That is what I wanted my son, yet in his
unrepentant sin, to experience.
A few hours later I was preparing to read aloud a book to the boys.
My heartbroken son came into the room and burst into tears at my
side. I hugged him. I asked him if he would like to tell me
something.
"Yes...", he stammered, "I.... I did take that money out of your
drawer, Mom."

49. What joy in my heart to see the Holy Spirit bring about the work of
repentance totally unhindered by me!!!
I said this to him...”Oh, my dear son... I LOVE you. I am so proud of
you for telling me the truth. That took SO much courage. I believed
you when you told me that you didn't take the money because I really
trust you. I'm so glad I can trust you to tell me the truth. I know that
was a hard thing to do.
I do want you to know something. All that I have is yours. If you ever
feel like you need money you just come and tell me. I don't ever want
you to feel like you have to steal.
And I want you to keep that money... I don't want it back. I'm just so
glad you let the Holy Spirit work in your heart."
Yes... I wanted him to keep the money. And no one else in our
household knows what happened. I covered over his sin for a very
good purpose --- so that he will never forget what that kind of love
feels like.
I don't believe I'll ever deal with this issue with him again. And for that
very reason... it was worth it to be a prodigal mom.

52. God's love is so radical toward us... so incredibly
unbelievable!! We were ungodly, we were sinners, we were
enemies.
One will hardly die for a righteous
man; though perhaps for the good
man someone would dare even to
die. But God demonstrates His own
love toward us, in that while we were
yet sinners, Christ died for us.
(Romans 5:7-8)
Won't you show a little of that "amazing grace" to your
undeserving child today.

53. Take good care never to threaten them with any
thing to study, nor to subject them to various rules.
We should make as few rules as possible, unless they
cannot be avoided, endeavoring to bring it about
quietly, without forceful necessity; we should always
show some sufficient reasoning for doing the task at
this time, and in this place, rather than in another.
We run the risk of discouraging children, if we never
praise them when they do well. Though praises are to
be feared on account of vanity, still we must
endeavor to make use of them to encourage children,
without flattering them. Well timed praise may be
profitably used as a stimulus to industry, but not as
an incitement to intoxicating self-esteem.

54. Let us here remark a great defect in the common modes
of education. We put all the pleasure on one side, and all
the weariness on the other. The weariness on that study
and responsibility, the pleasure on that of diversion.
What can a child do, but impatiently support the
drudgery of learning and working, and run ardently
after play?
Let us then endeavor to change this order; let us render
study pleasing; let us conceal the trouble under the
appearance of liberty and delight. Let us suffer the
children to interrupt their study by little sallies of
diversion; these distractions are necessary, and ought
therefore to be allowed, purposely to refresh their
minds, that are so easily fatigued even by a short
application.

55. Suffer them to walk about a little; permit them even
now and then, some digression, or some play, that
will unbend their minds; then bring them back
gently to the task. Too much regularity in exacting
from then an uninterrupted application to study,
hurts them too much; those who govern often affect
this regularity in exacting from them, because it is
more convenient to themselves, than subjecting
themselves continually to the proper moments of
instruction.

56. Welcome the admonitions of some charitable
friend, to point out those defects, which you
yourself cannot see. Generally, those who govern
children pardon nothing in them, though they
pardon every thing in themselves. This excites in the
children a spirit of criticism and malignity;
consequently when they discover any fault in their
governors/parents they are delighted, and feel only
contempt for them; this posture of self-
righteousness actually creates a vindictive spirit in
the child who will glory in such a discovery which
furnishes an opportunity for recrimination.

57. Of all things, avoid this inconvenience; fear not to
speak of those defects which are not visible in
yourself. Be not afraid to acknowledge your evident
failings, nor those which inadvertence may have
brought to light. If you see him capable of
understanding reason on this point, tell him that you
will give an example how to correct his faults, by
correcting your own. Thus, you will draw from your
very imperfections means of instruction and
edification; you will both edify the child and
encourage him to reflect upon his own faults and
correct himself. Moreover, you will avoid that
contempt and dislike which your defects might
otherwise cause him to feel for your person.

58. You should always give to children a
solid and agreeable end, that may
captivate their young heart, and sweeten
their exertions; We should always
encourage them in their work, and never
pretend to subject them by a dry and
absolute authority.

59. "If a child learns a trade, or his highly educated for a lucrative
profession, all is nothing compared to the art of detachment
from riches; if you want to make your child rich, teach him
this. he is truly rich who does not desire great possessions, or
surrounds himself with wealth, but who requires nothing…
Don't worry about giving him an influential reputation, for
worldly wisdom, but ponder deeply how you can teach him to
think lightly of this life's passing glories, thus he will become
truly renowned and glorious…Don't strive to make him a
clever orator, but teach him to love true wisdom. He will
suffer if he lacks clever words, but if he lacks wisdom, all the
rhetoric in the world can't help him. A pattern of life is what is
needed, not empty speeches; character, not cleverness; deeds,
not words. These things will secure the kingdom of God and
bestow God's blessings.”[1]

62. Fund Development Counsel
Recommended Readings:
Inspired to adopt a similar moral code by emulating the characters
that have now been etched into their awakened conscience.
Values realigned with Worth
(strength, beauty, excellence, purity)
Rare Collector Series:
Little Threads
Teddy’s Button
The Missing Prince
Little Lamb
The Basket of Flowers
Resolute
Helen’s Temper
Trust y: Tried and True
Other Resources:
The Education of a Child (book/audio)
Duties of Parents
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide
Families Where Grace is in Place
The Mansion

64. The ancients understood the treatment
of children much better, particularly the
method of communicating instruction. It
was by the pleasures of poetry and
music, that the principle sciences, the
maxims of virtue, politeness and good
manners were introduced among the
Hebrews, Egyptians, and Greeks.

68. I must, however, repeat that it is necessary to
guard against making it a law for them to
hear, or be obliged to remember these stories,
much less to make them regular lessons.
Pleasure of itself must do the business; for
true education emerges from the bowels of
pleasure and a love for learning. Do not press
them; you will obtain your end even with the
slowest capacities; avoid over charging their
memory, and their curiosity will increase with
age.