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1. WHAT DRIVES US
LECTURE 9
“When a person with money meets a person with experience, the one with experience
ends up with the money and the one with money leaves with experience.”
MOTIVATION
What motivates us to engage in certain behaviors for either needs or wants?
1) Instinct theory
2) Drive-reduction theory
3) Arousal theory
4) Hierarchy of needs
DRIVE-REDUCTION THEORY
Drive-reduction theory – we have drives. Physiological needs (food or water) which
creates an aroused, motivated state that pushes us to reduce the
need.
• Our bodies striving to maintain homeostasis.
We are also pulled by incentives that lure or repel us. These stimuli with our underlying
drives, food or sex become active impulses.
“Getting begets wanting.”
AROUSAL THEORY
Arousal theory – we seek more than being in a homeostatic state. We desire excitement,
which amplifies motivation.
• Curiosity
• Uncertainty
• Exploration
Our desire is to seek optimal levels of arousal. Once biological needs are met we feel
driven to increase stimulation.
HIERARCHY OF NEEDS
Abraham Maslow – Hierarchy of needs
• Individuals have needs, or feelings of deficiency that drive their behavior.
• Once a need is satisfied then it is no longer motivating.
• Needs are in a hierarchy that an individual moves up as they satisfy levels of needs
IERARCHY OF NEEDS
Self-actualization – the purpose of fulfilling our potential.
Self-transcendence – the striving for identity, meaning, and purpose beyond the self.
People with meaningful and productive lives share certain characteristics:
• Self-aware, self-accepting, open, spontaneous, loving and caring, not concerned about
others’opinions.
• Secure in their sense of who they are, their interests are problem-centered rather than
self-centered.
• Enjoy a few deep relationships rather than many superficial ones.
PERSON-CENTERED PERSPECTIVE

2. Carl Rogers – people are basically good and are endowed with self-actualizing
tendencies.
Growth-promoting social climate provides:
• Acceptance – unconditional positive regard – caring, accepting, and nonjudgmental
attitude.
• Genuineness – open with our own feelings, transparent, and self-disclosing.
• Empathy – share and mirror other’s feelings and reflect their meanings.
THE NATURE OF THE SELF
- Who are you?
- How did you come to be this person you call “myself”?
- How do you define yourself?
The self-concept is made up of distinct beliefs that we hold about ourselves and that
influence what we notice about the world and how we process information.
WHO ARE YOU?
HAPPINESS VS. PURPOSE
How does one define Happiness?
Is the pursuit of Happiness a realistic goal?
How about finding a Purpose in life?
FINDING ONESELF
What is our place in the universe?
- Seeking Awe
According to Keltner & Haidt awe consists of:
1) Perceived Vastness (something we think to be greater than ourselves)
2) Accommodation (a need to assimilate the experience of vastness into one's current
mental structure)
AWE
How can awe boost your well-being and quality of life?
1) Improve your relationship with time.
2) Inspire creativity.
3) Give us hope and help us appreciate life.
4) Connect us to nature.
5) Can be transformative.
PURPOSE?
John Gray – “Straw Dogs”
Encourages people to try to de-attach themselves from the pressures of feeding our
personal narratives and attaining to unreachable overarching purposes.
- We must renounce the delusion that one’s life is a narrative, that is – an episode in
some universal story of progress. Instead, he advocates a more contemplative life,
one lived moment to moment, that appreciates the immediate joys of existence in
the skin we are in.

3. “The meaning of life is a touch, a scent, which comes by chance and is gone before you
know it.”
HUNGER
When we are hungry, thirsty, fatigued, or sexually aroused, nothing else seems to matter.
HUNGER
The Psychology of Hunger:
I. Taste preferences
- Culture matters
II. Situational influences
- Arousing appetite
- Social environment – family and friends
- Serving size
- Selection and variety – all you can eat buffet
- Nudging nutrition
SEX
Sex is the main driving force for all but a small fraction of us. However, sex is not a need,
but it is extremely motivating.
What’s the driving force behind sex?
• Hormones: Testosterone & Estrogen
Synchronicity between sex and fertility?
PSYCHOLOGY OF SEX
External stimuli – arousal through sights and sounds – Porn
Imagined stimuli – the brain is our most significant sex organ.
• Fantasy
PSYCHOLOGY OF SEX
The Path to Sexual Desire
“For women, desire originates much more between the ears than between the legs. For
women there is a need for a plot – hence the romance novel. It is more about the
anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women's desire
is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion." - Esther Perel,
New York City Psychotherapist
Men, by contrast, don't need to have nearly as much imagination, since sex is simpler and
more straightforward for them.
• Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex.
• For men, sex is the connection, the language they use to express
their tender loving vulnerable side.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
Sexual orientation – an enduring sexual attraction toward members of one’s own sex
(homosexuality), the other sex (heterosexuality), both sexes (bisexuality), any gender
identity (pansexual), and no sexual attraction to any gender (asexual).
SEXUAL ORIENTATION

4. • Men are very rigid and specific about who they want to have sex with, who they fall in
love with.
• Women may be more open to same-sex relationships thanks to their less-directedsex
drives – erotic plasticity. • More lesbians reported recent sex with men, when compared
to gay men's reports of sex with women. Women were also more likely than men to call
themselves bisexual.
BELONGING
The need to belong and feel connected to others through relationships and being part of a
group.
• Survival mechanism – strength in numbers
• Cooperation – avoid exploitation
• Social identity – increases well-being
BELONGING
- We spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about actual and hoped-for
friends.
- We spend billions of dollars on clothes, cosmetics, getting in shape (fitness), etc.
motivating us to search for love and acceptance.
“Happiness hits close to home”
“Love is a painkiller”
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do most people have?
friends for life.
people they really like and would hang out
with one-on-one.
people they like but don’t spend time with
one-on-one or seek out.
Dunbar’s Number
OSTRACISM
Ostracism – deliberate social exclusion or being ignored from an individual or a group.
The pain of Isolation – both physical and mental.
- Solitary confinement
- Social networking
OSTRACISM
To experience ostracism is to experience real pain. On a psychological level……
Social pain = Physical pain
Pain focuses our attention and motivates corrective action. People may relieve stress by:
- Seeking new friends
- Eating comfort foods
- Strengthening religious faith
- Becoming more hostile
CONNECTING

5. As social creatures we live for connection. Our ability to connect with people today is
more pervasive than ever before.
- The internet, smart phones, and social media
However…….
- Are we truly connecting with others?
- Are we any happier?
SOCIAL MEDIA
How to maintain balance and focus:
• Monitor our time.
• Monitor our feelings.
• Hide from online distractions.
• Check your phones and emails less often.
• Go outside and into nature. The key is to develop strategies of self-control
ACHIEVEMENT MOTIVATION
Our desire for accomplishment, for mastering skills or ideas, for control, and for attaining
a high standard.
Discipline outdoes talent
Grit – a passionate dedication to an ambitious undertaking.
“If you want to look good in front of thousands, you have to outwork thousands in front
of nobody.