JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Lecture Notes © Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University. JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1194) Page 1 of 4 WEEK 3: LISTEN AND ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS Listen and Ask the Right Questions You come home from work after a long day only to discover that your significant other is upset. You ask what’s wrong. As you hear the story unfold, you repeatedly offer suggestions as to how your significant other might solve the problems described. You are caught completely off guard when you end up sleeping on the couch. What you’ve just experienced is a frequent cause of failure where in-person communication is concerned. Your spouse was angry because you didn’t listen. You instead assumed you knew what could make the problem go away. Effective communication is not just about imparting information. It is about receiving information, too. When two people with a pair of radio walkie-talkies both hold down the button to talk, neither one of them can hear the other. They are both too busy sending to receive. To communicate effectively, you must focus most of your energy on listening when the other person talks. When someone feels heard, they are more receptive to your own message, more likely to build rapport with you, and more likely to become your active ally in solving the problems at hand. The result is that all parties to the communication exchange information effectively, moving toward a collaborative solution. When was the last time you felt heard? Do your colleagues listen? Do your direct reports listen? Does your boss listen? Do you? Listening – and only listening, with no reply needed, no action taken, and no solution suggested – can grow a relationship. We often believe, incorrectly, that more is better. Attempting to multi-task when you should be listening is not productive. Worse, it causes us to lose the human connection that we crave for real success in our business relationships. Most importantly, however, we must not merely listen actively to build these relationships; we must listen with empathy to achieve a connection with our colleagues. Listen with Empathy William Ury, an author and expert in negotiation, explains that there are three important reasons to listen: 1. Listening helps us understand the other side. Negotiation is an exercise in influence, and nothing helps you influence another person better than understanding them. 2. Listening helps us connect because it builds rapport and trust. When we listen, we demonstrate empathy because everyone wants to be heard. 3. Listening makes it more likely that the other person will listen to us, which helps us attain their buy- in. JWI 505.

1. JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Lecture Notes
© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document
contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary
information and may not be
copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or
in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer
University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1194) Page 1 of 4
WEEK 3: LISTEN AND ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
Listen and Ask the Right Questions
You come home from work after a long day only to discover
that your significant other is upset. You ask
what’s wrong. As you hear the story unfold, you repeatedly
offer suggestions as to how your significant other
might solve the problems described. You are caught completely
off guard when you end up sleeping on the
couch. What you’ve just experienced is a frequent cause of
failure where in-person communication is
concerned. Your spouse was angry because you didn’t listen.
You instead assumed you knew what could
make the problem go away.

2. Effective communication is not just about imparting
information. It is about receiving information, too. When
two people with a pair of radio walkie-talkies both hold down
the button to talk, neither one of them can hear
the other. They are both too busy sending to receive. To
communicate effectively, you must focus most of
your energy on listening when the other person talks. When
someone feels heard, they are more receptive
to your own message, more likely to build rapport with you, and
more likely to become your active ally in
solving the problems at hand. The result is that all parties to the
communication exchange information
effectively, moving toward a collaborative solution.
When was the last time you felt heard? Do your colleagues
listen? Do your direct reports listen? Does your
boss listen? Do you?
Listening – and only listening, with no reply needed, no action
taken, and no solution suggested – can grow
a relationship. We often believe, incorrectly, that more is better.
Attempting to multi-task when you should be
listening is not productive. Worse, it causes us to lose the
human connection that we crave for real success
in our business relationships. Most importantly, however, we
must not merely listen actively to build these
relationships; we must listen with empathy to achieve a
connection with our colleagues.
Listen with Empathy
William Ury, an author and expert in negotiation, explains that
there are three important reasons to listen:

3. 1. Listening helps us understand the other side. Negotiation is
an exercise in influence, and nothing
helps you influence another person better than understanding
them.
2. Listening helps us connect because it builds rapport and trust.
When we listen, we demonstrate
empathy because everyone wants to be heard.
3. Listening makes it more likely that the other person will
listen to us, which helps us attain their buy-
in.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Lecture Notes
© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document
contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary
information and may not be
copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or
in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer
University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1194) Page 2 of 4
What can we learn by listening with empathy? It gives us
insight into others' strengths, values, reasons for
being, and what matters most to them. When we actually hear

4. what is on someone's mind, rather than
focusing on our own assumptions or beliefs about them, true
communication becomes possible.
“Listening may be the cheapest concession we can make in a
negotiation,” Ury explains. “It costs us nothing
and brings huge benefits. Listening may be the golden key that
opens the door to human relationship.”
Refuse to Assume
One of the most powerful techniques you can use when listening
fully and empathetically is refusing to
assume that you know or understand what the other person is
saying. Periodically, tell them what it is you
believe they are saying. This will not only demonstrate that you
are a committed, active listener, but it will:
• Give them the opportunity to correct you, if your
understanding of what they’ve said is incorrect
• Give you both an opportunity to achieve a connection
It’s rare that people listen to us with full commitment. When we
hear them repeat back to us what they
believe we’ve said, this demonstration of understanding, this
illustration of their commitment to be fully
present and hear us, immediately makes us feel valued. When
we can say, “Yes! You’ve heard me!” then
we have achieved a connection, which, in turn, strengthens that
relationship. This, in turn, leads to better
collaboration and better results.
Try this: listen for two full minutes to someone speak to you
about the topic of their choice. Be fully present.

5. Do not speak. Do not even acknowledge what they are saying
for the two minute time period. Instead, listen
without thinking about what you will say in response. When
you’ve finished the two minutes, ask the other
person what it felt like to be heard.
Connect as You Listen
The key to listening with empathy is that, when you listen, you
should not just listen for information. You
should also be connecting your own emotions and your own
values to what you are hearing. What opinions
and positions do you and the other party share? To which parts
of what they are saying can you best relate?
Where is your common ground? When you relate what someone
says to what is also important to you, you
establish empathy and rapport with that person.
Be careful, however, not to make everything about you. When
relating what someone says to your own
values and priorities, this is easy to do. Avoid the temptation to
hijack the conversation and put the focus on
your own issues.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Lecture Notes
© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document
contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary
information and may not be
copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or

6. in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer
University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1194) Page 3 of 4
Asking the Right Questions
Asking the right questions is a critical skill for leaders. It is
closely related to, and intertwined with, listening.
Asking the right questions, questions to which we authentically
desire the answers, demonstrates our
interest and curiosity about what others are saying. Asking the
right questions is a great complement to
listening with empathy. It allows you to grow while, at the same
time, coaching others. This includes
prompting them to self-generate solutions and to achieve,
through their own thought processes, their own
aha moments. This doesn't just make them more effective
colleagues. It also more fully enhances their buy-
in when you work together.
Learning to ask the right questions will also help you to inspire
and engage others in working toward the
desired collaborative outcome. When you ask the right
questions, the brilliance of everyone in the room can
shine, which is the essence of Jack Welch’s philosophy of
getting “every brain in the game” to achieve better
results. Asking the right questions is a productive, positive,
creative process that can get us what we want.
We all seem to believe this to be true, yet few of us do it. One
of the reasons we don't is that we haven't
learned to listen effectively. Good questions must be combined
with effective listening to achieve results.

7. Jack, for example, is a master at asking effective, probing
questions. His fully present, active listening and
his intense and targeted questioning help him get to the heart of
a matter quickly. But what exactly is he
doing when he asks effective questions? According to Irene
Leonard, a master-level certified business
coach, effective questions are powerful, thought-provoking
queries that are open-ended.
Don’t ask leading questions that assume a conclusion. You must
learn to wait for an answer, not provide the
other person with the answer they think you want to hear. Your
goal is to learn what someone knows and
understands about a problem, not simply to inform them what
the problem might be.
If you sense the other party becoming defensive, it’s a good
idea to accompany why questions with context.
Why questions can seem like blame or judgment. Always follow
a why question with the phrase, “I’m trying
to understand _________” Fill in the blank with the context for
your question that explains why you’re not
looking to find fault or place blame, but just to understand an
issue.
Never make assumptions when asking questions. Don’t tell the
other person what you believe they think.
Instead, ask them to provide you with their understanding. Say
something like, “What’s your understanding
of this issue?” or “What do you think the problem is?” Don’t
say something like, “Why do you think Payroll
refuses to perform month-end duties on time?” for example,
when you could instead say something like,
“What’s your understanding of the month-end duties in the
Payroll department?”

8. You must let go of any preconceived notions you may have
when using effective questioning to get to the
heart of an issue. It’s not enough to know what someone thinks;
you must strive to understand why they
think it. Effective, probing questions can achieve this for you.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Lecture Notes
© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document
contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary
information and may not be
copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or
in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer
University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1194) Page 4 of 4
Critical Skills for Asking Effective, Powerful Questions
Irene Leonard1 describes the following listening skills as
critical to effective questioning:
• Articulating: Succinctly describe to the other person what you
understand about what they are
telling you. This not only achieves rapport by demonstrating
that you are actively listening, but it also

9. invites them to correct you if your understanding is incomplete.
• Clarifying: Asking clarifying questions is a lot like
articulating, but it helps you fill in the gaps of your
understanding for a more complete picture. It demonstrates that
you care enough to make sure you
understand the other person completely.
• Being Curious: Don’t make assumptions when listening. This
can cause you to leap to conclusions
and not truly hear what they are telling you.
• Silence: Don’t talk, and don’t tell the other person what you
think they believe. Instead, wait and
give them time to formulate an answer when you ask them a
question. Then, hear them out
completely and repeat the process.
Leaders Ask Powerful Questions
Powerful questions are questions that help you identify an issue.
They also help you elicit further
information, while gaining the buy-in of the other person and
driving all participants to necessary actions.
Effective business leaders listen with empathy while being fully
present, achieving connections with their
colleagues by asking probing questions that drive all parties
toward a satisfactory conclusion. This is the
very definition of getting all brains in the game – and of
winning through collaborative effort in an
organization.

10. 1 http://www.coachingforchange.com/pub10.html.