1. The document discusses key topics for becoming an effective negotiator including gender differences in negotiation, the 5 styles of negotiating, and the wish-want-walk approach. 2. It notes that women may be reluctant to negotiate due to tendencies encouraged by gender norms but that being aware of differences and understanding negotiation strategies can help women become stronger negotiators. 3. The wish-want-walk approach involves determining your best alternative, desired asking price, target price, and bottom line before negotiating to maintain power in the negotiation.

1. Jared D. Simmer, Esq. & Marick Masters, Ph.D. _____________________________________ 2008 E-Magnify Conference “ The Power of Women, One and All” - April 1, 2008 -

5. The ability to negotiate effectively affects the quality of your life and directly impacts the profitability, and maybe even the viability, of your business. ______________________________________ While we are not taught how to negotiate, we do learn how to negotiate. Unfortunately, what most of us learn is how to get very good at being very bad . _____________________________________________ As a businesswomen, never underestimate the importance of being able to effectively articulate and assert your personal and economic interests.

6. Let’s remember, whether you’re self-employed or not, as a businesswomen you negotiate every day: - The lease of office space or equipment - Delegating work to staff - Hiring new employees - Your compensation - Contracts with suppliers/vendors - Deals with current/prospective clients - Advisors (attorneys, accountants, etc.) - Even how you spend your time

7. How do you know if you’re negotiating your interests effectively? ___________________________________________________ - You lose, or can’t close, business deals - You feel frustrated & unsatisfied when you negotiate - You find yourself with relationship “issues” - You get “buyer’s/seller’s remorse” after a deal - Your profits aren’t growing/declining - You have low staff morale - You have high staff turnover - Your business fails

9. Negotiation and Gender ________________________________________________________________________________________________ The “ good news ” - Women are encouraged to be demure, play nice, keep other people happy, meet other’s needs, get along, overlook their own needs, and make sure people are happy. The “ bad news ” - Businesswomen need to be aware that these tendencies/expectations, while admirable, can make them reluctant to assert themselves in negotiations (particularly in situations where the negotiation is competitive or ambiguous), or make them too willing to compromise.

10. During negotiations, how are some of these gender differences manifested? Women tend to: __________________________________________ - Be susceptible to being intimidated. - Assume that most things are not negotiable. - Negotiate effectively for others but not for themselves. - Let others dictate what their skills, contributions or services are “worth”.

11. - Get caught up in the “empathy trap” (going along to get along). - Be unwilling to say “no”, and too willing to take “no” for an answer. - Take things too personally. - Accept the first offer (don’t counter).

13. - Believe that negotiation is a game that men play. - Be too afraid to take chances (= risk-averse). - Allow the other party to determine the parameters of settlement. - Believe that everybody has to like them. _______________________________________________ In addition to being aware of these tendencies, it’s also important to understand what the research suggests are some of the reasons for these tendencies.

14. The first thing to be aware of is that we associate negotiation with competitive metaphors, usually war or games, both suggestive of a “male” activity. E.g.: ________________________________________________________________________ - “We went at it tooth and nail” - “I negotiated with my adversary/opponent” - “I played hardball” - “We played to win” - “It wasn’t a level playing field” - “I kept my cards close to the vest” - “I told them to “take it or leave it” - “I refused to budge” And, because these metaphors lead us to envision negotiation as a male, and not a female, “thing”, women are prone to buy into a sort of self-defeating attitude about the process.

16. The second thing to be aware of are the traits that are universally associated with effective negotiators: ____________________________________________ Assertive vs. Passive Confident vs. Unsure Demonstrative vs. Reserved Winning is everything vs. Winning isn’t everything Take charge vs. Go along to get along Competitive vs. Accommodative Risk-taking vs. Risk-averse And, because we tend to identify the traits in the first column as effective (and “male”), women may again be led to question their negotiating confidence.

17. The third thing to be aware of is how men view negotiations: __________________________________________________________________ - As a challenge - Everything is negotiable - Insist on overvaluing their “worth/services” - Setting higher/more ambitious targets - Meeting their needs - The object is to win (“competitive”) - Willing to take risks - Not shy about asking for things they want (even if they don’t deserve them) _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Any one of these things can create an advantage for men in negotiations.

18. The fourth thing to be aware of is why many women are reluctant to negotiate (ask): _______________________________________________________________ - They’re concerned with harming the relationship - They’re not as competitive (concerned with “winning”) - They lack the self-confidence to do well (= male domain) - They question their value (“depressed-entitlement” effect) - They’re satisfied with less (“paradox of the contented female worker”) - Female modesty in achievement settings - They’re reluctant to ask for anything more than what’s “fair”

19. The fifth thing to be aware of is that all negotiations involve two dimensions: the outcome and the relationship. This is known as the dual concerns model. ____________________________________________ All negotiations can be viewed in terms of the importance we place on each dimension. Depending on the relative importance you place on either or both of these dimensions determines how you should approach the negotiation.

22. Each of these 5 negotiating style have a time and a place where it should be used. To be an effective negotiator you not only must be able to use all 5 styles, but know when to use them. You will compromise the effectiveness of your negotiations if you mismatch your style to the wrong time/place, or become overly dependent on a single style.

27. Your “ WISH ” ( asking ) price is what you hope to buy/sell a product or a service for – your goal in the negotiation. Your “ WANT ” ( target ) price is what you expect to pay for/sell a product or a service for – where the market likely will push the results. Your “ WALK ” ( reservation ) price is the most/least you are willing to pay/sell a product or a service for – the line you will not cross to get a deal done. [From Fearless Negotiating , Michael C. Donaldson]

28. Power

29. “ Power” is an important factor in negotiations. And, research tells us that women often feel that they have less power than men. Why is this realization significant? Because power affects one’s confidence, expectations, perceptions, and willingness of the parties to have high aspirations, resist making concessions or to walk away. ___________________________________________________ “ Power is the ability to bring about outcomes you desire” ________________________ “ With power one party can get another to do what the latter normally would not do”

33. TO CONCLUDE _________________________________________________________ We’ve studied gender differences in negotiation, the 5 styles of negotiating, the wish-want-walk system, and the importance of claiming and exercising power. In conclusion, we’d like to leave you with some parting thoughts. _________________________ - YOU ONLY GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR! - YOU ONLY GET WHAT YOU’RE WILLING TO ACCEPT! - LEARN TO BE A DRIVER AND NOT A PASSENGER IN LIFE - YOU’LL NOT ONLY ENJOY THE RIDE A LOT MORE BUT HAVE MORE CONTROL OVER WHERE YOU’RE GOING! - GOOD LUCK -