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- 1. GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE WIND AT YOUR BACK Lori Poore & Ginny Sharp Certified Guidance Counselors District #204 lori_poore@ipsd.org [email_address] Parent University January 26, 2008
- 2. LIFE FOR TEENS IS NO PLAYGROUND It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices. Parents can teach teens skills to help them make better choices.
- 3. “ WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.”
- 4. NAVIGATION NECESSITIES What are Effective Teens Choices Based on? PRINCIPLES
- 6. PARADIGM The way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief.
- 7. What is a paradigm shift? A paradigm shift is a way of looking at something differently. We are stepping “outside the box”. When we make a paradigm shift we can see, think, feel and behave differently. Example: Ptolemy thought the earth was the center of the universe. Copernicus believed the sun was the center of the universe. (a paradigm shift occurred)
- 8. Frank Koch wrote: Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees." "I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees." By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse." We changed course. Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that story to teach that principles are “like lighthouses.” They are natural laws that cannot be broken.”
- 9. RESPECT To show regard or value for someone or something.
- 10. Emotional Bank Account Like a checking or savings account, you can make deposits or withdrawals. Personal -How you feel about yourself. (Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.) Relationship -How you feel about others. (Amount of trust and confidence you have in each of your relationships)
- 15. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Habit 1 Be Proactive Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind Habit 3 Put First Things First Habit 4 Think Win-win Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Habit 6 Synergize Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw
- 17. CIRCLE OF NO CONTROL CIRCLE OF CONTROL Attitudes Weather Birthplace Parents What other people say and do Choices & Responses Ourselves
- 26. GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Editor's Notes
- Parents are in a position to help students get underway with the Wind at their Backs, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens is the wind that will help your students navigate their course in life.
- Wrong turns we have seen are: drinking, drug use, shoplifting, sex, cheating, vandalism, smoking. Can anyone else name some wrong turns they have observed in teenagers?
- Parents can teach teens skills, values and principles to help them make better choices.
- All things are created twice-the most effective people shape their own futures. They benefit from beginning with the end in mind in all areas of life. Instead of letting other people or circumstances determine their results, they carefully plan who they want to be, what they want to do, and what they want to have, and then let their mental plan guide their decisions. Teens need to plan well. Think things through. Identifying your Center. What is your Center? What determines your mood? If it is determined by your work, then you are centered on work. If it is determined by your friends, then you are centered by your friends. Sean Covey suggests that you center yourself on your principles. A principle center-While other things on which we could center our lives on fluctuate, principles do not: Correct principles don’t change. We can depend on them. Principles don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad and treat us differently. They won’t divorce us. They aren’t out to get us. They can’t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don’t depend on the behavior of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don’t die. They aren’t here one day and gone the next. They can’t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft.
- What is a paradigm? It is your perception-the way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief. A paradigm is like a map in our head. We assume that they way we “see” things is the way they really are or the way they should be. Give an example of one of your paradigms that others might not agree with.
- Respect is an example of something that teenagers sometimes have a different paradigm on than we do. Respect is principle to live by-Ginny give example.
- Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don’t blame others for their own actions or feelings.
- In everyone’s life, there are a multitude of events that occurs every day. Out of all of these events, there’s only a subset that are actually a concern to us-the rest really don’t matter (think of things like your neighbor playing catch with his son and the ball bouncing into your yard that you notice out the front door-an event that doesn’t really matter to you. Within that set of events that are of concern is a smaller set that you actually can do anything about, your sphere of influence, so to speak. Now, where is your focus? Is it on those events that you can do something about, or on the ones that are out of your control? The idea is don’t spend your time focusing on events that you cannot control; instead, focus on what you can control. Let’s say, for example, that you’re waiting on a very important phone call. Some people stress out waiting for the call-that’s a bad habit because you can’t control when the phone call comes. On the other hand, others simply spend their time focusing on things they can control-the phone call will eventually come, right? How can you achieve that? Spend a day counting the number of times you spend focusing on stuff you can’t alter the outcome of. Do you daydream about unachievable things? Do you worry about stuff you can’t affect? Cast those efforts aside and spend your time on things that you can affect.
- If teens aren’t clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and will be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. A suggestion would be to make a family mission statement first so that the teens have a clear, agreed upon sense of purpose. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.
- This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It’s living life according to what matters most.
- Teens can learn to foster belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them.
- One of the greatest frustrations in life is that many people don’t feel understood. This is due to most people filling in the blanks unnecessarily when talking to people. Instead, an effective communicator really tries to understand as much information as possible about the situation before providing a solution. Teens will learn that if someone comes to them with a situation, to hear that person out and that it often requires the full story and some questions before the correct plan of action is revealed. This means listening and attempting to see the situation from the speaker’s perspective and not just their own.
- Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn’t have to be “your way” or “my way” but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others.
- Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen “sharpens the saw” she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life-body, brain, heart, and soul.
- As parent you provide a safe and caring environment at home for your teenagers. You promote positive feelings between your children and you. This workshop will help you use these positive feelings to teach your children important life skills.