How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership

Happiness All Along 1 Saurabh Leekha

Happiness All Along
Saurabh Leekha

I met life the other day. It said: I’m so simple.
Why do you make me so complicated?

From the Author of:
It’s Destiny, My Love
When They Decided To MOVE ON!
ENTREPRENEUR TO MARKET CREATOR

Gratitude
I am grateful to many people who have influenced and inspired me to be
happy and cheerful.
My gratitude to my late father who inspired me with his words, “Whenever
your life is amid a storm. Do not paddle your boat. Leave it onto HIM. HE
will take care.”
My mother always says, “If you have thought for something then HE has
kept the same for you. You just have to work towards it.”
My gratitude to my wife who inspires with her words, “you are not lucky if
you have earned well in life but when you can enjoy what you have earned.”
My sons Manish and Himnish. I am grateful to you both for the love and
respect showered.
My gratitude to myself for always being genuine & honest to myself and
others.

Preface
The purpose of writing this book on happiness is to bring a smile on your
face. After reading it you would be clear what real happiness is and know
what causes unhappiness. This book combines real-life experiences,
insights & self-help into one. It provides insights first and then guides on
the ways of achieving ‘happiness’, ‘happiness all along’. I have added
fictional short-stories to help you understand the subject well.
Once you know what you want to achieve, it is easy to set the path for the
goal. I wrote with this purpose in my mind. How could we be happy when
we are forced to remain part of the hustle bustle of life?
On my way to my office in Gurgaon, I used to watch people fighting sleep in
the shuttle or at the back seat of their car in the mornings. The situation in
the evenings was worse. They were in a great hurry to reach their
destinations. They were not sleeping but anxious. I distinctly remember, a
lady in mid-40’s was speaking anxiously to her maid while sitting in the
shuttle. She was working on her laptop and also giving instructions to the
maid. She was managing everything at the same time – office, home and the
jerks in the shuttle. I could imagine the stress in her life, not only the
physical but psychological.
The interactions I had with my old classmates from school & college also
influenced me. I found a lot of them had a deep sense of pain inside them.
This pain was visible on their faces or you could realize it after a few
minutes of the conversation. Some were not happy with their career, few
others had issues in their married life, others worried about parents, child
or immediate family members. A good percentage among them were
unhappy as their ventures had failed while others were unhappy as another
person whom they considered as a dud was doing well. It was surprising
that people who were doing well also had deep concerns in their life. This
helped me conclude, money can make you ‘unhappy’ when it is not around
but it does not guarantee ‘happiness’ when it is around.

The thought of ‘happiness’ as a subject set up a transformation inside me.
The first step was to look back. I remembered my life as a kid, student,
professional and family man. I recalled the highs and the lows of my life. I
thought, I had many lows in life but a deep look inside made me a realize
that I did not have many of them. The other so-called lows were
expectations not met. I had taken those so-called lows as the reason for the
unhappiness. If I look at them today, I find them as small events. The irony
is we give too much importance to these events and push ourselves to
unhappiness thus avoiding living a blissful life.
The experiences written in the book are real-life insights, the outlook is
practical and the initiatives to keep you ‘happy’, simple and doable. As we
study to be aware, eat to remain healthy or work to earn money. We should
also work to remain ‘happy’. Happiness is not a lottery gifted to you in a
draw of lots. It is a way of life. People who understand this, live a blissful
life while others are always questioning: why am I cursed?
The definition of happiness is changing with times. Everyone knows
happiness is inside you. Simple isn’t it? However, we continue to run
around the world in search of it. Will we find it this way? No, Never. Our
environment programs us to appreciate happiness through things. When as
a young kid we cried, they gave us a rattle. Maybe we needed our mother’s
lap. The same treatment continued throughout our childhood. The result -
we linked happiness to our desires.
When we grew young our parents taught us to take good care of our
belongings, be it be our first bicycle, pencil box, gaming console or the
cricket bat. If we lost or gave it someone, they reprimanded us. We thus
became overzealous in protecting our possessions. Now, we should not
complain when we find people getting over aggressive on the parking, a
slight dent on the car or slight reprimand to their kid from the school. They
have trained us to fight the war. With whom? We don’t know! I think it is
with ourselves.
The book in later half outlines steps I had taken to set myself on the path of
happiness. These steps are simple daily activities which I tried making a

part of my life. They helped me in understanding life, our role in the
ecosystem and how our interactions with the ecosystem enhance the
pleasures of life. You are most welcome to believe them and follow them.
You may believe some, drop few or dump them. It’s your choice. Happiness
is also a choice. If you want to remain happy, you will come what may.
Happy Reading!
❖ 2 pages are provided in the end for writing notes.

We live for the moments expecting them to last
our lifetime.

CHAPTER 1 - HAPPINESS ALL ALONG....
THE 3 BUSINESS PART-NO-ERS
Two friends who were studying together in a college in Agra dreamt of
making big together. They did not want to get into a regular job as they felt
it will demean them. The real reason was not this. They had decided,
whatever they will do, will do it together. They thought of different options
but could not decide as they did not have an expert knowledge of any field.
One of the friend’s relative had sometime back offered him to join his shoe
sole manufacturing factory in Kanpur. The relative who had got old was
trying to teach the tricks of the business to his only son. However, even
after his best efforts his son could not pick up the trade from him. Once the
friends graduated from the college, they both headed to Kanpur to explore
their destiny. Their movement to the place was a boon for all. One friend
inclined towards manufacturing handled factory. He soon expanded the
factory to manufacture complete shoes. The friend whose relative was the
old man handled the market operations. He took the shoe samples to far-off
places like Vijayanagar, Hubli, Nashik, Asansol to expand the market. He
convinced the shopkeepers to keep adequate stocks. The old man's son also
got motivated by their presence and focused in the business. He managed
the finances and raised funds to build another factory to make bags and
accessories. The business touched new heights because of the immense
hard work and dedication of all.
Time passed, they expanded the business to the international markets. It
relieved the old man. He was happy for his son and the two friends. He had
become a father figure to the two friend’s families.
One fateful night the old man passed away in his sleep. People around
murmured about the ownership of the business. As there was no firm
succession plan thus everyone had his expert opinion about the same.
Opinions became insecurities and soon the three families got embroiled in a
dispute. Old man son’s family felt they were the rightful owner as the old
man owned the business. The two friends also wanted a big part of the

business for themselves. The friend managing the factory felt his designs
was the reason for the success. On the other side, friend managing the
marketing believed it was his skills which had created the magic. All three
of them had a common issue that the contribution by the other two was
smaller and they should not be asking for a bigger pie of the business. The
dispute escalated with no sight of the reconciliation. They separated and
restarted on their own. Their reputation and business standing were not
the same as earlier. The business suffered and they could not even manage
one-tenth of what they were enjoying earlier.
The biggest reason for the unhappiness is the difference between what you
want & what you deserve, and what you get.
What is happiness? An ecstatic state of mind precipitated by an event,
environment or conscious effort. We have little or no control on an event
happening in our lives. However, we can try control the environment which
fuels happiness or we can move altogether to a new environment, which we
feel would make us happy. Mediation, discussion can diffuse a tension at
home or workplace. In this situation even, the best efforts will not
guarantee happiness. One person or the other would feel let down believing
he got a raw deal. Partnerships fail for this simple reason: what another
person is getting out of it? People are unhappy as they feel other is getting
more than his stature. They are ready to break up the association even if
they are getting much more than their capabilities. They may repent later
but in heat of the moment reject it.
WELCOMING HAPPINESS
A husband and wife were struggling to keep up the pace with the city of
Mumbai. They belonged to a small taluka Srirampur in Ahmednagar,
Maharashtra. They had come to Mumbai expecting a decent career and
living. However, they were losing themselves day by day in the overcrowded
local trains and work pressures of the office. The wife who was a trained
nurse was working in a nearby hospital. The husband who was a diploma
holder from an engineering polytechnic worked with a software organization
as a programmer. They lived a very humble lifestyle such that they could
fulfill their dream of owning a flat in Navi Mumbai. Both husband and wife

tried to save money in every small thing. The wife took tuition classes in the
evening and husband took an assignment for the weekends just to earn
extra money. They both wanted to invite their parents and relatives for the
griha pravesh (housewarming) ceremony. As the day came near, they sent
out the invitations to family and friends. They wanted everyone to join in
the celebrations. It thrilled everyone as they could settle themselves in
Mumbai. However, their happiness was short lived. They received a call
from the builder just 4 days before the event to deposit an amount of 1 lac
rupees. The couple had no option other than depositing money as they did
not want the builder to harass them. It left them with no money for the
celebrations. They had taken a loan from almost everyone known in their
circle for buying the house thus could not ask for help. The couple was
highly anxious. The situation could have led to a loss of face in front of
friends and family.
"I think we should postpone the event. Have no money left to take care of
the guests," husband said to wife.
"I understand but we cannot postpone the event as the day is very
auspicious. Have to do the griha pravesh the same day", said the wife.
"Well, in that case, let's call our parents only for the pooja (ceremony
prayer). We will tell rest of the people that have postponed the celebrations,"
said the husband.
"We should respect and welcome happiness," said the wife.
"What do you mean?", enquired the husband.
"When happiness is around you. We should bring it to our home by giving
due respect to it. Our friends and family members are looking forward to
the event. We must not stop them," said the wife.
"You do not understand. We have no resources to welcome them", said the
husband. He also wanted to welcome the guests but the tough situation
was forcing him to backtrack.

After a constant push from wife, the husband yielded to the wife's wishes.
They canceled the tent, caterer and got the advance refunded back to them.
The wife called upon her close friends to help cook food for over 100 guests
for the event. They requested the builder to allow them to host the event in
the garden. When he came to know about their situation, he refunded
20,000 rupees as a gift to them.
The guests appreciated the hospitality of the couple. The flat owners in the
society also joined in the ‘pooja ceremony’ and gave their best wishes to the
couple. Everyone who attended the event praised the couple's effort in
managing the event well and blessed them for peace and prosperity.
Happiness is a state of mind. It's a way of reacting to the situations we face.
One situation may bring a smile to your face and discomfort on the other. A
poor person may feel happy that he had a stomach full today. The other
poor person may feel unhappy even after stomach full thinking about the
next day.
Our barometer of success is ‘in comparison with others’. Our idea of
happiness also has become ‘in comparison with others’. We will be happy at
one moment but will become unhappy the same moment if we come to
know someone known to us has gained a worthy possession. It doesn't
matter the other person is a close relative, a neighbor or a poor person
working for us. We form opinions basis what the other person has to show-
off without caring to know the background of the same. In the process we
get hurt as we feel this person is not worthy enough to deserve it. We keep
ridiculing the other person and keep hurting ourselves for the same. What
we do not consider, what the other person would have gone through to
achieve success.
Once we understand that whatever challenges we face will not last a
lifetime and even if they last for a lifetime, feeling sorry for yourself will not
help, anyway. This will help you cope up with the pressures of life and be
an overall positive person. Your outlook and the way to deal with the
situation will change. This will make you calmer and at ease.

Even if you don't feel happy from inside, push yourself for a deep smile.
‘Say Cheese’ and try feeling happy from inside. You will feel it is all made
up. You will find hard to enact it this way. Don't lose hope, keep working on
it. You will see for yourself that ‘being happy’ and ‘at peace’ is a blissful
feeling. Your surroundings may not change but you will remain blissful.
You will embrace Happiness, Happiness All Along...
MOMENTS, LIFETIME & ETERNAL
THE NEW HOUSE
A man lived in a small rented flat in outer Delhi. He was a security guard
who could meet the two ends meet with quite a difficulty. However, he did
not want his son to face the challenges he was facing. He did two shifts to
earn extra money. His wife supported him by making different pickles at
home. The man used to visit shops near his house to sell pickle to them.
The couple invested whatever amount they got in 2 things - education of
their son and a bigger house. Time passed, the son got married and had 2
children, but the family continued living in the same rented flat. The son
also saved and invested in the dream of his father. The day arrived when
the house got completed. It excited everyone in the family as their days of
living in misery will get over. It was a dream come true for father and son
who had put whatever they had in making the house look beautiful. They
planned an event at their new house before shifting to the place. All the
family members and guests were excited to see the house. They talked
about the tiled floor one moment and the modular kitchen the other
moment. The kids talked about the sports club and shopping complex
nearby. They were also excited about the new convent school they would
study in the next season. The father and son soon got into a huddle and
discussed the cost of living in the new house. They realized that
maintaining the lifestyle at the new place would not be easy. They rented
the new place to someone else and saved the amount to buy a small house
in the vicinity of the existing one.
People live for the ‘moments’ all their life, not realizing that these moments
will not take them anywhere. Here the act or event may take years but the
state of happiness is for a short moment. One day someone may forget

putting on the car seat belt. He may feel elated that he could avoid the fine
for not following the traffic rules as nobody caught him. This elated feeling
is for that time and rarely serves any great purpose. In fact, it could be of a
great harm to that person. In the above case, the person is more worried
about the fine he would have to pay rather than his own life. We will call
this state where the person is excited because of some act or the
environment for a short time as moments. Moments are not bad always.
Meeting your old friends after a long time, winning a quarterly achievement
award, a one-off good deed may make you feel happy but this ecstatic state
is short lived. I have seen quite a few people who are almost bragging about
their past achievements to the people around. They try to portray
themselves as happy but if you dig deep, they are very unhappy from
inside. They are longing for the attention and warmth from others, which
they feel is very much owed to them.
The essence of happiness is in discovery, depth and longevity. Discovery
means experiencing something which is blissful but you have not
experienced it before. Depth means feeling elated from the core while
longevity is the time. We as humans long for in-depth happiness lasting our
lifetime and beyond.
LIFETIME
If there would have been a race among all living beings who could run, then
man would have won it hands down. He would not have stopped even after
crossing the finish line. He would have continued running to explore,
navigate and discover something new in his life. On the way, he would have
claimed possession to anything and everything appearing fancy to him.
The man has been insecure since his transformation from apes. Earlier
survival was the biggest concern, now future has put him under a
tremendous pressure. A nice home, vehicle, education for children,
retirement corpus, the list is endless and the costs have an enmity with the
south direction. This unpredictability pushes him to hoard as much as he
can.

The problem doesn’t lie in acquiring things and using them. It arises when
you have acquired much more than what you can consume but still
continue the act of acquisition. My wife reminds me with her wisdom, “you
are not lucky if you have earned well in life but when you can enjoy what
you have earned”.
ETERNAL
Eternal is something which you create which lasts even after you have left
for the heavenly abode. Money, power & fame remain with you till you are
in demand or are strong. It also depends how have you earned these
attributes. Money earned or power exercised through bad sources does not
even last a lifetime.
It’s your thoughts, good deeds or extraordinary knowledge which continue
to spread even after your death. Your followers continue to respect you.
They organize prayer meetings, build a memorial, name a street or
intersection (chowk or chauraha) in your name.
THE NEW CHAURAHA
There’s a funny story which I heard as a kid from my family members.
There was a guy in our town who had no great credentials or family lineage.
He was neither a great personality or senior government officer. The person
was a small-time businessman with a burning desire to get a street or
intersection named after him. He struck a novel idea. Whenever he boarded
the cycle rickshaw, he would ask the puller to take him to the intersection
named after him. As there was no intersection named after him thus the
cycle rickshaw puller would not know about the same. However, this
person used to pay 1 Anna (1/16th of a rupee) more to the rickshaw puller
for a ride to his home (which happened to be on the road across the
intersection). Every time this person would take a new cycle rickshaw and
pay him 1 anna more for the intersection. After sometime every cycle
rickshaw puller and public knew the new name of the intersection i.e. his
name. The meaning of your life is in creating something eternal. Eternal

helps connect with the higher realms of life i.e. nature. Your personal
challenges look small when compared to your mission to connect with
nature. This connect keeps becoming stronger day by day if you maintain a
strong willpower, genuineness and regularity.
Nature keeps on recreating itself to maintain the balance. Seeds sown in
the soil turn into huge trees on their own. What they need is little care for
the initial few days. Nature will help on its own when you work in this
direction. It can also help you understand the difference between the
lifetime and eternal in terms of your involvement and purpose. If you are
connecting to the nature for yourself, then you create a lifetime. If your
involvement and purpose are for others, then you create an eternal.

I can explore Life in two ways. One by making
things simpler the other by unearthing new
things.
Which one is tougher? I think the first one.

CHAPTER 2 - MY RULE OF HAPPINESS DOESN’T APPLY ON
YOU
WE’RE MARRIED TO REAL SISTERS
I was traveling on a train bound to Delhi. Two young men in the early
thirties were sitting together on the berth opposite. They were laughing and
hugging each other. I felt happy seeing their affection for each other.
“Are you the best of friends?” I smiled and asked one.
“No, we aren’t. We are real brothers,” replied one.
“Oh! good, superb. Are you both meeting after a long time?” I wanted to
know the real reason for such warmth.
“No, we stay in the same house,” replied the other brother.
“Oh! Do you guys spend a lot of time together?” I remarked.
The brothers laughed. “No. We don’t interact at home”, said one.
I kept quiet as could not comprehend them.
“We are 2 real brothers married to 2 real sisters. They create a havoc if we
spend time with each other. We don't want tension in the house as our
children get affected,” said one.
“Why do they create a havoc?” I could not digest that real sisters were not
accepting their relationship.
“I was not doing well sometime back. He pulled me out. By God’s grace, I
am doing well now. I have even repaid all the loan back to him.” One of
them replied and circled his arm around the other’s shoulder.
“The sisters are concerned for their family. Even if there is a small tension
between their two brothers, both sisters run to diffuse the situation,” said
the other brother.

People create tough situations for others because of their fear and
insecurities. They work overtime to create hurdles and try to influence their
lives. They not only trouble others but also live in a state of stress and
anxiety. In the above-mentioned case, the sisters had become hypertensive.
They were following their husbands to keep a check on them. The
husbands, however, had found a unique way to give them a miss.
The real reason for unhappiness is that we do not accept others should
remain happy as well. Our rule of happiness does not apply to them. We
forget that they also have every right to be happy. It is the environment
which has put them at the receiving end. If we become empathetic in this
situation, then it leads to building an environment of trust and mutual
satisfaction.
THIS BICYCLE IS MINE
A few years back, I used to take my sons for skating classes in a park near
my house. The coach was a professional who used to work as a sports
teacher in a school in the morning and take the classes in the evening. A
bunch of kids used to come for the classes on the weekends. Their parents
also used to tug along them to enjoy their evening. On one occasion, I saw
two kids from the nearby slum area wandering around the skating ring.
They were showing a deep interest in the new bi-cycles brought by the kids
to the skating area. One kid came closer to one bicycle while the other
watched from a distance. In the meantime, the kid who had brought the bi-
cycle noticed and ran towards it shouting, “this bi-cycle is mine”. He raised
an alarm and also shouted for his mother. The mother who was busy
chatting with another parent looked towards the kid and walked slowly
towards him. The kid from the slum got conscious because of the alarm
raised. He distanced himself from the bicycle not knowing what the mother
would do.
The mother looked at the slum kid first and then her son. She asked her
son, “Let him have a look. Nothing will happen to your cycle”. The other kid
who was watching from distance joined his friend to feel the bi-cycle. The

kids were on top of the world. It was the first time in their life they were
touching a new bicycle uninterrupted. The glow and satisfaction on their
faces were like someone who had a stomach full after many days of hunger.
Whatever we have got in life is because of a certain inheritance. It means
not only property, cash or valuables but also includes family, friends,
relatives, social values, upbringing, education, genes, brain, talent and so
on. Your possessions and surroundings make what you are. The
environment gifts possessions, you do not earn them. You could become
CEO of an organization because of your educational qualifications, family
background, work experience, personality and so on. A kid born in a poor
family does not have the resources similar to the kid born in a rich family.
The kind of challenges he would face would differ from the kid born in a
rich family. It would be a case of survival for the poor kid while growth for
the rich one.
It was the poor kids’ bad luck he was born in a poor family. Just imagine if
you were born in a poor family with no means to get even a stomach full.
How would you feel? What would you do?
This situation becomes severe when someone depends on you. The
dependency could be emotional as the case of two brothers in the train or
financial with the poor kids. The person in a stronger position feels he is in
charge of the situation having the right to act and treat others the way he
wants. He forgets the amount of pain he is inflicting onto others. In this
situation, he is inflicting the similar amount of pain if not greater onto
himself as well. You keep on hurting yourself by cribbing, blaming and
shouting at others. This exchange of hurt doesn't stop here. It gets
transferred to others. A man who had a bad day at the office doesn't spread
happiness at home. Even a trivial issue will upset him. The family will bear
the hurt or react to take the pain to the next level. This continues till it
becomes unbearable. The persons affected now look for avenues to diffuse
the hurt accumulated. Few find solace in alcohol, gambling, late nights
which they feel will give them peace. These habits further complicate the
life with no sight of peace in the near future.
Few people believe things will not become better. They accept the
environment as it is and become a part of it - taking hurt and delivering
hurt. It is difficult for them to find another way of coping up with the
situation. To manage the stress, they work hard and take regular breaks
from the environment. The breaks are in terms of strenuous exercises,

international vacations or a passionate hobby. Although they feel these
events will give them the much-needed solution but the outcome is limited.
People put their pent-up frustrations in these activities and what they get
out is frustrations.
A family going to an international destination is more interested in what I
call - touching the memes. They would choke a 6-day-7 nights trip to
Switzerland to the last minute. One day at Lake Geneva, the other at Zurich
and the next day at the Swiss National Park. They would run from one city
to the other, visiting the so-called destinations, doing only one thing -
clicking selfies and uploading them onto the social sites. Happiness for
them is the number of ‘likes’ managed. The man will boast on the number
of likes while the woman on the comments. We do not measure the
barometer of happiness from inside but from the outside. The whole event
will turn into hurt exchange event if the response from people is below
expectations.
Happiness has become a show of strength. A large house, an expensive
vacation or a costly car is what people want to showcase to their family and
friends. Even the detractors look upon in awe. If the owner doesn't get the
expected quantum of eyeballs, then the prized possession for him is
worthless. The owner is not only concerned about the appreciation but also
jealousy evoked in the hearts of his detractors. In this scheme of things, we
forget to enjoy the event. A potential feel-good memory turns into an activity
which brings the excitement but does not bring contentment. We get
exhausted, spend a lot of money but still feel that something is lacking. We
feel more hurt when we relate it to the money spent on the event.
Why does it happen like this?
There are few reasons for not feeling contended or happy about the event.
First, the expectations are high. A small discomfort or something
unexpected brings in a lot of frustration.
A young man traveling on the honeymoon made a big fuss to his wife as she
had forgotten to pack his favorite high-end DSLR camera in the luggage.
The husband and wife fought as the man wanted to buy a new camera. The
wife could not take it further and relented to the husband’s wish. He
bought a new costly camera to meet his expectations. As it was an arranged
marriage, the wife kept reminding him about the honeymoon. She wanted
them to understand each other. She wanted to celebrate and spend quality
time with him.

Second, we need acknowledgement for our happiness. The head of the
family would be happy if everyone in the family is. His son would follow suit
if his wife is. Wife would be on cloud nine if her parents are. The cycle
continues. The meaning of happiness changes if someone in the chain is
not happy. Come to think of the head of the family, he will never be happy
as someone or the other is not happy. This constant unhappiness leads to
detachment among the elders in the family. They are not able to take the
stress and thus alienate themselves. It leads to a sedentary lifestyle and
depression. We relate our achievements and problems to happiness.
Achievements would be less while problems would be plenty thus, it binds
us to be unhappy most of the times.
THE OLD MAN’S GIFT
Once upon a time, there was an old man who had three sons. The old man
had worked very hard all his life to raise his sons. He asked all his sons to
meet him together one day. It perplexed his sons. They had different
financial status although the old man had tried to be fair to all. Eldest was
the most responsible but was just able to manage the both ends meet. The
middle one was frail however doing just fine. Youngest was brash but doing
well.
“I have grown old and think it is the right time to distribute the wealth and
the responsibilities between you,” remarked the old man.
“Let us know what responsibilities you want to distribute amongst us,” said
the eldest son.
“My health is fragile. I cannot run around but let me know if I can
contribute something. I will do whatever I can do within my means.” The
middle son said to his father.
“I want my share of the wealth. I want to expand my business and need
cash for the same.” The youngest son was emotionless but concerned for
the wealth.
One fine day the old man died after distributing the wealth between the
sons. Few years after the demise, an old friend of the father visited his

sons. He had promised the old man he will visit all his sons and handover
the gifts to them.
The old man’s friend first went to the eldest son’s house. He found the
eldest son was living with his family. Although the son was not rich but his
family bonded well. Eldest son’s family respected the old man and took
good care of him. Old man’s friend gifted a piece of land to them to make a
bigger house where all could live together comfortably.
Second visit was to the middle son’s house. He had improved upon his
health and his fortune was also smiling on him. He welcomed the old man
and took him around his estate to showcase his wealth. The old man gifted
him a prayer bead such that he could build serenity and patience in him.
The last visit was to the youngest son’s house. He had married off his
children and lived in a big house alone with his wife. His children owned
the business and did not allow him to visit them. He longed to meet his
grandchildren and wanted to spend time with them. The old man’s friend
gifted him a wooden walking stick and blessed him.
The concept of family is togetherness. It's a bliss we are born in our families
to share whatever we have. It's also a journey where we would be with them
for a certain amount of time. One day we will leave this world and our
families. We should cherish this journey, the time and the bond we share
with them than anything else.
The third reason, whatever we do, we seek the point of view of others to
appreciate happiness.
REUNION IN KAUSALI
Two friends Kanta and Mala lived in the hill town, Kausali. They stayed
next door and were inseparable during the day or night. They studied in the
same school and college just to be with each other. The girls tried to get
married in the same city such that they could be together. However, the
destiny had thought otherwise. Kanta got married to a chief engineer in
Delhi but Mala was not that lucky. She got married to a factory supervisor
in Nashik. Kanta felt bad as Mala was not well off and had difficulty in
meeting both ends. The friends kept in touch for a while but could not meet
afterwards.

Many years passed, Kanta got her son married in a wealthy family in Delhi.
Her son was working as an officer in a government department. She wanted
to host a grand reception for the family members in Kausali. As Kanta did
not have Mala’s address thus she sent the invitation card to her father by
post from Delhi. She wrote a personal note requesting Mala’s father to send
the card to Mala.
A cheery Kanta met Mala at the reception. Mala, however, found a change
in her. Kanta was not the same naïve girl whom she loved so much. Kanta
was proud of her wealth status. She kept boasting about her family status
and son’s rich in-laws. On the other hand, a delighted Mala met Kanta from
bottom of her heart. She smiled and kept listening to her.
Once Kanta had completed her story, she asked Mala about her life. It
surprised her that Mala had also shifted to Delhi. Mala’s son had become
Assistant Collector after clearing the IAS. Kanta could not digest that
Mala’s son would be the ‘super boss’ of her son. All her blabbering and
excitement vanished the moment she heard the same from her. Kanta did
not spend even a moment with Mala afterwards.
“I certify that am happy”. Nowadays you get this certificate from others.

Life is not black or white.
It has shades of grey, splashes of green, orange
of amber and what not. We ought to live life
in different capacities to enjoy the full meaning of
liveness.

Chapter 3: The Real Meaning of Life
There's nothing right or wrong in life. We are right or wrong because of the
circumstances, perceptions or set parameters. We have been exploring and
improving in every aspect since the birth of the humankind. Our
understanding of our environment and physical being has improved
manifold. However, we know little about our mental being and how do we
relate to the surrounding environment.
An event happening one day may bring happiness and make you feel
horrible the other day. A farmer longs for good rainfall at the time of sowing
whereas an ill-timed rain before the harvest can put him to misery.
Our concept of happiness over the years has moved from event- based to a
continuum. When in school, my biggest excitement was taking our scooter
to the school telling no one at home. I had set my house on turmoil for
getting a new suit stitched for the high school send-off party. However,
these requirements were a pinnacle of my expectations. I would plead to my
father, “Dad please fulfill my wish. I promise will not ask for anything more
the whole year.” In fact, I would not ask for anything more. We searched for
happiness in togetherness, friendships and relationships. The expectations
were few and for a limited period. We were happier and enjoyed more. Even
though today we are in the best period in terms of convenience, comfort as
we have bigger homes, bigger cars, expensive holidays but our happiness
has gone for a toss. The concept of happiness is changing over time as our
expectations from life, relationships and work are changing.
My father availed LTC from his department first time in life to take us to a
vacation to Mumbai and Goa. We visited Mumbai first and then Goa. The
train tickets back to Delhi from Mumbai did not get confirmed. It stuck us
in Mumbai for a few more days. With no plan in action, my father thought
to visit the office of his cousin sister. His cousin sister was a senior officer
in a government department. Although my father was a gazetted officer but
still there was a gap in his and her designation. On our way, my father told
that he bonded with his cousin sister. She often came to our place during
her college days and my mother cooked for her. We reached her office
unappointed as father did not feel it necessary to call her beforehand.
Maybe he wanted to give her a surprise. The office secretary asked my
father to write his name on a small chit of paper such that he could share it
with her. It shocked my father when the secretary came back and said,
“Madame cannot recognize you with your first name. Please share details”.

My father had to give more details to meet her. Once inside her huge cabin,
our experience was not much different. She was arrogant because of her
position. My father was a dejected man. Once back to home, he complained
to one of our relatives about the sister’s behavior. The relative remarked,
“zindagi mein humkhayal ke saath, humhaal bhi hona zaroori hai” (In life
apart from the similar thought process, it is important to have similar
stature as well).
To achieve something big, we are ignoring something mediocre. Even
though mediocre would be enough to sustain us. We push ourselves day
and night to drive into a big car. The car arrives but we are not in a position
to drive it as the pressure to drive it is unbearable due to fatigue,
nervousness or other ailments related to stress. We hire a driver who ferries
us to the place of work. A bigger car brings a lot of extra expenses. A higher
EMI, driver salary, maintenance of the car and your elevated status. In the
whole process we get more stressed, greedier and less happy. Our aim was
happiness but what has it brought with it is distress.
I asked about 'happiness' to many people. To my surprise it baffled a lot of
people as if I had asked an out of syllabus question.
Some said, “It's difficult. Let me think over it. Will come back to you.” The
response was clear that moment, they will not come back, and they never
did.
There were people who were postponing happiness. “Have earned whatever
I wanted. After some time, I will shift to my hometown and build my
retirement home there.”
Few thought they cannot afford happiness. They said, “We can't be happy.
We cannot even smile now. How can we even think of happiness? We are
struggling to fulfill our responsibilities. We can achieve happiness once we
have fulfilled our responsibilities. However, we know fulfillment of
responsibilities will not be soon, therefore, we can't be happy.”
The concept of happiness has to lot do with the expectations. I remember
that getting a white sports shoe and white dress used to be my dream when
I was studying in a central school. I changed my school in class 11th and
the daily uniform in the new school was all white. For the next two, years, I
got bored with the white uniform is another story though. Our motivation
earlier was to compare ourselves with the neighbours or cousins. Today in

the age of reality shows and internet age, we compare ourselves with the
Bollywood stars and new age entrepreneurs. We all believe luck and style
can also make us the new star. Parents do not want the children to be like
the class topper but want them to be at par with the national topper or the
celebrated sports personality. This wide gap between expectations and
reality is one of the biggest reasons for unhappiness.
VALUES AND HAPPINESS
Our values play a significant role in how we relate to happiness. We imbibe
our values from our family and friends. As we grow the influence of our
immediate circle in the school, college, neighborhood and workplace
increases. The values often get distorted when there is a conflict between
values imbibed from the family and the followed by the external world.
People follow different value systems and their meaning of happiness is also
different.
WORK IS WORSHIP
The people who believe work is worship are the people loyal to the throne
rather the king. Their motto of life is work, work and work. A few years
back when the banquet or catering system had not caught up, people used
employ cooks or better known as ‘halwai’ (cook) for weddings or some
special events. I remember so many events where we employed a ‘halwai’, a
huge potbellied man with curved moustache wearing a ‘kurta pajama’. The
‘halwai’ used to be the most important person as he was the one giving
suggestions on the menu and almost bullying you to agree to them. The
discussion here is not about the ‘halwai’ but the person who used to run to
get the arrangements. Every family used to have one person who in spite of
any event had the responsibility of looking after the arrangements like
getting raw vegetables, spices, ice, utensils among other items. He would
get up first in the family to go to a vegetable market and the last one to
sleep when all the work was over. This workaholic person even did not care
to attend the wedding as he would be busy counting ‘pakoras’ for the
evening ‘chai’. His happiness was is in the ‘work allocated’ and ‘importance
given’. He longed for few words of appreciation for him or the arrangements.
He would run around the place to make people comfortable and set the
proper arrangements.

We find the above people everywhere. They are selfless and focused on the
work. People however misuse them a lot. They hand work to them without
their will and bulldoze them for gaps in the delivery. Often, they get
sidelined on their own or by the people who give them the tasks to
accomplish.
They feel happy till they are getting work and recognized by the people. In
the end they feel alone, misused and hurt.
The best way for them to keep happy is not to expect anything in return for
their good deeds. Once they can implement the same in their lives, life will
be full of energy and enthusiasm.
I WILL ALWAYS ‘BE HAPPY’
I will remain happy come what may, seems to be their mantra. People with
few expectations from life, will always be excited to spread their energy
around. They would spend their time meeting friends, go on a world tour,
learn a new hobby or play a sport. Even if they are not prosperous, they are
living every bit of life in a state of happiness.
I took a cab back from my office in the evening to head back home. That
day was tiresome. I dashed into the seat wanting to get a short nap till
home. The driver was middle aged with lanky structure and a receding
hairline just like me. He did not allow me to take the much-needed rest and
kept on talking about something or the other. He was full of energy, joyful
and seemed to be a contented man.
I asked whether he was contented. He replied, “I am ecstatic. A few years
back I used to be a personal driver to someone. Now I own this car. I am
very happy now.”
I told him that many cab drivers would not feel the same as him. He said,
“Sir, the problem is, they are not contented with their earnings. They have
suffocated themselves because of their higher expenses. They push
themselves day and night to earn more which is deteriorating their health
and building up the stress levels. I have a 20-year-old TV and live in the
same old house. I do not think a large screen TV or a few thousand rupees
extra can bring happiness in my life. I cherish my life more than my
possessions.”

We learn so many things in life. We start learning the day we are born, and
it continues till we leave for the heavenly abode. Our parents catch us by
our little finger to teach us to walk. Teachers in the school teach about the
things around us. Bosses in the office teach us about the things in the
corporate world. However, there is no one to teach us about happiness.
WHATEVER BAD IS HAPPENING IS BECAUSE OF YOU
MY HUSBAND SPOILED MY DAY
A lady had a bad day in the office. She had piles of work and did not get a
second to raise her neck. Despite all this, she missed her deadline and got
a warning from her superior. She had a fight with an autorickshaw driver
on the return to home. When she returned home, the gas cylinder was
empty and even electricity was not there. In a fit of rage, she picked up the
water bottle and threw on the mirror.
After a few seconds she called her husband, “Do you know what happened
today?”
The husband who was traveling could judge her mood. He said, “Honey I
am in a meeting. Shall I call back?”
The lady in a huff called her mother and said, “Mom do you know what
happened today?”
Mom said, “What happened my sweetheart?”
The lady said, “My husband spoiled my day.”
We keep on blaming others for the misfortune in our lives even when they
have nothing to do with it. The reason for the same is that we are not able
to cope with the stress and want to escape out of the situation by naming
someone else.
MY MANTRA IS MONEY
The barometer of success seems to be money, money and money for this
class of people. Their relationships even with their immediate family
members is money.
An old man rejoined the business set up by him as he was not happy with
the monthly payment given by his son. Though the amount was handsome
but the old man wanted more. The old man's wife often tried to tell him that
the real money is the ‘time’ they would spend with each other. The situation

reached to such a level that the son shifted to a new place to avoid
confrontation with his father on a daily basis.
I'M CURSED
Low confidence or no belief in oneself often leads to this situation. Often the
people who did not have a balanced childhood bury themselves under the
belief that nature is playing against them. They think they will not get the
reward for their work. They blame their stars, family, friends, neighbours or
even a person walking down the street for the same.
MY LIFE IS FOR OTHERS
There are few kind people who give a meaning to their life by dedicating it to
others. They are the ones who will extend their hand to others for almost
everything. They achieve happiness even more than the person receiving
their help. They take pride and feel it is their moral duty to help others.
This behaviour was quite visible earlier as families were close knit. There
used to be 7-8 members in one family. It was difficult for the parents to
manage everything. One elder brother or sister in the family used to extend
a helping hand to take care of the family. They used to support in the
upbringing, finance, education and marriage of siblings.

A fish cannot fly. A bird cannot swim.
When you are not equal to the other why die to
compare you with him?

CHAPTER 4: WHY DO I DIE TO COMPARE WITH YOU?
THE DROUGHT IN GANESH’S VILLAGE
A village was seeing worst drought in years. The water level was going lower
by each passing day. It was difficult to get water to drink least think about
other things in life. The villagers had lost any hope of a revival. A lot of
villagers moved out of the place in search of a better living.
Ganesh, a villager, had not lost all the hope. He organized all the villagers
at the ‘chaupal’ and tried convincing them to not lose hope. He suggested
them to come together to dig two deep wells, one for drinking and other for
fields. It was difficult to convince the villagers. Their previous attempts to
dig deeper had not given them any great results. The water level had
depleted faster than their efforts. The villagers continued to sell their house
and land at a throwaway price. Ganesh still had not lost all the hope. He
went to a nearby town and sold all of his wife's jewelry to buy better tools
for digging and used the balance money to buy the land. Few years were
tough for Ganesh. He and his wife used to spend hours digging the wells
themselves. They sowed peas and lentils instead of paddy which required a
high amount of water. He also took advice of some learned people from the
town to get a better yield from the crops.
Their hard work paid off and the lady luck smiled after 3 dark years.
Ganesh and his wife could dig enough to find plenty of water. A great
rainfall the same year brought back joy on their faces. The next two years
he and his wife worked day and night to get the maximum output from the
fields. The word spread around that he and his wife have turned the
fortune to their favor. Villagers from nearby villages who were facing a
similar situation reached out to him for advice. Many came asking for work,
many of them were from his own village who had once rejected him. It
frustrated them as now they had to till the land which once belonged to
them.
It concerned Ganesh that his fellow villagers were in pain. He gave a
proposal to villagers who had sold their land to him. He asked them to
repay the cost of the land to him by working in their own fields by sharing
part of the sale. A lot of them agreed even when it would have taken them a
few years to repay the cost of the land. Few of them did not agree at all.
They felt it was like becoming a servant to Ganesh. He, at one point of time,
was comparable to them. How could they even imagine working for him?

Those who agreed to Ganesh’s proposal won their land back. Those who did
not agree continued to work as laborers in the nearby villages.
Man has brought development in his own life and the world around him
through comparison. We learn from others. It could be a person,
community or even a nation. The nations which are poor or not developed
always look upon the developed nations and want to become like them. The
only issue is when we take the comparison too far. We do not take our
capabilities, resources, knowledge into the account. We also do not look
into the amount of work the other person would have put to attain that
position.
When we are born, we cry. I will not get into the reason for crying. Maybe
we are damn scared of the world which awaits us. However, every moment
after the first cry, the people surrounding us are trying to divert the
attention such that we do not repeat the act. They have little time and
energy to engage thus they use the ‘power of attraction’ to attract and keep
busy. The first tool used to attract is the ‘baby rattle’. This is the point from
where our attraction towards materialistic things starts. The attraction here
on only becomes bigger–bigger toys, expensive clothes & accessories, luxury
cars, high-end properties and so on.
It also trains us to understand the value attached to these possessions. It
builds a sense of fear in us such that we do not lose them and keep them
close to our chest. What we understand that owning these valued
possessions is the purpose of life. Our parents, family members keep on
reminding us how hard they worked to buy these possessions. It pushes us
to believe ‘caring and love’ means ‘procurement of wealthy possessions’. We
as kids relate ‘bigger house’ to ‘more care’, ‘expensive car’ to ‘deeper love’. In
this activity, we do not even understand what is the real meaning of life
thus are devoid of the sense to ‘contentment and happiness’.
I do not say we should not live a comfortable life. We as humans are the
luckiest to get the beautiful gift called ‘desire’. Life is all about exploring,
feeling the unfelt before and moving on. What we undermine is the hard
work taken by others to reach a position but get too attached to the
possessions. We do not move on.

Spend time with people who make you feel happy
today.
Rather whom you think would make you feel happy
tomorrow.

Chapter 5: Our World, Our Family
The first step in life is through our parents. Our family defines our past,
present and future. We not only inherit our genes from them but also pick
habits, mannerisms and way of living life. Our family is our support
system. We need the family for care, protection and fulfillment of the needs.
When the family members grow old, it becomes our duty to provide them
care, love and support.
Over time definition of family in terms of the size, communication and
support has been changing. The growth of the private sector as a major
employment source, the spread of the cable television and then the internet
has not only given a boost to the economy but also led to the movement of
people from the villages to towns. This led family system to move from joint
or extended to nuclear. I remember when I was young (it doesn’t mean I am
not young now ), family meant my immediate family i.e. my father, my
mother, my brothers and our dogs. It also meant my maternal uncles and
aunties, my paternal uncles and aunties, my paternal aunts and their
husbands, my maternal aunts and their husbands, their children, their
cousins and so on. Whenever there was a marriage or function in the
family, I being the youngest used to accompany my father to distribute the
invitation cards to all the family members. It was critical to visit every
family member personally to invite them. If by any chance you forgot to
invite a family member, then he would get upset. He would not call you but
go to someone else (seemed powerful) in the family to complain about the
act.
Despite the best efforts, one or the other family member used to get upset
with the treatment meted out to him at the function. He would think
himself as the ‘chief guest’ and throw his weight around. There used to be a
ruckus after this family member’s (chief guest) tantrum. On one side the
function used to be in the full swing and on the other side the ‘chief guest’
would pack his bags and threaten to leave the place. The situation would
get in control once the elders in the family would jump in to placate him.
They would soon give him a safari-suit cloth and his wife a bright sari to
douse the tension. I hope you could now understand why all the ‘saas-
bahu’ (mother-in-law, daughter-in-law) daily TV shows have joint family in
the background. All the pulls, pressures, politics, love, warmth and care
were available in the family relationships. You did not care to go to a stand-
up comedy act, drama or wrestling bout for the much-needed excitement.
Everything was available at home and that too free of cost.

We may not admit but we still long for those moments. It was our lifeline. It
was our entertainment and happiness quotient. The diminishing family
system of joint family also affected our psyche. Family in today’s scenario
means husband, wife and the child. The child does not see the
grandparents even in six months. He meets his cousins once in few years
and maybe he does not even know whether his distant cousins exist. The
family of three does not talk much as the parents are busy with their work.
They rely more on the gadgets for their entertainment and handover few to
the child as well. In this process the family loses togetherness which is the
base of happiness.
The family togetherness will continue to change over time due to a change
in lifestyle, work pressures and income. Time is not far when people live all
by themselves with a gadget as their friend, family and partner.
Husband and Wife
A man without a woman is, like a train without the tracks. You may look
mighty but would reach nowhere.
A woman without a man is, she herself without a mirror. She may look pretty
but would not know about it.
There are over 7 billion people on the planet earth. All of them share a
common relationship between them. The relationship is because of the
common lineage. They all came to this world because of 'Adam' and 'Eve'.
Maybe that's the reason we all can communicate with each other. Language
may be different, skin of color may not be the same but 'love' in India and
The United States of America means the same. The emotion expressed
when a mother takes care of a child in China or United Kingdom will also
be the same.
It's important to understand that the man and woman complement each
other. Man, earlier used to go to forest and hunt food for the family. Woman
used to take care of the house and family. This all happened on its own.
Man has a stronger physique while woman has a kinder heart. Because of
the progression in the society the role played by a woman and man has
overlapped to a large extent, especially for the woman. Woman over time
has forayed into the tasks which man did. She has even got influenced by

the man's lifestyle. She now has to bear whatever man used to bear alone.
Hectic schedules, late nights, work pressure have become part of her life.
Freedom, demands of job, high realty prices are disintegrating joint family
system across the globe. Young kids had grandparents as companions
earlier, now servants manage them. The kids apart from kinder care are
also missing values imbibed by grandparents.
Man, now should play a larger role in managing the house. His contribution
does not stop at security and finances. He has not understood woman or
even tried to know her. Woman is far more capable than the man in all
aspects. Her emotional strength, an understanding of relationships, a
capability to manage or multitasking make her far superior to man. The
only reason she looks up to the man is companionship and security. Man
depends on the woman for many things in life. It’s difficult for him to
manage the life all alone. Be it food, managing the home, raising the
children or binding the family together, the woman does it all for him.
Children
When your child comes asking about a task which looks difficult or
undoable to you. Tell him: I think this is possible. Why don't you explore it
further and see it for yourself? If we say 'no', we create barriers in the
child's mind which reflects in his persona. This constant 'no' limits the
child and stumps his growth.
For ages our myths have become realities and realities have turned out to
be errors. Man had considered earth to be flat for ages. When sailors used
to go on for a long voyage, their families used to bid goodbye to them as if
they would never come back. The reason, if the ship reached the end of the
earth they might fall down into an unknown crater. It was only later they
found that earth is not flat but round. The world requires unraveling of
more errors, correct more myths as realities.
Parents
The concept of family is togetherness. It's a bliss we are born in our families
to share whatever we have. It's also a journey where we would be with them
for a certain amount of time. One day we will all leave this world and our
families. We should cherish this journey and the bond we share with them
than anything else.

I have seen few people ridiculing and blaming their parents for anything
wrong happening in their lives. They taunt them for not giving them the
attention, love or costly possessions. They maybe true. However, we should
try to see the other side. We should embrace empathy. Try to put ourselves
into the parent’s shoes and then try to corelate the reasons.
Parents would not have been able to give time and attention due to work or
some other issue. A lot of parents work hard to arrange the best for their
children but it is still not enough. I feel wisdom and being abreast of the
changes could be the issues. We as a society are evolving. We are learning
new things, embracing change and adopting new lifestyles. The generation
before us was not accepting the change as we would do. The generation
next to us would also think about us the same. This is the circle of life. This
is natural. There is no harm in it.
Parents expect respect than anything else. A father expects his adult child
to come to him and spend quality time with him. He wants him to
appreciate his wins and learn from his mistakes. The child on his part
should seek his advice. The father may not be abreast with the latest trends
in many fields but his understanding of life would always be better than the
child.
Teach yourself to embrace empathy.
99% of your problems will solve on their own.

Follow a simple rule to always remain happy.
Search for happiness in small things. A painting
session in the morning Sun or reading a nice book in
the garden would be a far more enchanting
experience than acquiring a costly item.

Chapter 6: A Lifeful of Happiness
You would be clear by now on the reasons of unhappiness. You would be
more aware of the causes affecting you. This awareness would lead you
onto the path to happiness.
Do a simple exercise. Give a newspaper sheet to someone and ask him to
fold it 8 times. Note the time taken. Ask the person to repeat the exercise.
However, before he starts tell him the number of seconds, he took to
complete the task last time. Note the time for taken to complete the task for
the second time. The time taken for the second time would be far less than
the first. What’s the reason? The second time the person is ‘aware’ of the
time taken. Even though you have not asked him to complete the task
faster but the person will feel that there is a correlation of the task with
time. In short, the person is aware of ‘time’.
In a similar way we have to be ‘aware’ of the things which will help us
achieve Happiness, Happiness All Along! All you need is to bring in a few
small changes in your daily routine to achieve ‘Happiness All Along!’
Step 1: Acceptance of the fact ‘results are not in my control’
Step 2: Building a strong inner & outer self
Step 3: The selfless act of giving
Step 4: Connecting with the nature
Step 5: The happiness loop
The reason I am here: To make my work as my prayer and my
prayer to work for others.
STEP 1: ACCEPTANCE OF THE FACT THAT RESULTS ARE NOT
IN MY CONTROL
Majority of your unease will settle down once you have accepted that
results are not in your control. This doesn't mean you don't aim high or
stop trying. You must keep chasing your dreams but the journey to achieve
them should not be the cause leading to unhappiness.

HOW TO REMAIN CALM YET PROGRESSIVE
I grew up in a government society flat in Kalkaji, New Delhi. As a kid I used
to watch my father leave for office at leisure. He used to be back early
evening. Someone or the other from the neighborhood or family used to visit
our home post my dad's arrival at home. Our house used to buzz with loud
bursts of laughter, engaging discussions and stories. We all used to go for
an evening walk after the dinner but not together. It was difficult for us to
walk with him as our fellow society members would often stop us to
chitchat with him. Weekends again were full of energy. Early morning, we
used to play a game of volleyball in which every uncle, bhaiya and young
kids used to take part. In a volleyball match each side should have six
players however in our case ten to twelve players used to rub shoulder to
shoulder on each side. It used to be difficult for the captain to manage the
team. Whenever an elder used to walk in the ground, a younger player had
to leave the game midway to vacate the place for him. The captain threw me
out of the game frequently for which I have not pardoned him till date. The
evenings on the weekend were outside. There were only 5 options available,
a relative's place, Karol Bagh, Connaught Place, South Extension or India
Gate.
We celebrated every event or festival - big or small, with full energy and
enthusiasm. Be it be Holi, Lohri or Diwali, festival meant sharing not only
sweets and gifts but joy and happiness. We shared every good news with
neighbors first and then with family and friends. I remember my father
ordering a huge basket full of 'ladoos' (Indian sweet) for the colony members
when he got promoted. Although we stayed as a nuclear family but there
was a strong connection with my paternal and maternal grandparents.
Vacation meant off to Panipat to be with my paternal grandparents. I
always looked forward to going back to my roots even if it was always the
same place. We as a generation did not enjoy the comfort and facilities
which the present generation is enjoying. However, we were happier than
them. In the same way our parents were more blessed than us.
Now when I see around, I find people often complaining about work
pressures not allowing them to live the life they want to live. It's not
practical to leave everything and head to Himalayas in search of the
purpose of life i.e. 'happiness'. The concept of living life in compartments or
living life as a ‘rule book’ also serves no purpose.

I attended a time management training in Bhopal few years back. The
coach was a mid-aged, curly gray haired, lanky man. He was non-
attractive, over perfectionist and intimidating. His training session for 3
days was becoming over bearing for the attendees. He was bragging about
living the life in discipline and time management. Just to showcase his level
of engagement he took out his time management diary. The level of
sincerity impressed me but soon found out it overwhelmed him. The trainer
asked us to spell out any date in the preceding five years. Once we gave
him the date, he read out his activities of that day with a special mention,
he was watching a 'soap opera' on TV with his wife and son at nine in the
night.
What a waste of time! I thought to myself. Was he really watching the ‘soap
opera’ or busy putting everything in the diary? We are not robots to live the
life as per the instructions programmed in the CPU (central processing
unit).
However, the hustle bustle of the corporate life is taking a toll on the people
lives. On one side is, ‘too much too soon’ but on the other it pardons no
one. Perform or you will perish. A hefty package brings with it, huge targets
and immense pressure. The urge to grab more or in worst case to remain
afloat pushes people to undertake activities which their inner self does not
approve. This brings in constant bickering, insecurities and politics in the
organization. Everyone in the organization tries to pull the other person
down to maintain his position. The management tries to get maximum out
of the situation by pushing one person against the other to get the work
done.
What to do?
The challenge would be two-fold:
1. How can you maintain your position?
2. How can you avoid work pressure bulldoze you?
Following are few things you can implement to lead a stress-free corporate
life:
BECOME AN EXPERT IN YOUR OWN SMALL WAY

The basic reason for someone losing a position or a job in a progressive
organization is 'nonperformance' or simply said the person is not as
valuable as he was at the time of hiring. In my corporate experience of over
20 years I have seen exits of my colleagues, team mates or even superiors
for this basic reason. However, there was a difference. The management did
not ask the expert to leave the organization. It even happened at one time
when the entire department faced the axe barring an expert in the team.
When I talk about an expert, it does not mean someone with an excellent
record in terms of education. An expert means a level headed, hands on
employee who is considered as an asset to the organization. He works on
improving his and the company's performance and a majority of the times
delivers value. An expert could be a senior vice president strategy or a
product manager or even a data entry operator. The only common thing
among them is that they know their job well and have a super achiever
attitude.
FOCUS ON WORK RATHER PEOPLE
Few years ago, I was with one of my industry colleagues discussing office
politics. What one colleague remarked was beautiful. People act in a certain
way because of their insecurities. The management will solve a majority of
disputes if the focus is on the work rather the people.
Your idea of work should be ‘walking straight’ i.e. focusing on making the
work successful. You will find people getting insecure and try hampering
your work. You should not respond to them but instead should focus on
your work. This will make your detractors more worried and insecure. They
will act vigorously against you. As they think and react negatively, they will
expect you to engage them in a duel. Keep patience, still keep focus on your
work rather people.
Your detractors will soon fizzle out. Their fodder is negativity. If you react to
them, they will engage you in a battle. They know how to fight not work. If
you keep working, they will not know how to react and soon get confused. If
the situation persists even after best of your efforts, try speaking to your
management about it. It is likely they will ensure a much-needed space
where you can work without interference from others. If this also fails, then
it is time for you to look for a better place.
Focusing on work ensures that you are always on the top of the things.
Your management will consider you as sincere and focused employee.
Management is never in favor of employees who believe in groups, wander

and while away time. They also get helpless when a majority of people
working for them are engaged in the office politics. If you will show a
willingness to move out of the rut, they will help you out. Else there are
always new opportunities awaiting to embrace you. It is just the matter of
looking out for them.
Extraordinary men also look ordinary.
The only difference they try more than the ordinary.
ALWAYS FOCUS ON VALUE DELIVERED
An organization into office furniture kept changing the customer acquisition
strategy. Sales team undertook training for months to use the product
catalogue as a sales tool to showcase the entire range. A salesperson was
supposed to take a bag full of product catalogues on a sales call. He had to
open every product catalogue to show the entire range to the customer.
One fine day the management handed flashing tablets to the sales team.
The organization had done away with the paper catalogue, sales team was
asked to use the tablets to showcase the product line. What followed was a
grueling training session of the sales team for using the tablets for the
product presentation. The management put the entire focus of sales on the
new strategy. The organization canceled the sales meetings with the
customers. They postponed the new product launches as wanted to present
itself in the new avatar.
After a month of intense training, they asked the sales team to meet all the
customers to give 'capability presentation' using tablets. The energy
pumped by the sales team was enormous however the customers were not
interested. They were only interested in the value offered by the vendor.
Though the sales team tried to prove a point by using an advanced
presentation tool i.e. the tablet. However, it did not help much to make a
great impact apart from the initial excitement. The management asked one
fine morning to return the tablets, and it reintroduced the product
brochures.
It is the value which always creates an impact. It may be a job or
entrepreneurship. Majority of times we get lost because we are not focusing
on delivering a value. A change in strategy will not bring in the desired
results but delivering a constant value will.

COMMIT THE COMMITMENT
Boss’s want the team to say ‘what they want to hear’ rather believe in ‘what
they action’. This is the prime reason performance is not appreciated but
flattering is. Performers feel alienated and unappreciated in this
environment. They either leave the organization or sidelined by the coterie
surrounding the higher ups.
Whatever be the environment, be sure you 'commit what you can achieve’
and ‘achieve what you committed’. Once you make and honor your
commitments, the organization will treat you as a professional par
excellence. The industry will also recognize you and your abilities. This way
you will choose the organization you want rather the other way around.
Set your priorities right and work on them. Success is just… next door.
Happiness is when your inner self is at peace and in control of the
outer self
Step 2: Building a Strong Inner & Outer Self
If it happens,
It happens for a reason.
If it doesn’t happen,
The reason might be bigger.
It’s your soul which knows,
When to fight and when to let it pass away.
To further immune yourself from getting affected by the results, you must
build a strong inner self. Our inner self or soul is the purest form of
ourselves. It's built on the values inherited at the time of our birth and
gained from our surroundings during the childhood.
One of the biggest reasons of unhappiness is when people lose something
with an emotional connect. The possession could be money, a costly item or
even a relationship. It's difficult for people to cope up with the loss and
thus they remain unhappy because of it.

A strong inner self will help you fight against the challenges yet maintain
your calm. You will no longer feel threatened or insecure as earlier.
Challenges are forever and you cannot avoid them however now you will
handle them with confidence. You will understand the reasons for the
challenges and whether you fight against them or let them go. It will help
you connect with the outer world and make you realize your position in it.
The way we train our body in the field and gym to make it robust and
enduring, in a similar way, meditation is an activity to build your inner self.
Meditation will not only help you become calmer but will also rejuvenate
you. You will be a new you, who is unfazed by the difficulties surrounding
him. You will be happier and would have a refreshed view of the life.
The purpose of the meditation is having control over all of your senses:
hear, see, smell, taste and touch. There's a bigger sense which controls all
these senses, which I call as 'Sense of Inter Connect'. 'Sense of Inter
Connect' is the relationship between your ‘inner self’ with your ‘outer self’.
It’s a relationship between what you are from inside with what you aspire to
be from the outside. The stronger your inner self and if it also relates with
your outer self in unison, then your 'Sense of Inter Connect' is strong. A
strong 'Sense of Inter Connect' enables you to relate with the outside
environment in a clear and effective manner.
Humans are the only living beings in this whole cosmos who have an
immense power of thoughts. Man, through his brain has created the
physical world but he also can create the spiritual world. A strong ‘Sense of
Inter Connect’ helps you create the spiritual world. This spiritual world
helps you in interacting with the nature.
As per the law of physics everybody in this cosmos whether living or non-
living has a natural frequency at which it is oscillating all the time. Even
the overhead foot bridge has a natural frequency at which it oscillates all
the time. They do not allow troops to march in a ‘perfect synchronous foot
march’ on an overhead bridge as the frequency generated through march-
past and the natural frequency of the bridge may match with each other. If
that happens there is a high probability that bridge would collapse.
We relate with the cosmos through these frequencies. In common parlance
you may call them as vibes. These are our natural frequencies which we
disseminate every time we communicate with the outer world. The effect of
them is clearer when we meet strangers. We not only communicate with
them through verbal communication but also through these frequencies.

Our ‘inner self’ which is the main source of these frequencies is always
trying to relate with the frequencies of the others. You may like a person
when communicating on a phone, chat or video call but once you meet the
person face to face, you find it very difficult to communicate with him.
What’s the reason? The reason is our ‘inner self’ not able to relate with the
‘inner self’ of the other. It happens often that people do not know the reason
of this disconnect as they are not able feel their ‘inner self’.
People whose ‘inner self’ are strong disperse frequencies which match with
the cosmic world. There is a 2-level method of building your ‘inner self’
through meditation. In the first level you ‘master the pulses’ and in the
second ‘regulate the breath’.
MASTER THE PULSES
Find a calm corner in your house where you can sit every day for some
time. Although you can practice this exercise anytime however the best
time is before going to the sleep at night.
Step 1: The first level starts with feeling your pulse. Keep first finger of your
right hand on the inner side of the wrist of the left hand. Press your finger
on the vein and try feeling your pulse. It will take you few days to feel the
pulse. Do not panic if you are not able to feel the pulse. Give yourself more
time. Sometimes it may take a week to recognize your pulse. Keep it
practicing it for 2 weeks more. The average time spent on this activity in a
day should be around 15 minutes.
Step 2: Now give a break of 1 week to let things settle down. Start again,
now you would hear your heart beats along with a distinct pulse. Keep it
practising for 3-4 weeks.
Step 3: Once you keep practicing in a quiet & calm space, you will
experience the desired effect. The heart beat and the pulse will resonate
together i.e. you would stop hearing 2 distinct sounds but now will hear the
heart beat and pulse in tandem. This experience will soon spread to your
whole body. You will experience the tandem vibrations all over your body.
You feel that your body has no weight, the heart or the pulses have taken
over your body. It would be something similar to a large blinking lighthouse
where only the light is visible from a distance with the tower (body)
shadowed by the light. Happiness is the feeling which everyone is looking
for outside as they cannot find where is it hidden inside.

REGULATING THE BREATH
The second level is focusing on the breath.
Meditation is bringing the mind and senses under your control and
guidance. You can achieve it by bringing your thoughts to a null and then
focusing all your energies on ‘oneness’. Once you master it, every small
vibration in your body merges to become one. Your heart, mind, eyes, skin
and sense of smell converge at one point. You feel the reverberations
generated by each part of your body. The frequency of these reverberations
is close to the natural frequencies of the cosmic world. The more
‘frequencies of oneness’ are closer to the ‘natural frequencies’ of the
cosmos, the closer will you relate to the outside world.
Step 1: Find a quiet place in your home or workplace. You may sit on the
ground, chair or even the bed. Keep your shoulders relaxed, balanced
upright posture and eyes closed. Fold your hands, palm on palm or can
keep them on your knees. If you are keeping your hands folded, then they
should be in the chest’s center. When you are keeping your palm on palm,
then you should position it slight below the navel. In the third position, the
thumb and the tip of the index figure should touch to each other while the
wrist lies on the knee. The palms of the hands are facing upwards.
Keep doing this activity for a few days to a week every day for 20-30
minutes. You may find difficult to sit in this posture for even 5 minutes in
the start. However, keep following the activity like a tight regime. The aim of
this activity is to become enduring. Just sit and relax. You may find
difficult to concentrate but never mind just keep sitting in the position as
long as possible.
Step 2: The second step towards the meditation is clearing up your mind of
all the thoughts, good or bad. You need to bring your mind to the null. This
requires your mind to become as calm as possible. The external noise in the
room should be as low as possible. You may put a pair of meditation ear
plugs made of foam or silicone for reducing the noise. Close your eyes and
focus in the center of your eyebrows. You would feel the calmness in your
mind after few days of practice.
Step 3: Take fast and long breaths. Keep focusing on your breaths whether
in or out. After one or two minutes of frantic breathing, lose control on your
breaths such that the pace becomes slower and calmer. Keep focusing on
the breath. Continue this practice for a few days to few weeks till you

experience absolute calmness in your body and mind. Once you will get up
from your meditation, you will feel refreshed and energetic.
Step 4: Keep focusing on your breath however in parallel focus on your
heartbeat as well. You will experience that your body has become light and
is reverberating in unison. This experience will be on higher echelons than
the experience through mastering of pulses. When you experience the heart
beat while keeping a tab on pulses you get a higher form of physical
joyfulness. However, when you experience the heart beat while focusing on
the breath, you attain a sense of your body becoming light wherein you feel
your heart is the one and the only one source of the energy. You might get a
feeling that your heart is you and you are the one in synchronous
reverberation with the outside world. It is something like a star sparkling in
a pool of stars in the sky.
In scientific terms, heart function and breathing are the two activities of the
body which are automatic. Even if you are unconscious, your heart and
breathing will continue to pace in a regular fashion. The heart pumps the
blood into the veins while breathing helps in the diffusion of oxygen into
our blood stream. Both the functions are critical and are lifeline of each cell
of the body. If the single cell is devoid of blood or oxygen, then it will cease
to even exist.
Mastering your pulses and regulating your breathing thus gives you control
over each and every single cell of the body. When you can synchronize
breathing and heart pulses, your body, in fact every single cell of the body
emits the same frequency, which can synchronize with the frequency of the
cosmos. The experience at that moment is beyond words. It is more to
experience than to understand. Achieving this state may take a few weeks
to few months.
BUILDING A STRONG OUTER SELF
If you get up in the morning and do not feel energetic what would you do?
Sleep more or push yourself? Let's take it this way, you have tried
everything but whatever action you have taken has not resulted in
something worthwhile.
The next step would be to visit a doctor. The doctor would first check your
basic parameters like blood pressure, sugar levels and maybe recommend a
blood test. If you are eating proper food and taking care of your body, then

the chances are that your vital parameters would be in control. The doctor
himself would be confused by now. He would suggest a tonic, exercise and
ask you to take a good sleep. You do all this but the mornings are still
lethargic and you do not want to go to work. This is where the medical
science has no specific answers.
The root cause of a majority of the physical issues is the stomach. If your
stomach is in good shape, you will keep a lot of diseases at a good distance
from you.
- Control what you eat. It is always better to eat less than your full
appetite rather than more.
- Your tongue is only 2 inches while body over 5 feet. Know what to
prioritize–taste or health.
- Your stomach has to work the extra mile to digest what you have
eaten. Please give consideration to your stomach.
- One of my ex-colleagues introduced me to water therapy which does
wonders for you. Water is a natural intoxicant and cleanser. Drink
lukewarm warm in the morning before freshening up. It will help
cleanse your system. You may start with one glass of water and over
time increase it to 4-5 glasses or till comfortable.
- Try eating few fresh leaves of mint, coriander or neem in the morning.
- Increase your fruit & salad content during the day. Good to eat a bowl
full of fruit or salad before the food.
I have been following the below home remedies for a long time.
For indigestion – Mix 1/5th of a teaspoon of Ajwain (carom seeds) with a
pinch of salt and take it with lukewarm water.
Also, mix dry amla (gooseberry) powder with same quantity of powdered
mishri (crystallized sugar lumps). You may take ½ or 1 teaspoon of the
powder daily with water at night before sleep.
For Vitality – Mix roasted chana (roasted gram/chickpeas), almonds, raisin,
pumpkin seeds in the ratio of 70:10:10:10. Keep them in an air-tight jar.
Take it whenever you feel the urge to munch something during the day.
The other thing which you could include in your daily routine is brisk
walking for 30-45 minutes.

If you control what you eat and go for a daily walk, you could be in much
better control of your health.
When you set on the path to enlightenment, only your soul travels
with you.
It’s all about dropping the baggage and traveling empty handed.
STEP 3: CONNECTING WITH THE NATURE
If you are an ardent lover of nature, you would see that the nature
responds to your care and warmth. When I say nature, it means plants,
birds, animals, air, sunlight and everything which nature has created. It’s
the nature which is the only thing original in the world. The best we can do
is to make a good copy of the same but we cannot replace the original. The
problems which have arisen in the man’s life are because he has distanced
himself from the nature.
Nature has the power to move you. It connects and responds to you. An
incident helped deepen my faith in the nature. I had brought a ‘shami
plant’ in my home few years back. People in India consider ‘shami’ as an
auspicious plant, worshipped for ages. I don’t remember whether I was
traveling or busy, someone at home did not like the plant and put it outside
the house. When I noticed, the state of the plant shocked me. The pot had
broken and there was no life left in the plant. It would have taken a slight
effort of the index finger to break the stem of the plant. The plant had dried
up with no hope of its revival. I picked up the almost dried plant and
transferred it to a new pot. I folded my hands in front of the plant and
asked for forgiveness. The next few days, I took care of the plant from the
depth of my heart. I felt some connect and wanted to revive it. The plant
responded. This incident happened many years back, the ‘shami plant’ has
grown much bigger in the size and still adorns my home.
Take an initiative of planting trees or plants every month. The number
could be one or a thousand that’s your prerogative. Your association with
the tree or plant will be from day one and will remain forever. You will build
a unique connect with them. Taking care of the plants and seeing them
grow will add to your happiness and contentment.
The best part to connect with the nature is to appreciate it while being in
its vicinity. You can spend time by taking care or even talking to the nature.

After sometime you would see a marked change in the way nature responds
to you. Nature is innocent. The plants, animals, birds all are innocent. You
also have to be genuine when you interact with them. Once you interact &
take care of them genuinely, you would see they love you back. The sense of
satisfaction while dealing with them is immense. You feel rejuvenated and a
sense of excitement runs down your soul.
Have you ever seen an animal depressed? They have a lot of similarities
with us. They have a concept of family & community, a sense of emotion
including fear and belongingness to an area or territory. The big difference
is that they don't have a brain like us which has allowed mankind to create
things. If humans did not have a brain, then we still would have been
walking on four legs.
Animals shower their love back to you in a much more responsive way.
However, when you domesticate an animal, he shows the signs of
excitement, an aggressive attachment to things. If you do not love or take
care then the animal gets depressed. Horse, rabbits, cats & dogs have been
man's best friend for ages. The only caution here is that the animal should
not lose his freedom if you domesticate them. You may have to tie the leash
when you take them for a stroll outside. However, try not to tie the animals
in the house at least. Animals to some extent depend on us. It becomes our
moral duty to take good care of them. For ages my family has been feeding
crows and sparrows in the morning. We have taken ownership of 2 stray
dogs in our locality. Whatever your means are, try feeding the animals and
birds daily. The quantity doesn't matter but what matters is your intent.
No-one can teach empathy to you. You can only feel it. Interacting with
nature helps you develop empathy. In today’s time happiness is a
fulfillment of predetermined desires. We have already discussed that there
is no harm in desire or even dreaming big but we should not link our
happiness to the same. You should instead focus on small things that you
can do in the company of nature to elevate your mood. A cup of green tea in
the early sunshine, a painting session in your garden, a talk with the plants
in the park, feeding birds or stray animals are the few ways through which
you can give your daily or weekly routine a purpose. Once you practice your
regular interaction with the nature, you would feel much calmer on one
side but exuberant on the other. Your fear, insecurities, negativity levels
will start diminishing. You will feel positive about life, high on energy and
overall joyful. You will be a new you. You will avoid depressing negative
discussions and even influence others to follow your mantra.

Neither the Ocean needs more water, Nor the Sun expects more
light.
Their existence is not because of the size, But the role they play
day and night.
Step 4: The Act of Giving
The act of giving is the noblest. It brings smile not only on the face of the
person who is receiving but also the person who is giving.
This universe functions on the system of balance and self-fulfillment. For
example, the water cycle is self-fulfilling. The snow in the Himalayas melts
to form the Ganges which evaporates to form the clouds to shower the earth
again. If the climate is too hot, then the evaporation will be higher and thus
the chances of the rainfall also get brighter. The nature will balance and
self-fulfill whatever condition arises. The situation only worsens when man
interferes with the natural course of the action. Man is playing a large role
in the natural occurrence of disasters like floods, earthquakes, tsunami.
The balance of the nature gets disturbed which leads to these disasters.
Man, the most beautiful creation of the nature also owns the ability of
balance and self-fulfillment. He achieves the biggest act of balancing while
living in a community. Man, not only looks after himself, family but also his
community. Community has given him a sense of responsibility to take care
of its fellow members. Community here could be a caste, religion, village,
state, nation or the world as one big unit. The sense of pride and happiness
while contributing to the community is natural and satisfying. Whenever
any region, state or country gets affected by any disaster which has
devastating proportions, people worldwide stand up to the occasion and
show their concern to the affected people. People contribute money, extend
physical help or even help in spreading the concern around the world to
muster support.
An act which helps transform the life of others not only extends a smile on
their faces but also on yours.

DRY DATES KHEER
Long time ago, a peasant used to live with his family in a village. The
peasant did not have much means to feed his family. It was becoming
difficult by every passing day. The peasant spoke to his wife who suggested
him to go to some other village in search of work. The peasant went to a far-
off village in search of work. He got a menial job but still his savings were
not enough to support the family. The peasant continued to put in a lot of
hard work and sent money to his family every month.
A year passed, the peasant thought to visit his family. He bought new
clothes for his children, a sari for his wife and few utensils. He also bought
a bagful of dry dates and nuts for his kids. His kids were fond of dry dates
kheer (a sweet dish) and had requested their father to bring dry dates for
them.
On his way back, the peasant decided to spend the night at a ‘dharmshala’
(free stay) as it was getting dark and he would have put his life at risk by
traveling alone. The ‘dharmshala’ was distributing free hot milk that night
to all the visitors. Peasant took out few dry dates and put them in his glass
of hot milk. Fellow visitors who saw the peasant got keen to have the dry
dates as that place did not produce them. He shared dry dates with them
such that they can also enjoy their hot milk.
When the peasant got up in the morning, he came to know someone had
picked his money, new clothes for family and utensils. It left him with the
bag containing dry dates as he had kept it under his head to use it as a
pillow. The peasant thanked his stars and set out towards his village. He
would not have even traveled a mile when few people came running and got
hold of him. They got to know the peasant had dry dates and begged him to
share with them. The local ruler’s son was unwell and the local Ayurveda
practitioner had advised a lifesaving herb with dry dates. The courtiers
were running around the province looking for dry dates but could not find
any.
Peasant had no option other than to share the bagful of dry dates with the
courtiers. The local ruler’s son got well after taking the herb with the dry
dates. The ruler thanked the peasant and gave back the balance dry dates
to him. He advised the peasant to cut the dry dates into pieces before
putting them into hot milk to make ‘kheer’.

The peasant’s wife got upset as the peasant had lost everything. However,
the kids thrilled as they would get to eat ‘dry dates kheer’. They persuaded
their mother to make the ‘kheer’ and put lots of ‘dry dates’ in them. The
peasant remembered the ruler’s advice to cut the dates into small pieces
before putting them into hot milk. He asked his wife to bring the knife to
cut the dry dates into small pieces. His family could not believe the sight in
front of them. The local ruler had filled the core of the dry dates with
diamonds and gem stones. He had paid back to the peasant by gifting
diamonds and precious stones.
A noble act of kindness walks with you till it has returned back to you in the
same spirit.
The best things in life generally come for free.
We can very well find them if we have a heart to appreciate them.
Step 5: The Happiness Loop
I want to live in a big bungalow, drive an expensive car.
I want to travel around the world. I want to see every city of the world and
capture the moments.
I want to be super rich.
I want to become a famous CEO of a great Multinational company.
I want to retire early and live a peaceful life.
If you analyze the above wishes, we do not long for happiness the way we
chase for a bright career, money and power. We only associate happiness
with a certain event or relationship. If the event or relationship turns sour,
it leads to unhappiness.
GRANDPA’s ADVICE
An elder man used to bless his grandchild everyday by saying, "be happy".

How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership

How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (10)

Similar to How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership

Similar to How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership (12)

More from Saurabh Leekha

More from Saurabh Leekha (7)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

How Three Business Partners Lost Happiness by Fighting Over Ownership