Arriving Late-Guided Questions 1

1. What does feeling safe
have to do with the
amygdala and frontal
lobes?

2. When we do not feel physically or emotionally safe, we no longer
think with the rational-thinking part of the brain and instead let
the amygdala, which helps us to know how we feel, take control.
We are too concerned with self-protection to be able to use our
rational mind/frontal lobes. When we feel safe again, we can use
reasoning from our frontal lobes to make good decisions. You can
choose to be reflective, not reactive. This choice brings our frontal
lobes into play.

3. What can you do when your co-parent
is violent or controlling, or both?

4. The legal action you can take is to file a domestic restraining
order with the court. Make yourself mindfully aware of your
feelings so that you can think clearly about what to do. Use an "I"
message with your co-parent instead of blaming or threatening
them. Talk to a trusted friend or mental health professional.

5. Parents in conflict often ask for
custody evaluations. What are the risks
for doing this?

6. Evaluations by trained experts are time-consuming and very
expensive, and the results may be disappointing. Often, the
competition and anger between parents increases during these
evaluations, which adds to the conflict already occurring. It is
common for evaluators to recommend therapy or counseling. If
you seek counseling or therapy before asking for a custody
evaluation, there is a good chance your issues could get resolved
during the counseling and you wouldn’t need the evaluation.

7. When your ex is complaining to you,
what can you do to calm them down so
that you can problem-solve together?

8. Calm yourself so you can remain less emotionally involved. Ask
questions about their point of view, and avoid challenging them.
Ask the other parent for their proposal or solution. Having a
picture of your children visible when you meet can help you be
attuned to them.