Grief can show up when we don’t expect it and for reasons that might not ‘fit’ our traditional idea of grief. Many of us may believe that we should only experience grief when someone we care about dies. However, there are many losses that can also trigger grief.

1. Website: https://www.bayridgecounsellingcentres.ca/ Phone: (905) 319-1488
Grief Shows Up in the Darnedest
Places

2. Website: https://www.bayridgecounsellingcentres.ca/ Phone: (905) 319-1488
Grief can show up when we don’t expect
it and for reasons that might not ‘fit’ our
traditional idea of grief. Many of us may
believe that we should only
experience grief when someone we care
about dies. However, there are many
losses that can also trigger grief. Based
on many conversations over the past few
months and living in a world with
COVID, it seems many of us are
experiencing grief both individually and
collectively. Never before has the entire
world felt the same acute threat as it has
over the past few months and sadly we
expect it will continue for some time.
The grief experience is often a combination of many emotions and thoughts such
as fear, sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, rejection and depression. Experiencing so
many thoughts and emotions can make it difficult to notice or understand exactly
what we are feeling and thinking and we often don’t think of it as grief, we may
just feel irritable or restless or have difficulty focusing on anything. So when we
think of the losses connected with COVID and the threat and uncertainty to our
health and that of our family and friends, our finances and our lifestyle, it is
understandable that grief is showing up.
Grief shows up in the darnedest places means that no matter what it is, even if
you think it seems trivial, if it is important to you, grief may show up. Maybe it
is that once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe, your university graduation, visiting your
parents in another province or country after the birth of your first child,
celebrating your retirement or simply hugging your adult children who live far
away. You may even be grieving alone time and at the same time feel guilty for
feeling this way. Or the opposite, you may miss going into work, coffee with your
colleagues or even your work space. Before COVID you may have wished for
the day you could just work from home! Acknowledging your grief is important
in so much as it calls for the need to practice self-compassion.

3. Website: https://www.bayridgecounsellingcentres.ca/ Phone: (905) 319-1488
Self-compassion is more critical now than ever, partly because we are
experiencing so much loss all at once and for prolonged periods and we may not
have the same support of family and friends that we used to, or least not in the
same way…like getting a big hug. And just when we need the support of others,
we may also need to provide that emotional support to others and so it is important
to fill-up our own glass through self-compassion so our strength and resilience
isn’t depleted.
By flexibly noticing what you are feeling and thinking, in this moment, without
judgement, you are bringing your thoughts and feelings into the light, a first step
in practicing self-compassion. Compassion means…_’to suffer together’ and we
know it requires us to be kind and gentle . Too often when painful or distressing
feelings and thoughts show up, we try to distract ourselves or suppress or avoid
them because we don’t want to deal with them. And no surprise, the more we try
not to think or feel, the more those darn thoughts and feelings demand our
attention! If I were to say, “don’t think about ice cream”, what do you think you
will think about?
At the core of self-compassion is kindness, being kind to yourself. So often it is
easy to show kindness to others and so difficult to give it to ourselves. Too often
we are quick to criticize ourselves, our thoughts and feelings by comparing
ourselves to others or tell ourselves that what we are upset about is trivial, others
have lost way more or we believe we should be stronger. Self-criticism and
berating ourselves with negative thoughts is the opposite of self-kindness. So
telling yourself it is okay to feel what you are feeling and validating your
emotions without letting them consume you, is practicing self-kindness. Tell
yourself you are doing the best you can do with the experience and knowledge
you have in this moment. Practicing non-judgement is practicing kindness. Being
kind also means trying to let go of our painful thoughts and feelings, like watching
clouds in the sky float away.

4. Website: https://www.bayridgecounsellingcentres.ca/ Phone: (905) 319-1488
So as you enjoy these summer days with a return of some of our pre-COVID
freedoms, pay attention and try to notice what feelings and thoughts are showing
up and then try to let it go.
Be kind to yourself and know that grief is showing up in the darnedest places for
everyone. You are not alone.
Stay safe.
Source: https://www.bayridgecounsellingcentres.ca/grief-shows-up-in-the-
darnedest-places/