To heal from an affair, both partners must be open and willing to work through intense emotions like anger, betrayal, and grief. The hurt partner needs to freely express their pain, while the unfaithful partner listens without being defensive, validates the hurt felt, and gives a sincere apology that shows understanding. Rebuilding trust is a long process that requires transparency, tangible trust-building actions, and acknowledging that the hurt partner may periodically reopen discussions as they process the trauma of the betrayal. Professional help can aid recovery if issues resurface over time.
What Is Assertiveness And How To Be More Assertivearshu4u
Most of us passively accept these situations while feeling like we lose respect for ourselves. Until sometimes we reach the limit and explode with anger, which has far worse consequences.
How Can You Tell When You Have Found The Right Person?Angel
So many people put stress on the relationships they are in, wondering whether the person they are with is right. Here's some advice on how to handle these challenging thoughts.
HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK
Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them again. Asking your ex to get back together can be scary, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there’s a chance they’ll say yes.
You have to be strong, in order to keep loving each other after the newness of a relationship wears off. Communication eventually drifts away because they already know how the other is going to respond or they don’t want trouble of dealing with the fall out.
What Is Assertiveness And How To Be More Assertivearshu4u
Most of us passively accept these situations while feeling like we lose respect for ourselves. Until sometimes we reach the limit and explode with anger, which has far worse consequences.
How Can You Tell When You Have Found The Right Person?Angel
So many people put stress on the relationships they are in, wondering whether the person they are with is right. Here's some advice on how to handle these challenging thoughts.
HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK
Sometimes after a breakup, you realize you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them again. Asking your ex to get back together can be scary, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there’s a chance they’ll say yes.
You have to be strong, in order to keep loving each other after the newness of a relationship wears off. Communication eventually drifts away because they already know how the other is going to respond or they don’t want trouble of dealing with the fall out.
Moving on without you - A complete guide to get over your exJibranAzhar
Breaking up is really hurtful, but getting lost in the process is unacceptable.
Get over your break-up and move on in life with your head raised with the complete guide on how to move on.
From a sobbing personality to an optimistic and cheerful person, our guide will help you become the person you are meant to be.
PART TWO OF ONE. YOUR POV COUNTS: PLEASE TELL ME WITCH ONE DO YOU LIKE MOST?? Thank you fro you time..... This is a Presentation to Empower you Mind, Body, and Soul. I CANT IS NOT A WORD TO FAIL OUR-SELF WITH. WE ARE USING EMPOWERING WORDS THAT WE CAN DO ALL THING AND NOT FAIL, It is a Lesson of Life of Break down plus Inspiring finale Thoughts to add. You will feel much better with in your self after you get done reading the whole presentation a little about your founder too, and what I have to say and I have Inspired myself to help other to improve there Self Esteem and Love Life too and so much more to add. Thank you for your time and enjoy reading my Lesson Plan. Have a great day and look forward to hear your thoughts too.
Apologizing is so important to healthy relationships. I can't say it enough. If you are not able to say you are sorry for a wrong doing or for a mistake that you made then your relationships will suffer and die. People need to know that you are sorry and they need to know that you mean it. If you don't take the time to say you are sorry for something you may have done to hurt another person then you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you get involved in any way with anyone else. If we tell our children to say they are sorry for hurting a friend and we can't do it as adults something is very wrong with that picture. Find out how important it is to apologize for any wrong you have inflicted on anyone you are in relationship with and feel better about yourself, and strengthen your bonds.
The idea being a "Stop Doing" list is that what you intentionally eliminate from your life is every bit as important as what you add because it helps to define your boundaries and provide balance. I wanted to create more than another list, so I used my trusty journal to come up with something meaningful ... liberating. Let me know what you think!
This is a Presentation to Empower you Mind, Body, and Soul. I CANT IS NOT A WORD TO FAIL OUR-SELF WITH. WE ARE USING EMPOWERING WORDS THAT WE CAN DO ALL THING AND NOT FAIL, It is a Lesson of Life of Break down plus Inspiring finale Thoughts to add. You will feel much better with in your self after you get done reading the whole presentation a little about your founder too, and what I have to say and I have Inspired myself to help other to improve there Self Esteem and Love Life too and so much more to add. Thank you for your time and enjoy reading my Lesson Plan. Have a great day and look forward to hear your thoughts too.
Find out how to be an empathetic person in a world where we are all going through something at some point. Learn actual ways you can talk to a person to let them know you are empathizing with them and you truly care.
Angry, coercive conversations are poison in a relationship. Soft, gentle words are soothing and exciting. Consider some of these tools to give up power struggle and ask for what you want.
Do not make assumptions. Do not always assume you already
know what will happen next. You think you know what you really
want, or what your partner need the most.
You think you know your partner well. You assume you know what
to do next, and how your partner will react. What if, you do not
actually know it well, which causes all subsequent
misunderstandings?
Moving on without you - A complete guide to get over your exJibranAzhar
Breaking up is really hurtful, but getting lost in the process is unacceptable.
Get over your break-up and move on in life with your head raised with the complete guide on how to move on.
From a sobbing personality to an optimistic and cheerful person, our guide will help you become the person you are meant to be.
PART TWO OF ONE. YOUR POV COUNTS: PLEASE TELL ME WITCH ONE DO YOU LIKE MOST?? Thank you fro you time..... This is a Presentation to Empower you Mind, Body, and Soul. I CANT IS NOT A WORD TO FAIL OUR-SELF WITH. WE ARE USING EMPOWERING WORDS THAT WE CAN DO ALL THING AND NOT FAIL, It is a Lesson of Life of Break down plus Inspiring finale Thoughts to add. You will feel much better with in your self after you get done reading the whole presentation a little about your founder too, and what I have to say and I have Inspired myself to help other to improve there Self Esteem and Love Life too and so much more to add. Thank you for your time and enjoy reading my Lesson Plan. Have a great day and look forward to hear your thoughts too.
Apologizing is so important to healthy relationships. I can't say it enough. If you are not able to say you are sorry for a wrong doing or for a mistake that you made then your relationships will suffer and die. People need to know that you are sorry and they need to know that you mean it. If you don't take the time to say you are sorry for something you may have done to hurt another person then you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you get involved in any way with anyone else. If we tell our children to say they are sorry for hurting a friend and we can't do it as adults something is very wrong with that picture. Find out how important it is to apologize for any wrong you have inflicted on anyone you are in relationship with and feel better about yourself, and strengthen your bonds.
The idea being a "Stop Doing" list is that what you intentionally eliminate from your life is every bit as important as what you add because it helps to define your boundaries and provide balance. I wanted to create more than another list, so I used my trusty journal to come up with something meaningful ... liberating. Let me know what you think!
This is a Presentation to Empower you Mind, Body, and Soul. I CANT IS NOT A WORD TO FAIL OUR-SELF WITH. WE ARE USING EMPOWERING WORDS THAT WE CAN DO ALL THING AND NOT FAIL, It is a Lesson of Life of Break down plus Inspiring finale Thoughts to add. You will feel much better with in your self after you get done reading the whole presentation a little about your founder too, and what I have to say and I have Inspired myself to help other to improve there Self Esteem and Love Life too and so much more to add. Thank you for your time and enjoy reading my Lesson Plan. Have a great day and look forward to hear your thoughts too.
Find out how to be an empathetic person in a world where we are all going through something at some point. Learn actual ways you can talk to a person to let them know you are empathizing with them and you truly care.
Angry, coercive conversations are poison in a relationship. Soft, gentle words are soothing and exciting. Consider some of these tools to give up power struggle and ask for what you want.
Do not make assumptions. Do not always assume you already
know what will happen next. You think you know what you really
want, or what your partner need the most.
You think you know your partner well. You assume you know what
to do next, and how your partner will react. What if, you do not
actually know it well, which causes all subsequent
misunderstandings?
Presentation over the Bologna Technology hub where Oltremare was created and operates nowadays.
Oltremare enjoys the the technical cultural exchange of this creative district as an inspiration to its most advanced technical solutions for the cashew nut industry
Relationship tips for women can help clear your head and point you in the right direction.
Let’s look at some of the best relationship advice for women that will help you zero in on finding the type of partner that will help elevate you to be your best self, day in and day out.
Introducing
Breakup Lessons
Learned
After
After
Breakup and Ways to Have a Good
Relationship in the
Future. Inside this eBook, you discover the topics about be in the will right relationship, having a common purpose relationship temporary, listen to your gut - when something
Wrong, don't be
Some are always felt is possesSive, breakup you stronger and reacting breakup.
Love
Love is a powerful emotion that is unlike any other; it is a deep, passionate sensation of affection. There are many different kinds of love, including romantic love and self-love. There are various ways you can work on loving and expressing your love.You must first love yourself before you can love anyone else. Understanding how to love oneself entails recognising and valuing your inner vulnerability. You have several characteristics that make you special. Recognize your strengths and learn to love who you are.
Work hard to improve yourself if you have trouble loving yourself. Accept your history and move forward to improve your self-confidence. You can believe that your past mistakes will make you unlovable or that your troubles prevent you from being loving. Untrue. Go on after accepting what occurred to you and forgiving yourself. Take just as much care of yourself as you do of others.
This may be challenging if you naturally take care of others or if you have kids. Keep in mind that if you are taking good care of yourself, you will be better able to care for others.
Make sure you take care of yourself instead than letting others come before you. Give yourself a massage or a relaxing bath. Every day, do something just for you.Those who are grateful experience better health and are happier. Discover ways to express your gratitude for the people and things in your life, but most of all, for who you are.
Think about the qualities you admire most about yourself. Perhaps you have a lot of compassion, are highly giving, or are a wonderful listener. You might be quick to pick up new abilities. You might be an expert at painting or wiring electricity. Spend a moment expressing gratitude.Find something positive in any situation, no matter how bad it seems at the moment. A optimistic mindset is associated with physical and psychological advantages like decreased rates of suffering and a longer lifespan. When you begin to think negatively, especially about yourself, change such ideas to positive ones.
To change negative ideas into good ones, practise positive self-talk.
fend off ideas about novel circumstances. Instead of thinking, "I'll fumble this; I'm so stupid!" "I feel pleased of myself for putting myself out there and attempting something new," you might say.
Replace the thought "I am such a failure at meeting people" with "I'm eager to pick up new social skills and get to know people who are more like me." I am confident in my ability to make friends.Spending time alone yourself is a crucial component of self-care. Saving time for oneself can be challenging if you share a room or have kids. You can relax, solve difficulties, reset your thoughts, and discover yourself in solitude. Don't feel bad if you need some alone time. By prioritising your happiness and allowing yourself to reset, you may spend time alone and strengthen your connections.
Spend your lunch breaks alone or get up before other people
Lessons learned after BREAKUP and WAYS to have a good RELATIONSHIP in the FUTURE. In this eBook, you will find topics on various types of relationships, their tenure, purposes, how to listen to your gut-only when you felt some wrongs in the relationship and many more.
Through downloading this report, you are taking the first step in beginning to move out of relationship pain. I know it‟s not easy for some people to reach out for support or help, so if that seems like you, know that you are taking a pro-active attitude towards creating the type of relationship you want.
Partnership has to do with the relationship that exist between two parties. It can be love , friendship, business and so on. How can you know your partner is a committed one. How can you know someone you are seriously relating with is not playing games with you. How will you know that your partner is serious and not wasting your time. This book lay more emphasis on the love relationship aspect between two individuals.The ebook enables you to know if your partner is a loyal and dependable one based on the signs and act you receive from the partner. The book is an eye opener to show you if you are having a good sincere and serious partner and actually going in t]he right direction. Thanks
99 % of this documents and images are from WikiHow.com I have made it into a presentation format. I can send you the power point on request. I made it for myself for my tablet as a morning dose. I hope it helps you too. Visit WikiHow.com for more details
7 Signs Your Relationship Is Giving You Anxiety | Solh Wellness.pdfSolh Wellness
Every relationship experiences its fair share of difficulties, disputes, and agreements. Extremely tense relationships, however, are unhealthy. Solh Wellness explains it's signs and what you can do about it.
Introduction to The Four Agreements by Ruiz:
"Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy and diminish our self-worth."
-Miguel Ruiz
In the United States, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce each year.
The sad part is, many of those divorces are preventable with the right intervention. Yet, it’s a fallacy to believe all marriages can be saved.
There is however, a much better chance of saving your marriage if you assess your relationship and understand the root cause of your marriage problems.
If your marriage is in trouble, the worst thing you can do is to over analyze the situation.
1. Ten things you can do to help heal your relationship after an affair
• It’s not your fault, and it wasn’t about you.
• Learn how to say sorry, and really mean it - Insincerity will be heard.
• You don't have to protect your unfaithful partner from your pain - they need to hear it, a lot, in order to
understand the magnitude of their actions
• The process is about grieving - It may feel like all you have is rage, anger, betrayal and humiliation, but
infidelity is also about grieving the loss of trust and safety within the relationship.
• Keep talking - don't shut down and stop saying what's happening for you. Your unfaithful partner needs to
hear this.
• Listen to your gut and find your voice - Learn how to say what you need, and learn to listen, as well as speak,
your truth. Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it meanly.
• Be careful who you tell - Don't be too quick to tell the whole world what happened. Friends and family may
not understand what you are going through.
• You aren't crazy - It happened, and your reactions are a result of the gross breach of trust you've experienced
• Don’t be an ostrich - Don't stick your head in the sand and pretend it will all work out.
• TMI - Trying to get too much information about your partners affair, particularly intimate information, can
lead to emotional pain and trauma.
2. Can you recover from an affair?
Yes, by being mindful, open, willing and an active participant in the process.
Here's how:
Learn how to say sorry, and mean it.
Your hurt partner needs to hear your genuine words of apology; words that show you understand and acknowledge
the depth of pain, hurt and suffering you caused. Understand what it is that you are apologising for. Your partner
wants to hear a whole language of acceptance of your role in their pain, their betrayal of trust, their dreams dashed
and their perceptions of who you are shattered. They want to hear, repeatedly, how sorry you are; sincerely and
genuinely sorry. They don't want to hear your apology and the "buts" that often come up. Don't say things like "I've
said I'm sorry, what more do you want from me?" Your hurt partner wants everything from you; your heart and soul
needs to be packed into every apology you make, every time you say sorry it needs to be heartfelt and tells your
partner you understand. Demonstrate your understanding through the language and intent inherent in your apology.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting, and it isn't about letting the unfaithful partner off the hook of their actions, but
about letting you off the hook of your anger and resentment. It really is about your emotional healing.However long it
takes, forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself because it enables you to release the pain within your
heart and find a new paradigm, one where your heart is open to the possibility of loving your partner in a new and
more honest way.
Keep your communication channels open and honest - allow yourself to be present to what you are each feeling
and experiencing
Acknowledge and understand that the hurt partner may need to work through intense feelings of betrayal, anger,
shame, humiliation, anger, confusion, sadness, grief and loss, and may experience, all or some of these emotions
Confront yourself and look inwards. You didn't cause the affair to happen, but you have an obligation to develop
your own emotional health
Keep talking; don't shut down and stop saying what's happening for you. Your unfaithful partner needs to hear this.
You don't have to protect your unfaithful partner from your pain; they need to hear it, a lot, in order to understand
the magnitude of their actions
It can feel as if we are terminally unique. How could anyone ever understand the depth of our pain and hurt? You
aren't alone. So many people feel isolated when they find out about an affair because it's such a huge betrayal, and it
feels as if no one could ever understand how painful it is. Many others have walked in your shoes
Healing takes as long as it needs. Recovery will take as long, if not significantly longer, than the affair period
Learn how to express your anger and pain in ways that don't shame, blame or attack
Trust your gut. One of the first things someone said to me was this: if it sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, and
looks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
Denial of feelings will hinder and lengthen recovery
3. Don't stick your head in the sand and pretend it will all work out.
You won't just build a bridge and get over it. Infidelity can be a relationship killer, and kills trust in a heartbeat. What
you gave your partner for years without a second thought, can be lost in an instant of indiscretion. You won't just get
over it, and you won't be able to do it all yourself. That's crazy making behaviour on the same scale as the obsession
you had if you suffered any length of time dealing with lies and deceit. Trust has to be earned all over again. Trust is
broader than "I won't do it again." Trust is about all the things we need in order to feel safe and secure in our
relationship with you, the person who cheated on our relationship and destroyed the trust. So, learn what you each
need in order to help each rebuild trust. Write a trust list. Write down all the things you need from your partner, then
give it to each other. Then do what is on each other's list. Trust comes from doing trustworthy acts that can be
measured. It's how we assess your trustworthiness. It doesn't have time limits, it takes as long as it takes. However,
there is a rider on this...if you can't let go and rebuild trust, you should look carefully at why, and consider getting
professional help.
Too much information about your partners affair can lead to emotional pain and trauma. At the beginning we
want to know all the details, right down to the nasty stuff best left where it lies in the gutter of our imagination. If we
force it to be examined and regurgitated, we can do more harm to ourselves than good. Knowing the lurid details of
their sex life, for example, can only harm us. We replay and obsess about details in ways that aren't healthy, all the
while blissfully unaware that down the track, perhaps years later, we could potentially still have these recurring images
intruding on our wellbeing and silently impacting on our mental health. Details may be needed for disclosure (or forcing
disclosure), but be mindful of what it is you are seeking to find out. You may deal with it appropriately today but be
damaged years later because you can't get it out of your head. That's not to say you shouldn't ask or seek
information, and that your offending partner should 'protect you by not revealing'. If you ask, they should tell. If you
don't know how to go through this process, read some books on affair recovery and marshall your internal resources,
find a therapist who won't tell you it's your fault, and get support to build a foundation of support that will help you
manage this stage. You will be fragile and hurt and not thinking straight. Don't rush into things, take your time and
centre yourself.
Listen to your gut and find your voice. That churning gut is your inner child telling you something isn't right. Listen to
it. Hear it's message and trust that if your gut is feeling something then something isn't right.
Before you amputate your relationship from your heart, take stock of the good within your relationship. Affairs
happen in any kind of relationship; good, bad or indifferent. If your relationship is inherently good and stable, take
careful stock of how you proceed. We can be too quick to cut our partners out of our lives for having an affair, but
sometimes it's an opportunity to grow and rebuild into something stronger and healthier. It's never a black and white
situation, and although many of us have rigid views about what we would do if our partner had an affair, the reality
doesn't always match our expectations.
Have the courage to change, for yourself, your partner and your relationship. Find your own strength and draw
from that. If you do it to please your partner, you'll quickly find yourself in a place of darkness and resentment. Own it.
Be true to yourself.
You aren't crazy; it happened and your reactions are probably normal considering the huge betrayal of trust
you've experienced. It can feel as if you've been on a crazy making roller coaster; up and down, round and around.
You feel irrational, angry and acting out in ways that just aren't you. You might have known and not been able to prove
the affair and you've suffered through being told you were 'suspicious, controlling, jealous, possessive' and so on.
You've been made to feel at fault for doubting your partner and possibly reacted in ways you never imagined possible.
Hypervigilance becomes a way of life; looking for the next rendevous, looking for evidence, checking up, always on
edge and hypersensitive to changes in behaviour and routine. However you are reacting, it's ok and normal.
4. It won't be plain sailing. Expect a feel good, honeymoon stage after disclosure or confrontation, when it will seem as
if the biggest hurdle has been jumped over. The really hard work starts when you start to feel again, when the pain
starts to bubble up and issues that got swept under the carpet of wanting to move on, become triggers for conflict,
anger, anxiety and a host of other emotional reactions. Remember that this is a normal part of the process, just like
when you first fell in love. The toilet seat up or down meant nothing in your love honeymoon stage, and so it is with
infidelity recovery. When you start to feel yourself reacting to things you'd shut down, that's when the hard work really
starts.
Get professional help. You may do couples counselling early on, and think you've "been there, done that", but keep
an open mind about getting professional help to deal with the issues that come up. Find a counsellor who will work
with you both, and who doesn't believe there must have been something wrong with the relationship for infidelity to
occur
Be gentle with yourself. Don't force recovery and don't expect it to happen within a certain timeframe. Be gentle on
yourself and give yourself the time to work through what's happened. When we become present to what's happening
within and around us, we find we have the time to self reflect and consider what's important and what can wait for our
attention at a later date. The world won't end if we decide to have a bath instead of a fight.
The process is about grieving. It may feel like all you have is rage, anger, betrayal and humiliation, but infidelity is
also about grieving the loss of trust and safety within the relationship. Don't underestimate the grieving process
involved here and think that it isn't that bad. Allow space within the process to mourn your relationship, what it used to
be, and what you've both lost, because each of you has lost something of significance.
Be careful who you tell. Don't be too quick to tell the whole world what happened in an attempt to assuage your
pain, you may find people judge or don't understand if you decide to stay together
Know that recovery requires hard work from both of you. Each of us is responsible for our own recovery after an
affair, but if you don't bring your recovery back to the relationship and work on it together, then your relationship is
probably doomed, if not today, then at some stage in the future. If one person bears the brunt of recovery, say the hurt
partner, then resentment and anger can set in creating further barriers and layers in the way of the relationship healing
and moving forward.
Allow your hurt partner to keep talking as long as they need to. Never expect your partner to just 'get over it'.
Each of you needs the space to talk, but the hurt partner needs to be free to talk as much as they want, whenever they
need to. Your embarrasment or anger at having it 'brought up again' is inconsequential in the face of what you did to
hurt your partner. You need to deal with that aspect as part of your own recovery and find a way to walk in the other
persons shoes.
Allow your hurt partner to express their anger and pain. This is absolutely critical. If you want your hurt partner to
heal and be the person you love again, you need to let their anger, pain, hurt and humiliation be a natural expression
that doesn't bring out the defensive, reactive part of you. Accept their feelings and take it onboard as an expression of
their feelings, and validate them. Understand them. Feel them fully and accept that you caused this reaction in the first
place.
Validate your partners pain. If you don't validate then you keep repeating the cycle of 'get over it, it wasn't that bad'
and so on. Healing takes place when we can express our feelings, resolve them, and then find relief in the acceptance
that the feelings are normal and natural. If you can do this for your hurt partner you will be enriched and enrich the life
of your partner.
Don't shut your partner down by telling them "I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want? How much
longer do I have to do this?" You have to do this for as long as it takes. You might have months or years when
nothing comes up, and then something random will occur that brings it all back again. Allowing your hurt partner to
express their feelings and emotions will give them the space they need to heal. Shutting down a person in this way just
reinforces the complex nature of the trauma they experienced and can be just as harmful as the original affair. If the
hurt partner can't talk, then they will repress and nuture their feelings, building and polishing resentment until it boils
over, becoming a volcano of repressed hurt, pain and anger that will take everyone by surprise and harm each of you.
DO NOT SHUT DOWN YOUR HURT PARTNER.
5. Don't expect your partner to just "get over it" Learn to take responsibility for your actions and the consequences
that arise as a result of your affair. Just 'getting over it' is a false expectation and sends the message that it isn't
important.
Be open, honest and transparent. Because an affair is usually conducted in secrecy, the hurt partner needs to see
your life as an open book, FOR AS LONG AS THEY NEED TO. It's about rebuilding trust, and you do that by being
open and transparent. Got a facebook account? Give your hurt partner the login details. Allow them into every aspect
of your life so they can see what you are doing. Sure it will feel invasive and a great intrusion into your privacy, but
that's the price you pay for lying, cheating and hurting your partner by having the affair in the first place. Your hurt
partner may never check, but they need to have the security of knowing they can. They may only check a few times, or
they may check every day. Whatever it takes to reassure them of your intent is what it will take. There is no timeframe
on this, no easy way forward, no 'sunset clause' that says look only so much but no further. Your hurt partner may
only occasionally feel the need to check up, but it needs to be available. Over time the need to check will lessen and
trust will come back. Be patient, tolerant, open and transparent in all your dealings.
Be united in your willingness to work together on this. Be a team, not individuals, in this process. It takes two to
tango, it takes two to recover. Be willing and committed to doing whatever it takes.
Do tangible things to rebuild trust. Trust is an intangible built on both tangible and intangible actions. After an affair
all trust is lost, even if we still trust the other person, we don't trust them. It's complicated. We think we have to give
trust in order to show we have 'moved on', but the reality is that trust is one of the most underrated aspects of the
affair recovery process. When you've moved through the anger and initial hurt and pain, then it's time to consider what
would it take for you to trust your partner again. Writing a trust list is a great way of identifying what YOU need in order
to regain your sense of trust and safety again. Do you need your partner to be home at a certain time? Do you need
email access? Do you need them to say certain things? Do you need to feel loved and cherished again? You should
try to build a list (and it can be as short or as extensive as needed) of the things you need from your partner in order to
rebuild trust. Perhaps they don't use handsfree while in the car and it scares you: asking your partner to commit to
using the handsfree when using the phone in the car is a way they can show their willingness to do trust building
things. When they do the things on the list, it's a tangible reinforcement of an intangible commodity: trust. So easily
lost, so hard to regain.
Understand potential triggers that may come up for your hurting partner. Things will come up, expect and
anticipate as much as possible. Pay attention, listen, empathise. If a trigger comes up, hold their hand, tell them you
understand, hug them if appropriate and reassure your hurt partner that you are ok with their pain. Don't diminish or
minimise their experience. Sometimes just holding their hand as you walk past a place where the affair happened
(such as a restaurant, for example) will be enough to signal that you 'get it' and get their pain. Sometimes words aren't
needed. Each couple is unique and moves through their own recovery in their own way and timeframe.
Your affair has consequences, own them and help your partner heal. Don't duck and dive here. Own your part and
help your partner recover from the consequences of your actions.
6. We get what we put in, and in simple terms, we need to keep putting into the savings account of our
own and our partners heart in order to reap the results of that effort. The coins of tangible acts will
have the compounding effect of creating our own currency from which we can draw and spend as
needed. As our hearts are refilled, so to does our capacity and desire to love increase. Never
underestimate the power of happiness in our every day life. Happiness is love.
www.loving-therapy.com