This document discusses five different styles for responding to conflict: directing, harmonizing, avoiding, cooperating, and compromising. Each style has a different focus on asserting one's own agenda and maintaining relationships. Directing has a high focus on one's own agenda and low focus on relationships. Harmonizing has a low focus on agenda and high focus on relationships. Avoiding has a low focus on both. Cooperating has a high focus on both. Compromising has a medium focus on both. The document encourages understanding each style's strengths and weaknesses.

1. Intoduct t Confl St es
r ion o ict yl
Copyright 2011 Riverhouse ePress
www.ConflictStyleMatters.com

2. Two factors
s trongly s h ap e ou r
ch oice of conflict
s tyle :
•How hard do we
push for the things
we want , our
agenda?
and…

3. How much
attention do we
give to the
r aionship?
el t

4. R e lations h ip
and
own Age nd a
Wh e n we p u t th e
two factors toge th e r,
we ge t five different
st es of re s p ond ing
yl
to conflict.
E ach h as :
- a s p e cial focus
- a u niqu e s e t of
strengths and
weaknesses.

5. High focus
We’re doing it
on own agenda
my way...
Let’s just get the
job done. (We’ll
worry about the
relationship
later...)
DIRECTING
Focus on own agenda: High
Focus on relationship: Low
Low focus on I win/you lose.
relationship
How? Assert, control, compete.
Insist, demand, defeat.

6. High focus
on
relationship
HARMONIZING
Focus on own agenda: Low
Focus on relationship: High
Sure, I’m
flexible .
I lose/you win. Whatever
How? Agree, go along, give in, you’re happy
with is fine
affirm.
with me....
Low focus on
own agenda

7. Low focus on
relationship
AVOIDING
Let me out
of here…!
I don’t want
to talk
about it…
Focus on own agenda: Low
Conflict?
What Focus on relationship: Low
conflict? I lose/you lose.
How? Withdraw, remain silent, walk
away, postpone discussion, delay
Low focus on
responding. own agenda

8. High focus on
own agenda
Let’s talk this
through… COOPERATING
My Focus on own agenda: High
preference
is….. Focus on relationship: High
And I want
I win/you win.
to hear and
understand How? Dialogue. Agree to talk things through.
yours…..
Assert self and support the other.
High focus
on
relationship

9. If we each
back off
and accept
half of
what we
want, we
COMPROMISING can get an
Focus on own agenda: agreement
Medium and move
on…
Focus on relationship:
Medium
We both win some/We both
lose some.
How? Bargain, strike a deal,
find a little something for
everyone.

10. “When t onl t you have
he y ool
is a hammer ever hing you
, yt
see is a nail
.” Mark
Twain
Each style is a valuable tool, essential
for particular situations all of us face.
We handle conflict better when we are
skilled in using all five styles.
Then we can choose the response most
likely to bring a good outcome.
Expand your ability to use all five styles
skillfully by learning the strengths and
weaknesses of each style. Experiment
with greater use of styles you use least.
www.ConflictStyleMatters.com