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FOUR CHOICES
       WHEN HEARING A DIFFICULT MESSAGE


                    Judgmental (Jackal) Ears Out
                   Blame or criticize the other person
                           "It's your fault."
                        "You are _________."
                        "You should ______."
                            Voice of Anger

                      Judgmental (Jackal) Ears In
                      Blame or criticize yourself
                            "It's my fault."
                         "I am __________."
                          "I should ______."
                Voice of Guilt, Shame and Depression


                     Generative (Giraffe) Ears In
Connect to your internal experience of feelings and needs
                  "I'm feeling_______
             because I need/value______."
                 Voice of Self-Empathy

                    Generative (Giraffe) Ears Out
  Connect to the feelings and needs of the other person
                "Are you feeling _______
       because you're valuing/needing______?"
                    Voice of Empathy


 Based on the work of Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
© 2006 peaceworks Jim and Jori Manske, CNVC Certified Trainers 505-344-1305 nvctrainer@gmail.com
                          radicalcompassion.squarespace.com and cnvc.org

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Four choices when hearing a difficult message

  • 1. FOUR CHOICES WHEN HEARING A DIFFICULT MESSAGE Judgmental (Jackal) Ears Out Blame or criticize the other person "It's your fault." "You are _________." "You should ______." Voice of Anger Judgmental (Jackal) Ears In Blame or criticize yourself "It's my fault." "I am __________." "I should ______." Voice of Guilt, Shame and Depression Generative (Giraffe) Ears In Connect to your internal experience of feelings and needs "I'm feeling_______ because I need/value______." Voice of Self-Empathy Generative (Giraffe) Ears Out Connect to the feelings and needs of the other person "Are you feeling _______ because you're valuing/needing______?" Voice of Empathy Based on the work of Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life © 2006 peaceworks Jim and Jori Manske, CNVC Certified Trainers 505-344-1305 nvctrainer@gmail.com radicalcompassion.squarespace.com and cnvc.org