This assignment was designed to discuss an experience that occurred recently that could have happened differently if I would have stepped back and looked at the big picture first.
This particular situation occurred Friday morning via text message. I was discussing my Birthday plans with my best friend at the time and had expressed to her that I should be more excited about my birthday, but I knew that my entire family would not be there to celebrate with me. I also expressed that I understood that they couldn’t go out to dinner with me, but I would be okay celebrating at home so more of my family members could attend. However, I felt let down that my little sister had made other plans for that night to go out with her friends instead of celebrating with the entire family and my older sisters were unable to come home from Atlanta to celebrate. My best friend expressed that I was over reacting and was ruining my birthday before it even got here.
During this argument, I felt that my best friend wasn’t seeing where I was coming from. I even asked her how she would feel if her family wasn’t there for her on her birthday. I felt that she thought I was just being a brat since I was anticipating my birthday to be a drag, but I was telling her that it was reality regardless of how I felt. She felt that I needed to be excited about my birthday even though my family was not going to be together with me to celebrate.
I finally text messaged her back and told her that I was not ruining my birthday. I expressed that I was excited to celebrate with my friends, but let down by my family. At this point, I still felt misunderstood so I ended the discussion with an okay, but she did not appreciate that because I was being short with her.
By endingthe conversation with okay, my best friend most likely felt as though I was cutting her off. I finally text messaged her back and told her that we could no longer discuss emotional situations via text. We would needed to discuss them over the phone or in person so that no one would have their feelings hurt or end up feeling misunderstood. For once, we were able to resolve a conflict feeling better and not like we had accomplished nothing. I felt that I was finally able to express how I felt and so did she because we did so in person.
This is the perspective of my best friend during the text message conversation about my birthday plans. I asked her to review my original reflection and respond in her own words of how she felt about the situation.
When I exclaimed that my best friend was ruining her birthday before it began, I simply wantedto express that she needed to be positive towards the situation. Though it was viewed as not understanding her frustration & let down, I perceived my side to be uplifting instead of derogatory.
I, in turn, felt as though my opinion had no merit because I had never experienced such situations regardless of the fact that I was just trying to help her demeanor.
The solution to a mishap such as this is simple... Face-to-face vs. technological interface. Once again technology is to blame for lack of face-to-face conversation. Had we been together and had this same conversation, we would have been able to see each other's body language and understand each other easier.
We have decided together that we would no longer rely on text messaging as a form of communication when discussing emotional issues. We will now discuss these topics in person so that there is no more misunderstanding.
I chose to discuss Leadership as one of my concepts and my two specific components that relate to leadership and this scenario are empowerment and influence tactic. I also chose to discuss motivation as my second concept with the two specific components of positive reinforcement and self efficacy.
As my first concept, I chose to discuss leadership and this term is defined in our text as “a process to influence.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.205) The text also states that most agree that leadership is influencing others, but less agree with the following, “(1)whether the definition must refer only to influence used by those occupying a designated leadership position, (2) whether the influence must be exercised deliberately and for the specific attainment of the group’s or organization’s goals, and (3) whether the compliance of others must be voluntary.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.206) I needed to remember leadership in making my own birthday plans and remember that it is my day to be happy and enjoy the people that want to celebrate with me. By utilizing leadership, I would have stayed in control of the outcome of the entire situation.
For my specific leadership components, I chose to discuss empowerment and influence tactic. Empowerment is defined in our text as “the sharing of power with others, particularly those with more power sharing it with those who have less.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.216) I love this definition and say this because sharing power with others is truly empowering in and of itself. By using empowerment while planning my birthday with my best friend, I could have used her positivity and power control to my advantage and followed along in her footsteps.The second specific component that I chose to discuss is influence tactic and this term is defined in our text as, “a specific behavior used to affect the behavior and attitudes of other people.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.215) Instead of me using the influence tactic like I should have during planning my birthday, I feel that my best friend used this component. Now I know that I should take the initiative to use the influence tactic when planning something as exciting as birthday plans because then, my excitement would likely “rub-off” on others and make them excited to celebrate my birthday as well.
The other component that I chose to discuss is motivation and this term is defined as “a set of forces that energize, direct, and sustain behavior.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.241) Our text book stated that the following, “These forces can come from the person, the so-called “push” of internal forces, or they can come from the environment that surrounds the person, the so-called “pull” of external forces.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.241) By using motivation for myself, I could have used my birthday party to make myself feel more secure, have better self-esteem, achieved a better attitude, and felt powerful. Motivation could have been used to help me become more excited about seeing my friends and feel loved because they were all coming out to celebrate my day.
The first specific component that I chose to discuss for motivation is positive reinforcement and this term is defined in our textbook as “desirable consequence that, by occurring or being supplied following a behavior, increases the likelihood of that behavior being repeated in the future.” (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.254) “Steven Ker, suggests that for positive reinforcements (rewards) to effectively motivate people in organizational settings, the rewards should be: equitable, efficient, available (capable of being given), not exclusive, visible, and reversible.” ((Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.255) By using positive reinforcement for a more positive mindset, I could have reminded myself that my birthday was going to be a happy day. In reminding myself that it was going to be a happy day, I would have been using the rewards that would have been equitable, efficient, available, not exclusive, visible, and reversible. The second specific component that I chose to discuss is self efficacy and it is defined in our text as “an individual’s confidence about his or her abilities to mobilize motivation, cognitive resources, and courses of action needed to successfully execute a specific task within a given context. (Hitt, Black, and Porter, 3rd ed., p.252) By utilizing self efficacy, I would have been able to remain confident in knowing that my friends would come through for me and make my birthday special regardless of my family plans. I just think that it is difficult to remind yourself of these components of motivation when in a tough situation, but knowing how to utilize them in the future is huge!
Articulate what you learned about yourself. In other words, what did you learn about who you are, your personality traits, characteristics, and behaviors? Do not explain what you have a tendency to do—behaviors. Explain what personality traits or characteristics led to your behavior. During this situation, I feel that I learned a lot about myself. I found that I am definitely sensitive in the fact that my feelings get hurt really easily. I now see that I need to control my sensitivity in certain situations and allow for some analyzing before I react. I also learned that I can be unappreciative and I say this because I did not appreciate that my best friend was trying to make me feel better, not worse. She was only trying to use empowerment to help me see the situation in a more positive way. Also, I found that I am very indecisive because it is hard for me to decide on specific plans. I know that all of these characteristics are somewhat negative, but I learned all of these traits of mine throughout this situation and whether positive or negative, at least I am learning about myself.
(2)Describe what you learned about the situation and how that will allow you to behave more effectively and meaningfully in similar situations in the future.In the future, I need to stay in control of the situation and my feelings. I now know that I need to stay motivated and stay in the position of a leader. If I had stayed motivated with a positive outlook during this situation, I would have been a much happier person while planning my birthday. Also, I needed to be the leader in planning my birthday plans instead of asking what everyone else thought I should do. This way I would have done what I wanted and when I wanted to do so. I know that I will definitely utilize the skills that I have learned from this situation in the future so that I do not end up in another petty argument with my best friend or another person for that matter.
(3)How was your understanding of the situation deepened or changed?I now have a broader outlook on such a small situation and have new feelings about dealing with future situations that are similar. At first, when this assignment was given, I thought my situation that I chose to discuss was a little too petty to talk about. However, I now realize that it really bothered me at the time and I am glad that I chose to discuss this. I now understand that I am close-minded at times and do not see it from someone else's perspective. This assignment has helped me take a step back and realize that I need to be more mindful of others. I know that I need to be sensitive to other’s feelings and suggestions. I also need to be a bit more decisive when making plans because it leaves less room for conflict. Also, I need to constantly remind myself to be appreciative to those that care about my happiness.
(4) How will your experience help you learn to be a better manager of healthy and productive relationships in the future? We are not looking for you to give advice to other people, but rather to discuss the ways in which exploring this scenario from different perspectives will help you be a better you. I have now become familiar with the specific components used for motivation and leadership and know that I need to utilize them in the future to manage situations better. I will use positive reinforcement to keep a good attitude in tough situations. I will also use self efficacy to remain confident when making decisions. I will also remember that empowerment is so important to use, especially in a friendship because it forces us to work together on a positive outcome. Finally, I will use the influence tactic to keep everyone in the situation positive. There is no room for negativity in my life now and if I use all of the skills from this assignment in the future, there is no way that I will end up in a similar outcome.
If I would have applied these two concepts and their specific components in the situation, there could have been a very different outcome. This situation may not have even happened if I were using motivation for myself, as well as leadership. Using motivation could have kept me excited for my party instead of looking at my birthday as a negative day. Also, using leadership could have kept my eye on the prize of my birthday and knowing that I was in control of the outcome. All in all, I am glad that I will be able to use these concepts and their components to work through the situation and now use them in the future.
