Dec 3 Chapel

Preparing for MarriageorNavigation Tips from Someone Who Lost a Few Limbs on the MinefieldORTrust Me on This One© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of SurinameMrs. HuisdenInternational Academy of SurinameDecember 3, 2010

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being super easy and 10 being nigh impossible, please rate how difficult you think the following things are:

Staying marriedLearning from experience“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”Gamble RogersWatch what the people who are winning are doing, and do what they do.“Winning” = a long, happy marriage (OR life as a truly single person…not a poser)© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – who?Married peopleMen and womenOld (60+) and young (including 20-somethings married just a few years)Christians and non-ChristiansOccupations include stock brokers, educators, people in the entertainment industry, private industry, university community, homemakers, administrators…© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the questionIf you could go back to the age of 16, what 2 things would you do (or not do) that you believe would help strengthen your marriage today?© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the WOMEN’S answersPlace more emphasis on deepening my personal relationship with God. Avoid all forms of sexual immorality in my relationships with the opposite sex.If I could go back to 16, I would have stayed pure until marriage. Not to date seriously any guys but the one God had for me.Avoid dating... it is practice for divorce. Pray for your future spouse every day. © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the WOMEN’s answersFocus more on being all that I could be personally and professionally. Spend less time being someone’s girlfriend and trying to make them happy. This would enable me to bring more to the relationship that will ultimately count the most.I was not saved at 16. I honestly thought I would not even be alive past 21. I guess I would have chosen my friends more carefully and I would have worked harder at having a good relationship with my parents despite family issues that were going on at the time. © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the WOMEN’s answersI should not have focused so much on boys and wanting to love someone so desperately before I was at a point I could marry and it was good to feel those emotions. I should have protected my heart and mind better. Loving someone before it is time to love your husband for the rest of your life, gives away a part of yourself, and invites that person into your mind, years later, when the only person you want to feel love for is your mate. If you are not at a point in your life where you are able to get married, you are not at a point to focus on being in love. © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the MEN’S answersNot get myself addicted to pornography - that has been a lifelong battle for me to gain victory over and has been the root of several gut wrenching conversations in our marriage over the years…[My wife] and I were already dating by that point, so I would go back and redo the way we were in relationship… this has been a point of conversation for us over the years: “if we could go back, we would have stayed pure.”I wonder if my marriage would be stronger if I had not engaged in pre-marital sex? © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the MEN’S answersI think early adult exposure to pornography is something I would change. I believe the repeated exposure to pornography desensitizes people to interpersonal relationships with their spouses and they often times look to pornography to satisfy themselves sexually instead of looking to their spouses. © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Married People Survey – the MEN’S answersI think first I would not have spoken about girls in the manner which I did. I would not participate in the stereotypical locker room language, a habit that took a long while to break. I have learned more now about how to respect women.Second, I would have listened more to girls when I went out with them about what they liked, disliked, etc., instead of just trying to impress them with who I thought I was. I would try to be more interested in serving their needs.© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

What does the Owner’s Manual say about it?“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable… and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.” (I Thess. 4:3-6)“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Heb. 13:4)Sexual IMmorality, though, implies that there IS a sexual morality© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

So what was God’s purpose for Sex?“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’… Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man… Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Gen. 2:22-25)Have you read the Song of Solomon?!God intended sex for:Procreation (to make babies)Recreation (to give husbands and wives another way to enjoy one another)© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

And after people fouled up what God intended to be Beautiful…Over in the New Testament, Paul’s encouragements about marriage are not really all that encouraging:“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (I Cor. 7:8-9)“But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” (1 Cor. 7:28b)© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

So what if I don’t want to get married?God’s Word makes it clear that sex was designed for marriage.What are the long-term benefits of sex outside of marriage? Can you think of any? Seriously?Here’s an experiment for you to try: For the next 3 days, don’t eat anything but dessert.If you’re going to be single, be single. © 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname“No sex!”-Edna Modeparaphrase

The Bible tells married women to:© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. …Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:22-24, 33b)“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Col. 3:18)

The Bible tells married men to:© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.” (Eph. 5:25-33)“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (Col. 3:19)

News from the TrenchesYou’re not going to be able to do this yourself.Your future marriage will wear the battle scars of your attempts to remain pure alone.Trust me on this one.Who can help?ParentsFriendsTeachers© 2010 Andrea Huisden, International Academy of Suriname

Dec 3 Chapel

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