Old 2006 article on asexuality from the Daily Telegraph

1. Daily Telegraph - 13/11/2006
No sex please, we're... asexual
They don't fear sex, they just don't want it - and never have. What they do want is social acceptance.
Tiffany Hancock meets Britain's self-declared celibates
David Jay, 24, looks like your classic all-American heart throb. Tall and muscular with thick dark
hair and a warm smile, he speaks with the self-assurance of someone who knows they're attractive.
Popular with his peers, he lists rollerblading and pavement artistry as hobbies and is like most other
20-somethings in all but one respect.
David Jay has never had sex. More
significantly, he probably never will. It is not
that he is religious, afraid of it, disgusted by
it or incapable in any physical respect.
Neither, he insists, is he suppressing any
homosexual tendencies. It's just that he
experiences "no sexual desire whatsoever".
David, a computer technician from San
Francisco, is one of a growing group of
people who openly define themselves as
"asexual", claiming never to feel sexual
attraction to men or women.
Most asexuals believe that they exist in far
greater numbers than society acknowledges.
Surveys such as the 2005 global Durex Sex
Survey suggest that adults have sex an
average of 103 times a year. Yet a small
proportion of the population may not be
having any sex. Last month, the British
Office for National Statistics revealed that
one in eight women between the ages of 16
and 50 and one in six men under 70 had not
had sex in the past year.
Not everyone gets the 'Seven Year Itch'
A 1994 survey of sexual practices in Britain questioned 18,000 people about their sexuality; one per
cent of respondents chose the option, "I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all". This
indicator of the prevalence of asexuality slipped under the radar because the survey was geared
towards understanding the spread of Aids. It is only now, as awareness of asexuality gathers pace,
that the findings have become more pertinent.
While some asexuals may experience arousal, may masturbate and may be attracted to other people,
many feel no attraction. For David, porn is just "intellectually interesting", breasts are merely body
parts and intimacy is talking to someone until the sun comes up.

2. He has tried masturbating and describes orgasms as "good but not something to build my life
around". He occasionally experiences arousal, though he describes it as a purely physical
phenomenon, unrelated to any thought process or fantasy. It's not that he has a low libido, more a
case of no libido.
Ashley Grossman, professor of neuro-endocrinology at St Bartholomew's Hospital, London,
believes that in most instances asexuality has no biological basis. "There is no advantage to it – it
would have died out through evolution." Instead, he says, it is generally deemed to be
psychologically based. "Most biologists consider asexuals to be at the extreme end of the normal
behaviour range."
In a world where sex is used to sell everything from newspapers to orange juice, asexuals have long
felt marginalised. David describes his teenage years as "confusing and isolating". He realised he
was different when his friends began talking about their sexual desires and experiences. "I felt
completely broken. I just couldn't relate to it at all and it took me a long time to come to terms with
that."
Things changed when he reached college in 2001. For the first time, he felt able to be open about
his lack of sexual feelings. Desperate to discover if there were other people like him, he founded
Aven, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, as well as www.asexuality.org. Then he
waited for a response.
Initial uptake was cautious. David was initially joined by 65 members but membership grew to
5,000 in the first year. It now has 12,000 members worldwide, 2,000 of whom are British. Contrary
to expectation, most are in their mid-20s and there are only slightly more women.
Aside from increasing awareness, David's main focus is on redefining asexuality as an orientation
and not a disorder. "Show me the evidence that there is something wrong with asexuals. By and
large, we are a happy, upbeat group of people. If you think about sexual diversity, it just makes
sense. If some people love it, why wouldn't there be some people who don't?"
Petra Boynton, a British sex psychologist, agrees. "Asexuality is not something that needs curing
and it's nothing new. In fact, it's something that sex researchers have been aware of for some time.
The reason it hasn't been investigated more is that asexuals are not the ones that cause issues. If
you're not having sex and that doesn't trouble you, then that's completely fine. It's sexually
transmitted illnesses and the effects of abortion that are more of a problem."
Drawing on the 1994 British survey, Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist at Canada's Brock
University, found that 44 per cent of those expressing no interest in sex were either married, living
with a partner or had been in the past.
TJ, a 37-year-old librarian from Brighton who has had three long-term sexual relationships, is a
case in point.
"I wanted to be in a relationship and I just thought sex was the price I had to pay," she says. "Over
time, though, I felt I just wasn't able to do it any more."
TJ is still reluctant to explain her predicament to her friends and family. "I'm just hoping asexuality
becomes better known; I'm scared people will think there is something wrong with me."
For many asexuals, confronting their loved ones is the hardest struggle. As Annie Copeman, 29, a
teacher from Nottingham, says: "I just can't face telling my mother: I think she'd be so disappointed.

3. She's been on at me to find a boyfriend for years but could never understand how unique the thing
I'm looking for is." A platonic, but intimate and committed relationship is clearly hard to find.
Aven's website has a frequently asked questions section, designed for confused relatives. Questions
include: "Did I do something wrong as a parent to cause this?" and "Is this just a rebellious phase?"
and "Does this mean they are incapable of love?".
David recalls that when he first came "out" to his family, their reaction was one of worry and
bewilderment. "No one believed me at first. 'I'm sure it will pass,' 'Maybe you haven't met the right
person', aren't you alienating yourself?' that's what they said. There's still a strong idea that you need
a sexual relationship to be happy."
In fact, it is not non-sexual companionship that torments many asexuals, it is loneliness. The
majority experience romantic attraction but find non-sexual relationships hard to come by.
"I still love the idea of love," says Annie, "it's just that I want the intimacy without the sex. I'd love
to spend the rest of my life with someone but don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. There
don't seem to be many men who want a girlfriend who doesn't like sex."
The Aven forum is littered with posts from members seeking relationships. Meanwhile,
www.asexualove.net, an international dating site, is aimed at pairing up asexuals. "Jimhick47"
describes himself as a 21-year-old student from Leeds who thinks that emotional and intellectual
intimacy are more important than sex.
"While I'm not totally against the idea of sex," he says, "I don't particularly enjoy it." Meanwhile,
"Stealf", a 28-year-old computer engineer from London, writes that, "apart from the lack of desire
for sex, I'm a pretty normal guy and still enjoy relaxing and being close to someone."
A few have been lucky enough to meet their match. Last year saw the first asexual marriage. Karl
Hodgetts from Leeds married American Victoria Glancey in a full-blown ceremony conducted by
the bride's grandfather. They are going to New York for their honeymoon, postponed due to work
commitments, this weekend. Since Karl and Victoria's wedding, four other couples have also met
via the Aven website.
Keith Walker, 34, from Texas, and Nancy Crocker, 53 from Washington, may be the next to marry.
They recently met online "and love soon blossomed". Both had long felt that sex inhibited rather
than fuelled intimacy.
"A mental connection is more intense and unique for me," says Keith, while Nancy says that "sex
always felt like a loss rather than a gain".
As for intimacy, some asexuals kiss and touch, many don't. Keith and Nancy don't kiss. Nor do they
go in for holding hands. "I don't see the point," says Nancy, "though I am not against the idea."
Newly weds Karl and Victoria were more romantic. "Yes, we kissed in our ceremony," Victoria
says.
Couples like Karl and Victoria, Keith and Nancy do not want to be judged on what they do. Like
many asexuals, what matters to them is that they are accepted by society.
As David says: "No one should have sex because they feel they have to."