This document discusses communication in intimate relationships and is divided into multiple sections. It begins by outlining the nature of intimate relationships, noting they require commitment, foster interdependence, need continuous investment, and can spark tensions between needs. Next, it examines characteristics of romantic relationships, such as emphasizing exclusivity, voluntariness, love or exceptions based on culture. Finally, it looks at forming romantic relationships, including stages of development, handling conflict through validating or volatile approaches, and cultural variations.

1. Chapter
8
Communicating in
Intimate Relationships
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2. 8-2
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Coming Up
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
Characteristics of Romantic Relationships
Forming and Communicating in Romantic
Relationships
Communicating in Families
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships

3. 8-3
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(1 of 7)
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4. 8-4
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(2 of 7)
Intimacy in relationships requires deep
commitment.
• Commitment is the desire to stay in a
relationship no matter what happens.

5. 8-5
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(3 of 7)
Intimate relationships require deep commitment.
• Commitment takes several forms:
• Emotional commitment
• Social commitment
• Legal commitment
• Financial commitment

6. 8-6
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(4 of 7)
Intimate relationships foster interdependence.
• When something happens to one person, it affects
everyone else in the relationship.
• Intimate relationships usually have high
interdependence.

7. 8-7
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(5 of 7)
Intimate relationships require continuous
investment.
• Investment is the commitment of resources and
energies to a relationship.
• People in intimate relationships are often aware of
how much they invest.

8. 8-8
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(6 of 7)
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9. 8-9
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(7 of 7)
Intimate relationships spark dialectical tensions.
• Dialectical tensions are conflicts between two
important but opposing needs.
• Autonomy versus Connection
• Openness versus Closedness
• Predictability versus Novelty

10. 8-10
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (1 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize
exclusivity.
• Monogamy means being in only one romantic
relationship at a time and avoiding romantic
involvement with others outside the relationship.
• Infidelity means having romantic or sexual
interaction with someone outside of one’s
romantic relationship.

11. 8-11
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (2 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize
voluntariness.
• Many people expect to choose for themselves
whether to be romantically involved, and with
whom.
• Even if people enter a romantic relationship
voluntarily, they do not always stay in it
voluntarily.

12. 8-12
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (3 of 7)
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13. 8-13
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (4 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize love.
• Much of the Western world thinks of romantic
relationships as being based on love.
• People sometimes enter romantic relationships for
financial stability or power.

14. 8-14
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (5 of 7)
Some relationships are between same-sex people
and some between opposite-sex partners.
• Both types of relationships communicate similarly.
• In 2015, same-sex couples gained the right to
marry throughout the United States.

15. 8-15
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (6 of 7)
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16. 8-16
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (7 of 7)
Exceptions to intimate relationships can be
determined by culture.
• Expectations for exclusiveness (polygamy)
• Expectations for voluntariness
• Expectations for love
• Expectations for sexuality

17. 8-17
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (1 of 9)
Knapp’s model of relationship has five-stages:
1. Initiating
2. Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding
Stages vary across cultures and online.

18. 8-18
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (2 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
conflict.
• Wilmot and Hocker: Conflict is “an expressed
struggle between at least two interdependent
parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce
resources, and interference from the other party in
achieving their goals.”

19. 8-19
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (3 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
conflict.
• Validating couples discuss disagreements openly
and cooperatively.
• Volatile couples discuss disagreements openly
but competitively.

20. 8-20
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (4 of 9)
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21. 8-21
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (5 of 9)
Conflict-avoiding couples discuss
disagreements covertly rather than openly.
Hostile couples have frequent, intense conflict.

22. 8-22
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (6 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
privacy.
• Petronio believes we all experience tensions
regarding disclosure (communication privacy
management theory).
• Partners in a couple jointly own the information
about their relationship.
• We form and manage privacy boundaries.

23. 8-23
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (7 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
emotional communication.
• Happy partners share more positive emotion and
less negative emotion than do unhappy partners.
• Unhappy partners are more likely than happy
partners to reciprocate expressions of negative
emotion.

24. 8-24
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (8 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they
handle instrumental communication.
• Day-to-day tasks require completion.
• The way in which partners divide everyday tasks
often reflects the balance of power in their
relationship.

25. 8-25
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (9 of 9)
Knapp’s model of relationship dissolution has
five stages:
1. Differentiating
2. Circumscribing
3. Stagnating
4. Avoiding
5. Terminating

26. 8-26
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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Communicating in Families (1 of 5)
What makes a family?
• Genetic ties
• Legal obligations
• Role behaviors
© ABC via Getty Images

27. 8-27
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (2 of 5)
Families come in various types.
• Family of origin (family in which we grow up)
• Family of procreation (family we start as
adults)
• Nuclear family
• Blended family
• Single-parent family

28. 8-28
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (3 of 5)
Families enact roles.
• Family roles are the functions people serve in the
family system.
• Four roles commonly emerge during conflict:
• Blamer
• Placater
• Computer
• Distracter

29. 8-29
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (4 of 5)
Families enact rituals.
• Family rituals are repetitive activities that have
special meaning for a family.
• Some family rituals are “imported” from families
into blended families.
Families tell stories.
• Family stories give families a sense of their
history, their expectations, and their
connections.
• Family web pages often embody a family’s
stories.

30. 8-30
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (5 of 5)
Families share secrets.
• Some families have secrets they intentionally
keep hidden from others.
• Secrets can also be kept within families.

31. 8-31
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (1 of 5)
We can improve communication in our
relationships by emphasizing excitement and
positivity.
• Sharing exciting activities increases our
relationship satisfaction.
• Using confirming messages emphasizes
positivity.
• Disconfirming messages imply a lack of
respect or value for others.

32. 8-32
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (2 of 5)
Handle conflict constructively.
• According to Gottman, these four conflict
behaviors are destructive:
• Criticism (judgment)
• Contempt (hostility and disrespect)
• Defensiveness (playing the victim)
• Stonewalling (withdrawal)

33. 8-33
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (3 of 5)
Have realistic expectations.
• No one person—not even a spouse—can meet all
of your social and emotional needs.
• Remember that the important people in your life
are important for different reasons.

34. 8-34
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (4 of 5)
Manage dialectical tensions.
• Denial
• Disorientation
• Alternation
• Segmentation
• Balance
• Integration
• Recalibration
• Reaffirmation

35. 8-35
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (5 of 5)
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36. 8-36
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
For Review
What makes some relationships intimate?
How do we form, maintain, and dissolve
romantic relationships?
What makes a family, and how do we
communicate in families?