We have three sides or 'ego-states' to our 'personality Parent, Adult and Child These ego states converse with one another in 'transactions' both internally and externally with other people (hence the name). We are dominated alternately and to varying degrees by one of the three sides of our personality.

1. Compiled by Col Mukteshwar Prasad(Retd),
Mtech(IITD),CE(I),FIE(I),FIETE,FISLE,FInstOD,AMCSI
Contact -9007224278, e-mail –
muktesh_prasad@yahoo.co.in
for book ”Decoding Services Selection Board” and SSB
guidance and training at Shivnandani Edu and Defence
Academy
Child-Adult-Parent Ego state Transdaction

2. Introduction
 Transactional Analysis (TA ) is an interpersonal relations approach developed
during the 1960s by Dr Eric Berne.
 Philosophy :
 People can change;
 We all have a right to be in the world and be accepted.
 Two notions of Transactional Analysis:
 We have three sides or 'ego-states' to our 'personality
 Parent,
 Adult and
 Child
 These ego states converse with one another in 'transactions' both
internally and externally with other people (hence the name).
 We are dominated alternately and to varying degrees by one of the three
sides of our personality.
 There is a need to study
 The Ego States,
 The behaviour they incite,
 The games they lead to, and
 The scenarios they cause

3. Introduction
 Transactional Analysis will then helps us to understand
 How we relate to others and
 Gives us useful tools for
 Self-knowledge and
 Personal development.
 Ego States
 According to TA, we have three sides or 'ego-states' to our personality – the
 Parent,
 Adult and
 Child
 An ego state is a way of us experiencing the world.
 It is an entire system of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours from which
we interact with one another (and even with ourselves in our internal
conversations).
 Our thinking, feeling and behaviour when we are in each ego state is
consistent.

4. Diagrammatical form of the ego states

5. The Parent Ego State
 As we grow a set of ideas ,feelings, thinking and behaviour that we
have copied from
 Our parents and
 Significant others (Extended Family ,caretakers etc.).
 When we do this, it is called introjecting and it is just as if we take in the
whole of the care giver.
 For example, we may notice that we are saying things just as our father,
mother, grandmother may have done, even though, consciously, we don't
want to.
 We do this because we have lived with this person for so long that we
automatically reproduce certain things that were said to us, or treat others
as we might have been treated by them.
 It’s as if someone has pressed 'play' on a recording and we play back what
we saw and heard without question.
 The Parent ego state is rooted in the past.

6. The Parent Ego State…
 There are two types of parent we can play:
 The Nurturing Parent–
 This Parent type is caring and concerned and may often appear as a
mother-figure (though men can play it too).
 They seek to keep the child contented, offering a safe haven and
unconditional love to calm the Child's troubles.
 The Controlling (or Critical) Parent –
 This Parent type tries to make the Child do as the Parent wants them
to do
 Perhaps transferring values or beliefs or helping the Child to
understand and live in society.
 They may also have negative intent, using the Child as a scapegoat.

7. The Adult Ego State
 The Adult ego state is the 'grown up' rational person who
 Talks reasonably and assertively,
 Neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others.
 The Adult is comfortable with him/herself and is, for many of us, our
'ideal self'.
 The Adult ego state deals with the here and now reality.
 It is the processing centre and important because it is the only ego
state that is not connected to the past.
 It is able to deal with current things in ways that are not unhealthily
influenced by our past.
 Example -If you were asked how to make a paper airplane you would probably reply from
your Adult ego state.
 The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware, with a
capacity for intimacy.
 The Adult is able to see people as they are, rather than what we
project onto them.
 The Adult asks for information, rather than staying scared or making
assumptions.

8. The Adult Ego State….
 In the structural model, the Adult ego state circle is placed in the middle
of the Parent and Child ego states to show how it needs to orchestrate
between these two.
 For example, the Parent may criticise the Child, saying
 "You are no good, look at what you did wrong again, you are
useless".
 The Child may then respond with
 "I am no good, look how useless I am, I never get anything right".
(Most people don’t hear their internal dialogue as it goes on so much
they just believe life is this way).
 An effective Adult can intervene by stating that this kind of parenting is
not helpful and asking if it is prepared to learn another way. Or
 Can just stop any negative dialogue and decide to develop another
positive Parent ego state(Perhaps taken in from other people they have
met over the years.)

9. The Child Ego State
 The Child ego state is rooted in the past and plays back thoughts,
feelings and behaviours that we experienced as a child.
 For example, if the boss calls us into his or her office, we may
immediately get a churning in our stomach and wonder what we have
done wrong.
 Reason for this automatic thinking might be “Head Master/Principal
called us in to tell problem we created”
 In the same way, we might go into someone's house and smell a lovely
smell and remember our grandmother's house when we were little, and all
the same warm feelings we had as a six-year old may come flooding back.
 There are three types of Child we can play:
 1.The Natural Child – This child type is largely un-self-aware and is
characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yippee, whoo-hoo
etc.).
 They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
 2.The Little Professor – This child type is the curious and exploring.
 Child who is always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling
Parent's annoyance).

10. The Child Ego State…
 3.The Adaptive Child – This child type reacts to the world around them,
 Either changing themselves to fit in and so being very good, or
 Rebelling against the forces they feel and so being naughty.
 Both the Parent and Child ego states are constantly being updated.
 For example, we may meet someone who gives us the permission we
needed (but did not get as a child), to be fun and joyous.
 We then use that person in our imagination "I wonder what X would say
now?" to counteract our old ways of thinking and give us new
permissions.
 So instead of thinking that we must work longer and longer hours to keep
up with everything, we relax and take some time out.
 Subsequently, rather than beating ourselves up for what we did or did not
do, what tends to happen is we automatically start to give ourselves
new permissions and take care of ourselves.
 It is interesting to note that TA psychotherapy involves much work to
update the Adult ego state with new information, and challenge the
Child or Parent ego state ideas.
 Part of TA therapy also involves encouraging the client to grow their
less developed ego states so that the three ego states are more in

11. The diagram below shows the three
ego states:

12. Transactions (Communications)
 Transactions refer to the communication exchanges between people.
(Put in TA terms, a transaction is an exchange of strokes.)
 At any one time, an individual will be transacting from one of his or her ego
states –
 Parent (values),
 Adult (rationality) and
 Child (emotions & creativity).
 Communication works well, or is successful, when the activated ego
states are complementary or sympathetic to each other.
 For example, to the question: "Have you seen my keys?" (Adult) the answer
would be "Yes, they are on the table." (Adult).
 Communication is unsuccessful when the roles oppose each other .
 So, to the question: "Have you seen my keys?" (Adult), the other person
answers "Oh no, not again! You always lose everything, you're just like a
child!" (Critical Parent).
 It is easy to see that such an exchange can degenerate very quickly.

13. Transactions (Communications)
 Many of our problems come from transactions which are unsuccessful.
 Transactional analysts are trained to recognize which ego states people are
transacting from and to follow the transactional sequences so they can
intervene and improve the quality and effectiveness of communication.

14. Three ways of Transactions
(Communications)
 According to Berne, there are three ways in which we transact or
communicate with each other and each method has its own set of
consequences.
 1.Complementary Transactions(a reciprocal transaction)
 Is one in which person A says something from one ego state that invites a
response from person B from a complementary ego state.
 For example, if person A says “I think you need to go and wash your dirty
face” from a Parent ego state they are inviting person B to respond from
their Child ego state and comply with something like “OK.”(Parent to Chiold)
 Equally, the conversation could be Adult to Adult:
 Person A: “It’s lovely weather for this time of year.”
Person B: “Yes, isn’t it nice to see the sun.”
 Or Child to Parent:
 Person A: “Ow! I’ve cut myself”
Person B: “Oh dear, come here and let me clean it up for you”.

15. Three ways of Transactions
(Communications)
 There are other combinations such as Child to Child and Parent to Parent
etc.
 Though the transactions remain complimentary the conversation can
go on indefinitely.
 Clearly it will stop at some stage, but this psychologically balanced exchange can
continue for some time.
 (If you want to learn to do small talk, just respond from the ego state the
person you are talking to is inviting you to come from and you can chat
forever!)
 Further Examples:
 A: 'Have you written the report?' (Adult to Adult)
B: 'Yes - I'm about to email it to you.' (Adult to Adult)
 A: 'Would you like to skip this meeting and go watch a film with me
instead?' (Child to Child)
B: 'I'd love to - I don't want to work anymore. What should we go and
see?' (Child to Child)

16. Agent Respondent

17. Crossed Transactions
 In a crossed transaction the response to the
stimulus is from an ego state other than the one
that has been invited.
 For example, when person
 A says “I think you need to go and wash your
dirty face”
 B responds with “Don’t be so rude!”
 Here person A is inviting a Child ego state
response but receives a Parent ego state
response.
 They are likely to be a bit confused as a result.
 Communication failures are typically caused
by a 'crossed transaction‘.

18. Examples of Crossed
Transactions
 Further Examples:
 A: “Can you tell me what time it is?” (Adult)
B: “Why are you always rushing me?” (Adapted Child)
 A: “Can you tell me what time it is?” (Adult)
B: “You are always late anyway. Why do you care?” (Critical
Parent)
 A: 'Have you written that report?' (Adult to Adult)
B: “Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!” (Child to
Parent)
( This is a crossed transaction likely to produce problems
in the workplace. )
 'A' may respond with a Parent-to-Child transaction; for instance:
A: “If you don't change your attitude, you'll get fired.”
 A: “Is your room tidy yet?” (Parent to Child)
B: “I'm just going to do it, actually.” (Adult to Adult)
( This is a more positive crossed transaction. )
 There is, however, the risk that 'A' will feel that 'B' is acting responsibly
and not playing their expected role, and the conversation will develop into:
A: “I can never trust you to do things!” (Parent to Child)
B: “Why don't you believe anything I say?” (Child to Parent)
 This type of transaction can also continue indefinitely.

19. This type of transaction can also continue
indefinitely.

20. Ulterior Transactions
 Berne says that we can communicate on two levels.
 There is the social message – what we say, and
 The psychological message – what we mean.
 In the case of an ulterior transaction the explicit social
conversation occurs in parallel with an implicit
psychological transaction;
 For example:
A: “I need you to stay late at the office with me.” (Adult words),
body language indicates expecting to undertake some secret or
urgent hidden job
B: “Of course.” (Adult response to Adult statement), winking or
grinning (Child accepts the hidden motive).
 Sometimes the social and psychological message do not
match. Sarcasm is a great example of this.
 When someone is sarcastic, what they say is the opposite of what
they mean.
 The person who they are being sarcastic to picks up the
psychological message rather than the social message.
 When this happens the transaction is said to be ulterior.

22. Points to Note:
 The ideal line of business (and similar) communication is
the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship.
 When both people are at the same level - Parent talking to
Parent etc. (Complimentary transactions) communication is
easy because both are often thinking the same.
 When each person is talking to a different level (Crossed
transactions) communication problems occur.
 For example, when both people talk as a Parent to the other’s
Child, their wires get crossed and conflict results.
 When this happens, first go to the state that the other person
is in to talk at the same level.
 Then move yourself and the other person to the Adult level for
rational conversation.

23. Points to Note:
 Being a Nurturing Parent or talking at the same level as the
other person acts to create trust.
 Parent ego states naturally speak to Child ego states (this is
their role as a Parent).
 They can talk with other Parents and Adults, although the
subject still may be about the children.
 The Nurturing Parent naturally talks to the Natural Child and the
Controlling Parent to the Adaptive Child.
 In fact, these parts of our personality are evoked by the
opposite.
 If someone acts as an Adaptive Child, they will most likely
evoke the Controlling Parent in the other person.
 Being a Controlling Parent invites the other person into an
Adaptive ‘good’ Child state where they may conform with your
demands.
 There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty’
Child and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult
states.