These jokes provide humorous wordplay and misinterpretations related to biblical people, stories and themes. Examples include Noah "floating his stock" while others faced "liquidation" during the flood, and Pharaoh's daughter going to "the bank of the Nile" to draw out Moses as a "little prophet". Other jokes play on multiple meanings of words like Adam and Eve feeling "really put out" after being expelled, and Cain hating Abel "as long as he was Abel".

2. Q: Who was the greatest
financier in the Bible?
A: Noah; he was floating
his stock while everyone
was in liquidation.

3. Q: Who was the greatest
female financier in the
Bible?
A: Pharaoh's daughter; she
went down to the bank of
the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.

4. Q: What kind of man was
Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.

5. Q: Who was the first drug
addict in the Bible?
A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was
on grass for seven years.

6. Q: Who was the greatest
comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson; he brought the
house down.

7. Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the Big Inning
Eve stole first
Adam stole second
Cain struck out Abel
The Prodigal Son
made a home run
The Giants and the
Angels were rained out
Brother Noah gave out
checks for the rain
Rebecca went to the well
with the pitcher
Gideon rattled the pitcher
David put Goliath out

8. Q: How did Adam and Eve
feel when expelled from
the Garden of Eden?
A: They were really put out.

9. Q: What is one of the first thing
that Adam and Eve did after
they were kicked out?
A: They really raised Cain.

10. Q: What excuse did Adam
give to his children as to
why he no longer lived in
Eden?
A: Your mother ate us out of
house and home.

11. Q: How long did Cain
hate his brother?
A: As long as he was
Abel!

12. Q: The ark was built in 3 stories
and the top story had a
window to let light in, but how
did they get light to the
bottom 2 stories?
A: They used floodlights.

13. Q: After the flood, how many
people left the ark ahead of
Noah?
A: 3 because the Bible says
that Noah went forth out
of the ark.

14. Q: Where is the first mention
of insurance in the Bible?
A: When Adam and Eve needed
more coverage.

15. Q: Where is another
mention of insurance in
the Bible?
A: When David gave Goliath
a piece of the rock.

16. Q: Who is the greatest
babysitter mentioned in
the Bible?
A: David, he rocked Goliath
to sleep.

17. Q: Why was Goliath so
surprised when David hit
him with a slingshot?
A: The thought had never
entered his head before?

18. Q: If Goliath is resurrected,
would you like to tell him the
joke about David and Goliath?
A: No, he already fell for it once.

19. Q: What is the best way to
get to Paradise?
A: Turn right and go
straight.

20. Q: Why won't we drink milk
in the new world?
A: Because, at Armageddon,
there will be udder
destruction.

21. Q: Why shouldn't Christians
watch TV?
A: At the transfiguration,
Jesus said, "Tell the
vision to no one."

22. Q: Who was the most
flagrant lawbreaker in the
Bible?
A: Moses, because he broke all
10 commandments at once.

23. Q: Who was known as a
Mathematician in the
Bible?
A: Moses, he wrote the
book of Numbers.

24. Q: Which area of Palestine was
especially wealthy?
A: The area around the
Jordan, the banks were
always overflowing.

25. Q: How do we know that Job went to
a chiropractor?
A: Because Job16:12, 14, 16 says, "I
had come to be at ease, but he
proceeded to shake me up: and he
grabbed me by the back of the
neck and proceeded to smash me."

26. Q: Will there be dogs in the
new system?
A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us
that we will be without
spot.

27. Q: Who was the straightest
man in the bible?
A: Joseph, because the
Pharaoh made him a ruler.

28. Q: What sport did Moses play?
A: Tennis or basketball because
we know that Moses played in
Pharoah's courts.

29. Q: Who is the shortest man
mentioned in the Bible ?
A: Bildad the Shuhite

30. Q: How do we know that they
played cards in the ark?
A: Because Noah sat on the
deck.

31. A couple are embroiled in an argument about
who should make the morning coffee. "You
wake up first," the husband says to his wife,
"so you should make the coffee.“
"But the Bible ordains that the husband
should make the coffee," his wife retorts.
"Where does it say that?" the husband
demands.
"Right here," the wife says, opening a Bible.
"Look, it says 'Hebrews.'"

32. Q. Which Bible character
had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

33. Q. Where is the first math
problem mentioned in the
Bible?
A. When God told Adam and Eve to
go forth and multiply.

34. Q: What kind of motor vehicles
are in the Bible?
A: Honda...because the apostles
were all in one Accord.

35. Q: What kind of motor vehicles
are in the Bible?
A: Cor. 4:8 describes going out in
service in a Volkswagen Beetle:
"We are pressed in every way,
but not cramped beyond
movement."

36. Q. Why did Noah have to punish
and discipline the chickens on
the Ark?
A. Because they were using "fowl"
language.

37. Q. On the Ark, Noah probably
got milk from the cows.
What did he get from the
ducks?
A. Quackers.

38. Q. When was the first meat
mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into
the ark.

39. Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he
had learned in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses
behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the
Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he
had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the
people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-
talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They
sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught
you?" His mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did,
you'd never believe it!"

40. George W. Bush, the president of the United States, was in an airport
lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white
beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some
stone tablets under the other arm.
Excited, George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
Mr. Bush positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked
again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you
Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last
time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

41. Q: Where is medicine first
mentioned in the Bible?
A: When God gave Moses two
tablets.

42. Q. What do they call pastors in
Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

43. Q: What do you call a
sleepwalking nun?
A: A roamin' Catholic!

44. Q: When was the longest
day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was
created because there
was no Eve.

45. Q: Why did God create man
before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.

46. Q: Why did Moses wander in the
desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask
for directions!

47. Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at
the end of a prayer
instead
of 'Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing
Hymns instead of Hers!

48. A young couple invited their pastor for Sunday
dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the
meal, the minister asked their son what they
were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth,
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to
Mom, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner
today as any other day.'"

49. A small child was sitting in her
mother's lap and they were looking
at a magazine together. When they
came across a picture of Jesus, her
mother asked, "Do you know who that
is?"
"Yes," the young child said matter-
of-factly, "He goes to our church."

50. A southern minister was completing a temperance
sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all
the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into
the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into
the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the
whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the
river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn
#365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."

51. A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What
was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered,
"Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus'
father's name was?“ A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get
that?“
The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always
talking about Verge n' Mary.''

52. A Sunday school teacher asked her
children as they were on the way to
church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because
people are sleeping."

53. A pastor decides to visit some of his flock on a
Saturday afternoon. He knocks at a door. Her
thinks he hears someone inside but no one comes
to the door. The pastor takes out a business card
and writes on it Rev 3:20 which says, "I stand at
the door and knock if you but open the door I
will come in and eat with you and you with me."
On Sunday his card appears in the collection
plate on it is written Gen 3:10 that says, " I
heard your voice from the garden but I was
afraid I was naked and I hid myself."

54. What US state is mentioned in
the bible?
Arkansaw. "Noah looked out
of the ark and saw..."

55. A 7-year old boy proudly tells his father:
"I finally know what the Bible means!"
Surprised the father replied: "What do
you mean, you "know" what the Bible
means? What does it mean?"
"That's easy, dad.......It stands for Basic
Instructions Before Leaving Earth."

56. The first mention of a cigarette
in the Bible was in Genesis.
When Rachel saw Isaac from a far,
she lit off her camel