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5 things 22nd january
- 2. 5 key takeaways from top-notch nonfiction
- 4. Alex Durussel-BakerDanni Gordon Jen Strauss Say hey
- 5. 5 things about You Have The Right To Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar
- 6. A book about Equality, Bodies, Sexism, Fatphobia, Feminism, Intersectionality, Diet Culture and Freedom
- 8. 1. 2 3 4 5 Widen the Lens on your issue: Label, research then reject any unhelpful ideologies
- 9. Asking the most direct question isn’t always the best way to get the truth 1 2. 3 4 5
- 10. How loud should your voice really be? 1 2 3. 4 5
- 11. “The solution to a problem like bigotry is not to do everything in our power to accommodate the bigotry. It is to get rid of the bigotry.” Virgie Tovar 1 2 3 4. 5
- 12. You have the right to remain fat. 2 3 4 5.
- 13. Recognise unhelpful ideologies A direct question isn’t always the best route to the truth How loud should your voice really be? Do not accommodate bigotry, eradicate it You have the right to remain fat 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
- 15. A book about The grounding force that gives you influence and authority and the lifting force that gives you passion and wit
- 16. But mostly The practices that can help anybody have gravitas
- 17. Roots and wings are equally important 1. 2 3 4 5
- 18. We’re not supposed to be talking heads (or, confidence is a giant dragon tail) 1 2. 3 4 5
- 19. Give your feelings of anxiety a name 1 2 3. 4 5
- 20. Crunchy like a crisp packet 1 2 3. 4 5
- 21. Write sentences like you write poetry (phrases not paragraphs) 1 2 3 4. 5
- 22. “Speech is easier to lose the thread of. Voiced thoughts have to be clearer than written ones to sound coherent and spontaneous” -Alain de Botton
- 23. Practice having a point of view 1 2 3 4 5.
- 24. Roots and wings are equally important Be a dragon, not a talking head Name the feeling, take back control Speak in phrases, not paragraphs Practice having a point of view 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
- 25. 5 things about Made to stick
- 26. A book about the traits that make ideas stick in our brains, so you don’t just know why you remember some things better than others, but can also spread your own ideas more effectively.
- 27. Recognising The Curse of Knowledge 1. 2 3 4 5
- 28. Find the core of your idea and speak in proverbs. 1 2. 3 4 5
- 29. Violate expectations & feed curiosity gaps. 1 2 3. 4 5
- 30. Make intangible concepts concrete through empathy. 1 2 3 4. 5
- 31. Aim for moon landings over abstract missions. 2 3 4 5.
- 32. Let’s… Unlock shareholder value. 2 3 4 5.
- 33. Let’s… Put a man on the moon and return him safely by the end of the decade. 2 3 4 5.
- 34. Recognising the curse of knowledge. Find the core of your idea and speak in proverbs. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Violate expectations and feed curiosity gaps. Make intangible concepts concrete through empathy. Aim for moon landings over abstract missions.
- 36. Next 5 Things Wed 26th Feb @Whitespace
Editor's Notes
- Seems kind of obvious right? Eleanor Roosevelt quote
- A major lesson that I got from the book is to make sure that I analyse objectively what I am dealing with internally…. If we are struggling with something then we should try and investigate what ideologies or cultures or inequalities there may be in society which are causing and perpetuating any unhelpful internal dialogues. Of course in the book this is mainly talked about in regards to body image… Virgie discusses how huge swathes of the population have a difficult relationship to food, their own bodies. She explains how these are internal battles in each person... but we weren’t born like this. We revel in our bodies when we are young. Hating on them is a learned behaviour. So when you zoom out you realise that the real cause of those internal issues are due to external ideologies that filter down and surround us all: sexism, classism, fatphobia, racism and abelism and we have just internalised the message now. Recognising the ideology doesn’t mean that the internal issue just evaporates but it might help you seperate yourself a bit from that internal voice which could be telling you that you are not good enough. When you start to really do this you realise how truly messed up it is that we live in a culture that teaches us to hate ourselves.
- Virgie was speaking at a high school in California Explaining link between sexism, diet culture and internalised inferiority. Because sometimes internalisation is difficult to recognise. She asked the young women: ‘Do you feel inferior’ Response ‘no!’ Did follow up questions to get to the truth… Read from book Not only an interesting point about internalised inferiority not being easily obvious, but also a good point if you are doing research that asking a succinct question isn’t necessarily always the best way to get to the truth.
- I’ve been a member of the Body Positive Movement since 2017. It’s a political movement with its roots within the fat acceptance movement. But the bopo movement expanded to take into consideration all marginalised bodies. It looks at age, race, disability, gender, size, shape and health status. It fights for the acceptance and respect of all bodies focussing on the most marginalised. As you can imagine- because I have been a member of it for 3 years now I am quite defensive of it. I’m quite touchy when it comes under criticism. But thanks to the book I have been gently introduced to the idea that the movement isn’t really as radical or as political or as disruptive as it should be. It has been co-opted by a number of brands and by people in privileged bodies who are taking the limelight away from the people who most need the movement. And I realised I am taking up a bit too much space within the The Body Positive Movement. Even though I had body image issues for a huge amount of my life- I am living in a very privileged body. I am not persecuted and ostracised because of my body. I am a cis gendered, white, able-bodied, small-fat, relatively young woman and me taking up space in the movement isn’t necessarily necessary. I thought this is a good point because it makes me reflect on how a lot of people take up a bit too much space where they aren’t required. Not literally though obviously. If you are fat you can take up as much space as you want.
- At the moment- due to powerful diet culture fuelled by sexism and fatphobia and capitalism the majority of women in society are falling in line. Until I started this project and had an impact on the people in my friendship circles. 99% of the women I hung out with, including me, were either perpetually on/off diets, working to change their body by various means and they actively disliked their bodies and would discuss this frequently. So really, this quote is a call to action. Virgie wants to make it very clear to everyone reading the book that it isn’t you who has to change, it is the culture. She got asked on a date- read from the book
- Sapiens- Andy- Human Rights We all have the right to exist in our bodies just as they are without the threat of violence, persecution, hate, guilt, fear. Fear of fat is an ideology which has been fed to us. Fat bodies are not inherently bad and if you live in a fat body you have a right to live in it. Regardless of any other person’s opinion of you or thoughts about you. We have forgotten that we are allowed to live life on our own terms. Without apologising or answering to anyone else for our bodies.
- If you read the back of the book, this is what the author, Caroline Goyder will tell you it’s about Two forces of gravitas, that can help you communicate with confidence.
- Public speaking has never come naturally to me. I’m lucky to have done a lot of training on it, because it is important in my role- a huge part of which is communicating user needs to a variety of stakeholders But I’ve always thought of gravitas as something that is binary - either you have it, or you don’t. What I didn’t realise, until I read the book, is that gravitas is something that can be practiced, and therefore accessed by anyone.
- This brings me to the first learning -roots and wings are equally important A lot of ‘public speaking’ literature and guidance is about learning power stances - which has never really felt that, real to me. What Goyder talks about though, is having both roots and wings That is, leaning into both the up and the down forces of gravity. It’s both about groundedness and lightness. Someone who is too light in how they talk, might be quite funny, or have a unique style, but you don’t trust them, because they’re not grounded, there’s no substance there, or they’re not talking enough about what they know. Somebody who is too grounded, you might take very seriously, but you might not remember them, because there’s no humour, or no emotional connection. I know that I’m probably too light at times, so this has really helped me focus on the practices that might help me be more grounded, without feeling like I’m losing my personality.
- Surprised by the physicality of good public speaking. I’ve always thought it’s the thinking and the talking, anything above the shoulders is the most important But everything from your tone of voice, your presence, and how you project confidence is about the body When you’re present to your physicality, as well as your thinking, people start talking about presence Two tips for grounding yourself back in to your body, and to have presence FOFBOC - Feet on floor, bum on chair, an exercise you can do at your desk. And it’s about taking a moment to notice the feeling of the ground pushing up against your feet, and your feet on the ground, and your chair pushing up on your bum, and your bum on the chair Imagine a big dragon’s tail taking up the whole room.
- The Ancient Greeks had a phrase called prapidessin to describe the diaphragm. which roughly translated to ‘under your crowded thoughts’ This space, according to the Greeks, is the somatic seat of intellect, the mental powers and emotions key to understanding it Starting point of gravitas is knowing yourself, recognising when you feel confident, and being aware of the feelings of anxiety. Again, it is quite a physical manifestation. When you can recognise those feelings of anxiety, you can start to get power over them, and implement some strategies to overcome them We all experience feelings of anxiety differently,. Goyder recommends give your unique feelings of anxiety a name, to make it more recognisable when it appears.
- For me the feelings of anxiety feel like my stomach has turned into a packet of crisps being crushed But I’m now really aware of when anxiety might be affecting my speaking (particularly my tonality and speed of talking) - and it’s an immediate prompt to me to stop and take a deep breath
- Short sentences separated by a pause are good long sentences that rush into each other and make you run out of breath are bad. Shorter sentences are important, so people can actually take in what you’re saying Long sentences are indigestible to the audience Cicero used to describe it as speaking in nearly verses. Something that can be learned from poetry and nursery rhymes. The length of an in and out breath, a typical musical phrase, a line of music, all typically last 2-7 seconds. These are all in tune with very natural ways of listening. So it makes sense to keep prhases to this length. I know, that personally, it’s much easier to hide behind a bunch of long sentences hoping nobody is really listening or really cares so I can sit down again please? The art here is to help your listeners follow your thinking. You can do this by measuring out bite sized sections of your speech.
- Speech is easier to lose the thread of… voiced thoughts have to be clearer than written ones to sound coherent and spontaneous. They have to emerge from a background of extensive reflection and focus There’s no room for waffle, like there is on the page In short, speaking well sounds easy, but it isn’t.
- I always thought ‘better public speaking’ was code for ‘be more like this specific type of person’. And that type of person was usually pretty corporate, and quite serious. Which always made me feel uncomfortable. So learning number 5 for me, is one of the loveliest Having gravitas is not about communicating like Cicero or Winston Churchill It’s about communicating as the clearest version of you It’s about showing the most direct line between your internal beliefs and thoughts, and the words coming out of your mouth And to do this, you need to have a point of view, and clarity about your beliefs. The even better news, is that, like everything else in the book, this is something you can practice There are a few ways Goyder recommends doing this. These are two I have started practicing The first is called Morning words, and it’s from a book called the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. The idea here is to write 3 pages every morning, of just drivel. Whatever is in your head, goes on to the paper. This lets you ‘clear’ your mind, by getting extraneous thoughts out onto paper. By doing it everyday, you’ll also start to see your own voice emerge Gravitas is subtle, it isn’t easy to spot. Watching other people speak, understanding and having a view point on what it is that gives them gravitas. I think it’s just a really important reminder that Gravitas doesn’t just happen (or not). We ourselves aren’t just an endless bounty of great thinking, you have to first learn to recognise it and appreciate it yourself
- Dense because full of stories and case studies
- Biggest issue with getting our ideas across is that we think people will care as much as us about our ideas and we get frustrated that people aren’t hearing what we are seeing. Tap game. Basically, we often communicate our ideas like we are the audience - comm confusing or boring. if you can’t communicate effectively you waste your time and others. This book is about learning how to communicate effectively.
- Getting people’s attention and holding it -> Unexpectedness: violate people’s expectations e.g New Enclave van commercial. “didn’t see that coming? No one ever does, buckle up. Us department of transportation. Challenge delivery a message people were bored of hearing about. curiosity gaps (click bate)-> not what do i want to convey but what do i want my audience to ask. E.g Create a sense of mystery - works even for Bad movies. Goal is audience wants to ask “what happens next.”
- Brown Eyes Blue Eyes Company survey vs football game.
- A major lesson that I got from the book is to make sure that I analyse objectively what I am dealing with internally…. If we are struggling with something then we should try and investigate what ideologies or cultures or inequalities there may be in society which are causing and perpetuating any unhelpful internal dialogues. Of course in the book this is mainly talked about in regards to body image… Virgie discusses how huge swathes of the population have a difficult relationship to food and their own bodies, she explains how these are internal battles in each person... but we weren’t born like this. We revel in our bodies when we are young. Hating on them is a learned behaviour. So when you zoom out you realise that the real cause of those internal issues are due to external ideologies that filter down and surround us all: sexism, classism, fatphobia, racism and abelism and we have just internalised the message now. Recognising the ideology doesn’t mean that the internal issue just evaporates but it might help you manage any internal voice which could be telling you that you are not good enough. When you start to do this you realise how truly messed up it is that we live in a culture that teaches us to hate oursleves.