This document discusses sibling grief and ways to help children who have experienced the death of a brother or sister. Key points include: - Over 2 million US children have experienced the death of a sibling, with impacts depending on factors like their and the sibling's age and relationship. - Children may feel anger, guilt, fear, or an ongoing connection after a sibling's death. Support groups help children process these emotions. - It is important to acknowledge children's grief and not exclude them from discussions about their sibling's illness or death. - Parents also need support to process their own grief so they can help their children. Memorializing a sibling should be done at a healthy level.

1. Sibling Grief
Recognizing and Serving
Children at Risk
Cathy R. Blanford, I{Ed
Statistics Regatding Sibling Death
. Just under 2 millioo children age 18 and under
living in the United States have experienced the
dea& of a sibling.
. 26, 000 srillbirths in U.S. in a year
' 19,000 Newbom deaths
. Miscarriages as high as 25oh of pregnancies
. Cose to half of these families have other
children.

2. Impact of Sibling Death
. Sibliag death has a different impact on a child than the
death of a prent or other significant adult.
. The child's reaction will depend on many factors:
- The age ofthe child
- The age ofthe sibling
- The relationship between the child & sibling
* Whether it was a long illness or a sudden death
- Whether or not the child was included in the prccs
- 1he parents reaction, availability
. Child's age and sibling's age
- Whethet they were the younger or the oldrx sibling
and the years separating theit ages will have an
impact ofl the grieving process.
- The relationship betwem the two was partially due
to the age of each.
. Longillness or quick, unexpected death
- A long ilLress may me,ur the child is more prepared
for the death, but also means that attention has been
devoted to sick sibling for a puiod of time
- An uflexpected death can be cspecially frightening,
leaves child feeling rulnetable, family h deep state of
shock, disbelicf
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3. . Degree to which chjld was involved 6r excluded.
- A child who has bem involved ir the process of the
sibling s illness and/or dyng wiil have a better
opportunity to grier.e, elpress feelhgs, gain
information
- A child who is excluded from the process feels left
out, does not mderstand what is happening may
feel less importart in family
Special Issues for Subsequents
. Born into a family where there is a "ghosC' Horv rvill
the subsequcnt come ro leam of rhc sibling? Wlren wrll
hc bc told? Who rvrJl tell him?
. How'?resend'is the absent child? Are there mv
pictures? Are there stones told? Are there regular
memorials? What happms on holidays?
. Rqrlacemmt child: Would I have beer bom if s/he
had not died?
. Attachment issues
. Overprotectiveness of Parents
ffi-11
ffiffin
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4. Disenfranchised Grief
' Child's own grief may be discounted due to the
parents' ovetwhelming grief
. Child may not be included in the family's
grieving ptocess,
Helping These Children in Grief
GrouPs
. Preferable for children with sibling loss to be
with othet children who have also experienced
the death of a sibiing.
' Mixed groups work but it is better if there is at
least one other child whose sibling died'
Value of the Story
. The child will be able to obtain infoffnation they
rnay not have had before.
. This will help to clear up misconceptions.
. The child's story will give the Paretrts zri
opportunity to see how their child is thinking
about what happened.
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5. Josh andJessica: Twins and a
Dtesset
. Twins were two years old whenJustin died in
their bedroom during naptime.
. Jessica came to us at age 4 without a story.
. We helped her obtain information about what
happened.
. She left the goup with her own story in which
she was the heroine.
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6. Opportunities to Deal with Anger
. Legrtimize anger-it's okay to be mad!
- Don't hut yourself.
* Don't hurt anyone else.
- Don't break anlthing important.
. Give them tools for getting the anger out.
Guilt: That "rgly emotion"
. I7e know that recognizing and dealing wid. g"ilt
is always a part of the healthy grieving process.
. lvluch more complicated when it is a sibling, due
to the natural process of sibling rivalry.
Stories of Siblings Expedencing
Feelings of Guilt
. Sarah: Had always been iealous of attention her
sick little sister received
. Jerry: Felt since he was the big brother he
should have been able to prevent the accident
. Meghan: Couldn't remember that she had been
in the toom
. Joe: Was always afiaid of huting his litde sister.

7. . Jpsh gol hit by :r
dresser" It was in
lhair roon-
Fear as a Reaction to Sibling's Death
. He died and he was iust a kid---<ould I die too?
. Not just old people die.
. Sometimes I didn't want him around and he
died--did I make that happen?
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8. Stodes of Children Expetiencing
Fear after Sibling's Death
. Jack: Watching his baby brother's heart beating
. Janet: "Then I died"
Sense of an Ongoing Relationship
with Sibling
. Ben: Wanted to die, savr his brother's spirit
. Jack Singing to his baby brother
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9. Remembering While Going On
. It's okay to temember the whole person. Yorx
sibling was not a saint
. You are special too! (Closing circle, say each
child's name three timesl)
. Ok to go on living, be happy!
Helping Parents Help Their Kids
. Deal with their own grief: If they're okay, their
kids will be okay.
' Keep pictures, stories, memorializingto a
healthy minirnum.
. Understand their children's reactions (books are
helptul here)
. Tendency to be overprotective can be harmfirl
. Not the child'iob to care for the parent
Children and their Patents'
Reactions
, Bill's mom wories about him getting hurt.
' Sherry was iealous of attention mom gave her
litde sister.
. Ray worried about making mom feel better.
. Sarah didn't get enough of mom's time.
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10. Helping Patents Help their Chil&en
. Separate group for parents to help them deal
vrith their own feelings.
' Tell parents what children are doing, how they
can connect with their feelings.
. Closing Ceremony: Teli your children
something really special about themselves
You can make a difference
in the lives of these
children, ahfe long
difference!
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