This document provides guidance for educators on supporting students dealing with grief, loss, trauma, and other difficult experiences. It discusses types of loss students may face, how loss can affect them, strategies for addressing common reactions, and ideas for classroom activities and memorials. Key recommendations include listening without judgment, maintaining routines, acknowledging emotions, and connecting grieving students to support networks.

1. “ If There’s Anything I Can Do, Let Me Know.” An Interactive Workshop for Educators Dealing with Grief and Loss in School Communities Barbara J. Rick, M.Ed. ©2008

2. This workshop is designed to provide important information relevant to grief and loss in school communities. It is not intended to replace professional medical, psychological, or grief intervention.

3. Introduction

4. Guidelines For Small Groups CONFIDENTIALITY ALLOW FOR EMOTION BE NON-JUDGMENTAL BE SUPPORTIVE

5. SCHOOL IS THE STUDENT’S HOME AWAY FROM HOME. Research indicates that the way you process and deal with your own personal losses, will impact how you respond to your grieving students. USDA Photo by: Dorothea Lange

6. Before you can be of assistance to your students, you must first ask yourself… “ What are my own views and feelings about loss?”

7. Recall a past experience or event ANSWER THE FOLLOWING: How did you respond (emotional, physical, behavioral, spiritual )? What did someone do that made you feel worse? What did someone do that helped you? What do you wish someone might have done? A Look In The Rear View Mirror

8. Types of Student Loss Loss Due to Death Parent Sibling Grandparent Friend Classmate Teacher/Coach Caregiver Pet Public Figure Other Losses Trauma Chronic Illness Disaster Divorce Significant Relationship Military Deployment Ability to Do Something Unemployment Financial Problems Relocation National Tragedy

9. Variables That Affect the Grief Process Culture/Ethnic Background/Where Raised Gender Spiritual Background Financial Status Support Network Cognitive Development Intensity of Relationship Previous Losses Unfinished Business

10. Concurring Stress Type of Death – Anticipatory/Sudden Viewing the Body Age of the Deceased Circumstances Surrounding the Death Homicide/Suicide Litigation Media Coverage

11. Student Support Network Friends Family Clergy Teachers Coaches Community School Administration Support Staff Counselors School Psychologists School Social Workers Federal, State and Local Agencies

12. The Process of Grief and Mourning Grief: The emotional, behavioral, physical, and spiritual response to loss. Mourning: The process by which we assimilate and incorporate loss into our daily life. Bereavement: The state of being deprived of someone or something.

13. The Stages of Mourning Shock and Denial Searching and Yearning Disorientation Resolution

14. Shock and Denial Denial and disbelief Fear and panic Powerlessness Numbness / unable to feel emotion Time distortion Uncontrolled /unpredictable crying Dreams / nightmares  Lashing out in anger  Poor concentration / unable to focus  Forgetfulness  Frantic activity Possible Emotional / Behavioral Responses Shock and Denial

15. Possible Physical Responses Need for warmth and rest Feeling cold / shivering / trembling Sleeplessness / excessive sleep without feeling rested Heart palpitations Heaviness in the chest Difficulty breathing Lump / tightness in the throat Headaches Nausea Excessive weight loss / gain Susceptibility to infections

16. Searching and Yearning  Searching for the cause of the event  Wanting more medical details  Bizarre thoughts and feelings / feeling overwhelmed ► Fear of Going Crazy In adolescents and adults this may be the most prevalent symptom of grief. In the grief groups I have presided over, fear of going crazy has been the most common reaction and the main reason an individual seeks help. Once they realize the reactions they are experiencing are normal and common to others in the group, the symptoms begin to subside.

17.  Jealous feelings toward others who still have a relationship like the one they have lost Questioning “why” and looking for spiritual answers  Anger at God, the medial community, family members, self or even the deceased for leaving them  Consumed with the details of what has happened

18.  Frantic activity – Keeping busy so that there is no time to think about what has happened  Dreams/ nightmares about the event or the deceased  Thinking they see the deceased  Guilt  Intense sadness/ the loss is beginning to sink in

19. Disorientation Intense emotions start to subside The reality of the loss sets in Confusion – This is not an appropriate time to initiate significant changes or take on added responsibilities. Loneliness and isolation - This usually comes at the time they most need closeness. Those around them feel that they have had enough time to process their loss.

20. Depression and guilt are the two main features of this phase. They may be characterized by the following: Feeling empty and hopeless No interest in things previously enjoyed Neglect of personal appearance and daily tasks Lack of physical energy, even small tasks are too much Feeling abandoned by family, friends, and God Regressive behavior (primarily present in pre-school and elementary age students) Depression Sense of failure May say things like: “ I should have” or “If only I’d” Self blame and blaming others Engaging in negative behaviors Feeling relief at the death (this is common when death comes after a long illness.) Guilt

21. Resolution  Able to relax  Genuine laughter returns  No guilt for feeling pleasure  Hope and futuristic thinking returns  Able to issue forgiveness where needed  Able to talk about the loss without severe emotional upheaval

22. Chronic Grief Complicating Factors – New Information - Event Processing of Information - Event Grief Process Continues without Resolution 1 2 3 4 Adjustment to Information– Event Initial Information– Event

23. Break Time

24. Supporting Students Dealing with Death Provide Immediate Support Communicate with Your Class LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! Do Not Avoid Bereaved Students Allow for the Expression of Tears Provide Reassurance Stick to Routines and Rules Classroom Assignments Communicate with the Family Memorials

25. Death at School – Possible Classroom Activities Using the deceased student/teacher’s name: Create a memory word for each letter of the name. Make a copy for each student. Share a copy with the family. Create a memory box: Have students write letters, notes, or draw pictures sharing their memories and thoughts about the person. Place in the box and give to the family. Provide note cards and establish a ‘question box.” Encourage students to write questions and thoughts to place in the box. Make sure you acknowledge each submission Plans for memorial activities should include input and participation from students, faculty, administration, and the family .

26. Lower the school flag half mast Donate toys to a children’s organization Donate books to your school or public library Visit the funeral home and/or attend the funeral

27. Plant a memorial tree or garden on school grounds Decide, with the class, what to with the student’s desk (ex: placing the desk in a mutually agreed upon location) Collect and donate money to an organization designated by the family Hold a memorial assembly and/or a candlelight vigil (sometime during the first week) Designate an area of the school as a temporary memorial site. There should be an agreed upon time to remove the memorial and what to do with the writings and items left at the site.

28. CLICHES “ Things could be worse.” “ It’s for the best,” or “It’s a blessing in disguise.” “ What did you expect?” “ You think that’s bad?” “ Well, at least you had or have….”    

29. Do not assume your student and the custodial parent share the same last name. Be careful to maintain “best practices” in the classroom Stick to daily routines Be a good listener Supporting Students Dealing with Divorce

30. Avoid using negative phases such as “they are from a broken home.” Be sensitive when making gifts for the holidays, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Do not become involved in the legal and custody battles of the parents. When sending home class notes, address them “Dear Parent/Guardian.”

31. Parent is dead and there is no possible way they will return Student may feel something they said or did caused the death. No loyalty conflict Community support No choice Student may fantasize about parents reuniting and the non- custodial parent returning home. Student may blame themselves for the breakup. Loyalty conflicts Lack of community support Divorce was a choice Parental Loss - Death Parental Loss - Divorce Older students may assume more responsibilities at home Financial Difficulties Problems adjusting to parents dating May worry what will happen to them if the custodial parent dies Relocation Possible Overlapping Concerns

32. Supporting Students of Deployed Military

33. Stage 1. Shock, denial and anger Stage 2. Anticipation of loss Stage 3. Emotional detachment Stage 4. Shock, denial and anger Stage 5. Anticipation of loss Stage 6. Emotional detachment Phase I : Pre- Deployment Preparation Phase II: Deployment Separation Phase III Post – Deployment/Homecoming/Reunion 7. Honeymoon 8. Reintegration

34. Disaster Reactions and Intervention Suggestions 7 out of the top 10 disasters have occurred since 2001

35. Ages: 6-11 Disaster Reactions and Intervention Suggestions Ages: 1-5 Ages: 12-18 Adults Information taken from Field Manual for Health and Human Service Workers in Major Disasters. Department of Health and Human Services Publication No. ADM 90-537, p.16 – 19.

36. Encourage, but don’t force students to talk about their fears and concerns. Remain self-controlled and calm. Set an example. Provide age appropriate, factual information. Encourage parents to spend extra time with their children.  The event will happen again  Someone close to them will be killed or injured  They will be left alone or separated from their family Greatest Fears of Children in a Disaster How to Help

37. Encourage students to participate in the community recovery process. Stick to routines, schedules and rules. Acknowledge Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Adjust assignments. Encourage students to limit their exposure to media and news coverage. Encourage good nutrition and proper rest and sleep.

38. Supporting Students Dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Types of Traumatic Events Death of a loved one Violence in the home, community, school, or television Natural Disaster Terrorist Attack Physical or Sexual Assault Accident Trauma by Proxy Farm Security Administration – photographer: Russell Lee

39. Possible Student Responses To PTSD Flashbacks (re-experiencing the event) Being in a daze Sleep disturbances Separation Detachment Difficulty concentrating

40. Withdrawal Afraid to be alone Anger Avoidance of anything that reminds them of the trauma Regressive behavior (usually younger children) A change in school performance (not able to focus; intensely focused)

41. Possible Strategies for Students Dealing with PTSD Allow students to talk about the event (listen and ask open ended questions) Maintain classroom routines and activities Answering questions Students/caregivers should limit their exposure to media reports of the event Scary stories, movies or videos should be avoided

42. Student Support Information Sheets Student Support Information Sheets

43. Online Resources

49. Student Vignettes Katie’s Story Jason’s Story Daniel’s Story Mandy’s Story ?