The document discusses the experiences of grieving siblings. It dispels common myths about how siblings grieve and experience illness and death of a brother or sister. Some myths dispelled are that siblings have no problem when a sibling is dying, that parents easily determine where to devote their energies, and that children's fears are often addressed. The realities are that siblings experience jealousy, parents are torn between children, and siblings may keep fears private. It provides strategies to help grieving siblings, such as routine, peer support, and proactive bereavement activities.

1. “We Used To Share A Room…” Understanding the World of a Grieving Siblingwww.oliviashouse.orgLeslie Delp, MA

2. Olivia’s HouseA Grief and Loss Center for Childrenwww.oliviashouse.org830 South George Street  York, PA17403717-699-1133

3. Nana Deitrich:A Bereaved Siblingwww.oliviashouse.org

4. Am I Still A Sister? We are often shuttled off to friends and left out of our family. I know you do this to protect us from painful feelings, but please…let us be a part of our family! -Allie Simswww.oliviashouse.org

5. Identifying and Dispelling: The Myths of Grieving Siblingswww.oliviashouse.org

6. MythWhen a sibling is dying, children have no problem sitting on the sidelines of the family circle.www.oliviashouse.org

7. Reality Children become jealous of situations that keep their parents occupied, a dying sibling is no different.www.oliviashouse.org

8. MythParents have no problem determining where to put their energies when their child is terminally ill.www.oliviashouse.org

9. RealityMost parents are torn between the dying child and their surviving children. This dilemma is one of the most difficult at the time of the illness.www.oliviashouse.org

10. MythChildren are lethargic and sad all the time when experiencing the illness and death of a sibling.www.oliviashouse.org

11. RealityChildren’s grief is often expressed through energy and activity; It is called, a “grief burst”.www.oliviashouse.org

12. MythIt is typical for a child to be a “Super-Perfect Kid” during the illness of a sibling.www.oliviashouse.org

13. RealitySome children strive to be super heroes when the family is coming apart but most children act out negatively while expressing their grief.www.oliviashouse.org

14. MythChildren’s fears are often addressed during and after the death of their sibling.www.oliviashouse.org

15. RealitySurviving siblings can have irrational fears that they keep to themselves, as a way of protecting their grieving parents.www.oliviashouse.org

16. MythMost children “move on” soon after the death of their sibling since there is not a relationship anymore.www.oliviashouse.org

17. RealityChildren heal and process bereavement when encouraged to “redefine the relationship” with their deceased sibling.www.oliviashouse.org

18. MythMost teens are oblivious to their parents and could care less if they see them smile. They live in their own world during the teen years!www.oliviashouse.org

19. RealityTeens are very protective of their parents and tend to assume the role of a parent while the parent mourns their loss. They feel most secure when the family returns to a routine and parents set boundaries again.www.oliviashouse.org

20. MythNew siblings born after the death create harmony in the family because they fill the empty void.www.oliviashouse.org

21. RealityNo child ever fills the void of a deceased child. The sibling born after the death will create their own relationship with the deceased.www.oliviashouse.org

22. MythTeens have no desire to have a social life or be involved in outside activities because they feel the need to stay close to home during and after the death of a sibling.www.oliviashouse.org

23. RealityThe “Independence vs. Dependence” struggle is a very real part of the developmental work a teen must do as they process loss. www.oliviashouse.org

24. MythChildren experience relief when their sibling finally passes and they feel very little guilt at all.www.oliviashouse.org

25. RealityAll children feel a sense of relief when the family is no longer observing a death vigil but it brings along an enormous amount of guilt.www.oliviashouse.org

26. Samantha:An Unconditional Listenerwww.oliviashouse.org

27. Ways To HelpRoutine

28. Exercise and Sunshine