This document provides information on soft skills and communication principles. It discusses the importance of emotional intelligence for career success. It outlines the three layers of the brain and covers topics like multitasking, empathy, principles of communication, barriers to communication, conflict resolution, problem solving, and making agreements. Key points emphasized include listening to understand others, focusing on interests not positions, exploring options, and making plans for the future.

1. Soft Skills

2. For a Hard World

3. “Emotional intelligence,
more than any other asset,
more than IQ or technical
expertise, is the most
important overall success
factor in careers.”
(Late) Professor Warren Bennis, USC Business School

4. The Three Layers of the Brain
Limbic System
Emotions
Long-term memory
Attention/Focus
Movement
Cortical Brain
Learning
Analysis
Creativity
Reptile/Primitive Brain
Protection
Maintenance of body
Survival of species
Copyright Covisioning 2001

5. Multitasking
Fact or Fiction?

6. Disconnect
Popular Culture vs. Work Culture

7. Empathy

8. COMMUNICATE
• Face To Face
• Telephone
• Text
• Letters
• Email
• Social Network

9. PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
1. What We Say May Not Be What Is
Heard.
a. Texting
b. Jargon
c. Questions

10. PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
2. Messages Contain Thoughts And
Emotions.
a. Be careful of WHY
b. Be positive

11. PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
3. How We Physically Respond Is A
Better Indicator Than What We Say.
a. Tone of Voice
b. Body Language

12. How Many Sentences?
I never said that.

13. How Many Sentences?
What do you think about it?

14. PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
4. There is an appropriate time and an
appropriate place.
a. Attention and focus
b. The perception of others

15. SOME BARRIERS TO
COMMUNICATION
• Negotiation Style
• Bad Habits
• Perceptions of Fairness
• Personal Needs
• Outside Distractions

16. There is a difference
between understanding
another’s position and
condoning it.

17. The Iceberg of Conflict
Issues
_____________
Personalities
Emotions
Interests
Needs
Desires
Self-Perceptions
Self-Esteem
Hidden Expectations
Unresolved Issues from Past
Cloke & Goldsmith

18. Options for Resolving Conflict
• Avoidance
• Collaboration
– Negotiate
– Mediate
• Higher Authority
– Chain of command
– Litigate
• Unilateral Power Play
Slaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

19. Problem Resolution Set
• Absolution: Ignore a problem and hope it
goes away.
• Solution: Do something to produce a
positive outcome.
• Resolution: Do something to produce the
best possible outcome.
• Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the
problem.
From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis

20. There is no one right
answer for everything…

21. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
1. Find the time and place to talk
2. Decide upon ground rules
3. Listen to each other
4. Ascertain issue and core value involved
5. Identify common goals
6. Explore options
7. Make a plan for the future

22. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
1. Find the time and place to talk

23. The Meeting
• Invitation to meet
• Securing a location
• Eliminate distractions
• Environmental factors
• Ensure timing is right

24. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
2. Decide upon ground rules

25. Sample Ground Rules
• Be respectful of one another
• No personal attacks
• Do not interrupt
• Try to understand the other’s point of view
• Confidentiality
• No reloading

26. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
3. Listen to each other

27. Helpful Phrases
• “Help Me Understand”
• “It sounds like…”
• “It seems like….”
• “We cannot change the past”
• “One option for resolution is…”
• “What do you suggest?”
• “I really need to understand more…”
• “What’s it going to take?”
• “It is common to react this way when…”

28. The Chinese Characters for Listening:
1. Ear Gather
2. Eye Perceive
3. Heart Sense
4. King Respect
LISTENING
Copyright Covisioning 2001

29. LISTENING
Copyright Covisioning 2001
EyeEar
King Heart

30. LISTENING BEHAVIORS
• Listen for the Facts
• Understand the Speaker (Empathic
Listening)
• Active Listening
• Paraphrase/Summarize to understand

31. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
4. Ascertain issue and core value involved

32. Focus on Interests
• Interests = Needs + Core Values
• Wants vs. Needs
• The story of the orange
• Reframing
– Change the game by changing the frame
– Change perception to see new possibilities

33. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
5. Identify common goals

34. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
6. Explore options

36. 17 Camels
• Elderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his
camel herd to his 3 sons
• Stipulates the following in his will:
– Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herd
– Second eldest to receive 1/3 of herd
– Youngest to receive 1/9 of herd

37. 17 Camels
3 Sons Visit the Village Elder
• Sons unable to agree on division of camels
• Each brother presents his issue
• Each wants fair share of herd
• Elder tells them she will lend them one camel to
resolve the dispute
• Only asks that camel be returned when no
longer needed

38. 17 Camels
Resolution
• 1/2 of 18 = 9
• 1/3 of 18 = 6
• 1/9 of 18 = 2
17
• 18th camel no longer needed
• YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18th camel!

39. SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
7. Make a plan for the future

40. People do not need
to agree on beliefs or
values but only as to
arrangements for the
future.

41. PRINCIPLES OF
AGREEMENTS
• The Past Can’t be Changed - Focus on Future
• Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties.

42. Denise Blommel
Denise M. Blommel, PLLC
Attorney/Mediator
6945 E. Sahuaro
Suite 125
Scottsdale, AZ 85254
480-247-7477
denise@azlaborlaw.com
www.azlaborlaw.com

43. Donald R. Doerres, II
Scientific Software Engineer
Arizona State University Planetary Sciences
ddoerres@asu.edu
don@azlaborlaw.com