Every year at our new student orientation, I used to give this talk to our first year students. Instead of telling them what they should do to achieve success, we thought it would be more effective and humourous to tell them instead how best to fail your courses. This was the last version of this talk from 2017.

1. 17 WAYS
TO
FAIL YOUR COURSES

2. #17
BE HUNG OVER FOR
8AM EXAMS

3. #16
LET STRESS MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL

4. #15
SLEEP TO 11AM MOST DAYS

5. #14
HAVE A DEMANDING
AND TIME-CONSUMING
GIRLFRIEND AND/OR
BOYFRIEND

6. #13
RESPOND TO EVERY SINGLE TEXT
MESSAGE YOU RECEIVE IN A LECTURE

7. #12
SPEND $100s PURCHASING
YOUR TEXTBOOKS, … BUT
DON’T BOTHER READING THEM!
DON’T WORRY,
YOU’LL MAKE SOME
OF YOUR MONEY
BACK RESELLING
THEM AFTER YOU
WITHDRAW

8. #11 BELIEVING THIS …

9. #10
EXPECT
UNIVERSITY TO
BE EASY
AREN’T
COMPUTERS
ALL ABOUT
BROWSING,
GAMING,AND
SOCIAL MEDIA?

10. BE IGNORANT OF THE DUE DATES
IN ALL OF YOUR COURSES
IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE DUE
DATES,YOU CAN ALWAYS BLAME
THE PROFESSOR.
#9

11. #8 OBTAIN THE NIGHTMARE'S FINALLY
OVER ACHIEVMENT IN RESIDENT EVIL 7
THE NIGHT BEFORE YOUR EXAMS

12. ALWAYS USE THE FULL POWER
OF YOUR LAPTOP IN CLASS#7

13. EXPECT EXPLICIT DIRECTIONS
FOR SOLVING EVERY PROBLEM#6

14. WORK 40+ HOURS A WEEK AT
YOUR “PART-TIME” JOB WHILE
TAKING A FULL-COURSE LOAD
#5

15. NEVER ASK THE
PROFESSOR TO
RE-EXPLAIN
SOMETHING
THAT
YOU DON’T
UNDERSTAND
IF YOU DON’T
DRAW
ATTENTION TO
YOURSELF,
HE/SHE MIGHT
FORGET TO
TEST YOU
#4

16. GET YOUR CLASSMATES TO
DO YOUR ASSIGNMENT
WORK FOR YOU
YOUR PROFESSOR MIGHT LET THEM SHARE
YOUR SEAT DURING THE FINAL EXAM
#3

17. WAIT UNTIL THE
NIGHT BEFORE
THE DUE DATE
TO START AN
ASSIGNMENT OR
STUDY FOR AN
EXAM
#2

18. AND THE #1 WAY TO FAIL IS …

19. NEVER OR RARELY ATTEND CLASS.#1
YOU HAVE MUCH BETTER THINGS TO
BE DOING WITH YOUR TIME…

20. IT’S YOUR TURN NOW TO DECIDE
YOUR OWN PATH TO SUCCESS OR
FAILURE … GOOD LUCK!
THANK YOU!