2. What is Assertiveness
• Assertiveness is a skill regularly referred to in social and communication
skills training.
• Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people’s
rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or
passively accepting ‘wrong’.
• Assertive individuals are able to get their point across without upsetting
others, or becoming upset themselves.
3. “Assertiveness means standing up for your personal rights - expressing
thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways.”
“By being assertive we should always respect the thoughts, feelings and
beliefs of other people.”
4. Assertive Body Language
Assertiveness is the skill of direct, open communication.There is a
psychological side of assertiveness that focuses on our emotional
detachment and self-management. And there are a set of
specific assertiveness techniques that help you to act assertively in difficult
situations. But, between these two, there is a list of small, everyday ways in
which you can practice assertive body language, often without saying a
word.
5. Eye Contact-
Under normal circumstances, its best to make more eye contact when
listening and less when talking. Unbroken eye contact tends to creep people
out a little and is interpreted by our body as an act of aggression. No eye
contact means either that you aren’t interested in the person or that you fear
them. Increase the length of eye contact to increase your level of
assertiveness. If this feels too aggressive, tilting your head slightly deflects it.
No Fidgeting-
We usually move a little when relaxed.Too much makes us look nervous; too
little, bored. But being able to refrain from shifting is a sign of both control and
trustworthiness. So, no fiddling with pens jiggling with jewellery if you want to
appear assertive!
6. Filling Space-
In a standing position, a confident person doesn’t mind being seen.They will
not shrivel up in order to take up as little space or warrant as little notice as
possible. Assertive poses include placing your hands on your hips and moving
your feet a little further apart.
Standing Straight-
Whether standing or sitting, a straight back is good for your posture and good
for your assertiveness.Your lungs will have an easier time filling up with air,
and so your breathing will remain calm and regulated. A slouching person
looks like a weary, burdened, defeated person.
7. Head Up-
The act of lifting your chin from your chest and your eyes from the ground is
an act of self-confidence. It is so both as a cause and as an effect. Doing is a
sign that you are confidence, and doing it is a way of making yourself feel
confident. Psychologists call this the Facial Feedback Hypothesis.
Tilt In-
Moving closer toward a subject is a sign of focus. It means you’re really
listening closely and paying attention. It’s also a sign that you don’t fear them.
In social situations, people don’t move nearer to things that they consider
dangerous; they move further away (flight), or don’t move at all (freeze).
8. LoudVolume-
You might have a soft voice, like me. Aggressive people take advantage of this by
talking over you. It is easier to miss the words and meaning of someone who talks
quietly. In fact, it is easy to bypass them altogether and dismiss whatever they are
saying.Yes, content should be the most important thing, but if no one can hear you,
it’s time to raise your volume as a way of saying, “I’m here! Listen to me!”
Slow Pace-
Talking quickly can mean that you have a lot to say, that you believe time is short or
that you are a quick thinker. It depends on the context, like all of body language
analysis. But, when combined with a soft voice and passive overall stance, it can be
yet another way of trying to take up as little space as possible.Talking with a slower,
more deliberate and definite pace, is another way of signalling your presence, and
setting the trend instead of reacting to others.
9. Turn Around-
One of the most powerful assertiveness techniques is simply saying “No” and giving
no further explanation or excuse. A physical equivalent of this is turning around and
continuing with what you were doing. An aggressive person wants the debate to
persist so they can bully you or demand reasons why you won’t do what they want. By
shifting the direction of your body away from them, you’re saying, “This discussion is
over. I’ve said my piece. Now I’m moving on, regardless of what you do.”
Palm Out-
Placing your palm out in front of you is a very clever and assertive act. It is a sign that
says, stop, don’t go any further. It also says, calm down, I’m in control here. And,
finally, it places a visible barrier or ‘fence’ around you, symbolic of an invisible mark of
what is your business and what is theirs. It says, in the opening words of the Gestalt
Prayer, “I do my thing and you do your thing.”
10. Walk Away-
Insisting that you must have the final word with a bully or idiot is often a waste
of your time. It’s better for you if you just walk away.This isn’t an act of
cowardice; it’s an act of control. And it applies to online discussions, workplace
situations and even abusive relationships as much as any single conversation.
