1. Lucy Pratt 13u 21/11/18
Unit 11- 1:1 Log
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21/11/18 Miss Maughan
Thisis the email I sent- Main focus:Dialogue.
C- Client,L- Lucy(Me)
C- Couldtheybe talkingabouta couple ata party,photo’sonline/
social media?
C- ‘Theyare clearlywearingfoundation’cutthisasit doesn’thelp
describe yourintentions,couldyouaddmore descriptionof the
character, annoyed,sulky.
C- More descriptionaboutfacial expressionsandbodylanguage to
helpshow the tone.
L- CouldI possiblyaddaprop to helpgive the audiencecontext?
(Make up removerwipe inStudent3’shand)
C- Student2 couldsaythingslike- ‘Youcan hardlytell’,‘don’tworry
aboutit’,‘youactuallylookgoodwithoutmake-up’andStudent3
couldthensay- ‘I lookterrible’,‘Ican’tgoroundlookinglike thisall
day’,I will reapplyitatbreak,I don’tcare’.
C- Teenagersare overthe topand verydramatic- thisadditional
dialogue shouldhelpportraythis.
C- Are theybeingsarcastic?What isthe tone of voice?Gooduse of cuttingthemoff).
L- I will change ‘Theyare’to‘They’re’when dialogue isspoken.
We hada conversationabouthowrelevantmyfilmistoeventsandquestionsbeingaskednow.I
have not used‘he’or‘she’forany of myStudentcharactersas I don’twant that to be a factor in the
impressiontheygiveinthe script.The use of the ideathat Sam isstill confusedastoher sexuality,is
huge as it isincrediblyrelatableanditissomethingsomanyteenagerscanrelate too.Justsmall
thingssuchas keepingherheaddowninclass,makesa huge impactdue to the fact she doesn’t
wantto try and explainhercurrentsituationandwouldprefernottoget involvedinaconversation
she knowswill justmake everythingworse.
Draft 2 wasmade followingthis!
2. Lucy Pratt 13u 21/11/18
Unit 11- 1:1 Log
Page per 1:1
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23/11/18 Miss Maughan
1. The clientremindedme thatthe use of ‘CUT TO:’ is onlyreallyforshootingscriptsand
therefore Ishouldprobablyremove thesefrommyscript.Ican keepthe ‘FADETO:’s.
2. 27/11/18- I neededtoexplainmythoughtprocesstothe Clientinregardstothe highlighted
sectionsof myscript.These sectionsvisuallystandoutsowhenIfinallygetactorsto play
these rolesIcan quicklyandeasilyfindwheretoaddtheirnamesto the script.I am very
visual soI have to use colourswhenorganisingmywork- forexample myshootingscriptis
colourcoded.
3. 28/11/18- page 3, the clientsaidthatthe stage direction‘boredthensuddenly
remembering’doesn’tmake sense.Ithensuggestedtothe clientaboutdescribingthe
differentstudents’bodylanguage toindicate boredomwithinthe mainstage directionsand
theyagreed.
4. Page 4- the use of the word silentlyisnotneededasitiscleartheydon’tspeakdue to the
lack of dialogue fromthischaracter.
5. Don’tuse the word‘we’toomuch inthe stage directions,have more varietyinthe text.
6. Spellingof ‘Arrangement’page 6.
7. Bottomof page 6- re wordcostume description from‘black,withsmall rainbowstop’to‘a
blacktop withsmall rainbowsonthe shoulders’.
8. Clientgotconfusedatfirstglance withthe wordingof ‘pullingupherjeans’due tothe fact
there isno indicationof why. Iwill therefore replace ‘Pullingup’with‘adjusting’
Draft 3 wasmade followingthis!
3. Lucy Pratt 13u 21/11/18
Unit 11- 1:1 Log
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3 | P a g e
29/11/18 Mrs Jones
Afterreadingthisemail the clientwantedtouse thisasan
opportunitytogo throughthe structure of the scriptto make
tweaks/changes.
Firstlyeachscene needed tobe labelledas‘SCENE1’ etc.
I neededtomake eachchange in locationeitherintoaseries
of shotsor small individual scenes.
She suggestedthatI remove the creditsinformationalong
withthe notesas theyare more relevantonthe shooting
script.
The use of character stage directionsinbracketsneedstobe
movedtonextto the namesof the character alone withthe
dialogue keepingtothe off centre space.
The clientthensaidthat eachuse of a character’s name in
the stage directions/descriptionsshouldbe fullycapitalised.
Draft 4 wasmade followingthis!
Final Feedback- 30/11/18 Miss Maughan
The draft the client used is below.
4. Lucy Pratt 13u 21/11/18
Unit 11- 1:1 Log
Page per 1:1
4 | P a g e
There are 4
spelling
mistakes/
punctuation
improvements
inyellow and
all the voice
overlines
have been
highlightedin
blue aspraise!
The client
statedthat the
shootingscript
was detailed
enoughalone
withthislog.
