Support for teaching of iGCSE narrate, describe (WW1)

1. Starter:
What’s the word or phrase?
on
What have they got in common?

2. He stood on the field and the clouds looked down
on him. He sighed. There was no one around. A
gun made a noise which startled him. His heart
raced.
All of you should be able to identify one thing wrong with this
paragraph.
Most of you should be able to suggest two changes to improve it.
Some of you may be able to work out the general area of weakness
throughout the paragraph.

3. So how can I vary my sentences & be an interesting writer?
One way to start What is it Example
With an adverb Describes a verb
the way you do something
Start with an adjective or noun
phrase
Describing word adding interest
to a thing
Start with a preposition Tells you how something is in
relation to something else (on,
behind, in, in front)
Start with an ‘ing’ verb A doing action based word
Start with a simile Comparing two things using like
or as
Start with a connective Words which join sentences or
phrases together

4. Can you match the technique to the description?
One way to start What is it Example
With an adverb Describes a verb
the way you do something
Behind the bleak canopy, the
noises…
Start with an adjective or noun
phrase
Describing word adding interest
to a thing
Prickling the noses of the passers
by, the gas…
Start with a preposition Tells you how something is in
relation to something else (on,
behind, in, in front)
Like a tidal wave, the sheer horror
hit
Start with an ‘ing’ verb A doing action based word Tall and intimidating, the trench
wall stood…
Start with a simile Comparing two things using like
or as
Slowly, quietly, the men creep
over the mounds…
Start with a connective Words which join sentences or
phrases together
Although people consider war
hellish…

5. Did you get it?
One way to start Example
With an adverb Slowly, quietly, the men creep over the mounds…
Start with an adjective or noun phrase Tall and intimidating, the trench wall stood…
Start with a preposition (on, behind, in, in front) Behind the bleak canopy, the noises…
Start with an ‘ing’ verb Prickling the noses of the passers by, the gas…
Start with a simile Like a tidal wave, the sheer horror hit
Start with a connective Although people consider war hellish…

6. Task Objective:
Produce a developed and described account
of life on the front line.
This must:
 Be in the first person
 Contain little direct speech
 Be 500-800 words (word count must appear on both the draft and final
piece)
 Contain evidence of student response to a draft – indicating
improvement. Purple and green penning time!
Your success criteria:
 Punctuation used accurately and for effect
 Paragraphing correctly used, with some variation (if producing prose)
 Interesting vocabulary choices (power words and noun phrases)
 Descriptive techniques used to develop imagery. E.g. metaphor, simile,
personification.
 Sentences types varied for effect.
 Accurate spelling of words, including the more complex ones.

7. Aim is to attain…
Band One: Confident, Accurate and Stylistic writing
W1: describe and reflect effectively upon experience, give detail and analyse thoughtfully what
is felt and imagined.
W2: Confident with paragraphing and uses logical order in writing with each stage in the
narrative carefully linked to the next. Confident in experimenting where appropriate in the
structure of expressive writing.
W3: Assured writing which uses a wide range of effective vocabulary
W4: write to suit the audience and context, using varied, well-constructed sentences.
W5 Candidates write accurately. They use punctuation and grammatical structures to define
shades of meaning. They spell simple, complex and technical words with precision.
But what does this actually look like?
Each table has two answers from students to a descriptive question.
1. Can you work out which one is Band One?
2. Can you advise the other writer what they could do to improve?
3. Can you identify no more than three things you could do to improve your attainment?

8. Let’s get started!
Imagine you are this
man…
How are you feeling?
What can you see?
What can you smell?
What does your
uniform/gun/trench feel like?
Write a short account of your
experience, aiming to include
what we have been looking at
over the last few lessons:
 Noun phrases and power
words
 Descriptive techniques
 Paragraphs
 Sentence types
 Different ways to start a
sentence.

9. Self Evaluation
Score yourself in
each of the
following 5 areas:
How far up the
rung of success do
you think you are?
 Paragraphing
 Sentences
 Vocabulary
 Devices
 Punctuation

10. Starter:
Using the images provided…
CORE: Identify 6
adjectives and adverbs
and verbs to describe
which could be used to
describe the images.
EXTENDED: Use empathy
to identify their key
emotions and feelings.
KILLER: What does these
ideas suggest about
experiences of war.

11. The Trenches
 Watch this clip and make
notes on what it was like
‘going over the top’ and
living in the trenches.
 Concentrate on:
 Sights
 Sounds
 Smells
 Emotions
…the details of life in the
trenches.
Clip is from ‘The Trench’ (end sequence)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KzqzI
R8x4U

12. Feedback:
Sights Sounds
Smells Emotions

13. You will also have to include a gas
attack in your narration…
 With mustard gas the effects
did not become apparent for
up to twelve hours. But then it
began to rot the body, within
and without.
 The skin blistered, the eyes
became extremely painful and
nausea and vomiting began.
 Worse, the gas attacked the
bronchial tubes, stripping off
the tissue.
 The pain was almost beyond
endurance and most victims
had to be strapped to their
beds.
 Death took up to four or five
weeks.

14. Private Peaceful
An example of writing:
We were lulled by the blue skies perhaps, or by sheer boredom. Fritz seemed to
have gone to sleep on us and as far as we were concerned that suited us fine.
We thought we could go to sleep too. The awakening came suddenly. "Gas!
Gas!“
The cry goes up and is echoed all along the trench. For a moment we are frozen
with panic. We have trained for this time and again, but nonetheless we fumble
clumsily, feverishly with our gas masks.
We're on the firestep looking out into no-man's-land, and we see it rolling
towards us, this dreaded killer cloud we have heard so much about but have
never seen for ourselves until now. Its deadly tendrils are searching ahead,
feeling their way forward in long yellow wisps, scenting me, searching for me.
Then finding me out, the gas turns and drifts straight for me. I'm shouting inside
my gas mask. "Christ! Christ!" Still the gas comes on, through our wire,
swallowing everything in its path.
I hear again in my head the instructor's voice, see him shouting at me through
his mask when we went out on our last exercise. "You're panicking in there,
Peaceful. A gas mask is like God, son. It'll work bloody miracles for you, but
you've got to believe in it." But I don't believe in it! I don't believe in miracles.
What is the gas
like? (Challenge:
can you spot
where
personification
has been used?)
How does the
soldier feel
during the
attack?
(Challenge: pick
out a quotation
to prove this)
What techniques
are used to build
tension?

15. 1. Sludge
2. Fatigue
3. Floundering
4. Writhing
5. Obscene
6. Zest
All of you should be able to match the word to its meaning?.
(denotation)
Some of you should be able to write down the associations with
the word (connotation)
Disgusting, offensive
Twist your body in pain
Struggle to stand up
Enjoyment
Thick mud
Completely exhausted

16. Stop and check Starter…
Name the word class or device used
1. Bent double, like old beggars under sacks.
2. Under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
3. Drunk with fatigue.
4. Haunting flares.
5. Clumsy helmets
6. Coughing like hags.
7. But limped on.
8. He plunges before me, guttering, choking….
9. Thick green light.
10. Knock-kneed
11. Men marched asleep
12. Tired outstripped five nines
Challenge: What is the
effect of these
descriptions?

17. DID YOU GET THEM ALL RIGHT?
1. Sludge
2. Fatigue
3. Floundering
4. Writhing
5. Obscene
6. Zest
A. Thick mud
B. Completely exhausted
C. Struggle to stand up
D. Twist your body in
pain
E. Disgusting, offensive
F. Enjoyment

18. Life on the front line:
Consolidation
Write a paragraph from the
perspective of a soldier in a gas
attack. Write his thoughts and
feelings.
CORE: All of you should include
references to his thoughts and feelings.
EXTENDED: Most of you should be able
to include the six words given.
KILLER: Some of you may be able to
develop on the connotations of the
words in your description.

19. Mini-Plenary:
Write your best line or image on a post-it!

20. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB4cdRgIcB8n
As we read through the poem underline any words
you do not understand.

21. Looking at the poem for ideas…

22. Will(fred) you Ow(e)n this poem?
Line from the poem Key ideas expressed My descriptive ideas
Bent double, like old beggars
under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like
hags, we cursed through
sludge.
The men are exhausted,
physically broken. They look
much older than they really
are. They are ill and slow.
I slowly and painfully
dragged my broken stem
through the treacle slowly
sapping what little remaining
strength I had.

23. Homework: Speaking and Listening
• You will need to decide on a
topic.
• It must be something that
you can talk confidently and
interestingly on for 6 minutes
• You will need to be able to
answer questions on the
topic as well.
• You will be allowed some
brief notes.
• You need to decide on the
topic, and start your research
on it. Bring in the research
next Thursday 25th
September 2014

24. Plenary :
Which image would you use to summarise the poem?
Explain your answer using a quote from the
poem.

25. Read the student’s example of a letter from the
trenches.
CORE: All of you should read the letter and In green
pen correct their mistakes.
EXTENDED: most of you should identify some
successful techniques used
KILLER: Can you suggest one descriptive alteration
which would improve the student’s attainment

26. The TASK
You are a soldier in WW1 who has just survived
a gas attack. Write a letter home in which you
describe your experiences. You should include
the following:
• Details about daily life in the trenches
• Atmosphere and feelings
• Setting
• The experience of the Gas attack and the
aftermath

27. Writing to describe – a diary entry
You are now each going to use the information
on your grid, to write a description under the
heading Life in the Trenches. You should write
this as a diary entry in the first person (ie I am
cold and hungry all the time…… )
You should use your targets from last lesson
(written in your book) as a starting point.
There is also a sheet with the success criteria for
you to use as a guide.

28. July 20, 1918
My own beloved wife,
I do not know how to start this letter. The circumstances are different from any under which I ever wrote
before. I am not to post it but will leave it in my pocket, if anything happens to me someone will perhaps post
it. We are going over the top this afternoon and only God in Heaven knows who will come out of it alive.
I am in his hands and whatever happens I will look to him in this world and the world to come. If I am called
my regret is that I leave you and my bairns. I go to him with your dear face the last vision on earth I shall see
and your name upon my lips, you the best of women. You will look after by Darling Bairns for me and tell them
how their daddy died.
'God in Heaven knows who will come out of it alive'
Oh! How I love you all and as I sit here waiting I wonder what you are doing at home. I must not do that. It is
hard enough sitting waiting. We may move at any minute. When this reaches you for me there will be no more
war, only eternal peace and waiting for you.
It is a legacy of struggle for you but God will look after you and we shall meet again when there will be no more
parting. I am to write no more sweetheart... Kiss the Bairns for me once more. I dare not think of them my
Darlings.
Goodbye, you best of women and best of wives, my beloved sweetheart. May God in his mercy look over you
and bless you all... May he in that same mercy preserve me today. Eternal love from
Yours for evermore
Jim x

29. Planning your own letter
Now over to you…
In your books you are going to
plan the layout and content of
your letter.
You need to cover the elements
of the task:
• Details about daily life in the
trenches
• Atmosphere and feelings
• Setting
• The experience of the Gas
attack and the aftermath
Need some help?
There’s a more structured
guidance sheet for you which
breaks it down into
paragraphs.

30. Starter:
What’s the word?

31. Introduction:
Striving for Band One
Band One: Confident, Accurate and Stylistic writing
W1: describe and reflect effectively upon experience, give detail and
analyse thoughtfully what is felt and imagined.
W2: Confident with paragraphing and uses logical order in writing with
each stage in the narrative carefully linked to the next. Confident in
experimenting where appropriate in the structure of expressive writing.
W3: Assured writing which uses a wide range of effective vocabulary
W4: write to suit the audience and context, using varied, well-
constructed sentences.
W5 Candidates write accurately. They use punctuation and grammatical
structures to define shades of meaning. They spell simple, complex and
technical words with precision.

32. Has this person reached band one?
Hi Jane,
Sorry I have’nt wrote for a
while, its been a very hectic
few days here. I hope you are
keeping well, I think about
you and the children often
and wander what you are
doing. I miss you all deeply
and cannot wait for the day
we are reunited. That thought
is what keeps me going through
these dark and dangerous days.
I will tell you about the recent
goings on in the trenches…
All of you must be able to spot
the spelling and punctuation
mistakes in the letter.
Most of you should be able to
introduce some structure by
considering where the
paragraphs should go.
Some of you should be able to
spot the effective vocabulary
which should receive credit.

33. Task:
You have no more than 20 minutes and must
complete one of the tasks below:
If you wrote your
diary/letter last lesson
Take a different coloured
pen or pencil (DO NOT use
green or read)
Use the check list at the
bottom of your plan sheet
to ensure you have
corrected your own spelling,
punctuation, grammar and
structure.
there
// their
If you joined us a
little later last lesson,
and wrote some of
your diary/letter
You can use these 20
minutes to finish up
your diary, being
careful to check for
spelling, punctuation,
grammar and
structure
If you did not do your
letter last lesson.
You can use these 20
minutes to start
structuring your
answer, and thinking
about your
vocabulary using the
plan sheet and the
success criteria at the
bottom of the page
for guidance.

34. Success Criteria checklist.
Tick which ones you have used. EVERYONE needs to re-read their work to
check it flows well and that there are no unnecessary mistakes.
I have used:
1. Correct punctuation
2. Paragraphs which are varied for effect
3. Sensory description -Think about sights, sounds, smells, and feelings.
4. Varied vocabulary – us e a Thesaurus to help.
5. A variety of different sentence types for impact.
6. Adjectives.
7. Verbs.
8. Similes.
9. Metaphors.
10. Alliteration.
11. Personification.
12. Varied Punctuation for effect.
Challenge: Can you use the connotations of the words you choose to develop your
narrative.

35. Stop, Check and Think…
To ensure I achieve band one, I am already…
However I still need to work on…