This is a scary time. Everyone you know, knows at least one person who has gotten downsized and new jobs are scarce. People are scared to start businesses and they’re scared to invest in their existing businesses right now. Part of it is that in an economy like this, people allow their fears to control their choices. My Grandmother told me to be like Winston Churchill and to NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP
WE Allow FEAR to stop us from INOVATING, CREATING AND ACCOMPLISHING GREATNESS F.E.A.R. acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real
#3 Main Points #1 It’s Normal to Be Afraid #2 You can change your mind #3 The controlled fall
It’s easy to be afraid of this picture Fear is normal But in business and life we are afraid of things we cannot see the outcome. We are afraid of things that we only imagine. Hold us back from success We believe the EMOTIONS OF FEAR
Research shows 5 reasons we have fear in BUSNINESS AND LIFE
Parent’s and school SHAPED us to believe that FAILURE is BAD. Told to never tell others that we have failed. Afraid of trial Too afraid of experiencing the mistake and looking foolish. Trial and error to solving life and work problems. What if scenarios? STORY: COLLEGE INSECURE COLLEGE STUDENT WANTED A GIRL FRIEND, SHORT IN STATURE NEVER ASKED BEFORE HE SAID “WHAT IF I FAIL AND SHE SAY’S NO?” BEN’S MOTORCYCLE STORY: HEAD OVER HEALS AND CRASHED 11-YEARS-OLD SCRAPPED UP SCARED “ I CAN NEVER RIDE A MOTORCYCLE AGAIN” Better to make mistakes when WE ARE YOUNG Of At the beginning of any new venture in business. LEARN FROM MISTAKES Benny Morris: &quot;I can choose to let my adversities to defeat me or define me.&quot; To be successful is to embrace our mistakes. Turning lemons into lemonade.
Fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act. Over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good. Must act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function to expectations of others. Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. What if I’m not like everyone else? CANNOT EAT ALONE MANY PEOPLE, BOTH YOUNG AND OLD FEAR OF GOING TO A RESTAURANT ALONE. WHAT IF PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND THINK I’M A LOOSER BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A FRIEND EVERYONE IS STARING AT ME WHAT IF EVERYONE DOESN’T LIKE ME Impact Education Career direction Work Achievement level Interpersonal Marital relationships Family Community life Leisure time
I’m inadequate? FEELING DISCONNECTED, SUCH AS DRY AND CRACKED FOUNDATION. I’m not good enough. STORY: WHY TRY, I’M GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY; I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH DON’T WANT TO TRY ON A NEW BUSINESS VENTURE BECAUSE I’VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE AND I DON’T WANT TO LET ANYONE DOWN OR FAIL. Fear of being worthless? Keep you from experiencing some of the most beautiful things in life Stop advancement in career. Missing adventures Closer marriage? Friendships? Connection to your children? Business connections and advancement
Fear of Unknown? Stops us from taking control of our lives. Keeps us average No RISK or INOVATION Flutter in your stomach, tension chest, Discomfort when you get close to the edge of familiarity Warning in your head. OH NO, “WHAT IF” Something bad happens Look out for worst thing that could happen. Freezes decision making Winston Churchill said: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Negative subconscious beliefs about our lives Change has both positive and negative consequences. “ IF I’m successful then people/family won’t like me.” Vulnerable to new situations. Exposure to weaknesses and force people to deal with their flaws. Increased challenges and responsibilities – and that can be threatening. Don’t know if they can live up to their achievements. They don’t think they’re good enough or smart enough. They're afraid they don't have what it takes to rise to the challenge Don't know if they can sustain their success. Middle aged man who was wealthy. He had much guilt for his money and so he sabotaged it. He did this due to his father telling him that “rich people steal from others to be rich.” OUR BELIEFS CREATE OUR OUTCOMES.
We all have our insane moments, but we need to look beyond them Relationships Fighting with spouse and kids Conflict at work Career Advancement Dan’s Story Waco, Texas First day at work, talk to nurse, Dan came out of room and sat in front of a wall. Stood up and “WHAM” hit wall and then sat down. Did it again WHAM hit the wall and sat down. Nurse, Dan will get his med’s and in 45 minutes talk to him and he’ll tell you why? Dan: I’m going to show all you SOB’s that I can walk through that wall. Dan was very mentally ill, but the story has to do with our own insanity How we try and force ourselves to do things that do not work. I like the statement “RESULTS DON’T LIE” Look at your results and then find another path around the wall.
Being victim to the problems from our past “ I’m broken and I can’t fix myself” First day of every winter, Client comes in my office angry that it is snowing. Choice to be angry or excited about the change of season and skiing LOOK FOR THE GIFT THAT EVERY PROBLEM OFFERS
“ Chatterbox” Negative statements that we say over and over Shaped to repeat negative beliefs over and over Cause DOUBT our Ability to succeed Drives the BIG 5 fear factors. STOP THE NEGATIVE CHATTERBOX
“ FIGHT OR FLIGHT response&quot; is our body's primitive AND automatic response that prepares the body to &quot;fight&quot; or &quot;flee&quot; from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival. MODERN LIFE = DANGER NOT REAL Helpful if we are in the woods and a bear is approaching. But when we have fight or flight reactions in business and life, it is not rational. IT IS JUST EMOTIONAL. Stop and think about choices
INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION MY GRANDPARENT’S
BEST NEWS EVER We can control our CHATTERBOX of how we feel based on HOW WE THINK…
3 main points #1 It’s Normal to be Afraid #2 YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND #3 The Controlled Fall
CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS through disputing your negative chatter. THOUGHTS daily affirmations of what you want to accomplish FEELINGS/EMOTIONS by changing your thoughts BEHAVIOR AND ACTIONS dispute and turn around statements 3 x per day Practice, Practice, Practice X 3 weeks shows new feelings and behavior NEW DIRECTION
Biggest Challenge is to Dream Big enough! ENVISION –WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO? Close your eyes and envision where you want to go in your life? What is the biggest and best scenario that you want to fulfill with your finances, free-time, children, spouse, or future relationship etc.? What does it look like. Make it crystal clear and specific. Dream it, Feel it, and then listen to your mind create it. Follow your thoughts of what to do next without giving into the negative Chatterbox. 23-year-old woman asking me “what do I do with my life?” When all you get are bills in the mail, don’t go negative. Go Affirmative: Money is coming my way! Negative creates fear that stops you. Positive creates motivation and new AWARENESS OF OPPORTUNITY AWARENESS IS 70% OF THE GAME OF LIFE. THE MORE OPPORTUNITIES YOU ARE AWARE OF THE GREATER CHANCES OF SUCCESS!
WE LIVE IN THE BEST OF TIMES – BRAIN NEUROPLACISITY CHANGING NEURON CONNECTIONS IN THE BRAIN POSITIVE PROCLAMATIONS : “NEURONS THAT FIRE TOGETHER WIRE TOGETHER. NEURONS THAT FIRE APPART WIRE APPART” Feelings are CHEMICALS (peptides) released from the hypothalamus to receptors in cells stomach, chest, and throat. AS we use ACTIVE/DIRECTIVE/FOCUSED ( POSITIVE PROCLAMATIONS ) thoughts in our daily review of disputes and turn around statements, our brain releases peptides that create okay to good feelings. 3 X per day for 3 weeks = change of neuro-network. Creates feelings of calm and confidence. = Motivation toward new vision.
POSITIVE PROCLMATIONS FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS THAT DISTURB YOU 50-100 X OUTLOUD, 3 X PER DAY, FOR 3 WEEKS. I can’t stand any pain, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, or depression! I don’t like it that’s okay, I can stand it anyway. TRY IT! I should be liked or loved by everyone all the time! I'm okay, I cannot be liked or loved by everyone all the time. I must be perfect in all aspects to be worthwhile. I t’s okay not to be everything to everyone all the time. Life should be fair and the way I like it! It’s okay, life’s not fair, I can stand it. It’s awful and terrible when things aren’t the way I want them! Life’s an adventure and I can stand it. What happens to me causes how I feel and I can’t stand it! My thoughts create how I feel. I can stand what happens to me. I should look good all the time to be worthwhile! I love myself for who I am and where I am at.
Think of wonderful event in your life. Now, take a belief you don’t think you can accomplish and place that thought on the positive thinking and hold it. Focus on how the good feeling over rides the sad feeling. Stay focused in the positive emotion with from the negative event. This is a HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TOOL.
What you see is where you go. Reminders of your goals. When we don’t do this we loose track of what we want. Otherwise the white-noise of our lives will take us off track.
Using a digital voice recorder, RECORD YOUR BRAIN PLASTICITY STATEMENTS, REPEAT OUTLOUD WITH THE RECORDING PLASTICITY TAKES PLACE QUICKER AND MORE EFFECTIVLY If you FEEL like you are Lying to yourself, then you are on track. You are re-wiring neuro-connections, no chemical payoff, but as re-wiring takes place, you will feel significantly better. Keep a success journal and read it often.
10% Club write down their goals. 1% Club circle the goals they want to accomplish first. Story: I don’t know what my goals are? Jack Canfield stated: If you don’t know what your goals are, play the goal game. 2 people. One asks “What do you want?” The other reply’s. “I want…” Write down 100 wants with 33 from Career, 33 with Money and 33 from Relationships. Take the top 5 of each of these categories and place pictures on your vision board, review them daily in your calendar, (Dry-erase marker on the corner of your mirror.) Morning, Noon and Night to dream about them. Rapid way to increase your AWARENESS OF POSSIBILITIES TO FIND YOUR DREAMS! .
3 Main Points It’s Normal to be Afraid You Can Change Your Mind THE CONTROLLED FALL The Controlled Fall Branches Rocks Mist Take risk to learn how to fly and find a safe place to land.
Winds of change push us off the edge Many of us want to hang on to the dead tree Stop holding on to dead dreams, hopes, aspirations, directions etc. Let go and take a running jump. Faith and belief in yourself that you will be okay. You will!
C + R = O Circumstance + Response or Reaction creates an Outcome
Lean into your fear and don’t let it control you. FEAR CREATES PARYLIZATION What are we afraid of: New job or product Not performing well for our boss Our boss calls us into their office Don’t cave into the Feelings You are addicted to the feels of bad or negative. Brain Plasticity, it's PROVEN, IT WORKS, AND NOW IT’S UP TO YOU! The outside world and the changes in it do not create the feelings you have. Your thoughts create your feelings –thoughts – beliefs – actions. Life is an Opportunity vs. Missed Opportunity
absolutely right or absolutely wrong. Fear-based reactions such as anxiety, panic, hysteria and sometimes paranoia. PUSH INTO YOUR FEARS Reverse Paranoid What’s the worst that can happen What are the new opportunities of this situation I can stand anything that happens to me I’m empowered to overcome any obstacle At first, Brain Plasticity FEELS like you are lying to yourself. Keep going, don’t cave into the feelings 50-100 X OUTLOUD, 3 X PER DAY, FOR 3 WEEKS. Brain will develop a new habit and you will feel good to great!
100% responsibility, belief that you can do it, overcome doubt, faith that you can do it. Push through it. Don’t give up. Your brain will respond. Take the tough road. It’s hard at first, but much easier in the end. DO IT!
Never, Never give up, ever!
Face Your Fear
Idaho State University Workforce Training Face Your Fears Presented by: Kristopher L. Walton Author of: Navigating Your Mind: Achieve a Life of Peace, Joy and Happiness (anticipated publishing date: Winter 2011) Psychotherapist, Keynote Speaking, Workshops and Coaching Cell: 208-403-3597 NavigatingYourMind.com
Face Your F.E.A.R. <ul><li>F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal </li></ul><ul><li>Forget Everything and Run (polite version) </li></ul><ul><li>False Emotions Appearing Real </li></ul><ul><li>Future Events Appearing Real </li></ul><ul><li>Forgetting Everything is All Right </li></ul><ul><li>False Expectations About Reality </li></ul><ul><li>Foolishly Erasing All Reasoning </li></ul><ul><li>(acronymattic.com) </li></ul>
3 MAIN POINTS IT’S NORMAL TO BE AFRAID YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND THE CONTROLLED FALL
Brain Neuroplasicity “ What Fires Together, Wires Together” <ul><li>Create a New Vision </li></ul><ul><li>Present Tense </li></ul><ul><li>Stop Negative Chatter </li></ul><ul><li>Active/Directive/Focused thoughts </li></ul><ul><li>MINDFULNESS </li></ul><ul><li>COMPASSION </li></ul><ul><li>POSITIVE </li></ul><ul><li>PROCLAMATIONS </li></ul>
POSITIVE PROCLAMATIONS 3 x per day for 3 weeks <ul><li>I can’t stand any pain, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, or depression! </li></ul><ul><li>I DON’T LIKE IT. THAT’S OKAY. I CAN STAND IT ANYWAY. </li></ul><ul><li>I MUST be liked or loved by everyone all the time! </li></ul><ul><li>I CANNOT BE LIKED OR LOVED BY EVERYONE ALL THE TIME. </li></ul><ul><li>I must be perfect in all aspects to be worthwhile. </li></ul><ul><li>I T’S OKAY NOT TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME. </li></ul><ul><li>Life should be fair and the way I like it! </li></ul><ul><li>IT’S OKAY, LIFE’S NOT FAIR, I CAN STAND IT. </li></ul><ul><li>It’s awful and terrible when things aren’t the way I want them! </li></ul><ul><li>LIFE’S AN ADVENTURE AND I CAN STAND IT. </li></ul><ul><li>What happens to me causes how I feel and I can’t stand it! </li></ul><ul><li>MY THOUGHTS CREATE HOW I FEEL. I CAN STAND WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. </li></ul><ul><li>I should look good all the time to be worthwhile! </li></ul><ul><li>I LOVE MYSELF FOR WHO I AM AND WHERE I AM AT. </li></ul>
<ul><li>Choice Points </li></ul><ul><li>Black (always wrong) vs. White (always right) </li></ul>Stop “Doing” Life Based in FEAR!
“ Create” Your Life in New Opportunity and Adventure <ul><li>Thought based in New Opportunity and Adventure </li></ul><ul><li>Option A vs. Option B </li></ul><ul><li>Options C, D, E… vs. Options F, G, H… </li></ul>
<ul><li>100% responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>No Excuses </li></ul><ul><li>Do It </li></ul>
<ul><li>NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP </li></ul><ul><li>(Winston Churchill) </li></ul>
<ul><li>3 MAIN POINTS IT’S NORMAL TO BE AFRAID YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND THE CONTROLLED FALL </li></ul>
Assaraf, J, & Smith M. The Answer. Grow Any Business, Achieve Begley, Sharon, Train Your Mind Change Your Brain (2007) Financial Freedom, and Live and Extraordinary Life (2008). Canfield, J. with Switzer, J. The Success Principles. How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be (2005). Cooper, Robert K. The Other 90%. Three Rivers Press (2001). Ellis, A. Institute, Bernard, M. W. and Wolfe, J.L. Editors. The Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy Resource Book for Practitioners (2000). Fullan, Michael. Leading in a Culture of Change. Jossey Bass (2003). Maxwell, John C. Developing the Leader Within You. Nelson Business (2005). Schwartz, J.M., S. Begley. The Mind & The Brain. Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force (2002). Fear Acronyms by acronymattic.com Bibliography
<ul><li>Kristopher L. Walton </li></ul><ul><li>2775 Channing Way </li></ul><ul><li>Idaho Falls, Idaho 83404 </li></ul><ul><li>(208) 403-3597 </li></ul><ul><li>NavigatingYourMind.com </li></ul><ul><li>Psychotherapist, Author and Keynote Speaker </li></ul><ul><li>[email_address] </li></ul>