Most of us define ourselves based on losses that have happened to us or mistakes we have made. We don’t know how to overcome these problems and change our perspective to create our lives for the better. Often, we don’t know what to do with those problems or our situation.
Alex’ story: 16-years-old “ I’m a man now. I’m not going to listen to your expectations. I want to figure it out on my own.” Wow, Ok. I’m glad you told me… Dinner and NO conversation. End of dinner, Alex says to me “I want to show you something.” Alex’ phone “I took a picture of that stuff you had on your white board.” That was genius. Where did you copy it?” Today, I’m presenting to you part of the “GENIUS” that I have been working on for the past 20-years of my life. Time tested techniques to overcome fear and create your life to be what you want it to be.
Allowing fear to stop them from accomplishing, creating or innovating. False Evidence Appearing Real
#3 Main Points It’s Normal to Be Afraid You can change your mind The controlled fall
Fear is normal It’s easy to be afraid of this picture But in business and life we are afraid of things we cannot see.
Research shows 5 reasons we have fear in life and/or business.
SHAPED to believe that FAILURE is BAD. Told to never tell others that we have failed. Better to make mistakes when young. Trial and error to solving life and work problems. Afraid of trial too afraid of experiencing the mistake and looking foolish. To be successful is to embrace our mistakes. Turning lemons into lemonade.
Fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act. Over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good. Must act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function to expectations of others. Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. Impact Education Career direction Work Achievement level Interpersonal Marital relationships Family Community life Leisure time
I’m inadequate? FEELING Disconnected, such as dry and cracked foundation. I’m not good enough. Fear of being worthless? Keep you from experiencing some of the most beautiful things in life Stop advancement in career. Missing adventures Closer marriage? Friendships? Connection to your children? Business connections and advancement
Stops us from taking control of our lives. Keeps us average No RISK or INOVATION Flutter in your stomach, tension chest, Discomfort when you get close to the edge of familiarity Warning in your head. OH NO, “WHAT IF” Something bad happens Look out for worst thing that could happen. Freezes decision making
Negative subconscious beliefs about our lives Change has both positive and negative consequences. “ IF I’m successful then people/family won’t like me.” Vulnerable to new situations. Exposure to weaknesses and force people to deal with their flaws. Increased challenges and responsibilities – and that can be threatening. Don’t know if they can live up to their achievements. They don’t think they’re good enough or smart enough. They're afraid they don't have what it takes to rise to the challenge Don't know if they can sustain their success.
We all have our insane moments, but we need to look beyond them Relationships Fighting with spouse and kids Conflict at work Career Advancement Dan’s Story Waco, Texas First day at work, talk to nurse, Dan came out of room and sat in front of a wall. Stood up and “WHAM” hit wall and then sat down. Did it again WHAM hit the wall and sat down. Nurse, Dan will get his med’s and in 45 minutes talk to him and he’ll tell you why? Dan: I’m going to show all you SOB’s that I can walk through that wall. Dan was very mentally ill, but the story has to do with our own insanity How we try and force ourselves to do things that do not work. I like the statement “RESULTS DON’T LIE” Look at your results and then find another path around the wall.
Being victim to the problems from our past “ I’m broken and I can’t fix myself” First day of every winter, Client comes in my office angry that it is snowing. Choice to be angry or excited about the change of season and skiing LOOK FOR THE GIFT THAT EVERY PROBLEM OFFERS
Negative statements that we say over and over Shaped to repeat negative beliefs over and over DOUBT our Ability Fear
“ FIGHT OR FLIGHT response&quot; is our body's primitive , automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to &quot;fight&quot; or &quot;flee&quot; from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival. MODERN LIFE = DANGER NOT REAL Similar Biological Reaction Stop and think about choices
We can control how we feel based on how we think…
3 main points YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND
CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS through disputing your negative chatter. THOUGHTS daily affirmations of what you want to accomplish FEELINGS/EMOTIONS by changing your thoughts BEHAVIOR AND ACTIONS dispute and turn around statements 3 x per day Practice, Practice, Practice X 6 weeks shows new feelings and behavior NEW DIRECTION
Feelings are CHEMICALS (peptides) released from the hypothalamus to receptors in cells stomach, chest, and throat. AS we use ACTIVE/DIRECTIVE thoughts in our daily review of disputes and turn around statements, our brain releases peptides that create okay to good feelings. 6-weeks = change of neuro-network Change in neuro-network inside your brain
I must be liked and loved by everyone all the time I cannot be liked or loved by everyone all the time I must be perfect in all respects to be worthwhile. I can’t be everything to everyone all the time. Life must be perfect in order for me to be worthwhile. I love myself for who I am and where I’m at. I can’t stand it! I don’t like it, that’s okay. I can stand it anyway. Life must be perfect! I can stand it when life doesn’t go the way I very much want it to. My past makes me feel worthless and hopeless. My past doesn’t make up myself. I am okay for who I am and where I’m at. I can always improve. I will never be happy or okay. I have peace in my mind, joy in my heart and happiness in my family and my life. Handout
Think of wonderful event in your life. Now, take a belief you don’t think you can accomplish and place that thought on the positive thinking and hold it. Focus on how the good feeling over rides the sad feeling.
What you see is where you go. Reminders of your goals. When we don’t do this we loose track of what we want. Otherwise the white-noise of our lives will take us off track.
Using a digital voice recorder, tell yourself the affirmations and goals that you have. How you need to behave for the most success. Keep a success journal and read it often.
10% Club write down their goals. 1% Club circle the goals they want to accomplish first.
The Controlled Fall Branches Rocks Mist Take risk to learn how to fly and find a safe place to land.
Winds of change push us off the edge Many of us want to hang on to the dead tree Stop holding on to dead dreams, hopes, aspirations, directions etc. Let go and take a running jump. Faith and belief in yourself that you will be okay. You will!
Lean into your fear and don’t let it control you. FEAR CREATES PARYLIZATION What are we afraid of: New job or product Not performing well for our boss Our boss calls us into their office Change your irrational thinking into rational. The outside world and the changes in it do not create the feelings you have. Your thoughts create your feelings –thoughts – beliefs – actions. Life is an Opportunity vs. Missed Opportunity
absolutely right or absolutely wrong. Fear-based reactions such as anxiety, panic, hysteria and sometimes paranoia. PUSH INTO YOUR FEARS Reverse Paranoid What’s the worst that can happen What are the new opportunities of this situation I can stand anything that happens to me I’m empowered to overcome any obstacle
100% responsibility, belief that you can do it, overcome doubt, faith that you can do it. Push through it. Take the tough road. It’s hard at first, but much easier in the end. DO IT!
Never give up, ever!
Don’t take the victim stance with blaming of self, others, situations etc.
C + R = O Circumstance + Response or Reaction = Outcome
Why are you here?
Go where you want to go by being on purpose. Use your imagination to create your life for what you want. Don’t listen to those who tell you to stop using your imagination.
Family, Connection trust to other safety to others Honest Respect empathy Give to others what you want from them. Be kind.
Focus on peace of mind, joy in your heart and happiness in your life GRATITUDE and thanks to yourself and to others. When you can’t sleep, focus on gratitude
Face Your Fear for Success
Face Your Fear for Success in Business and Life
Face Your F.E.A.R. <ul><li>F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal </li></ul><ul><li>Forget Everything and Run (polite version) </li></ul><ul><li>False Emotions Appearing Real </li></ul><ul><li>Future Events Appearing Real </li></ul><ul><li>Forgetting Everything is All Right </li></ul><ul><li>False Expectations About Reality </li></ul><ul><li>False Expectations Appearing Real </li></ul><ul><li>Foolishly Erasing All Reasoning </li></ul><ul><li>(acronymattic.com) </li></ul>
3 MAIN POINTS IT’S NORMAL TO BE AFRAID YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND THE CONTROLLED FALL
<ul><li>Choice Points </li></ul><ul><li>Black (always wrong) vs. White (always right) </li></ul>Stop “Doing” Life Based in FEAR!
“ Create” Your Life in New Opportunity and Adventure <ul><li>Thought based in New Opportunity and Adventure </li></ul><ul><li>Option A vs. Option B </li></ul><ul><li>Options C, D, E… vs. Options F, G, H… </li></ul>
<ul><li>100% responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>No Excuses </li></ul><ul><li>Do It </li></ul>
<ul><li>Focus on what brings you </li></ul><ul><li>peace, joy and happiness? </li></ul>
<ul><li>Focus on </li></ul><ul><li>what brings </li></ul><ul><li>the most </li></ul><ul><li>Happiness </li></ul><ul><li>to your </li></ul><ul><li>life? </li></ul>
<ul><li>3 MAIN POINTS IT’S NORMAL TO BE AFRAID YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND THE CONTROLLED FALL </li></ul>
Assaraf, J, M. Smith. The Answer. Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live and Extraordinary Life (2008). Canfield, J. with Switzer, J. The Success Principles. How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be (2005). Cooper, Robert K. The Other 90%. Three Rivers Press (2001). Ellis, A. Institute, Bernard, M. W. and Wolfe, J.L. Editors. The Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy Resource Book for Practitioners (2000). Fullan, Michael. Leading in a Culture of Change. Jossey Bass (2003). Maxwell, John C. Developing the Leader Within You. Nelson Business (2005). Schwartz, J.M., S. Begley. The Mind & The Brain. Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force (2002). Fear Acronyms by acronymattic.com Bibliography
<ul><li>Kristopher L. Walton, MSW, LCSW </li></ul><ul><li>2775 Channing Way </li></ul><ul><li>Idaho Falls, Idaho 83404 </li></ul><ul><li>(208) 403-3597 </li></ul><ul><li>Workshops, Coaching, Training, Keynote Speaking, Adolescent/Adult Therapy </li></ul><ul><li>Author: </li></ul><ul><li>Navigating Your Mind: Achieving a Life of Peace, Joy </li></ul><ul><li>and Happiness (anticipated publish date summer 2010) </li></ul>