A presentation about The Christian Love, Courtship & Marriage.

1. Love, Courtship and Marriage
Produced by Simon Siew

2. 7 Stages in Boy-Girl Relationships
Produced by Simon Siew

3. Infancy-
babyhood
Boys and girls
interested only in
themselves
Produced by Simon Siew

4. Early Childhood
(before age 8)
Boys and girls
seek the
companionship of
other children,
regardless of sex
(i.e. not gender
conscious)
Produced by Simon Siew

5. About age 8
Boys prefer to play with boys, girls with girls
(i.e. gender conscious)
Produced by Simon Siew

6. Ages 10-12
Antagonism shown between the two sex groups
Produced by Simon Siew

7. Ages 13 to 14
Girls become
interested in
boys, try to
attract their
attention;
boys however are
aloof
Produced by Simon Siew

8. Ages 14 to 16
Boys also show interest in girls; some individuals
begin to pair off at this time
Produced by Simon Siew

9. Ages 16 to 17 onwards
Going out in
couples become
common. and is
considered to be
natural among
youth.
Produced by Simon Siew

10. Four stages of Love, Courtship & Marriage
seen through the analogy of shopping
• Friendship - window shopping,
scouting to see which to buy. Don’t limit
your friendship, do as many as possible,
and be friendly.
• Courtship – eagerly looking at the
product carefully to decide whether to
buy it or not. REMEMBER: See but
NO Touch!
• Engagement - putting a deposit for
the product which is signaling your
intention to buy.
• Marriage - buying the product, closing
the deal (no refund or return of product
allowed!)
Produced by Simon Siew

11. The four processes leading to marriage
Produced by Simon Siew
Friendship/
Relating
Courtship Engagement Marriage
Praying
Inquiring
Filtering
Relating as
a friend
Deepening
friendship
leading to
commitment
Announcement
of marriage
intention
leading to
greater focus
on each other.
Romance
begins here.
Entering
into a
lifelong
covenant of
loving each
other

12. • It is important to look ahead to
marriage even though it may still
be a long way off for many of us.
• This is because a happy
successful marriage does not
come easy as it involves careful
thinking and planning.
• Marriage does not just happen – it
takes effort, time, energy and
much prayer.
• Unless we make it known that we
are interested in getting married
and do something about it,
chances are that you will remain
single.
Looking ahead to
marriage
Produced by Simon Siew

13. Wrong reasons for marriage
• Pregnancy
• Rebellion
• Escape
• Physical attraction
• Social pressure
• Guilt
• Pity
• Infatuation
• Romance
Produced by Simon Siew

14. • It is falling in love at first sight, a
blind love which lacks realism.
• It tends to idolize the person and
sees only the attractive qualities
while overlooking the flaws.
• It is an emotional high which does
not last long as feelings have taken
over common sense.
• It hits suddenly and is an instant
love without any deep thought.
• Often fickle - person may be in love
with more than one person.
• It is a selfish kind of love which
cannot survive separation and
brings disapproval of family.
Marks of
infatuation
Produced by Simon Siew

15. • Infatuation is often marked by
the fact that the couple
always want to be alone and
they strive on heavy petting
and intimate contacts.
• When the physical intimacies
finally give way to sex, there
is nothing more for them to
experience (no more thrill)
and that usually is the
beginning of problems in their
relationship.
Infatuation and physical intimacies
Produced by Simon Siew

16. ‘PUPPY
LOVE’
LEADS
TO…
Produced by Simon Siew

17. A
DOG’S
LIFE!
Produced by Simon Siew

18. • Waits for the right time
and the right
circumstances.
• Has its roots in
friendship.
• Brings out the best in
you and the other
person.
• Has commitment and is
respectful of the other.
Produced by Simon Siew

19. • Develops slowly.
• Emphasis is on giving.
• Love wants what is best for
the other person.
• Love is willing to wait.
• Has a positive behavior and
is unselfish (selfless)
• Recognizes faults.
• Controls physical contact.
• Often brings approval of
family.
Marks of true love
Produced by Simon Siew

20. • It is natural to want someone
to love you and for you to
have someone you can love in
return (it doesn’t mean you
are desperate!).
• However you cannot make
someone love you as love is
always a choice and cannot be
forced upon a person.
• No matter how much you may
love a person, you cannot
change him/her to love you.
Produced by Simon Siew
What love cannot do

21. How do you know
whether the person
is the right person?
• You need to ask first whether
you are the right person.
• Seek someone with the same
faith and love for God.
• Check to see if your parents
approve of the person.
• Seek the counsel of godly
people for they often can offer
insights that you do not have.
• Do you feel peace and joy in
your heart from knowing that
person?
• If there is more than one
person to choose from, pray for
wisdom to decide on the best
match for you.
Produced by Simon Siew

22. Differentiating
between God’s will
and God’s wisdom
• God’s will is not hitting the bull’s
eye because God’s will is more
comprehensive than that.
• Some people believe that God’s
will is very specific e.g. that there
is ONLY one person whom He has
predestined for you to marry and
that marrying anyone else is
against His will.
• On the contrary, it is possible that
there may be more than one
person approved of God and you
will want His wisdom to decide on
the better choice/match. Produced by Simon Siew

23. Produced by Simon Siew
Seeking out those
approved of God
(within His will)
 Those approved of God
are those of the same faith
and love for Him and who
follows the Bible.
 2 Cor. 6:14,15 - Do not be
yoked together with
unbelievers….What does a
believer have in common with
an unbeliever?
 Someone who is a
Christian but who is already
married or has a lifestyle
contrary to God’s words
cannot be considered as one
approved of God.

24. Seeking God’s wisdom to decide the best
match among those approved of Him
Produced by Simon Siew
 After separating
those approved of God
from those who aren’t,
pray and seek after
God’s wisdom to
determine which among
those approved is the
best choice for you.
 This is where the
issue of compatibility
comes in.

25. How compatible are you with your friend?
How much does the 2 circles interlock as the friendship
progresses
Produced by Simon Siew
YOU YOUR
FRIEND

26. Hardly anything in common with each other
Not the best of choice
Produced by Simon Siew
YOU YOUR
FRIEND

27. A little bit in common with each other
Possibly a good choice but will have much
to work on in marriage
Produced by Simon Siew
YOU YOUR
FRIEND

28. Much in common with each other
Definitely a much better choice
Produced by Simon Siew
YOU
YOUR
FRIEND
The two have become soul mates

29. Areas of compatibility
• Spirituality – ardent
for God versus
complacent,
compromising
• Values – strong moral
values versus immoral
ones
Produced by Simon Siew

30. Areas of compatibility
• Personality –
introvert versus
extrovert
• Tastes – sophisticated
and refined versus
coarse and rough
disposition
Produced by Simon Siew

31. Areas of compatibility
• Intellectual level
– knowledgeable and
well read versus
simple
• World views –
parochial (narrow)
versus universal (wide)
Produced by Simon Siew

32. Areas of compatibility
• Interests
– Hobbies
– Games
– Sports
– Music
– Politics
Produced by Simon Siew

33. Areas of compatibility
• Future outlook –
what each other wants
for the future and the
directions of their lives
Produced by Simon Siew

34. • Approach to conflict
resolution
– Flaring up openly / embarrassing
each other in public
– Violent outburst
– Silent treatment / ignoring the
other
– Complaining through a third
party
– Expressing problems through
writing to each other
– Speaking openly to each other
truthfully and tactfully
Areas of compatibility
Produced by Simon Siew

35. What makes men and women attractive
• Like attracts unlike i.e. the feminine
and masculine appeal of both sexes.
• A man seeks to marry a woman and
NOT a man and vice versa.
• The draw of a woman more often
lies in her soft, gentle and kind
nature and demeanor than for her
looks (even those that is important
too).
• The draw of a man lies in his ability
to inspire confidence and to project
strength and security as well as
display wisdom. The warmth of his
personality helps too.
Produced by Simon Siew

36. • Create opportunities rather than
wait for things to happen (be
proactive). Take the initiative to
make new friends and have a wide
circle of friends.
• Learn to do self-introduction or ask
others to introduce you to friends
• Research - find out about the other
person through your friends.
• Look for opportunities when it
would be totally alright to be with
that person.
How do we make friends with the opposite sex
Produced by Simon Siew
• Be creative in the way you seek the person’s friendship so
that it won’t seem like you are wooing the person which can
be quite alarming for one who is not ready. E.g. Be of service
to the other.

37. • Person is stealing glances at you.
• Unusual number of ‘‘coincidental’
bumping into each other. Person likes
to be in your company.
• Person is extra helpful to you - always
volunteering to help you.
• Person starts sending letters or
emails, cards or gifts at every possible
occasion or is Texting SMS you
frequently.
• Person is asking your friend about
you.
• Person is asking you things which are
personal e.g. birthday, tel. numbers.
• Starts offering to pay for your food or
other expenses.
How do we know
the other person
like us?
Produced by Simon Siew

38. The four processes leading to marriage
Produced by Simon Siew
Friendship/
Relating
Courtship Engagement Marriage
Praying
Inquiring
Filtering
Relating as
a friend
Deepening
friendship
leading to
commitment
Announcement
of marriage
intention
leading to
greater focus
on each other.
Romance
begins here.
Entering
into a
lifelong
covenant of
loving each
other