A fresh look at how language facilitates self-discovery, making a difference, and exploring new ideas.

1. Leading Words
Linda Ferguson, NLP Canada Training

2. Do you ever wish you knew
the right thing to say?

3. Where do your words lead?
‣ It’s an awful feeling. You know that a person important to you is waiting for you to say
something meaningful. They are waiting for words that will make a difference. And you
haven’t got a clue what to say.
‣ There are things you wish you could unsay. Words that described a reality you did not want
to acknowledge and words that made a judgment that was wrong or unfair.
‣ There’s a voice in your head that always knows what to say. Some of what it says is mean.
The words that come to mind are telling you that you are unprepared, inadequate, vulnerable.
You know that you want to be strong and safe, but it’s hard to see how this voice is leading
you there.
It can be uncomfortable to think about the reasons you want to choose your words better. It
can be scary to think about how words can trigger chain reactions that lead to emotion, to
action, and to making or breaking relationships. It’s hard to admit that you are not always in
control of your most basic communication tool.
And. . .
When you begin to see where words lead, you begin to use words better.
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4. How to choose words that lead better
Imagine you woke up tomorrow morning and found that you had been changed overnight.
Suddenly, you knew where you wanted to lead and you knew the words that would you lead
you there.
‣ The words that appeared in your mind would communicate valuable information about your
identity, beliefs and capabilities
‣ The words you used to communicate would connect strongly to the knowledge, beliefs and
motivation of the people you wanted to influence
‣ You would be able to follow your words to explore new possibilities and build new creations
You would treat words like what they are: messages from your best self that call you to notice
things you might be missing and to transform reality to make it more satisfying. Your words
describe and define perceptions and connections that have been made in the back of your
mind, using the amazing processing power of your brain and mind.
You can’t have conscious access to all of your mind. You can let your words lead you to form
better goals and communicate them in more useful, more powerful ways.
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5. Where do words begin?

6. Words come from the unconscious
mind
The conscious mind is in a continuous loop with the unconscious processes that drive
perception and behaviour.
When we “think” consciously, words appear in our awareness and we decide how to move with
them, change them, or respond to them. Sometimes we argue with the voices in our heads and
sometimes we speak out loud to hear what they will say.
You may choose the words you say out loud but there is no way to consciously choose the
words that your internal voice provides. You can make choices about when to accept them and
when to insist on a better option.
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7. A quick review of how words work
‣ a word is a sign that is different than what it represents
‣ words stabilize perception so that it can be reviewed by the perceiver or communicated to others
‣ words work through connections - connections to stuff, connections to people, connections to other words
‣ words create choice by offering alternatives to what is present
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8. Words describe what we remember
Have you ever noticed how fast time moves? The summer is gone in a blur; a baby moves from
board books to boardrooms; the broken heart mends and it runs ahead. Experience, however
vivid, however determined we are to hold on, moves faster than our reach.
Words help. They help us remember the experiences that we thought we would remember
forever (but we soon pushed to the back of our minds). Words slow things down so we can pay
attention and they show us the connections between each new experience and other
experiences (sometimes our own, sometimes other people’s). When we give words to what we
are thinking and feeling, we improve the odds that it will be available in memory when we need
a building block or a push.
We don’t have to choose our words but we do have to make time to hear the words that appear
in our attention at moments we want to remember. These words become guideposts: when
they pop into our awareness again, we realize that a new experience is not as new as it feels.
Or we can call the words into awareness deliberately, so that they can lead us to ask better
questions about where we are now. Without words, it would be hard to ask great questions.
Words appear in our minds, sometimes as thoughts and sometimes as voice. As we hear our
words, we get to choose: are they stabilizing a reality or exploring an alternative? We get to
decide which words we will own and use again and which we will give a polite nod as they
move through the room and are forgotten. Words lead because we choose to follow them.
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9. Treat words like clues to your inner
self
You are the most fascinating territory you will ever discover. That’s how all of us are made. We
come with limited conscious awareness, a self that talks to us in our head and allows us to
recognize ourselves in a mirror. But that self is backed up by a huge storehouse of memories,
processes and possibilities. Some people talk about the spirit, some about the unconscious,
some about the amazing complexity of the human brain. All of them are describing the
experience of a different, more complicated, more wonderful awareness just outside our
conscious reach.
It’s this bigger version of you that supplies your self with words, with the endless patter in your
head and the exclamations that surprise you and the improbable moments of connection when
you are more articulate than you thought you could be. The more you try to shut it down, the
more noise this bigger you is likely to make. After all, your voice is coming from a you that is
much stronger and more flexible and more self-aware than the conscious you will ever be.
Let your voice lead into the uncharted territory of your unconscious mind. Whether you are
thinking, speaking or writing, pay attention to your words as if you would pay attention to clues
about what someone important would do next. The words you use are your first steps into the
bigger self that grows and processes outside your conscious awareness. You will never explore
all of it, but words help you make better guesses about who you are, what you value, and how
you will behave.
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10. Pay attention to your own words
‣ Ask good questions. Be curious about what words come to mind and where they want to take you. It’s easy
to leap to conclusions and blame yourself for mistakes. It’s more productive to ask yourself: “what good
could come from using these words now?”
‣ Find your rhythm. Words don’t work one sound at a time. They work because each word combines different
sounds and is, in turn, combined with other words with different sounds. Find the rhythm of your voice
(internal or external) and notice how that rhythm carries you towards some situations or actions and away
from others.
‣ Pick one word every day that comes into your awareness (whether you read it, hear it or say it). Take a few
moments and find out what makes it a useful focus for your attention.
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11. How do words make a
difference?

12. Why do you want to make a
difference?
There are two reasons to make change happen:
‣ you don’t like what is real at the moment and so are motivated to explore alternatives (you
want relief from pain)
‣ there is a difference between what you perceive and what you believe is possible (you want to
gain new benefits)
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13. How words drive behaviour
How can something as insubstantial as sound or as scribbles on a screen make change
happen? Words are not just one way that we make change: they are our primary tool for
making change happen.
Imagine leading change without any words. How would you point to something that didn’t exist
yet or to an experience in the distant past that is suddenly relevant again? Words allow us to
share our representations of the whole of our experience: past, present, and possibility.
We start by changing words and those changes lead to changes in what we want and what we
notice. When we notice different things, we behave differently. Words change our behaviour
because they change the meaning of what we have stored in our experience and what we pay
attention to in the present. What we know shifts and then behaviour shifts.
The best magic of all is that words allow someone else’s stored experiences to become the
building blocks of your possibilities. They offer an instruction set for reconstructing your
experiences in new ways so that they generate different attitudes and actions. Words make
choice possible: they represent reality as it could be and offer just enough space between
thought and action so that you can choose who to be and what to do.
Your use of words is much more complicated than you understand consciously (the more you
study, the more intricate your unconscious patterning becomes so you never catch up with
yourself). You cannot understand yourself but you can learn to trust the processes that allow
you to want good things and make them happen.
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14. Words create a useful gap
‣ words allow us to think about things that are not real and may never have been real or become real
‣ words describe the difference between what is and what could be. That difference drives behaviour
‣ changing the words changes the “what ifs” that are available in a given situation
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15. Reach a hand across the gap
Imagine that you are a guide, leading someone through the woods. Eventually, you come to a
gap, a chasm in rock that is just a little wider than can be crossed comfortably. To get to the
other side requires a jump. First you make the jump, and then you reach your hand back, to
make it easier for the next person to cross the gap.
This is how language guides. When you influence others with your words, you do three things:
‣ show them the gap between where they are and where they could go
‣ allow them to see that you can cross the gap
‣ extend support so they feel safe enough to make the leap.
Words do not change the world. Words change minds. They allow people to perceive different
possibilities and be motivated to make those possibilities real. Powerful words are words that
lead people into the desires that drive them to use will power, creativity and capability to make
a difference.
Consider a situation where you need to make an impact. What changes when you think of
helping people jump across a gap that scares them? People who are scared run or freeze.
Choose words that will calm that fear and build a bridge so that they can cross the gap one
small step at a time.
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16. Making a difference for others
‣ begin with words that describe the current reality as directly and accurately as possible. People need to
know that you understand where they are standing now.
‣ plant the other end of the bridge far into the future. People need the perception of time to open up
possibilities. When you move out into the future and describe another possibility, it is easier for people to
accept that there might be a way (however long and complicated) for them to get there from here
‣ recognize different ways that they are already taking tiny steps to cross the bridge. This means voicing
(saying in words) what you notice that shows you that they are capable of making the changes you are
leading.
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17. Plant a seed and let it grow
No one plants a seed expecting to dig it up weeks later and find it unchanged. You plant a seed
so that it will grow into something that looks quite different than the seed.
If words were things, they would be things like seeds. Their nature would require them to grow
into something that looked quite different than the word itself. This is the way words work. They
come into awareness and then are sent back into processing, where your brain connects them
with many different experiences, concepts and memories. You can think of the result as a web
or a network or a tree.
Words trigger responses and they also sit in our bigger selves and grow. The change they
generate can be completely disproportionate to the size of the word or the size of the situation
that called it out. You don’t have to take my word for this. Somewhere in your life is a word that
someone planted in you that is still growing, for better or for worse. You can notice it now.
Like seeds, words require conditions appropriate to their growth. Many disappear as thoroughly
as the bulbs the squirrels carry out of my garden. But some stick, and those begin to grow into
something that reflects their nature. If you want to plant words and have them stick, begin by
understanding the connections your words are most likely to make and the situations and
experiences that are most likely to encourage them to grow.
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18. How to plant a word
‣ tiny seeds grow. You don’t need a lot of words to influence change; you need a few words inserted at a
moment when the circumstances are right. When emotions are running high, choose one or two words that
will say what you want (not what you don’t want)
‣ seeds grow better when they are nourished. The suggestion you make with well chosen words can be
“watered” by repeating the suggestion in the same words whenever the situation makes that appropriate
‣ seeds grow better when they are protected. You protect words as seeds when you only use them to
support the strength you want to grow. Don’t use the same words ironically, critically or in a way that
undercuts what you want.
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19. Why you should play with
your words

20. The world is both outside and inside
Wherever you go, whatever adventures you pursue, the only knowledge you have of the world
outside you comes from the processing that happens inside you. This paradox explains why
every exploration of the outside world is also the creation of new experiences and possibilities
within you. To explore is to create a new story inside yourself. This is equally true whether you
are part of an expedition to a remote island or developing a theory that only a handful of expert
mathematicians will ever understand.
Knowing the world always involves knowing yourself differently. Creating an impact on the
world means moving between perception and imagination and action in a tight cycle. Words
take the perceptions of your inner world and give them external reality. They put concepts
outside where you can play with them.
Using words allows us to take objects, locations, ideas and feelings and put together new
models of how they might combine and relate. Gaining new words allows us to add new
elements to the model. Applying words we know to what we can observe (but don’t know yet)
also allows us to connect the elements of our experience in new ways.
When we explore through language, we direct our attention to different elements in a situation.
We imagine the consequences of different changes or actions. The inner reality that
corresponds to the world changes in response to new words. That inner reality takes up more
space and connects to more of our experience. All this connectedness drives new perceptions
which drives new behaviours.
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21. Explore and create
‣ Explorers are people who discover places that others do not know. Creators are people who make things
that have not existed before.
‣ In language, exploration and creation are the same activity. Words allow us to perceive what we have not
experienced. This creates a representation that has never existed before.
‣ We can explore new territory through the words of other people. As we do, we create our own
representations of what those words mean.
‣ Playing with words allows us to connect, predict and understand in new ways. We test that understanding
by taking small actions and observing the results.
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22. Words for map-makers
Words are the lines that a map maker sketches to show others how to navigate through
territory they have not yet visited. The test of a map is how well it corresponds to the territory.
The test of words is how well they allow a listener or reader to accurately predict the results of
their choices.
Our brains continually scan our environments for information that will trigger a response
pattern. Some of these are responses to keep us safe (Danger!) and some are responses that
move us toward goals (I see what I want and I am already reaching for it). Words trigger
responses even when physical stimuli are not present.
For words to be useful, they have to stick in the memory, generate sensory detail beyond what
they say and connect with a network of associations. They have to be precise enough to stick
and vague enough to extend to wider networks. They have to move information between
conscious and unconscious process in loops that generate action and difference. It’s no
wonder that choosing your words often feels more like clinging to a surfboard than it does like
drawing a careful map.
The map you make with words will be supplemented with experience and memory and
association. As long as some of your words are attached firmly to experience lived through the
senses, your brain will run the background calculations that allow you to draw useful lines.
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23. 3 techniques for exploring with
words
‣ Describe a situation in terms of something you know and can imagine. This is what metaphor does.
Describe a family situation as a problem in chemistry (if you understand chemistry) or a workplace
challenge in terms of a landscape that is worth the effort to explore.
‣ Listen to the sounds of words. Paying attention to rhythm, rhyme and resonance will prompt you to
combine them in ways that reveal new aspects of the thing you are explaining or exploring.
‣ Use language that stimulates the senses to allow your attention to stick to ideas or concepts long enough
to develop new precision.
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24. A final word becomes a leading word
As long as you live, there is no final word. There are only words that open loops beyond the
moment you are living. The word represents what is past and suggests what is to come.
While some people struggle to get the last word, they would be better served by working to
have the next word, the word that leads from where they are to growth and to action. The final
word is a word that closes exploration and connection. It stabilizes a conversation or
perception by turning it to stone.
A leading word extends its reach into the future. It invites more words, more perspectives, more
action by rooting itself in sensory awareness and reaching for purpose and direction and
energy. The word you want to leave with a listener is the word they will add that makes the
thought their own.
There is no closure in nature. There are only cycles, circles that connect and move. Finding the
energy in language means knowing that there is somewhere you want to be led or somewhere
you want to lead others. This somewhere could be a location, an achievement, or an
awareness.
When you know where to go, take action. When you need to find out, try a word or two and see
where they lead.
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25. Small steps towards big change.

26. for more information visit
us at www.leadingwords.ca
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