Friends and Frenemies
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What are differences between friends and frenemies? Why do women and girls especially have them in our lives? Learn to have healthier friendships, draw firm boundaries when you need to, and practice for your future relationships.
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Friends and Frenemies
- 1. Friends and Frenemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School
- 2. Degrees of Relationships Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Strangers • Acquaintances • Target/Agent of Bullying • Colleagues • Teacher/Student, Boss/Employee, Supervisor/Supervisee • Community Members • Friends • Intimate Friends • Partners • Family
- 3. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Friends and Frienemies
- 4. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Working Definition of Frenemies • One who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy (Merriam Webster) • A friend who often behaves in ways that cut you down or make you feel bad • Others?
- 5. What are the Differences? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 6. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Why Keep Them Around?
- 7. Sound Familiar? • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my connection to other friends. • My other friends won’t support me. • When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 8. Why Women Say They’d Rather Stay in an Abusive Relationship • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my source of income, home, and support for our kids. • My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. • When they are not being awful, they are kind, nurturing, and wonderful. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 9. Are We Training Ourselves? • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my source of income, home, and support for our kids. • My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. • When they’re not being awful, they are kind, nurturing, and wonderful. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my connection to other friends. • My other friends won’t support me. • When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it.
- 10. What CAN You Do? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 11. What Might Happen If… • You do nothing • If you try to leave with your “real” friends • If you get adults involved • If you try to approach the person directly Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 12. Conflict Resolution • DEAR – Describe what’s happening without judgment – Explain how it makes you feel – Affirm the other person – Request a different course of action • VOMP – Voice: VOICE feelings and experience of the conflict using “I” statements and LISTEN to the other person. – Own: Own your own stuff for how you contributed to the conflict. – Mile: Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes; empathize. – PLAN: Develop a plan for how you will move on and what you will do differently in the future. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 13. When It’s Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and Sustained • Relational Bullying • Indirect Bullying • Social Bullying
- 14. Bullying Intervention Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Know when it is bullying • Stand up for yourself • Ask them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult
- 15. Ally Skills • Don’t bully • Speak up when someone else is being bullied • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 16. Bystander to Ally Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Karen Bradberry, PhD Active Passive Passive Active Agent Bystander Ally
- 17. Debrief Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- 18. Questions, Comments, Concerns? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee