"Today, the effort to preserve the freshness of love has become one of the most important parts of relationships. Traditional relationship-saving efforts, on the other hand, appear with behaviors such as deciding to get married, having children with the thought of bringing excitement to the relationship, and starting to have a pet at home. Psychiatrist Onur Okan Demirci states that healthy relationships are "He offered solutions to make it work and 8 suggestions to keep the love alive."
Couples often complain that they do not receive attention from each other. In order to solve this problem, it may first be necessary to concretize the abstract and quite broad concept of 'interest'. For example; One of the spouses may define interest as their spouse's regular curiosity and search for them when they are not together. The other spouse, who does not know this, buys flowers thinking that interest means buying her flowers, but if this is not included in the person's concept of interest, he will say that his spouse is not interested in him, and the other spouse will respond with 'no, I am interested' because he bought flowers. For this reason, when spouses talk about abstract concepts such as 'interest', 'love', 'passion' to each other, it may be a relationship-saving situation if they concretely define what these mean to themselves.
We are all human and of course we may have points that are sensitive and that we do not want to be touched or criticized. We feel very uncomfortable when other people raise or criticize issues that we are not yet ready to share, confront, or resolve. When spouses respect each other's sensitive points and do not use them as a weapon, they can avoid wearing out their love quickly.Trying to change the other party without respecting their opinions is one of the most common problems experienced by couples. Imagine you have a shopping list. In order to buy the items on the list, you either go to a market that has all the products on the list, or you wait for the products that are not available in a market you go to, of course, if they bring the products you expect!
This is similar in relationships. You either find a relationship that suits your wishes and expectations, or you wait for the other person to change to meet your expectations, or you try to change them. The most dangerous of these is the attempt to change the person you are in a relationship with. This effort may show that you do not respect his/her personality and thoughts, and your partner may decide not to share his/her thoughts with you anymore. For healthy communication and vibrant love, you may consider giving up the effort to change and try to understand your partner.
No matter what you experience in your relationship, develop your ability to look at situations from different perspectives before making a definitive judgment. For example; Your spouse may have met a friend you don't like and you may be having problems because he or she doesn't tell you about it
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20 Tips to Make Your Relationship Stronger.pdf
1. 20 Tips to Make Your
Relationship Stronger
"Love is definitely a feeling that everyone should experience at least once, but when a
relationship is considered, other dynamics come into play and in this case, love is not the
only thing we need. Here are 20 tips that will make your relationship stronger..."
According to research, 41% of first marriages and 60% of second marriages end in
divorce.MarriageConsidering the speed with which relationships outside others end, it
becomes clear that love alone is not enough. We have brought together for you the points
that are as important as love in relationships. Here are the points you should pay attention to
to make your relationship stronger…
2. Communicate deeply.
Don't rush to put certain labels on your relationship.
Don't start talking about families, marriage and children too early.
Learn to control your jealousy.
Be friends with your partner's friends too, do not alienate them from each other.
Never stop saying "I love you" and "Thank you."
Don't make accusations without knowing the truth of the matter.
Talk about important things about your relationship face to face, not over text.
WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF?
3. Especially if you are married, do not express your frustrations with your spouse to anyone
else.
Don't keep score in your relationship by saying, "You did this, I did that."
Remind yourself that the problems will pass and make an effort to do so.
Do not remain silent in discussions, express yourself clearly.
Keep your discussions solution-oriented.
Give each other time.
4. Even if you get angry, don't forget to hold hands and stay in touch.
Think before you answer or react.
Always reach out if your partner needs help.
Learn to accept criticism.
Avoid belittling or humiliating.
Remember why you fell in love with the other person.
8 Suggestions to Keep Love Alive
5. "Today, the effort to preserve the freshness of love has become one of the most important
parts of relationships. Traditional relationship-saving efforts, on the other hand, appear with
behaviors such as deciding to get married, having children with the thought of bringing
excitement to the relationship, and starting to have a pet at home. Psychiatrist Onur Okan
Demirci states that healthy relationships are "He offered solutions to make it work and 8
suggestions to keep the love alive."
1. Demonstrating impartial and fair behavior
Some couples may feel as if they are being judged by their spouses. Such a feeling will
automatically cause defensive behavior. Along with this, problems such as hypersensitivity,
resentment, introversion, and thinking that one cannot talk about everything due to fear of
being judged will arise. If you want to keep your communication alive, you should avoid
judgmental speech, facial expressions and behavior.
2. Concrete wishes
Couples often complain that they do not receive attention from each other. In order to solve
this problem, it may first be necessary to concretize the abstract and quite broad concept of
'interest'. For example; One of the spouses may define interest as their spouse's regular
curiosity and search for them when they are not together. The other spouse, who does not
know this, buys flowers thinking that interest means buying her flowers, but if this is not
included in the person's concept of interest, he will say that his spouse is not interested in
him, and the other spouse will respond with 'no, I am interested' because he bought flowers.
For this reason, when spouses talk about abstract concepts such as 'interest', 'love',
'passion' to each other, it may be a relationship-saving situation if they concretely define
what these mean to themselves.
6. 3. Being able to respect sensitive points
We are all human and of course we may have points that are sensitive and that we do not
want to be touched or criticized. We feel very uncomfortable when other people raise or
criticize issues that we are not yet ready to share, confront, or resolve. When spouses
respect each other's sensitive points and do not use them as a weapon, they can avoid
wearing out their love quickly.
4. Sacrifice
One of the things that keeps love alive is that people can show mutual love and sacrifice to
each other. The sacrifice doesn't need to happen for a big situation. Small selfless acts will
keep the other party's excitement warm. Don't sacrifice yourself for your relationship, be
sacrificed for the small needs of the person you love.
5. Being respectful of opinions and giving up trying to change them
Trying to change the other party without respecting their opinions is one of the most common
problems experienced by couples. Imagine you have a shopping list. In order to buy the
items on the list, you either go to a market that has all the products on the list, or you wait for
the products that are not available in a market you go to, of course, if they bring the products
you expect!
This is similar in relationships. You either find a relationship that suits your wishes and
expectations, or you wait for the other person to change to meet your expectations, or you
try to change them. The most dangerous of these is the attempt to change the person you
are in a relationship with. This effort may show that you do not respect his/her personality
and thoughts, and your partner may decide not to share his/her thoughts with you anymore.
For healthy communication and vibrant love, you may consider giving up the effort to change
and try to understand your partner.
7. 6. Being flexible
No matter what you experience in your relationship, develop your ability to look at situations
from different perspectives before making a definitive judgment. For example; Your spouse
may have met a friend you don't like and you may be having problems because he or she
doesn't tell you about it. "How can you meet him when you know I don't want you to see
him?" Before interrogating him, you should think about why he is hesitant to tell you about
this situation. Is he afraid of you? Is he shy? Does he think you can't understand? Does he
feel misunderstood? Is he aware that you are not flexible? Remember, you are not the judge
in your relationships, you are in the defendant's seat as much as your spouse in the
problems that occur.
7. Stop thinking you're giving your all to the relationship.
You know the expression 'brushing your hair', you should give up on this for a healthy
relationship. If you see yourself as a broom, you must also see your spouse as dirt, so you
try to clean it by playing the broom role. If we are talking about two people in a relationship,
the effort of each individual in this relationship to keep the relationship good may be 50
percent at most.
One person can only give one hundred percent for himself, but in a joint life of two people,
he can give at most half. Whatever you do, don't act like you're giving 100 percent to a
relationship when you could be giving 50 percent. Otherwise, this is not a relationship but a
purely personal endeavor. You work 100% for an exam you are going to take, not for your
relationship. Otherwise, you can't help but feel like a broom.
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8. Being able to train anger and empathize
Empathy is the most important issue. Contrary to popular belief, the concept of empathy is
not about being able to put oneself in the other person's shoes, but about trying to
understand the mood of the other person from their facial expressions and behaviors.
Instead of getting angry at your spouse's behavior, first try to interpret his/her facial
expressions and behaviors. Notice how these comments make you feel and share what you
find with your partner.
Remember, contrary to popular belief, the uncontrolled anger and rage that the other person
brings out in us is not about him/her, but because it touches on problems that we cannot
face ourselves. If your relationship is damaged due to these situations, you can get
professional help on this issue. One of the things that keeps love alive is that couples strive
to help themselves together or separately.
Does love have a lifespan?
Exciting meetings at the beginning of the relationship,
thenmarriage, honeymoon and sweet months… What about
later? Expert Couple and Family Therapist Şirin
9. Hacıömeroğlu Atçeken answers the question everyone
wonders: "Does love have a lifespan?"
Whether men are from Mars; Whether women come from
Venus or the age of heart always remains young. There is
only one common point: The lifespan of love is limited. How
many days is debatable, butlove, begins to evolve after a
while. So, how does your relationship with the person you
love evolve, especially after marriage? Does marriage kill
love?
According to Expert Couple and Family Therapist Şirin
Hacıömeroğlu Atçeken, it is a fact that love has a lifespan
and declines with marriage. However, instead of saying that
it is disappearing, it is more accurate to say that it is
evolving.
Explaining that marriage is one of the most important
turning points in a person's life, Atçeken said, “A new era
begins with marriage. Of course, like every new process,
resistance to change is observed here. Even though it was
a decision that this couple made very willingly, a system is
changing. This is a painful process. Many young people
experience great internal tension as they emerge from
under the safe and comfortable wings of their families and
begin to take flight. "If these tensions are not noticed by
individuals, they are reflected in their relationships," he
says.
THE PLACE OF LOVE IN LONG-LASTING
RELATIONSHIPSLOVEGETS
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10. Underlining that it is not possible for the intense love
feelings experienced before marriage to continue after
marriage, Atçeken said; “This applies not only to marriage
but also to long-term relationships. Love; It consists of the
unknown of the other party, the images that the person
creates in his mind for his partner, and the existence of
obstacles in between. "Naturally, as you get to know the
person better, see them in a more real way, and some
obstacles are overcome and trust begins to build, feelings
change," he says.
Atçeken explains that if both parties are the right people for
each other, love does not end but evolves; “Love becomes
love. Loyalty is formed. Compassion, trust, peace and love
come to the fore. In fact, research shows that this change is
parallel to the person's body chemistry. In the early days of
intercourse, more than a hundred hormones are secreted in
the brain. The most important of these are; Testosterone is
secreted in men and women. Testosterone; passion,
norepinephrine provides excitement fluctuations, serotonin
provides happiness, and dopamine provides an intense
feeling of reward. The love and devotion felt in the later
stages of the relationship are softer, oxytocin and
vasopressin, called 'embracing hormones'. “This is the
hormone of love, trust and commitment.”
HOW LONG DOES LOVE LAST?
Explaining that the lifespan of love varies from person to
person, Atçeken said; “In some relationships, love can last
11. a few months, sometimes a few years. However, love; It
turns into love, trust and commitment. In my opinion,
instead of thinking about the duration of love, it is necessary
to enjoy the relationship, do your best to nourish it and
increase communication. For this reason, it is important to
know what we expect from a long relationship and to look
realistically at how we feel if we want marriage. "It's not that
great loves cannot maintain their magic after marriage, love
evolves and changes... And this should not always be
perceived in a negative way," he says.
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