The student begins to develop ideas about stereotyping, judging and rejection in society through personal anecdotes. However, the central idea is not fully established or sustained through clear connections between ideas and effective structures. While some effective language features are used, the ideas are not integrated into a coherent whole. To improve, more depth on key ideas is needed along with stronger verbal transitions to link anecdotes and fully convey the central message.

1. Exemplars and Commentary

2. Achievement: Create and deliver a fluent and coherent
oral text which develops, sustains, and structures ideas.
Achievement with Merit: Create and deliver a fluent and
coherent oral text which develops, sustains, and structures
ideas and is convincing.
Achievement with Excellence: Create and deliver a fluent
and coherent oral text which develops, sustains, and
structures ideas and commands attention.

3. • The student creates and delivers a
fluent and coherent speech about the
Anzac spirit and its legacy for modern
New Zealanders that commands
attention.
• The video shows the last few minutes
of his speech.

5. • The student’s speech develops and structures subordinate ideas around a
central/main idea: that New Zealanders need to emulate the spirit of the Anzacs
in the past to address social concerns of today. For example:
1. He evokes New Zealand’s military heroism and sacrifice in the past to
challenge New Zealanders of today;
2. He describes what made soldiers of the past extraordinary to challenge the
audience to consider if New Zealanders still have those qualities;
3. He then describes the battlefields of the past and soldiers’ motivations to enlist
to challenge the audience to consider what the battles are today for New
Zealanders;
4. He then contrasts the courage and sacrifice of earlier generations with the
reality of today’s domestic violence to challenge the audience;
5. The student goes on to honour his relative and members within the audience
who have participated in wars over the years to challenge his own peers to
protect the vulnerable in society;
6. The student then call New Zealanders and young people to action to exemplify
the spirit of Anzac Day by taking a stand against violence and drug abuse and
nurturing and empowering future generations (video).

6. INTRO: He evokes New
Zealand’s military
heroism and sacrifice in
the past to challenge
New Zealanders of today;
CONC: The student then
call New Zealanders and MBP1: He describes
young people to action to what made soldiers of the
exemplify the spirit of past extraordinary to
Anzac Day by taking a challenge the audience to
stand against violence consider if New
and drug abuse and Zealanders still have
nurturing and those qualities;
empowering future
generations (video).
CENTRAL IDEA: New
Zealanders need to
emulate the spirit of the
Anzacs in the past to
address
social concerns of today.
MBP4: The student goes MBP2: He then describes
on to honour his relative the battlefields of the past
and members within the and soldiers’ motivations
audience who have to enlist to challenge the
participated in wars over audience to consider
the years to challenge his what the battles are today
own peers to protect the for New Zealanders;
vulnerable in society;
MBP3: He then contrasts
the courage and sacrifice
of earlier generations with
the reality of today’s
domestic violence to
challenge the audience;

7. The student insightfully selects and integrates visual and
oral language features to create a striking WHOLE. For
example:
• selecting war newsreels and a recording of The Maori
Battalion Marching Song to open the speech and to
evoke New Zealand’s military heroism and sacrifice in the
past to challenge New Zealanders of today (intro)
• Body language as the student watches the newsreel with
his back to the audience. When it finishes he turns away
from “the past” to face the audience of today)
• Sustained eye contact (that’s right- no cue cards;)

8. • Confident use of vocal variation;
• Language features/ devices such as:
• Rhetorical questions,
• Parallel construction,
• Pronouns and emotive language, for
example: “Where do you stand … The time
has arrived and you must choose!”

9. • All sub topics support and develop the central idea
discussed before.
• Also the student integrates a “warrior” motif with ideas
and language to create a striking whole, and sustain the
purpose of the speech. e.g. The Maori Battalion Marching
Song that opens the speech and is used throughout the
text, reference to New Zealand battles and heroes, the
final Maori proverb…
• contrasts between the past and the present, the
balancing of emotive description and reflection with direct
appeals and challenges.

10. To achieve Excellence more securely, the student needs to:
• explore some ideas in more depth e.g. “warriors for
freedom and peace” and “battling their own Cretes, their
own Vietnams, and their own East Timors”
• select words from The Maori Battalion Marching Song to
close the speech and therefore link it to its opening to
create a striking whole.

11. • Sum up important ideas/concepts… you have developed
whilst going through this presentation. Sum up under:
Exemplars Ideas: Visual Oral/Verbal Structure:
Language: Language:
Excellence
Merit
Achieved
Not Achieved

12. • The student creates and delivers a
fluent, coherent and convincing
speech about key elements for
success to inspire his audience of
junior students as they embark on
their college career.
• The video shows the opening of his
speech.

14. • The student does this by developing and structuring
subordinate ideas to sustain his central idea about what
is required to succeed at college. For example:
1. contrasting junior student’s lack of experience and
confidence with the perspective and maturity of a senior
student in his opening;
2. identifying and exploring the importance of balance;
3. determination;
4. And opportunity.

15. INTRO: contrasting
junior student’s lack
of experience and
confidence with the
perspective and
maturity of a senior
student in his
opening;
MBP4: And MBP1: He describes
opportunity. what made soldiers of
the past extraordinary
to challenge the
audience to consider
if New Zealanders still
CENTRAL IDEA: The student does have those qualities;
this by developing and structuring
subordinate ideas to sustain his
central idea about what is required
to succeed at college. For
example:
MBP2: identifying and
MBP3: determination exploring the
importance of
balance;

16. • selecting a role play persona to convey the inexperience
and lack of confidence of a Year 9 student, contrasting
this persona with the actual senior student who then
formally addresses the audience (intro)
• Contrast in body language, an uncertain to a confident
tone and stance to create the contrast between young
and older “speakers”
• (Sustained eye contact (that’s right- no cue cards;)
• Note: The student’s familiarity with the material and
confident delivery throughout the presentation commands
attention!

17. • Colloquial and emotive language, pronouns, parallel construction,
vocal variation;
• selecting and integrating verbal transitions with rhetorical devices
(parallel
• construction, pronouns) to create a coherent, fluent and convincing
text e.g.
• “That, that was that boy 5 years ago. He sat where you sit now…”
links the role play to the speech; e.g. “he wanted to make sure that
that path led him to success. So, how did he get there? How did he
get to where I am standing today? He went by three things: he went
by balance, he went by determination, and he went by opportunity”
links this reflection to key points in the speech;
• selecting anecdotes to illustrate key points e.g. determination, in
order to encourage and inspire his audience,
• integrating these structures with rhetorical devices which include
humour, colloquial and emotive language e.g. “I’m not going to lie.

18. • All sub topics support and develop the central idea
discussed before.
• selecting and integrating the repetition of key words with
ideas to create a coherent, fluent, and convincing text
e.g. “But he gave it a go because he needed that balance
… So he found that balance” and “He was going to put
everything he had into that team. And he used that
determination in all aspects of his school, once again
bringing him balance”

19. To achieve Excellence, the student needs to:
• explore ideas of “determination” and “opportunity” in
more depth;
• integrate the closing role play more cleverly with the
preceding ideas to create a striking whole.

20. • Sum up important ideas/concepts… you have developed
whilst going through this presentation. Sum up under:
Exemplars Ideas: Visual Oral/Verbal Structure:
Language: Language:
Excellence
Merit
Achieved
Not Achieved

21. • The student creates and delivers a
fluent and coherent valedictory-styled
speech that explores how the desire
to “fit in” is ultimately not always in the
best interests of individuals.
• The video shows the opening of her
speech.

23. INTRO: The student
contrasts the carefree,
innocent experience of
most new school
entrants with her
negative experience
CONC: The student as a new immigrant;
concludes by
challenging the MBP1: The student
audience to consider identifies her sense of
whether some things racial difference and
in life are more awareness of others’
important than perceptions;
choosing to fit in
CENTRAL IDEA: the
desire to “fit in” is
ultimately not always in
the best interests of
individuals.
MBP4: The student
identifying the
challenges of sexual MBP2: The student
stereotyping and the links linking her own
potential sense of difference to
consequences of her mother’s response
trying to fit in faced by to the challenges of
young women; living in New Zealand;
MBP3: The student
explores with some
discrimination her
parents’ decision to
immigrate;

24. • The student selects and uses
sustained eye contact, and some
body language.
• Sustained eye contact= (that’s
right- no cue cards;)

25. • selecting and using rhetorical devices and language features to
create meaning and effect, demonstrating discrimination in places
with:
• parallel construction e.g. Will our desire to fit in prevent some of us
from reaching our potential? Will we be too afraid to take risks, make
mistakes and learn from them? Will we be too afraid to live our lives
fully?”
• Pronouns
• humour e.g. “That was a time when …”
• rhetorical questions e.g. “So why did they do it? Why didn’t they…”
• Imperatives
• Repetition
• syntax - “Imagine living like that ...”

26. • All sub topics support and develop the central idea discussed
before.
• The student selects and uses structural conventions of a
valedictory speech to develop and sustain ideas e.g.
• salutation,
• description of and reflection on personal
• experience,
• social observations,
• call to action
• The student uses verbal transitions to connect ideas and
create a fluent coherent text e.g. “So why did they do it? Why
didn’t they just …?” and “… that sense of belonging in those
ten year old girls and that desire to fit in is reflected in all of
us…”

27. To achieve Merit, the student needs to:
• To achieve Merit, the student needs to integrate ideas
with effective structures to clarify the overall purpose of
her text for the audience
• e.g. by using her introduction to identify the central idea
that connects racial difference and stereotyping/the
successful adaptation of immigrants/the importance of
parents and the impact of their choices on the lives of
their children etc.

28. • Sum up important ideas/concepts… you have developed
whilst going through this presentation. Sum up under:
Exemplars Ideas: Visual Oral/Verbal Structure:
Language: Language:
Excellence
Merit
Achieved
Not Achieved

29. • The student begins (but does not
quite get there) to develop, structure,
and sustain a central idea about the
stereotyping, judging and rejection of
people in our society.
• The video shows an early section of
her speech.

31. • Regular eye contact and some
body language!
• Oh no, cue cards!

32. • selecting and using vocabulary and stylistic features (pronouns,
descriptive detail) to create consistency of meaning and effect, and
to sustain interest
• e.g. “Most of you will remember… Personally I was really excited for
my first day…”
• rhetorical questions, humour, and onomatopoeia e.g. “You all
probably
• remember how little kids just made friends right?... she didn’t talk to
me again, not even once!”
• parallel construction e.g. “You could be the person … that they
choose to kill themselves”
• repetition “People ask, ... Attention seeking”

33. • The student begins to use an effective structure by
selecting the structural conventions of a valedictory
speech e.g.
• Salutation
• description of, and reflection on, personal experience
• social observations
• call to action

34. To achieve the student needs to:
• explore some ideas in more depth e.g. bullying, suicide,
and media influence
• select effective structures to sustain the central idea and
create a coherent text e.g. by using verbal transitions to
connect anecdotes about friendship and children being ill
to the stereotyping, judging and rejection of people in
society,
• and personal experiences in the swim team to an
“unforgiving society.”
• In other words- ideas aren’t connected, they don’t flow!

35. • Sum up important ideas/concepts… you have developed
whilst going through this presentation. Sum up under:
Exemplars Ideas: Visual Oral/Verbal Structure:
Language: Language:
Excellence
Merit
Achieved
Not Achieved