A Very Brief College Chapter

1. What is this girl’s problem? I think you need an attitude adjustment, missy! (notices
readers)
Hi hi hi! Welcome back to Already in Progress! Today we have a college chapter for
your reading enjoyment. It’s a bit short on toga parties and wild romances, I’m afraid.
And on plot, but then, it’s always short on plot. That’s one of the things you love about
the story! Right?
(crickets chirping)
Okay, be that way. Let’s return to our story: Already in Progress…

2. Sarah Jane and Timmy arrived at college at the same time, what with Timmy’s early
admission and all. Naturally, they arrived in horrible clothing. (I think it’s some sort of
hazing ritual.)

3. Equally naturally, they headed off to get more reasonable clothing.
Sarah Jane seems to have a problem with Timmy’s current accessories.

4. Much better.

5. After a change of clothing and a makeover, the two settled into college life. Sarah Jane
quickly decided on becoming a theater major, and with that out of the way, turned to
painting.

6. Timmy had more trouble settling on a major. How can you expect someone to
concentrate on an unimportant thing like picking a major when the kitchen sink looks like
this? Seriously, have you seen it? It’s disgusting! And we’re supposed to eat what comes
out of this kitchen…?

7. Not that freshman year was entirely without its compensations…

8. Sarah Jane got another makeover at the beginning of sophomore year because I thought
she looked entirely too much like Marie Sanders did at her age – and the two aren’t
related.
That’s not well-third-cousins-twice-removed-isn’t-really-related not-related, that’s no-
ancestors-in-common not-related, by the way.
Sarah Jane seems to have fallen victim to the Freshman Fifteen, too. Or possibly the
Freshman Forty.

9. Not to mention the flu.
TIMOTHY: Get back in bed. I’ll go get the Nyquil.
SARAH JANE (wretchedly): I love you.

10. Of course, Timmy was having some problems of his own.
CURTIS DAVISON: So, uh, I hear you’re good at cleaning. Do you think you could
maybe, uh, give me lessons some time?
TIMOTHY: Back off, pal. I don’t swing that way.
CURTIS: Really? But I thought you didn’t have any bolts for your girlfriend. And I heard
you don’t like makeup, either.
TIMOTHY: I don’t know where you’re getting your information. And it’s really none of
your business if I happen to prefer the natural look.
For some reason, all my male dormies prefer men (except Brian Wood, of course), and all
my female dormies prefer women.
I blame the cow mascots.

11. Come Junior year, Sarah Jane took off the Freshman Fifteen.
SARAH JANE: This is huff so very huff very unfair. puff I am a freaking huff costume
designer. Why huff puff do I have to huff conform to the stupid huff standards for the puff
actors?
TIMOTHY (with his mouth full): Oh, but think of how healthy you’re getting.
SARAH JANE: Timothy huff Aaron huff Miller, if you don’t huff wheeze stop eating that
wheeze candy bar in wheeze huff front of me-heeee… (breaks down wheezing and
coughing) I think I’m gonna throw up.

12. Timothy still hadn’t come up with a major he liked by Junior year, so he was
automatically shunted into the Philosophy track. Some Sims will object, but not Timmy.
Instead, he started a study group. (shrug) I guess he can Max Out Seven Skills as well
with that major as any other.
CHASE YING, THE BLOND IN THE BACK: Wait a minute – why am I in the
philosophy study group? I’m majoring in animal husbandry.
What can I say? Uni is just not all that exciting.

13. And then Bertie came to college.

14. Things picked up a bit after that.
TIMOTHY: Woo! Go on! Get her! – Bertie, how do you do it? You’re not here twelve
hours and already you’ve got two hot blonds fighting over you. And one of them’s in her
underwear!
BRIAN WOOD: Isn’t that the cow mascot? I’m pretty sure she’s gay.
TIMOTHY: Yeah, but she’s got maxed Body. And she’s in her underwear!

15. But even though Timmy enjoys a good catfight as much as any other heterosexual college
boy, he’s a one-woman kind of guy.
Which is fortunate, since Sarah Jane seems to regard him as hers and is not above a little
offensively public display of affection to emphasize the point.

16. Bertie, on the other hand, is not a one-woman man. Or a one-man man, come to that. And
there are a lot of interesting prospects at college.

17. BERTRAM: What’s going on hewe? I’m pwetty suwe I haven’t had any bad dates.
That’s not yours.
BERTRAM: I mean, I’ve onwy had one date so far, weawwy…
I told you. That’s not yours. That’s Timmy’s.
BERTRAM: I’ve wanted to ask peopwe out…
I said, THAT’S NOT YOURS! …Oh, right. You can’t hear me.

18. This will tank a date pretty irreparably, especially if you’re dumb enough to time it right
before class time. Not that I’m that dumb. Nope, not me.

19. But not all of Sarah Jane and Timmy’s dates are bad.

20. Most of them are Dream Dates, actually.
TIMOTHY: Heh heh … Sorry – forgot to unlock the door after class. You can’t trust the
people in this dorm. They’ll just walk right in and mess with your stuff. I like things just
so, you know?
SARAH JANE: I know. Timmy, are you sure you want to do this?
TIMOTHY: Yes! Yes, I do. I’m sure. Just… Do you think that maybe – under the
circumstances – you could start calling me Tim? “Timmy” is a child’s name, and, uh…

21. SARAH JANE: And you’re certainly not a child any more. Of course – (fondly) Tim.

22. Shortly thereafter, Timmy – sorry, I mean Tim – graduated with honors, landed a not-
actually-nausea-inducing transition outfit, and headed home.

23. Sarah Jane was not so lucky. In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have taken her cousin
Jasper up on his offer to buy her transition outfit.

24. This chapter was brought to you by this gratuitous shot of Timmy. You have to admit,
he’s one of the best looking chickens out there.
That’s all for this (very short) college chapter! Join me next time for Chapter 22 of
Already in Progress!
Golly, how did I get so far already?