The basics that form a solid foundation for good and lasting marriage.

1. Marriage Basics
By
Marriage -Sanctuary.com

2. Marriage Basics
Since most of us are never really trained on what to expect after the wedding
day, we find ourselves getting our marital education “on the job”. This
article is to teach you or if you have been marriage for a while, to refresh
your memory on some of the basics of marriage.
There are a few “unwritten laws” in marriage as with certain things in life. For
example, the law of gravity exists and from a young age, before we even
know what exactly it is, we know it exists. The same could be said for
marriage relationships. I’m going to list a few points and then explain
them to give you insight.
• Communication
• Roles and Responsibilities
• Respect
• Keep the Love Alive

3. Communication in Marriage
It cannot be stressed enough that dialogue is one of the fundamental keys to a successful marriage. Talking and
touching, should never stop or be neglected whether there are children or not, you must maintain
communication. Please note, when I say talk to each other, I’m not talking about logistical talk involving who will
pick up the kids or what your schedule for the day looks like. I mean fun talk, like discussing a subject you both
like, soccer, a movie, politics, or an event you both liked. Talk about each other, your relationship, how you both
view your marriage. It is also important to listen to each other. There is a difference between hearing and
listening. This was a bone of contention in my own marriage. I adjusted by not being defensive and listening to
what my husband had to say. When he was done talking, I would then say my share. It reduced conflicts in our
marriage dramatically.
Your spouse should become your best friend and someone you turn to before calling up your friends or your parents
when faced with a situation. Bear in mind communication is not only verbal, it is physical too. Touch is also very
important for communication and love in a marriage. It is important to touch each other, to create a warm and
loving environment for your marriage. I usually rub my husband’s back or his biceps and compliment how big they
are. Your husband may not have big biceps but you can find something about his physical body and appearance to
compliment. You could kiss your wife when you get home from work, or before you go to bed.
Talking and touching are two important aspects of marriage communication. The third is listening. Listen carefully
because you will hear what your spouse is feeling through the words they express.

4. Roles and Responsibilities
This particular topic causes a lot of tension between married couples. Firstly, let us
understand the basic unwritten laws of nature. A man is the head of the family or
the king of the castle. A woman is the one that holds the castle together. A woman
is responsible for the functionality of the home. Men are wired to be providers,
protectors and leaders. Naturally women are wired to nurture, serve and support,
that is why we tend to be more caring. Now in today’s world, women are
educated, have careers and are independent. However, I am a business woman
and I have a career. I schedule my life so that I am able to cook for my family
almost every night of the week, I do laundry and I iron. Every second Saturday, I
clean my house. It has been this way in my marriage for years and I am not
complaining. My husband is not perfect but he performs well in his male
responsibilities.
Some women may roll their eyes reading this, but this is like the law of gravity. It is
what it is. I have given this advice to women and when they finally swallowed their
pride and took up their feminine role in the marriage, things improved.

5. Respect
It is important to note that in marriage, we spend a lot of time in the same space with
someone. This can be frustrating after some years. It is important to respect each
other as married people but also as human beings. We tend to take for granted
our spouse after several years of marriage and begin to say things which may not
seem wrong to us but actually hurt the other person. It is important to watch what
we say. There is a proverb that says “Life and Death are in the power of the
tongue”. We should not use our mouths to complain and curse. Never talk down
on your spouse or your children. We should rather use our words to encourage
and build a pleasant home environment. We should not do things that attack the
self-esteem of our spouse or our children for that matter. At times, we need to
understand that our spouse is an individual, they will need space to do their own
thing separately. My husband plays golf on Saturday mornings. I go into the study
on Sunday afternoons. Alone time is important when your spouse is taking some
alone time, leave them be.

6. Keep the Love Alive
Be sympathetic - We lead hectic lives, we have so much going on, when we
come from the world out there, we want to come home with an attitude
of looking forward to going home to our spouse. The last thing needed
after a long day at work is someone asking why you didn’t do that or the
other.
Surprise and prioritise each other - Above all else, the marriage is about the
two of you. There maybe children, in-laws and relatives but first and
foremost its the two of you. In the midst of life and its busy schedule, take
time out to “date” each other. Go away for a romantic weekend, go out to
dinner or breakfast, go shopping together, remember to do this “just the
two of you”. It is important not only in marriage but in relationships to
keep a happy atmosphere. Laugh always, since we will never always agree
on everything no matter how much we love each other, agree to disagree
and keep the peace, happiness and understanding.

7. This Week’s Assignment:
• Look at the the main topics discussed in marriage
basics. Are you practicing all of these? Or are there
areas which you have neglected? Start immediately
to rectify the areas you have neglected in your
marriage.
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